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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie - male boss took the women at work to see Fifty Shades of Grey.
ed11563


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Dear Prudie - male boss took the women at work to see Fifty Shades of Grey.
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Office Bondage

Prudie advises a letter writer whose male boss took the women at work to see Fifty Shades of Grey.

By Emily Yoffe

Q. Fifty Shades of Inappropriate: My boss took all the women in the office to see Fifty Shades of Grey. All of us liked the book and had often expressed excitement about the movie, so it’s not like he came up with the idea all on his own. And he was clearly trying to be nice; he bought us all lunch and drinks beforehand too. But I can’t help feeling that this was weird and inappropriate. He can get very defensive when someone calls him out on some of his mostly harmless but antiquated attitudes. He thinks of his employees as his friends and assumes we feel the same. How can I make him see that he crossed a line without making him feel bad?

A: Your boss sounds lucky all of you female employees didn’t handcuff him to his desk while you went off to a Fifty Shades matinee. There is so much wrong in this story, from the boss’s offer to the collective acceptance of the invitation. I understand he’s the boss, but all of you should have banded together and made clear such an outing was not appropriate for work, and that you were declining his offer. You have one of those boundary-challenged bosses, so you need to establish clear boundaries and stick to them. “I’m sorry, that makes me uncomfortable,” is a way to respond to his lunatic suggestion. Then document everything. If his defensiveness becomes retaliation, you need to be able to show cause and effect. And from now on, no more movie dates with the creepy boss.

 

 



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Fort Worth Mom


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Oh ick!furious

And none of these bimbos had the good sense to say, OH, HELL NO?cry

This has got to be one of the goofiest Dear Prudie letters I have ever read.



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flan327


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Fort Worth Mom wrote:

Oh ick!furious

And none of these bimbos had the good sense to say, OH, HELL NO?cry

This has got to be one of the goofiest Dear Prudie letters I have ever read.

 Apparently not...

flan



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Fort Worth Mom


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flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

Oh ick!furious

And none of these bimbos had the good sense to say, OH, HELL NO?cry

This has got to be one of the goofiest Dear Prudie letters I have ever read.

 Apparently not...

flan

And, that boggles my mind.

That they could be so stupid!furious 



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flan327


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Maybe they're all really young?

flan

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I can see a boss wanting to do something nice for all his employees. This was not it though. Giving them the afternoon off would have been sufficient. Blech.

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Lexxy


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Maybe he didn't know what it was about?!? IDK. You would think he would be uncomfortable watching it with a bunch of women. Maybe he knew what it was about but had nobody else to go with & really wanted to see it. She did say he has boundary issues & considers his employees as friends.

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regardless of their age, cannot see how this was " doing something nice for the females on staff " given the nature/subject matter of this film

pretty stupid indeed and could pose a problem for the company's owners

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Mellow Momma


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burns07 wrote:


regardless of their age, cannot see how this was " doing something nice for the females on staff " given the nature/subject matter of this film

pretty stupid indeed and could pose a problem for the company's owners

 Because they all wanted to see the film and had talked about how excited they were. If it were the latest Avengers movie, it would have been ok. But because it was about sex, it was inappropriate for work. 



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Mellow Momma


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burns07 wrote:


regardless of their age, cannot see how this was " doing something nice for the females on staff " given the nature/subject matter of this film

pretty stupid indeed and could pose a problem for the company's owners

 Oh...I said doing something nice for the EMPLOYEES on staff. I did not say females. It's not appropriate to choose to do something nice for only the women on staff unless they all worked together on a project that he wanted to show appreciation for. 

 

I wonder if he only employs women? 



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lilyofcourse


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So the movie should be shown to segregated audiences? Because if you are going to the movies, you are in there with more than one man you don't even know.

I don't see the big deal. I don't care for the movie and wont be spending my money on it but if all accepted, then they obviously didn't have that big of a problem with it.

I think this is a case of after the fact regret.

All are adults. Grow up and get over YOUR choices.



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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

So the movie should be shown to segregated audiences? Because if you are going to the movies, you are in there with more than one man you don't even know.

I don't see the big deal. I don't care for the movie and wont be spending my money on it but if all accepted, then they obviously didn't have that big of a problem with it.

I think this is a case of after the fact regret.

All are adults. Grow up and get over YOUR choices.

 It's NOT appropriate for a MALE boss to take FEMALE employees.

flan



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Ick on so many levels.

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ed11563


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flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

So the movie should be shown to segregated audiences? Because if you are going to the movies, you are in there with more than one man you don't even know.

I don't see the big deal. I don't care for the movie and wont be spending my money on it but if all accepted, then they obviously didn't have that big of a problem with it.

I think this is a case of after the fact regret.

All are adults. Grow up and get over YOUR choices.

 It's NOT appropriate for a MALE boss to take FEMALE employees.

flan

I'm pretty sure it's also not appropriate for a male boss to take MALE employees. 

 

It doesn't sound like anyone was pressured or coerced to go. It was kind of a "girls' night out" on the boss's dime.

Would it have been fine if he'd paid, gone to dinner with them, and let them go to the movie without him?

 

 

 



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flan327


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ed11563 wrote:
flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

So the movie should be shown to segregated audiences? Because if you are going to the movies, you are in there with more than one man you don't even know.

I don't see the big deal. I don't care for the movie and wont be spending my money on it but if all accepted, then they obviously didn't have that big of a problem with it.

I think this is a case of after the fact regret.

All are adults. Grow up and get over YOUR choices.

 It's NOT appropriate for a MALE boss to take FEMALE employees.

flan

I'm pretty sure it's also not appropriate for a male boss to take MALE employees. 

 

It doesn't sound like anyone was pressured or coerced to go. It was kind of a "girls' night out" on the boss's dime.

Would it have been fine if he'd paid, gone to dinner with them, and let them go to the movie without him?

 

 

 

 My guess was, since the boss thinks they're all "friends," there might have been repercussions at work if they had not gone.

flan



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chef


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Saw this earlier. Thought it was appropriate.

10990806_955927724431375_1185403194819540901_n.jpg?oh=84d2658f4172c8a8f31f4ea96384e758&oe=559627FE



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lilyofcourse


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Meh. No one made any of them go. They made the choice to accept this offer. So it is on their own heads for going.

Personal responsibility.

The boss was trying to do something nice.

I don't know why every action has to be suspect these days.

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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Meh. No one made any of them go. They made the choice to accept this offer. So it is on their own heads for going.

Personal responsibility.

The boss was trying to do something nice.

I don't know why every action has to be suspect these days.

For the hundredth time, it's NOT "every action."

no

flan 



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lilyofcourse


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Yeah. It is.

Again. They didn't have to go.

They could have declined.

But then they would have had to pay for it themselves.

This is a person wondering about the ramifications after accepting the offer.

Poor timing.

Too bad, should have thought about it before hand.



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From the OP, I got that they are all adults, the women were all talking (while at work) about how they wanted to see the movie, and that the boss is a generous guy.

I don't see the problem. They wanted to see it, the boss arranged it, no one complained beforehand.

I'm with lilyofcourse on this one.

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It was totally inappropriate for him to ask. But OTOH if you don't feel comfortable DON'T GO! It's that's simple.

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Oh, come on now. She says he was obviously just trying to be nice. They all accepted the offer. Drop it. If be asks to do something similar, politely decline. You know. . . ACT LIKE AN ADULT.

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And it's doubtful he read the book, so he probably did not know exactly how bad that would be.

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