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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: I Don't want a Valentine's Day Gift
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Prudie: I Don't want a Valentine's Day Gift
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. Unromantic: Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I’m dreading it! Ironically, I’m dating a wonderful man who is everything I’ve ever dreamed of. The problem is that he enjoys shopping and gift-giving much more than I do. He significantly outearns me, so he can afford to splurge, though I’m unable to reciprocate. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to receive expensive gifts, and I can’t help feeling like I “owe” him. I’m not a particular sentimental person, and I don’t need grand gestures or expensive trinkets to feel appreciated. Plus, I’m disgusted by the woman-as-object-needing-to-be-won-with-more-objects message that accompanies holiday gift-giving. I brought up these concerns with him after Christmas, when he surprised me with a diamond necklace, but he somewhat shrugged it off: He likes shopping, noticed I could use some nice jewelry, thought it would look good, etc. Prudie, I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but how can I convince this loving, romantic man that a bag of manure for my garden would mean so much more to me than any cut flower arrangement ever could?

A: It’s almost always a good idea to follow the specified gift desires of your beloved. But a bag of manure as a Valentine’s gift, even if requested by you, is simply freighted with too many multiple meanings to be a good idea. You have a boyfriend who loves the extravagant gesture, so stop being churlish about this. There is no need to match his diamond necklace with a pair of gold cuff links. Your gesture can be to make him a delicious, romantic dinner. Or you can find an affordable, but targeted, gift that shows you’ve been paying attention to what he likes. You have to separate out your own baggage from his gift-giving (maybe he’ll get you a matched set of Louis Vuitton!). Is he really trying to treat you as an object by buying you objects? If what’s going on is indeed as you describe—that you’ve found the man of your dreams and his major flaw is that he enjoys picking out lovely gifts for you—then stop complaining. Seriously. It sounds as if your boyfriend will get you something spectacular for Valentine’s Day. Practice looking surprised and delighted.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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OMG, get over yourself lady! Wow.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Gifts used to be received with appreciation and gratitude. Now, the Receiver feels entitled to dictate the gift received according to his/her expectations.

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flan327


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He should dump her ungrateful azz.

flan

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lilyofcourse


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Why cant grown people just tell each other how they feel and what they want and need?

I'll take the gifts. she can just forward them to me. I haven't gotten a Valentine's gift in over 20 years. I'd like one.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Why cant grown people just tell each other how they feel and what they want and need?

I'll take the gifts. she can just forward them to me. I haven't gotten a Valentine's gift in over 20 years. I'd like one.

 They can, but when did getting a gift become about what you exactly need and want based on your specifications?  I am sure I bought a many useless gifts along the way.  I am sure Grandma didn't need another Knicknack or candle but yet she expressed delight at receiving it.



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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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If he enjoys giving her gifts, she should accept them with grace. Geesh, why is everything so difficult????

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Really? She's having an issue because he buys her nice stuff? Get over yourself. Millions of women out there can't get their SO to buy them anything.

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lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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Honey, I know you love me. You dont need to get me, nor do I want another gift. But what I would love instead is just some quiet, alone time with you. Or to go to the museum together. Or have dinner at such and such.

It isn't always about getting the proper gift. She doesn't want things.

Telling someone what you want and need doesn't mean a gift. It means what you want and need personally.

And I do not want to give someone a gift they don't want. I am more practical than that. If you want or need something I would rather give that instead of something that ends up in a drawer.



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Charley Harper
FNW


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She sounds like my ex husband. Ungrateful. I gave him a box of chocolates and a card one year and he complained, said he hadn't bought me anything. I gave it to him in the morning before I left for work, so I said, "well, the day isn't over." As I turned to leave, he threw them at me, hitting me in the back. I cried all the way to the office.

Hopefully this man will move on and find a woman who appreciates his grand gestures.

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Vette


Owl drink to that!

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Geez FNW what a jerk.

I feel similar to the op sometimes in that my bf makes three times the amount that I make, so sometimes I feel like I don't want him to buy me things because I know I can't give back the same way. I don't think it makes me ungrateful to feel that way.

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Southern_Belle


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A gift from the heart is always best. The cost doesn't matter.

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karl271


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I am with Lily. Send the gifts here; I will gladly accept them.

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Fort Worth Mom


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Back in the day, when Wayne and I were first married, pay day was the 1st, and the 15th.

Valentine's Day, fell on the 14th. We were pretty broke, at that stage of the game.

Wayne always managed to find money for a card, and a single rose.

To this day, that's what I love to get on Valentine's Day.smile

A card, and a rose, is a great memory, for me.wink



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