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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Prudie: European Vacation
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Dear Prudence, 
My parents have enjoyed international travel in their retirement. Over the last five years, they’ve taken my two siblings on separate vacations to Europe, and my mother said that this year was my year. They chose the destination and informed us that they would like to take my husband, my daughter, and me to a European capital this summer. The catch: We have to pay our way to get there and for our fun once we’re there. My husband and I are both nonprofit employees with graduate school debt. We have all-day day care to pay for. I love travel but a trip to Europe would be difficult to do without significantly reducing our savings. Now the invitation to what was to have been “my” trip has been extended to my two sisters and their families. My sisters are both very well off. My mother has been undeterred by my concerns and tells me just to save more money. If I refuse to go, I’m going to be blamed for breaking up a great family vacation. What should I do?

—Not So Bon Voyage

Dear Bon,
Tell me where the “take you to Europe” part kicks in. From your description, they are ordering you to go to Europe and demanding you pick up the tab. You have to pay for your airfare and for your “fun” once you’re there. When I’m traveling “fun” includes a place to sleep and food to eat, but maybe your parents will pay for that part of the trip and you are expected to pay for museums, guides, etc. Whatever the unfortunate monetary aspects of this trip, a European vacation with a child still in day care is an exercise in frustration. If you like culture and great restaurants, you really can’t partake. You will be tied to a toddler’s schedule, frustrated by the things you can’t enjoy, and wondering why you didn’t just rent a beach house with another young family. You are not breaking up a great family vacation; you are saving yourself a ruinous debt-ridden excursion. Tell your parents you wish you could go, but you’ll consider joining one of their jaunts down the road when the trip makes more sense logistically and financially



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Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

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Well that sucks. LW should just say she can't get the time off work.



-- Edited by Southern_Belle on Saturday 14th of March 2015 09:31:52 AM

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Is there a point in life where adults should be able to figure out how to separate themselves from their parents? How about, we can't afford to go at this time. Thanks anyway.

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Southern_Belle


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One of my coworkers is on a huge European family vacation right now. His MIL is going too. He and his wife made reservations for the Paris portion and her mom didn't like the hotel and wanted to change it to a much more expensive one. They gave her the amount of the original cost and told her this is what they are spending, choose whatever she wants.

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flan327


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We are going to Kauai in December. I have invited both my boys: they pay air fare & then they have a place to stay. They can buy souvenirs, but I'll likely get most of the food.

I'm pretty sure DS1 is coming, still working on DS2 (and Itty bitty!!!)

flan

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Momala


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OMG Flan - the food in Hawaii was fabulous! One of DH's daughters lived in Oahu, and when she got married, we went a week early so we could spend time with her. Every restaurant we went to for breakfast had this wonderful wonderful noodle soup - at 7:30 in the morning! And we each brought back a case of pineapples to give to our friends - you can't believe the difference in how sweet and non-acidic they are!

Can you see the slight green tinge of envy around my face? :) Have fun!




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flan327


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Momala wrote:

OMG Flan - the food in Hawaii was fabulous! One of DH's daughters lived in Oahu, and when she got married, we went a week early so we could spend time with her. Every restaurant we went to for breakfast had this wonderful wonderful noodle soup - at 7:30 in the morning! And we each brought back a case of pineapples to give to our friends - you can't believe the difference in how sweet and non-acidic they are!

Can you see the slight green tinge of envy around my face? :) Have fun!


 We've been before, so going to Kauai is like going home. I know all the good grocery stores & it's pretty hard to get lost.

flan



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Lindley


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Love the guava juice in Hi

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If the LW can't comfortably afford it then she simply needs to say "we can't afford that right now". It is no gift if it costs you so much money you have to use your savings and stress about it.

And to quote VOR "Oh FF"

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Lawyerlady


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I want to know the if the parents did the same deal to the other siblings, or if they paid the way on the past trips?

I'd say no. But then again, I don't share these hang ups people have about not telling your parents how you really feel and what you can really do.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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If you can't afford to go or don't want to go even if you can afford it or you have other priorities or whatever, you say "Sorry, we cannot go". End of discussion.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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OMG, my mother did this EVERY SINGLE YEAR. I was the only single mother in the family. I had three kids. She would plan these extravagant vacations with cruises and exotic locations and hotels. My sisters are all married to lawyers and accountants. My single sisters have no children. Every year I would tell my mom, "I can't afford to go myself much less take all three kids with me. And even if I could, I can't afford to just take a week or two off work. Who do you think pays my bills?" Then she would go on and on and on about how the WHOLE FAMILY would be there except for me. It got so bad that one year she had a family photo taken when they went. My kids and I were not in it obviously. She had that thing blown up huge and huge over the fireplace. And just to make sure I knew how she felt she had a big placard hung beneath it. It read:

MY FAMILY
(EXCEPT FOR NJN AND HER KIDS)

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