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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Carolyn: Only Child Comments
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: Only Child Problem

 

 

Hi Carolyn! I am an only child. Right now, I am at the age where a lot of my friends and family are having kids, and sometimes people will ask if they plan to have more then one. Their response is often 'we don't want an only child.' When I am around, it is difficult to know what, if anything, I can say. I think it comes across insensitive. My husband thinks I am looking to be insulted. Any thoughts?

A: Carolyn Hax
 

I think comments like this put you at a crossroads, and you're choosing the "take offense" route. There is another route available, where you forgive the speaker for bad phrasing--presumably you wouldn't take offense at, "We'd like our child to have a sibling," right? Since that would be a compliment to their experience with sibs vs. a swipe at your experience without them? Or even, "We think it would be easier on us if we have two, so the kids can entertain each other"?

You can also choose to stick up for yourself, lightly: "Hey, it wasn't that bad! I was an only child. It has its advantages."

In other words, you can choose to think like an ambassador instead of a victim. If it helps, by doing that you might earn the gratitude of these (prospective) parents. Whether they plan to have more than one child is actually none of anyone's business and can touch some hidden nerves of a different sort, so by shifting the topic to the joys of only-childhood you'll be offering relief, if they want it, to whatever friends of yours are being interrogated.

http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-20150206.html

 



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lilyofcourse


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I will not be surprised the day someone writes in offended because another person had a poop and they couldn't.

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DemoniaD


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I agree with the LW's husband. They are not saying anything bad about only children, just that they don't want one. Their lives, their choice. It has nothing to do with the LW at all.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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True, it isn't about her. But, it is kind of making a value statement that having an only is "less than" so I kind of get her point. But, if we really want to go about looking for reasons to be offended, we could spend our entire lives being offended.

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DemoniaD


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I don't see it as making a value statement at all against only children at all. Their preference is to have more than one child. Why does that have to be a statement against anything else? What is so wrong with taking a statement at face value without assigning alternate and hidden meanings to it?

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

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Blankie


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

Yes! The whole world needs a great big QTIP.

Quit Taking It Personally. 



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Mellow Momma


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I am an only child and I never take offense when people say that. I had more than one child, so it's understandable why others would too.

I do exactly what Caroline suggested though. I often say "I was an only child and there are negatives to it. If something was broken, I had no siblings to blame it on!" or something equally funny.

I was an only child by choice. Most people presume my parents struggled with fertility. They did not. I can see where the LW could be offended in other situations (people do say some stupid and insulting things) but what was said in the OP was not offensive.

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DemoniaD


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

 How could I forget? I take offense to Blankie using QTIP for an acromyn. It is just wrong to be hating on the COTTONBALL!



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Fort Worth Mom


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DemoniaD wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

 How could I forget? I take offense to Blankie using QTIP for an acromyn. It is just wrong to be hating on the COTTONBALL!

LOL! 



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Lawyerlady


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DemoniaD wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

 How could I forget? I take offense to Blankie using QTIP for an acromyn. It is just wrong to be hating on the COTTONBALL!

 Now I'm offended by this.  QTIPS and Cottonballs are not the same thing - they serve different purposes!  The cottonball does NOT want to be stuck in your ear! 

 

wink



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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

I will not be surprised the day someone writes in offended because another person had a poop and they couldn't.

 Hey, constipation is NO fun!

flan



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DemoniaD


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Lawyerlady wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Because that is what we DO nowadays. If someone makes a statement about anything, then that AUTOMATICALLY means they are against whatever they didn't talk about. If I say I like a blue sky, then someone is going to flip out saying that I am dissing the color red!

 How could I forget? I take offense to Blankie using QTIP for an acromyn. It is just wrong to be hating on the COTTONBALL!

 Now I'm offended by this.  QTIPS and Cottonballs are not the same thing - they serve different purposes!  The cottonball does NOT want to be stuck in your ear! 

 

wink

 Nor does the QTIP! It's a jungle in there! How dare you treat them that way! I am offended on their behalf! And on behalf of the cottonball! How dare you not give it a job it isn't qualified for!  furious



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Lawyerlady


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Equal opportunity for all swabs of every kind, regardless of size, density or purpose!!!!

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LawyerLady

 

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NAOW


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I don't think this is offensive, but I have heard people say that, followed by "then they'll be a spoiled brat!" Or something similar. I always wondered if only children who were near and heard that would be offended or just think the speaker was ignorant.

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NAOW wrote:

I don't think this is offensive, but I have heard people say that, followed by "then they'll be a spoiled brat!" Or something similar. I always wondered if only children who were near and heard that would be offended or just think the speaker was ignorant.

 Yes, that is not a nice assumption.  And FTR - you can be spoiled without being a brat.



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Blankie


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QTIP QTIP QTIP!

I'm saying that because it's harder to come up with an acronym for COTTONBALL that means stop taking things personally.

Let's see, I can do just COTTON: Cut Out The Taking Offense Now.

Have I met your equal opportunity requirement now?

Or should we do Kleenex too? biggrin



-- Edited by Blankie on Tuesday 10th of February 2015 11:45:32 AM

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Blankie wrote:

QTIP QTIP QTIP!

I'm saying that because it's harder to come up with an acronym for COTTONBALL that means stop taking things personally.

Let's see, I can do just COTTON: Cut Out The Taking Offense Now.

Have I met your equal opportunity requirement now?

Or should we do Kleenex too? biggrin



-- Edited by Blankie on Tuesday 10th of February 2015 11:45:32 AM

 Kleenex or facial tissue?



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DemoniaD


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Blankie wrote:

QTIP QTIP QTIP!

I'm saying that because it's harder to come up with an acronym for COTTONBALL that means stop taking things personally.

Let's see, I can do just COTTON: Cut Out The Taking Offense Now.

Have I met your equal opportunity requirement now?

Or should we do Kleenex too? biggrin



-- Edited by Blankie on Tuesday 10th of February 2015 11:45:32 AM

 Uh oh. You specified Kleenex. Puffs is offended.



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Blankie


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How about toilet paper? We can get really offensive there.

Poop poop poop. Crap crap crap.  Take offense everyone!

Wish I could make the thread smell. That would be fun.



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FNW


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flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

I will not be surprised the day someone writes in offended because another person had a poop and they couldn't.

 Hey, constipation is NO fun!

flan

 Eat more fiber.

 

Seriously though, I agree with Lily and others who wonder why everyone makes everything about themselves then take offense.



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Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

 I am offended by your remarks...evileye

flan



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Mellow Momma


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Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:

I don't think this is offensive, but I have heard people say that, followed by "then they'll be a spoiled brat!" Or something similar. I always wondered if only children who were near and heard that would be offended or just think the speaker was ignorant.

 Yes, that is not a nice assumption.  And FTR - you can be spoiled without being a brat.

 And you can be spoiled and/or a brat without being an only child. 



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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

 I am offended by your remarks...evileye

flan

 Well, that's because pigs get offended about everything because they're well... pigs. 



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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

 I am offended by your remarks...evileye

flan

 Well, that's because pigs get offended about everything because they're well... pigs. 

 Haters gonna hate...

flan



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Nobody Just Nobody


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flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

 I am offended by your remarks...evileye

flan

 Well, that's because pigs get offended about everything because they're well... pigs. 

 Haters gonna hate...

flan

 I would never hate bacon.



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flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Wow, just wow. People can't manage their lives anymore. We truly live in the world of the never ending perpetually offended.

 I am offended by your remarks...evileye

flan

 Well, that's because pigs get offended about everything because they're well... pigs. 

 Haters gonna hate...

flan

 Nobody hates pigs.  We LOVE them.  Especially fried up in a pan!



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flan327


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MEAN GIRLS!!!!

flan

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Honeys_Mom


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flan327 wrote:

MEAN GIRLS!!!!

flan

 For you, Flan.  She has a magic protective harness so NO ONE can make bacon out of her.

th?&id=HN.608035157599191757&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0

 



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flan327


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Honeys_Mom wrote:
flan327 wrote:

MEAN GIRLS!!!!

flan

 For you, Flan.  She has a magic protective harness so NO ONE can make bacon out of her.

th?&id=HN.608035157599191757&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0

 

 Thanks, Honeys Mom. I knew I could count on you!

Can I get a few more magic protective harnesses, please?

flan



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flan327 wrote:
Honeys_Mom wrote:
flan327 wrote:

MEAN GIRLS!!!!

flan

 For you, Flan.  She has a magic protective harness so NO ONE can make bacon out of her.

th?&id=HN.608035157599191757&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0

 

 Thanks, Honeys Mom. I knew I could count on you!

Can I get a few more magic protective harnesses, please?

flan

 I've got scissors that can cut through that harness.



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LawyerLady

 

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lilyofcourse


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The harness will come off as it cooks.

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Tignanello


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The LW needs to get over herself. The world is not about her.

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flan327


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Tignanello wrote:

The LW needs to get over herself. The world is not about her.

This is true.

The world is about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flan 



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Honeys_Mom


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There really ARE some mean girls on this forum, aren't there? 

biggrin

FYI, magic harnesses do NOT allow themselves to be cut nor do they allow the wearer to be cooked.  I thought everyone knew that...?



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flan327


Itty bitty's Grammy

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Honeys_Mom wrote:

There really ARE some mean girls on this forum, aren't there? 

biggrin

FYI, magic harnesses do NOT allow themselves to be cut nor do they allow the wearer to be cooked.  I thought everyone knew that...?

 Because they are MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flan



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lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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But I have magic matches and wood that burns with a magic flame and it will obliterate magic harnesses.

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Charley Harper
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I'm an only child and am not offended by the statement in the OP.

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