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totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Prudie--my boyfriend won't agree with me 100% of the time on everything, what do I do?
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie--my boyfriend won't agree with me 100% of the time on everything, what do I do?
huskerbb


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Dear Prudie--my boyfriend won't agree with me 100% of the time on everything, what do I do?
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Q. Mixed-Race Relationship: I am a black woman for whom culture, race, and politics are very important and sometimes painful subjects. I love my partner of two years very much. He is a white man in his late 30s who has very little experience with these matters, and our differing views have caused many arguments. Now we avoid the subject of my culture completely, and it is killing me that he does not understand this important part of who I am. Occasionally he will make generalizations and comments that I find worrying or insulting. He is not a racist, merely ignorant—he thinks we are all one as humans and should not pay attention to differences. If the playing field were equal between all people, I would agree with him, but it is not. Except for this, he is a sweet and gentle man—intelligent, trustworthy, and a blessing in my life. I love him, but I feel I am betraying my politics and community. Mostly, I just want to talk—but I can see why he avoids it, with all the shouting that’s happened. Help.

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A: When he expresses his sincere and well-intentioned beliefs, you berate him for his naiveté and ignorance. He certainly has to concede your superior knowledge about being a black person in America. But your attitude seems to be that unless he is a backboard for your views, he’s infuriating. You two seem to have arrived at a kind of détente in which you don’t talk about this. But then you feel that race, and discussions of it, are so central to your experience that you can’t stand having this be something you don’t chew over with your beloved. You asked for my help, so I have two alternatives for you. Either you decide that this wonderful man fulfills you in so many ways that you can decide to see him as an oasis from the often troubling issues that you spend so much time on in the rest of your life. Or you conclude having a partner who reflects your own views and experience is so central for you that you must let this good man go.



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just Czech


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Anyone see a 10 foot pole?

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Nobody Just Nobody


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just Czech wrote:

Anyone see a 10 foot pole?

 Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!



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just Czech


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
just Czech wrote:

Anyone see a 10 foot pole?

 Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

LOL



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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.

I quilt so I don't kill you.

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Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
just Czech


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The lady has "issues". They are not her SO's issues. She doesn't get why not.
Where is the head banging emoticon?
I agree with the advice given.

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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.

I quilt so I don't kill you.

Do you see a theme?

Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
burns07


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I am a black woman for whom culture, race, and politics are very important and sometimes painful subjects.
___________________________________________________________________________________

and you can't find a black man who fulfills you ? why not ?

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Nobody Just Nobody


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just Czech wrote:

The lady has "issues". They are not her SO's issues. She doesn't get why not.
Where is the head banging emoticon?
I agree with the advice given.

 Like burns said, she needs to find a black man.  Sorry,  this is all her.  If she's THAT into race and culture she needs to find someone who also is. 



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Lawyerlady


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Wow. "He thinks we are all one as humans and should not pay attention to differences." I agree with him. It's sad she can't see how lucky she is. She needs to let him go so he can find a woman that is not does not have her issues.

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Lawyerlady wrote:

Wow. "He thinks we are all one as humans and should not pay attention to differences." I agree with him. It's sad she can't see how lucky she is. She needs to let him go so he can find a woman that is not does not have her issues.

 Love his philosophy and so well said.  It is people such as the LW that keeps racism alive, people that think their heritage is so special it makes them better than others.



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