TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

12-year-old kicks and screams his way to church

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

No, your husband is not supportive of the fact that your son's spiritual development is important to you. If he did - he would be take his butt to church with the rest of the family and set an example to his sons. And a twelve year old throwing temper tantrums over this is unacceptable - he's not 2.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I don't think the father needs to attend to be supportive of the mother taking the kids. I support my husband teaching my girls a lot of things, but I don't need to be present for him to do it.

I DO think the kid is acting like a total idiot and I don't approve of rewarding his bad behavior by giving him his way.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
I don't think the father needs to attend to be supportive of the mother taking the kids. I support my husband teaching my girls a lot of things, but I don't need to be present for him to do it.

I DO think the kid is acting like a total idiot and I don't approve of rewarding his bad behavior by giving him his way.

At the very least - he needs to teach his son that this is not acceptable and make it clear he has to go. What if it was school he hated - they going to let him quit that, too?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I don't think the father needs to attend to be supportive of the mother taking the kids. I support my husband teaching my girls a lot of things, but I don't need to be present for him to do it.

I DO think the kid is acting like a total idiot and I don't approve of rewarding his bad behavior by giving him his way.
At the very least - he needs to teach his son that this is not acceptable and make it clear he has to go. What if it was school he hated - they going to let him quit that, too?

Agreed! The father needs to tell the kid to quit acting like a 2 year old. Rewarding this behavior is the last thing I would do. It will just teach him that if he doesn't like something, pitch a big enough fit and he won't have to do it anymore.

I DO think that he should not be forced to go indefinitely. If he goes for a month without throwing a fit, give him a pass on one Sunday. Work something out where he had to behave and could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Forcing someone to attend church isn't going to make them a believer. It's just going to make them hate church.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Thursday 26th of February 2015 03:32:59 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So we can't make kids do things they don't want to do anymore? You are the parent. If u want your kid to go to church then take him to church. He doesn't have to like it . But he Does have to go politely and quietly and be respectful at church. Or he can spend the rest of the week in his room with no friends or electronics until he can go in a polite respectful way.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I don't think the father needs to attend to be supportive of the mother taking the kids. I support my husband teaching my girls a lot of things, but I don't need to be present for him to do it.

I DO think the kid is acting like a total idiot and I don't approve of rewarding his bad behavior by giving him his way.
At the very least - he needs to teach his son that this is not acceptable and make it clear he has to go. What if it was school he hated - they going to let him quit that, too?
Agreed! The father needs to tell the kid to quit acting like a 2 year old. Rewarding this behavior is the last thing I would do. It will just teach him that if he doesn't like something, pitch a big enough fit and he won't have to do it anymore.

I DO think that he should not be forced to go indefinitely. If he goes for a month without throwing a fit, give him a pass on one Sinday.

Even we do that as a family - just take a weekend off once in a while. Sundays are usually busier than weekdays in our world.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Perhaps some sort of bullying or abuse has happened to this kid during care at church. I am not paranoid, but not all temper tantrums are the result of selfishness, perhaps something has happened to this kid.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes and of course have a conversation about it.

chef · Guru

Maybe he doesn't feel a connection with that Church.

The tantrum is unacceptable.

ed11563 · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Perhaps some sort of bullying or abuse has happened to this kid during care at church. I am not paranoid, but not all temper tantrums are the result of selfishness, perhaps something has happened to this kid.

This is worth investigating.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

ed11563 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Perhaps some sort of bullying or abuse has happened to this kid during care at church. I am not paranoid, but not all temper tantrums are the result of selfishness, perhaps something has happened to this kid.
This is worth investigating.

I thought of you Ed when I wrote my post. When a kid's behavior changes you have to consider all potential reasons.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Dad is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home. Dad is failing and son wants to emulate dad by not going with mom to church? Gosh, dad, good job performing your Christian duties within the family.
Sorry, until your 18 kiddo, you get your arse to church.
IMHO, dad is lazy.
But, I am a firm believer in beginning as you wish to go. We wanted our children's souls saved for eternal life. That is more important then staying home on Sunday morning.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

just Czech wrote:
Dad is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home. Dad is failing and son wants to emulate dad by not going with mom to church? Gosh, dad, good job performing your Christian duties within the family.
Sorry, until your 18 kiddo, you get your arse to church.
IMHO, dad is lazy.
But, I am a firm believer in beginning as you wish to go. We wanted our children's souls saved for eternal life. That is more important then staying home on Sunday morning.

The dad isn't a believer so I doubt he is concerned about performing his "Christian duties" - since he doesn't believe and all.

Since the parents are of different beliefs, they should have sorted out the religious upbringing of their kids beforehand. If they did, both parents need to stick to it. If they decided the kids would go to church with the mom while dad stayed home, them dad needs to back up his wife and tell the kid to shut up and go to church.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Mellow Momma wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Dad is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home. Dad is failing and son wants to emulate dad by not going with mom to church? Gosh, dad, good job performing your Christian duties within the family.
Sorry, until your 18 kiddo, you get your arse to church.
IMHO, dad is lazy.
But, I am a firm believer in beginning as you wish to go. We wanted our children's souls saved for eternal life. That is more important then staying home on Sunday morning.
The dad isn't a believer so I doubt he is concerned about performing his "Christian duties" - since he doesn't believe and all.
Since the parents are of different beliefs, they should have sorted out the religious upbringing of their kids beforehand. If they did, both parents need to stick to it. If they decided the kids would go to church with the mom while dad stayed home, them dad needs to back up his wife and tell the kid to shut up and go to church.

The letter doesn't say dad is a non-believer, only that he doesn't attend church on Sunday mornings.

I agree, this should have been discussed prior to the wedding and we don't know if it was or not. And again, you are right, dad needs to back up mom since it is important to her.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Discussed prior to the wedding? Really? I mean do you really know how you are going to handle your kids 12+ years later? When we got married I didn't have a clue if I wanted children at all or if I wanted 1, 2, 3 or more. Well, we have 3 kids. There is no way I could have predicted what I wanted even 5 yrs after getting married. The point of marriage is growing and going through life together, not having every nth detail figured out in advance. I really don't get that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

The biggest mistake I have made as a parent is giving my kids a choice when it came to church.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think what Czech is talking about is discussing the importance of church and how they would raise the kids in regards to church.

Not every detail, but a better understanding on how each other feels about church.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

My dad didn't ever go to church with us. He had to give up his religion when he married my mom and I guess he didn't care for Catholic church. All the kids attended with my mom. Every Sunday. Period.

Domestic Engineer · Guru

My DH was raised un-churched. Before we married, we discussed my beliefs and feelings and he agreed to support me and them on the condition that I not preach to him or ever expect him to attend. Agreed.

Every Sunday, he would help the kids with getting dressed and eating breakfast so we could leave on time. If one of the kids was not ready when it was time to go, I left without them. DH would make them stay in their room until I returned as punishment. As the kids grew, they would invite DH to attend church of Easter, Father's Day or whenever something special was happening. The kids would come home from church excited about their lessons.

The children are now adults and have a very strong faith, attending church weekly. I have yet to break my word to DH on preaching or expecting him to attend. Guess what, DH goes to church every Sunday too. 😊

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Domestic Engineer wrote:
My DH was raised un-churched. Before we married, we discussed my beliefs and feelings and he agreed to support me and them on the condition that I not preach to him or ever expect him to attend. Agreed.

Every Sunday, he would help the kids with getting dressed and eating breakfast so we could leave on time. If one of the kids was not ready when it was time to go, I left without them. DH would make them stay in their room until I returned as punishment. As the kids grew, they would invite DH to attend church of Easter, Father's Day or whenever something special was happening. The kids would come home from church excited about their lessons.

The children are now adults and have a very strong faith, attending church weekly. I have yet to break my word to DH on preaching or expecting him to attend. Guess what, DH goes to church every Sunday too. 😊

You are a wonderful example of patience, DE. You have done well. smile

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

lilyofcourse wrote:
I think what Czech is talking about is discussing the importance of church and how they would raise the kids in regards to church.

Not every detail, but a better understanding on how each other feels about church.

Exactly. Thanks for explaining it better than I. smile

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Southern_Belle wrote:
My dad didn't ever go to church with us. He had to give up his religion when he married my mom and I guess he didn't care for Catholic church. All the kids attended with my mom. Every Sunday. Period.

My FIL is Hindu, but when he married my MIL, he agreed to raise the kids Catholic and went every Sunday until they were all grown. Now, he still goes occasionally, but not every week.

WYSIWYG · Guru

Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.

Lindley · Guru

Domestic Engineer wrote:
My DH was raised un-churched. Before we married, we discussed my beliefs and feelings and he agreed to support me and them on the condition that I not preach to him or ever expect him to attend. Agreed.

Every Sunday, he would help the kids with getting dressed and eating breakfast so we could leave on time. If one of the kids was not ready when it was time to go, I left without them. DH would make them stay in their room until I returned as punishment. As the kids grew, they would invite DH to attend church of Easter, Father's Day or whenever something special was happening. The kids would come home from church excited about their lessons.

The children are now adults and have a very strong faith, attending church weekly. I have yet to break my word to DH on preaching or expecting him to attend. Guess what, DH goes to church every Sunday too. 😊

Beautiful story of being a Christian example. Thank you for sharing.

voiceofreason · Guru

If I was being forced to do something and my feelings were ignored for 2 YEARS, I would throw a tantrum too.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I went to Mass every Sunday when I was living at home...just to keep the peace. I was older than the child in the letter though.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

voiceofreason wrote:
If I was being forced to do something and my feelings were ignored for 2 YEARS, I would throw a tantrum too.

He's a child. There are forced to do a lot of things - go to school, clean their rooms, mow the lawn, do the dishes. So, it's okay to throw tantrums about that?

Blankie · Guru

No, tantrums and yelling are not okay.

Still - you can force your kid to go to church. But you cannot force him to believe.

Faith is an inside job, and it is a personal choice, no matter what your upbringing.

His father is a perfect example of this - forced to go to church as a child, and now he doesn't go as an adult.

This kid is on the brink of adolescence - time for him to be allowed to start thinking for himself.

He's probably just experimenting. My sister went through an atheist phase as a teen, and my parents allowed her to stop going to church because they knew her faith was a personal choice. Guess what - she's a minister today in the United Church of Christ, with a full and rich faith life.

But her doubting period was an important phase for her in learning to take responsibility for her own faith, not just accept what somebody shoved down her throat.

Blankie · Guru

WYSIWYG wrote:
Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.

That's not the only thing that's unacceptable. Not by far.

The parents' hypocrisy is the really big unacceptable thing here.

The kid is forced to go to church but the father doesn't have to. Why is that okay? What is the logical reasoning behind that? There is none.

And remember how effective it was for the father that his parents forced him to go to church as a kid. Now he never attends church and goes hiking instead.

They're going to make this kid so angry that he rebels against church and God completely. That would be really sad.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Blankie wrote:
WYSIWYG wrote:
Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.
That's not the only thing that's unacceptable. Not by far.
The parents' hypocrisy is the really big unacceptable thing here.
The kid is forced to go to church but the father doesn't have to. Why is that okay? What is the logical reasoning behind that? There is none.
And remember how effective it was for the father that his parents forced him to go to church as a kid. Now he never attends church and goes hiking instead.
They're going to make this kid so angry that he rebels against church and God completely. That would be really sad.

Parents - plural? The mother goes to church.

Blankie · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
WYSIWYG wrote:
Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.
That's not the only thing that's unacceptable. Not by far.
The parents' hypocrisy is the really big unacceptable thing here.
The kid is forced to go to church but the father doesn't have to. Why is that okay? What is the logical reasoning behind that? There is none.
And remember how effective it was for the father that his parents forced him to go to church as a kid. Now he never attends church and goes hiking instead.
They're going to make this kid so angry that he rebels against church and God completely. That would be really sad.
Parents - plural? The mother goes to church.

The mother goes to church, the father does not. And the mother seems to be totally okay that the father does not. This sends a terribly mixed message to the kid. Namely - "you have to go to church but your dad does not."

Either everyone in the family should go, or everyone should be given the choice whether or not to go.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Blankie wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
WYSIWYG wrote:
Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.
That's not the only thing that's unacceptable. Not by far.
The parents' hypocrisy is the really big unacceptable thing here.
The kid is forced to go to church but the father doesn't have to. Why is that okay? What is the logical reasoning behind that? There is none.
And remember how effective it was for the father that his parents forced him to go to church as a kid. Now he never attends church and goes hiking instead.
They're going to make this kid so angry that he rebels against church and God completely. That would be really sad.
Parents - plural? The mother goes to church.
The mother goes to church, the father does not. And the mother seems to be totally okay that the father does not. This sends a terribly mixed message to the kid. Namely - "you have to go to church but your dad does not."
Either everyone in the family should go, or everyone should be given the choice whether or not to go.

I agree to an extent - father should be going and yes, it sends a mixed message. However, father is an adult, and adults normally get to make choices that children do not. His parents tell him to go - that is sufficient for him having to go.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.

voiceofreason · Guru

Just to let you all know, the word tantrum isn't used once in the letter. The boy pouts and has a bad attitude. This is a parenting problem not a behavioral issue, imo.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.

The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.

voiceofreason · Guru

Kicking and screaming is the headline, the actual letter says pouting and verbal.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

voiceofreason wrote:
Just to let you all know, the word tantrum isn't used once in the letter. The boy pouts and has a bad attitude. This is a parenting problem not a behavioral issue, imo.

It says he yells.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.

Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.

My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.
Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.
My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM

Yes, the issue is that they let thier kids get away with bratty, unacceptable behavior. Would they give in if they hated school?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Blankie wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
WYSIWYG wrote:
Church is not required for Faith, but the tantrums are unacceptable. That's what needs to be addressed: The tantrums.
That's not the only thing that's unacceptable. Not by far.
The parents' hypocrisy is the really big unacceptable thing here.
The kid is forced to go to church but the father doesn't have to. Why is that okay? What is the logical reasoning behind that? There is none.
And remember how effective it was for the father that his parents forced him to go to church as a kid. Now he never attends church and goes hiking instead.
They're going to make this kid so angry that he rebels against church and God completely. That would be really sad.
Parents - plural? The mother goes to church.
The mother goes to church, the father does not. And the mother seems to be totally okay that the father does not. This sends a terribly mixed message to the kid. Namely - "you have to go to church but your dad does not."
Either everyone in the family should go, or everyone should be given the choice whether or not to go.

Not necessarily. Her husband is an adult. Adults get to make decisions that kids do not.

Blankie · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.

You can't know this to be the case in this situation. It doesn't say what church they are, or what denomination. They could be anything. This may be true for your church experience. Don't generalize it to theirs.

Blankie · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.

I agree. The kid is almost a teenager. This calls for a different approach than a young child. Faith is a personal choice, and cannot be forced on a child. A dialogue would go much further than coercion.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.
Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.
My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM
Yes, the issue is that they let thier kids get away with bratty, unacceptable behavior. Would they give in if they hated school?

Not the same. School is required by law for everyone. Church is not mandated. It is a choice.

Blankie · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.
Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.
My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM

This! (the bolded) Again, you can't mandate faith. It's a personal choice. You can force your kid to go to church, but you can't make him believe. That's an inside job between him and God.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Blankie wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
I agree. The kid is almost a teenager. This calls for a different approach than a young child. Faith is a personal choice, and cannot be forced on a child. A dialogue would go much further than coercion.

Whether he believes or not is between Him and God. However, the issue is about attending Church. If mom says Get up and get dressed for Church, then you get up and get dressed for Church. It is only up for debate if the parents allow it to be up for debate.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I'm more bothered by the "God hates Nags" in the thread title. No, he doesn't.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.
Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.
My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM
Yes, the issue is that they let thier kids get away with bratty, unacceptable behavior. Would they give in if they hated school?
Not the same. School is required by law for everyone. Church is not mandated. It is a choice.

It is the parents' choice - not the child's. And at age 16, school becomes a choice as well. Should mom and dad just let their kid quit going to school at that point if he wants to? I think not.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Blankie wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
I agree. The kid is almost a teenager. This calls for a different approach than a young child. Faith is a personal choice, and cannot be forced on a child. A dialogue would go much further than coercion.
Whether he believes or not is between Him and God. However, the issue is about attending Church. If mom says Get up and get dressed for Church, then you get up and get dressed for Church. It is only up for debate if the parents allow it to be up for debate.

Exactly.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I think they should stop forcing him & let him stay home with Dad. Maybe while hiking together they can discuss why son doesn't want to go to church. Son can ask dad why he doesn't go anymore. Maybe an open discussion would help clear the air.
The problem with that is that Mom obviously takes her faith more seriously, and parents are COMMANDED to raise their children diligently in the instruction of the Lord - which includes attending church. The fact that dad is slack does not mean Mom should be. She is following her faith and dad is not - so it is not the correct path to follow the wrong example.
Part of the reason Dad slacks now is because he was forced as a child. I think there is a lesson to be learned there.
My most recent ex had two sons. Their mother forced them to go to church & all church related activities. They hated it. They acted up in church. Lit firecrackers on the roof. Anything to cause a disturbance. It got to the point they didn't want to live with her anymore because of church & were moving in with us. She realized she was going to lose her boys if she didn't back off. She agreed they didn't have to attend church anymore. They started going to a different church that caters to youth & making church activities fun all on their own. They enjoy this church. Mom still attends her old stuffy church.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:39:10 AM
Yes, the issue is that they let thier kids get away with bratty, unacceptable behavior. Would they give in if they hated school?
Not the same. School is required by law for everyone. Church is not mandated. It is a choice.
It is the parents' choice - not the child's. And at age 16, school becomes a choice as well. Should mom and dad just let their kid quit going to school at that point if he wants to? I think not.

There isn't much other than kicking them out that the parent can do if their 16 yo wants to quit school.

The parent can choose to force the kid to go to church & the kid can choose to yell & throw a fit in an attempt to either embarrass the parent or disrupt church to the point of being asked not to return.

TOTALLY GEEKED!

God Hates Nags

My 12-year-old kicks and screams his way to church. Should I stop making him go?