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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Should You Focus on the Neediest or on the High-Potential?
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Should You Focus on the Neediest or on the High-Potential?

Our hearts reach out to the neediest but is that where we'll do the most good?
Post published by Marty Nemko Ph.D. on Mar 11, 2015 in How To Do Life
 
NIH, Public Domain
Source: NIH, Public Domain

Medics on the battlefield are trained to allocate their precious resources not necessarily to the sickest but to those most likely to be helped.

Whether or not we're in a helping profession, we all make decisions on whether to focus our time and money on the neediest or those with the greatest potential. This article explains how and why I've moved toward the latter.

When I was younger, I was committed to helping the needy. Indeed, I quit a research position at the prestigious Rockefeller University, where I was working on the first research that proved that biofeedback works. Why did I quit? I was moved by the civil rights movement to become a drug counselor with inner-city New York City pre-teens.

 

I ran "rap groups" with them--discussion groups about drugs and related issues. I couldn't even control the group's behavior, let alone get them to change. I was as likely to hear, "You're not my mother. You can't make me," than for them to behave. I quit in embarrassment, feeling terribly inadequate.

To try to improve myself, I undertook a PhD in educational psychology at U.C. Berkeley, culminating in a dissertation focused on helping inner-city kids. Afterwards, I chose to not move on to a cushy professorship but to return to inner-city elementary school teaching. Again, despite working myself to exhaustion for three years, I made little difference. Yes, the kids really liked me but decades later, I was in touch with a few of them and they said they're in and out of jail or a "program."

After my failure with what the Bible calls "the least among us," I decided to redirect my efforts to people will fewer barriers to success. I believe that decision has enabled me to make a far bigger difference. I've helped college presidents more wisely provide education for thousands of students. I've helped burned-out physicians and lawyers redirect their efforts so they can help many more people. I've helped entrepreneurs refine or reinvent their ideas for making useful products that benefit countless consumers. I've helped executives figure out how to maximize profits while treating their employees fairly  I've helped scientific researchers create or refine their research agendas. I teach medical students the art of communicating with patients. I've helped non-profit executives in making a difference for vulnerable populations, probably doing more good for the needy than if I were providing direct service to them.

So might you want to ask yourself whether you have been too swept up by today's endless messages that you're worthy mainly to the extent to which you help the most needy? If you care about making the biggest difference rather than merely sounding virtuous, might you want to consider redirecting your efforts from the neediest to those with high potential?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-do-life/201503/should-you-focus-the-neediest-or-the-high-potential

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Think about it. THIS is the $1M dollar question. And, this is the question we need to apply in life. I tell my kids that I can only help them to the EXTENT that they help themselves. That they have to take ownership of their own lives. My son has an opportunity to do well in Electrician School. He can get up, show up, do the work or Not. HIS choice. No amount of pushing, pleading , cajoling will change someone who simply will not exert the effort. There is a point you have to take your hands off the wheel. Now, here you go, we got you to this point. Time for you to steer and drive. And, he is maturing into a very responsible young man.

Another case in point is coaching. I started the year with a group of kids, none of whom have ever played basketball. We taught, we did drills and skills, we encouraged, we exhorted, we worked to give them all every opportunity to develop into players. Some of the girls took our instruction, worked hard, tried to apply what we have taught. Some of them, well, they simply just did not. No matter how much time, effort or work, they either don't really care to get better or for some reason will not take ownership. I told them "you can be Girls who play basketball OR you can be Basketball Players". Those are 2 completely different things. The first, is just something to do. The second is the thrill of seeing them take ownership of themselves and their sport and truly developing a passion to learn and become better. The great quandary of a coach is, Do you continue to spend limited practice time trying to remediate those who fall behind or do you press ahead knowing that if you don't, you are shortchanging the girls who truly want to learn and be inspired.

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Lawyerlady


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The reason our education system is behind other countries is because we focus more of our education resources on the neediest instead of the brightest. If we want to compete with the world, we need to nurture the ones that can excel. This is NOT to say that we ignore special needs kids or don't give them the best care we can, but I think stream-lining them did ALL children a disservice.

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burns07


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to liken public education to triage on the battlefield(or in the ER) is a bit of an extreme comparison--one is life or death and the latter is about what sort(or quality)of life can be expected from directed resources

one thing I learned from my father ( a general surgeon himself ) was that " you can't save everyone "--ever--despite your best efforts and the efforts of those around you, you're going to lose some--it's a part of the game

believe we expend too many resources on those that are already irretrievably lost or done--let them go--focus on those that WANT to be there, that have definite promise for the future

our resources are too limited, too precious and one of the most precious is time, to waste on those that don't even want to learn, or participate



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Mellow Momma


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Lawyerlady wrote:

The reason our education system is behind other countries is because we focus more of our education resources on the neediest instead of the brightest. If we want to compete with the world, we need to nurture the ones that can excel. This is NOT to say that we ignore special needs kids or don't give them the best care we can, but I think stream-lining them did ALL children a disservice.

 Amen sister! 

 

When DD was in middle school, an autistic boy was seated next to her. He was being mainstreamed. She was expected to ensure his homework was written down in his planner, and that he had all the books he needed. Sometimes, she didn't get to write down HER homework because she was making sure he had his done. The teachers really relied on her to help him out. She was good at it, and she enjoyed it - so much so that she is planning on becoming a special ed teacher. But it wasn't her job to do it and her preparedness suffered because of it.In the other classes, when he sat by other kids, those kids learned to resent him. He interrupted class with off topic comments, and talked out of turn.

I have nothing against autistic kids, I think they deserve an amazing and adequate education. But the other kids' education shouldn't have to suffer because of one person. When do I get to legislate that the whole class has to go as quickly as MY kid can do the work, who cares who is left behind? Because that's what happening now in reverse - we have legislated that classes go as SLOW as needed to ensure all kids have mastered something, regardless of how many kids we lose due to boredom. 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I agree. We are too far out of balance. It isn't a "one or the other" type thing. Yes, we can help but let's be realistic, there is a limit to the help that you can give people that cannot or will not help themselves. Yes, we can give charity. There are multiple Prongs to compassion. I liken it to being having a broken leg. When you first break your leg, society rushes in with an ambulance and a lot of trained people who rush in to help you in a helpless state. Then, you go to the hospital and for a period of time, you are nursed back to health. That is the first prong on compassion. The next prong of compassion is for Sargeant Nurse to come to your room and say "Ok, Get up and you are going to walk. And yeah, it's gonna hurt like heck". And, then she makes you get up on and walk. NOw, it wouldn't be very compassionate for Nurse Rachet to just say "Oh, just lay in bed for 6 more weeks". Then, you would get pneumonia and die and your leg wouldn't heal properly. We seem to only view compassion as the first prong. There is a point where you HAVE to get up and walk. And, if you refuse to and instead go back and lay in bed, then there is nothing anyone else can do for you.

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Our school system is a bit different. Although there are some dysfunctional kids mainstreamed, our teachers still separate the kids based on learning ability. DD is a top student and has many liberties, but she is also called upon to help other kids with their homework. I think it is great exposure for her and helps her understand that now everyone is like her.

The other countries are doing their kids a grave disservice. If they weren't they wouldn't be sending their kids here for college. All the wealthy ones do because they do not like their socialist school system.

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Our school system is a bit different. Although there are some dysfunctional kids mainstreamed, our teachers still separate the kids based on learning ability. DD is a top student and has many liberties, but she is also called upon to help other kids with their homework. I think it is great exposure for her and helps her understand that now everyone is like her.

The other countries are doing their kids a grave disservice. If they weren't they wouldn't be sending their kids here for college. All the wealthy ones do because they do not like their socialist school system.

 No, the wealthiest ones send their kids here because an American university diploma gets you better job offers. Trust me. I am surrounded by international kids whose parents send them here to get a high school diploma in the US because its easier to get into a US college that way. And a US college diploma is more attractive to international employers. It isn't because the education is better - it's because the employer knows you speak fluent English, you can work with diverse groups, and you can handle adversity. It has little to do with the quality of the education. Most of the kids could get an equal if not better education in their home country. Its about all the ancillary reasons. 



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