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Take action when faced with a bullying boss
October 20, 2014 by CARRIE MASON-DRAFFEN / carrie.mason-draffen@newsday.com
DEAR CARRIE: I was recently terminated from a job because I could no longer handle the constant mental abuse from my manager. The individual made me feel inferior and physically ill. Eventually matters got worse because that manager conspired with the human resources manager to harass me. Because of them, I was brought before four senior executives and crossed-examined as if I had committed a crime. I was later fired. The working people of this country need to be protected from people who think they are superior to the rest of us.
My experience was so bad that I still can't function without medication. I also had to seek mental-health counseling.
As far as I know, my former employer never disciplined the manager. But I want to hold that manager accountable. I compiled a 36-page document detailing my misery at work. I have also hired an attorney and filed a complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and am awaiting a decision. What recourse do I have to hold the manager accountable in the meantime? -- Workplace Wreck
DEAR WORKPLACE: While you await a decision from the EEOC you should focus on how you will handle similar situations going forward.
What you described sounds like bullying, and you may experience it on the job again. More than 25 percent of workers have experienced abusive conduct at work, according to a survey released earlier this year by the Bellingham, Washington-based Workplace Bullying Institute. That survey also found that the majority of bullies are bosses.
So what can you do differently the next time?
"From the very beginning of a situation like this, it's important for an employee to take charge," said Rita Maniscalco, a Huntington career, life and business coach.
As part of a take-charge approach, she said you should speak with any future problematic managers right away to get a clear idea about the nature of his or her problem with you.
Some probing questions to consider are: is it about job performance, attitude or something else?
"The employee should ask for whatever she needs to correct the situation: more training, better tools, coaching," said Maniscalco, who stressed that you should keep a record of your encounters. "If the manager continues to berate the employee, the employee needs to go through the proper channels to report the manager."
If the problem persists, you may have to ask yourself some tough questions.
"If that does not produce a change in the manager's behavior, the employee is left with a decision," she said. "Do I allow myself to continue to be treated this way, do I put even more time/energy into seeking justice or do I look for another job?"
But she stressed that it's always important to leave before a difficult situation takes a toll on your health, no matter how difficult that step is.
"There will be many feelings to sort through, including the horrible feeling that the manager and others involved have gotten away with the mistreatment," she said. "Working through this with a competent therapist or clergy member will help the employee understand why he allowed himself to be treated this way, and offer an opportunity to explore alternative ways of handling mistreatment in the future."
You didn't say what kind of complaint you filed with the EEOC. The agency enforces anti-discrimination laws in the workplace to prevent bias on the basis of such things as age, race, gender or disability. Unless factors like that are involved, you worked for a jerk whose actions were unprofessional and harmful, but probably legal.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Stuff happens at work and it isn't fair. But you have to deal with it and move on. Find a lesson to learn from it and decide to make it a positive. It's a jungle out there.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Work is work and the bosses I have had have been just that.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Before I left Indy, I went to HR and the Union because my boss thought she was above the rules. Every time I stood up for myself, I suffered...so I left.
I have an Ex Sister in Law that is "bullied" at every single job. She can't keep a job for more and a few month because everyone is so mean and hateful towards her. This has been going on since we were teenagers. Hey, Stacy, ever think that maybe it's YOU? I mean who gets bullied EVERYWHERE they work? For over 25 years?
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
If you have trouble everywhere and the only common denominator is you, then the problem will probably you.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I was working for a company that was purchased by another, smaller company.
The new owner's offices and factory was 2 hours from my house, so I went there a few times when a product manager wanted advice.
One day while I was there, the President walked over to the Product Manager with whom I was speaking, asked him a question, then SCREAMED AT HIM for 5 minutes.
This was in an open office with about 40 people close by. The man looked like a puppy that was being beaten, head down, tail (figuratively) between his legs, cowering in fear.
I knew I couldn't work in that environment, time to leave.
The day I met my new sales manager at the new company, he bought me lunch at a VERY expensive restaurant, told me I would be changing everything I was doing to do it HIS way.
Then he told me his son had been in a one car drunk driving encounter with a big tree, and had made himself a paraplegic (or worse, it wasn't clear yet). My new manager told me his son clearly had the alcohol and drunk driving problem because he (my new manager) hadn't beaten him (the son) enough when he was growing up.
Time to look for a new employer.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I find it troublesome that there were no examples of bullying given - just "my boss mentally abused me". How? By expecting you to do your job and not taking excuses, or by consistently berating you for doing the same thing other co-workers do? By telling you that flip flops are inappropriate for work, or taking exception to every pair of shoes you wear?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
My ex boss was an obnoxious bully. She was so rude and nasty. She was buddies with the head of HR and the head of nursing. The karma train took her out! Thing is, no matter who your friends are, if the docs hate you those friends can't save you when the docs start threatening to go do surgery elsewhere.
My last boss headed a company that managed the pension plans for two unions (their offices were above ours). We (the clerical staff) were not supposed to socialize with the union officials. Um, when we arrive or leave at the same time, we're not allowed to say Good Morning? She also had a private practice as a pediatric psychologist - she knew EXACTLY what buttons to push! On the days we ran the payments from the union members, (over 4,000 postings) I preferred to grab a sandwich at my desk, so I could keep the continuity of the postings, but oh no - I had to leave the building. What a waste of time to shut down the computer, then wait and wait for it to reboot when I returned.
I had a regional manager who would nitpick every little thing I did because he wanted me to quit. I was the highest paid person in the district and he wanted to cut costs.
He once yelled at me (and I mean YELLED at me) for keeping window props on a certain shelf. He pointed out the shelf he wanted them on. I wrote it on the visit notes and moved them. The next visit, he yelled at me for putting them on that shelf. When I showed him the visit notes, he ripped them up and said I was mistaken.
He fired my best employee on the spot because he just "didn't like his looks". My DM showed him the employee's sales (he regularly doubled everyone else's sales). He said he didn't care and the employee was to be fired immediately. It was a power play.
He questioned why I had extra staff on had at 3pm each day (not a high traffic time for most stores) I told him the largest high school in the county was across the street and we had tons of foot traffic at that time. He said I was mistaken. I showed him the report that backed up my claims and he said I was reading it wrong. It was a line graph by hour of the traffic - no interpretation.
Eventually he got his way and I left. But not after having one helluva exit interview with the HR VP who was a frequent customer of mine. He lasted 3 months after that. They asked me to come back. I declined.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I really only had experienced that once. Yes, I had pissy ass bosses to work for, difficult bosses, annoying bosses. But, this one in particular would absolutely berate and belittle everyone around him including me. Well, I tried to suck it up for awhile and then I just decided to screw that, I don't need to be treated like that and take that schit. After yet another miserable day, I finished up my day, then when I was walking to my car, picked my cell phone and called my Supervisor and said I Quit I am not coming in tomorrow and subjecting myself to that bullschit. They all knew what he is like. And, I had only worked there for a couple months but this is known an don going behavior for him. So, the easiest thing was to just get the hell out.
