TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Miss Manners: Yes Ma'am

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Poor kids.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Poor kids, really? To be taught manners? That is what their parents want. And in the South, it is EXPECTED etiquette in many places. I am told "yes, ma'am" any time I ask a child at the school to help me with something. My DD's were taught this in daycare and pre-school and it is automatic for them. When my mother (northerner) tried to tell my kid she didn't have to say it to her, I quickly told her that it is not right to confuse her with the rules - she will be expected to say it here, so she's needs to say it everywhere. Mom shrugged and has gotten used to it.

FNW · Guru

Good manners are under rated.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I don't like charging kids a quarter, and I'm concerned that the LW refers to them as "little robots."

flan

FNW · Guru

I don't like the quarter business either, but I'm not judging. For all we know, they get a quarter back when exercising good manners.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

flan327 wrote:
I don't like charging kids a quarter, and I'm concerned that the LW refers to them as "little robots."

flan

What is wrong with consequences? I see no problem with paying a quarter. If the child is to the age where he/she values money, it's nothing more then a tool.

The LW is the one with the problem when referring to her nieces and nephews as "little robots". That one is on her and her alone.

And, yes, we raised our kids to say "yes ma'am, yes sir".

Divine Geek · Guru

I can see how ther could be an extreme. Do they expect the child to say, for example, may I please have some juice sir?

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Divine Geek wrote:
I can see how ther could be an extreme. Do they expect the child to say, for example, may I please have some juice sir?

IMHO, this would not be an extreme. Manners are never extreme, IMHO.

burns07 · Guru

lord, so now good manners are not pc ?--was raised to treat everyone with respect, especially my elders--have been that way all my life--my aussie / kiwi / brit / israeli in-laws find it " charming " but have never had one of them ( or anyone else have dealt with in business or on my staff ) complain about being treated and addressed with respect--and guess what ? they address me the same way--my staff KNOWS by how I act and address them that I respect who they are and what they do for us--regardless if they're in management or answering our phones or parking our vehicles

respect is contagious and it breeds respect as well

Divine Geek · Guru

Now, this is an opinion of a northerner without kids, but I see ma'am and sir to be the replacement of an adult's name. I would not expect every sentance to end with ma'am or sir. Just like I do not always use a person's name when talking with them.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

We don't know how old the "little robots" are, for one thing.

Some parents DO go too far, even with manners.

flan

Blankie · Guru

"In my nephew's home (my son's cousins), the expectation is for their children to use the ma'am/sir terms for every person and for every possible scenario -- ad nauseum. "

Manners and politeness are great, but every person and every scenario is absurd.

Do they call their siblings ma'am and sir? Their friends at school?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
We don't know how old the "little robots" are, for one thing.

Some parents DO go too far, even with manners.

flan

And some parents don't go far enough. I prefer the ones that ere on the side of more manners than less.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

burns ~
I like your post!

"respect is contagious and it breeds respect as well"

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We need manners absolutely. I don't care about really stuffy type things and we dont say maam. But my kids better be polite, kind , considerate, and say please and thank u.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We need manners absolutely. I don't care about really stuffy type things and we dont say maam. But my kids better be polite, kind , considerate, and say please and thank u.

I agree!!!

flan

burns07 · Guru

if you're a lady and you're here in texas, you damn sure better not try and open a car door yourself--a story my aussie lady loves to tell is about an incident at our wedding where me, my best man, and a groomsman tried to open a limo door for my new mother-in-law ( a kiwi herself )--we all ended-up in a tangle on the ground and my mother-in-law ( still standing by the car ) looked at us and said in her perfect brit English: " If you fellows are finished, I'd like to get into the car. "

< sigh > chivalry

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We need manners absolutely. I don't care about really stuffy type things and we dont say maam. But my kids better be polite, kind , considerate, and say please and thank u.

If a kid didn't answer me with "ma'am", I would correct him. And if they still didn't get it, I would ignore them until they did. I can't STAND a kid that answers yep or yeah. Yes ma'am is the correct response.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We need manners absolutely. I don't care about really stuffy type things and we dont say maam. But my kids better be polite, kind , considerate, and say please and thank u.
If a kid didn't answer me with "ma'am", I would correct him. And if they still didn't get it, I would ignore them until they did. I can't STAND a kid that answers yep or yeah. Yes ma'am is the correct response.

Different strokes, I guess...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't know. That is on my "I don't care" radar. Be polite. Most of the my kids friends call me by my first name. Suits me.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Monday 23rd of February 2015 12:29:45 PM

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I'm more hung up on please & thank you than Ma'am & Sir.

Lindley · Guru

My dd and sil are teaching my 2 year old grandchild manners, if she wants a glass of milk or whatever they won't give it to her till she says may I have some milk please or she has to ask may I be excused please. She has to say please, thank you and your welcome. She is doing a real good job too.

Ohfour · Hooker

ALL of my kids friends call me Ms. Ohfour. And now kids' friends' kids call me that. Even G's kids call me Ms. Ohfour.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. That is on my "I don't care" radar. Be polite. Most of the my kids friends call me by my first name. Suits me.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Monday 23rd of February 2015 12:29:45 PM

And tone of voice is important. It doesn't mean much if a kid mumbles "ma'am" or "sir," especially if they're being forced.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Constantly "correcting" people can be its' own form of rudeness as well. Just saying.

Ohfour · Hooker

I correct them once. Then I ignore them. Doesn't take long for them to figure it out...

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
I correct them once. Then I ignore them. Doesn't take long for them to figure it out...

It's obviously important to you. I just don't get it.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. That is on my "I don't care" radar. Be polite. Most of the my kids friends call me by my first name. Suits me.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Monday 23rd of February 2015 12:29:45 PM
And tone of voice is important. It doesn't mean much if a kid mumbles "ma'am" or "sir," especially if they're being forced.
flan

A few times being forced, and it will start to come naturally. The way most any manners are taught.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lindley wrote:
My dd and sil are teaching my 2 year old grandchild manners, if she wants a glass of milk or whatever they won't give it to her till she says may I have some milk please or she has to ask may I be excused please. She has to say please, thank you and your welcome. She is doing a real good job too.

Those poor kids. evileye

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Itty bitty has good manners. She says "Thank you" without being prompted. She shares her snacks with me.

If she ever called me "Ma'am," I would burst out laughing.

I guess we Yankees have different standards.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Itty bitty has good manners. She says "Thank you" without being prompted. She shares her snacks with me.

If she ever called me "Ma'am," I would burst out laughing.

I guess we Yankees have different standards.

flan

She does NOW, but that didn't happen all by itself.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Itty bitty has good manners. She says "Thank you" without being prompted. She shares her snacks with me.

If she ever called me "Ma'am," I would burst out laughing.

I guess we Yankees have different standards.

flan
She does NOW, but that didn't happen all by itself.

Well, she sure didn't have to fork over money.

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

Put your kid in any type of military program. They learn to say yes ma'am and yes sir REAL quick. 100 push ups vs a quarter? I'll pay the quarter.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
Put your kid in any type of military program. They learn to say yes ma'am and yes sir REAL quick. 100 push ups vs a quarter? I'll pay the quarter.

My kids don't need it.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

In my experience, most kids WANT to please their adult.

Be careful how you use that fact.

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Put your kid in any type of military program. They learn to say yes ma'am and yes sir REAL quick. 100 push ups vs a quarter? I'll pay the quarter.
My kids don't need it.
flan

What's that supposed to mean? I enrolled my son at 8, because I thought it would be a great experience for him. Best thing I ever did for him.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think it's really different in the south. Kids here are expected to say Yes Ma'am and No Sir. Even in school they will make the kids say it. I was raised in the north by parents who were southern born and bred. They taught us to say it. I see it as polite. I detest kids who answer you with Yeah, Yep, or any other very version of that. My SS does it and we're trying desperately to teach him to be polite. Yep is not a proper answer when an adult asks you a question.

I had a six grade teacher that I hated. I thought she was as old as dirt but she probably wasn't THAT old. Every time we would ask "Can I get a drink of water? Can I go to the bathroom? Can I do this or that." She would say, "I'm sure you CAN but MAY you?" So then we would have to ask "May I get a drink of water?" As much as I hated it at the time that lesson has really stuck with me. Manners are nice. And they give people an opinion of who you are.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
In my experience, most kids WANT to please their adult.

Be careful how you use that fact.

flan

I think you've messed up the battles. Manners is one that parents need to fight. And my children should want to please me. The attitude that they don't need to is what leads to self entitled brats.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
In my experience, most kids WANT to please their adult.

Be careful how you use that fact.

flan
I think you've messed up the battles. Manners is one that parents need to fight. And my children should want to please me. The attitude that they don't need to is what leads to self entitled brats.

I guess I'm thinking of a parent who demands perfection and doesn't know how to show love.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think it can become "straining on a gnat to swallow a camel". Some parents get obsessed with this sort of thing. SO, then family meals become an uncomfortable battle ground. Kids are not allowed to relax at the family table or be themselves cuz Heaven forbid, they might burp or be too loud. I have seen that. I am a casual person. I don't need a bunch of "use this fork with your pinky extended" blah, blah type thing. My goal as a parent isn't to raise the Star or the Valedictorian or Amazing Athlete or Musician. Yes, I want my kids to be THEIR best. But, that isn't the end goal of parenting. The end goal of parenting is to raise my children to be kind. To be good citizens and good people. To work hard, be self sufficient and to help their neighbor. If I do those things, then that is a success. And, yes good manners is absolutely part of that! But, manners are part of the package not the total pacakage.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think it can become "straining on a gnat to swallow a camel". Some parents get obsessed with this sort of thing. SO, then family meals become an uncomfortable battle ground. Kids are not allowed to relax at the family table or be themselves cuz Heaven forbid, they might burp or be too loud. I have seen that. I am a casual person. I don't need a bunch of "use this fork with your pinky extended" blah, blah type thing. My goal as a parent isn't to raise the Star or the Valedictorian or Amazing Athlete or Musician. Yes, I want my kids to be THEIR best. But, that isn't the end goal of parenting. The end goal of parenting is to raise my children to be kind. To be good citizens and good people. To work hard, be self sufficient and to help their neighbor. If I do those things, then that is a success. And, yes good manners is absolutely part of that! But, manners are part of the package not the total pacakage.

Thanks! Well said!!

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Who are earth said manners are the ONLY thing kids need to learn or experience? But parents who ignore teaching their kids manners in favor of making them happy are not doing them any favors.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't agree with that approach either. There has to be a balance. But, my balance point may be a bit different than yours.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And generally speaking, you need to match the society you are in. If the area you are in expects certain manners - that is what you teach your kids. If you don't, they will not do as well in school, activities or the job market where those manners are expected.

burns07 · Guru

parents set standards of behavior--they are ( or should be ) the most important influence in a child's life--as a child, you learn what's expected of you, what's acceptable behavior and what's not, you ( hopefully ) learn what a gentleman / lady is, how they behave, how they speak, how they treat others, what their values are--gentlemen are made not born and is the same for ladies--it is a lifelong journey--for a man or a woman

you teach / instruct your child BECAUSE you love them, BECAUSE you want them to be liked and appreciated, BECAUSE you want them to have a strong foundation of what's right and what's wrong, a point of reference, a moral compass--is the most important job on this earth

if you ignore their proper instruction then you have no one to blame but yourself when they grow without manners, without a compass, without a clear sense of right and wrong

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
And generally speaking, you need to match the society you are in. If the area you are in expects certain manners - that is what you teach your kids. If you don't, they will not do as well in school, activities or the job market where those manners are expected.

Yes. I agree totally.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I'd rather have an overly polite kid than an overly rude kid any day.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It isn't Either/Or.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

For some it is... There are parents out there who teach their kids NOTHING. And then there are parents, like the Tiger Mom, who make their kids into robots. And then there are normal kids.

SS's mom doesn't care if he smarts off, is rude, or otherwise says absolutely horrible stuff. She doesn't teach manners at all. Her four year old is a holy terror. At least SS learns some here. The four year old will just walk up and grab stuff out of your hand. She yells at you if you don't hand over what she wants and doesn't know the meaning of the word no.