TOTALLY GEEKED!

Dear Prudence,
More than two decades ago I was a naive 18-year-old who married an extremely sexually, emotionally, and physically abusive man 13 years my senior. After 12 years of hell I escaped with my children (who are now in their teens). It was a difficult journey, but today I am married to a wonderful, successful man and we’ve been together for six years. Here’s my problem: My 76-year-old ex-mother-in-law just emailed me threatening to release to my family a video of me taken by my ex-husband 18 years ago showing me with another woman. I question the existence of such a clip, but because I spent much of my marriage inebriated in order to cope it is possible it exists. I’m not concerned about this having any risk to my marriage, but I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet with the hopes of having an action plan in place first. If the video does exist my ex likely gave it to her when I first left him 10 years ago. I suspect my pressuring him into getting a job (he’s been jobless by choice for years) to pay for thousands of dollars owed in child support has triggered her actions. I don’t even know if my ex even knows about my mother-in-law’s threat. Please, what do I do?

—Is It on Tape?

Dear Is,
First of all, calm down, because I’m betting there is no tape. Maybe your ex once mentioned to his mother—in laying out his case that you were an unfit mother—that he made such a tape of you. The fact that he would do this, then use it as evidence against you to his mother, and that she would now threaten you with a nearly two-decade-old dirty movie shows that they are both unfit as human beings. I think you should not respond to her in any way. I expect your silence will be met with a resounding non-appearance of said “video bomb.” If, by some unlikely chance, your mother-in-law does have this mythical clip, and she sends it to your kids, just imagine their reaction when they get an eyeful of about two seconds of it: “Eww, gross! Grandma is sick!” But again, I don’t think it will ever come to that. You need to tell your husband. You crawled out of hell, and this beacon of decency is going to support you. It might be worth it for the two of you to discuss your options with a lawyer and put your mind at ease. But the supposed evidence of your experimental days is about as likely to show up as is the back payment for child support—that is, not likely at all.

—Prudie