TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tinydancer · Guru

RE: Dear Abby: Parking Ticket. Who Should Pay?

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
uhhh....didn't most just say on the other thread that adult kids living at home should contribute?

I don't think adult children should live at home, at all. Both mine were out of the house before age 19.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I'm not paying for my kids mistakes once they reach a certain age. And if I have to - they will be paying it back.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And yes, it does end at 21 - if you parent correctly. Not saying my job as a parent is done, but my job in contributing financially to her mistakes certainly is. And she knows it.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Semantics husker. I would be insulted if mom had to pay for my mistake but I guess because your mom has lots of money you don't see the problem.
LOL!!!! You must not be a parent.

HALF the job of a parent is paying for the mistakes of their children--or more--and given the HUGE numbers of adult children still living in their parents homes, often with their own children, it doesn't end at age 18 or 21.

Wow. Your kids must have made a lot of expensive mistakes. I would say that's about 5% of parenting. The actual job of parenting is getting your kids to suffer the consequences of their own mistakes...not bailing them out and paying for them.

don't want this to get lost on the last page. Comments are flying quickly.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Now, if mom told daughter - "park right there so I don't have to walk", then mom can pay it. But, otherwise, the adult choosing the bad parking spot pays the ticket. So, mom never should have given her the money in the first place.

But I do agree with Husker that mom should not have asked for the money back once given.

huskerbb · Guru

Like I said--both my kids were out of the house by age 19. One wasn't much over 18.

Yet the argument (by some) is age 21--and I'm being criticized for how I raised my children when they had a two year head start on that?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 19th of March 2015 08:33:28 PM

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 19th of March 2015 08:34:35 PM

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.

Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier

And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?

Sone people send their kids to college.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?

I only say 21 if they are going to college. And I didn't criticize you - except to say that half of a parents job is NOT paying for their kids' mistakes. Your job is to teach them to pay for their own.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Husker you said 50% or more of a parents job is to pay for their kids mistakes. It isn't nearly that much or your kids are some serious screw ups.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?
Sone people send their kids to college.

My point is not to criticize anyone else--but why do I have to defend myself when my kids were the age that seems to be the cut off, or younger, when they went out on their own?

Why is 21 good for everyone else--but 19 not good enough for me?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?
Sone people send their kids to college.
My point is not to criticize anyone else--but why do I have to defend myself when my kids were the age that seems to be the cut off, or younger, when they went out on their own?

Why is 21 good for everyone else--but 19 not good enough for me?

Becssue if you go to college, 21 is the approx age you graduate. Your kids didn't attend college so it doesn't apply. Their "launch age" is earlier.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?
Sone people send their kids to college.
My point is not to criticize anyone else--but why do I have to defend myself when my kids were the age that seems to be the cut off, or younger, when they went out on their own?

Why is 21 good for everyone else--but 19 not good enough for me?
Becssue if you go to college, 21 is the approx age you graduate. Your kids didn't attend college so it doesn't apply. Their "launch age" is earlier.

Oh. So going to the army or getting a job doesn't count for anything, anymore? Those are now parenting "fails"?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Who are u arguing with???

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
There is a point where they have to sink or swim on their own.
Which they won't be prepared to do if you don't force them to deal with their own mistakes at an early age. Learn that your actions have consequences and your adult life will be a lot easier
And the age you are arguing for is 21--two years AFTER my kids were on their own--but you see fit to criticize me?
Sone people send their kids to college.
My point is not to criticize anyone else--but why do I have to defend myself when my kids were the age that seems to be the cut off, or younger, when they went out on their own?

Why is 21 good for everyone else--but 19 not good enough for me?
Becssue if you go to college, 21 is the approx age you graduate. Your kids didn't attend college so it doesn't apply. Their "launch age" is earlier.
Oh. So going to the army or getting a job doesn't count for anything, anymore? Those are now parenting "fails"?

Not at all. We are freaking agreeing with you that your kids were launched at an earlier age! What do you not understand? No one is commenting about your kids!

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Thursday 19th of March 2015 08:46:07 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who are u arguing with???

Mainly the poster who said my kids are "serious screw-ups".

I'll be sure to pass along society's view of the military to my son.

sweet tooth · Member

I think the daughter should pay the ticket because she chose the parking spot. But the mother should offer to pay half because the daughter was taking her out on an errand. I disagree with the tone I'm getting from some of these comments, that the mother is right because she is the mother, and older. An aging parent can start feeling very entitled and forget what it's like to raise kids, keep a full time job, and run a household. They start to take things for granted, and they feel like because they have endless free time, so does everyone else. Someone's age doesn't make them always right, no matter how selfish or childish they are being.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Semantics husker. I would be insulted if mom had to pay for my mistake but I guess because your mom has lots of money you don't see the problem.
LOL!!!! You must not be a parent.

HALF the job of a parent is paying for the mistakes of their children--or more--and given the HUGE numbers of adult children still living in their parents homes, often with their own children, it doesn't end at age 18 or 21.

Spoken from experience Husker?

sweet tooth · Member

huskerbb wrote:
But why is the responsibility for the "relationship" put on ONLY the daughter here? Why doesn't mom have any responsibility for putting the relationship above the small amount of money--especially since she already gave her $20.

If you want someone to do you more favors in the future--better be nicer. The money should flow only ONE way in a parent/child relationship (if it has to flow, at all).

I agree with husker here - why is the relationship only the daughters responsibility? The mother is not a child. She is an adult. And what about age bringing wisdom?

Ohfour · Hooker

But she may have mental issues as my mother does. $25 is not the hill I want to die on...

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
But she may have mental issues as my mother does. $25 is not the hill I want to die on...

It's a hill I'd let my mom die on...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
But she may have mental issues as my mother does. $25 is not the hill I want to die on...

But that is an assumption you are making that is not in the OP. Sometimes, you just need to take them on their face.

Ohfour · Hooker

She obviously can't drive herself. That says a lot...

Ohfour · Hooker

If she can't drive, there is an instability there...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
She obviously can't drive herself. That says a lot...

It doesn't actually say that, either. And not being able to drive could be vision related or other physical problem, not senility.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Or maybe she never got a license. Many older women didn't.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Maybe she just doesn't like to drive. Or doesn't like to drive in heavily trafficked areas. Or during rush hour. Or any number of things.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Well I prefer to pay for my own mistakes. If you still need mommy to pay for your mistakes then you have my sympathy.
Never said that, either. Not sure where you come up with your nonsense.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 19th of March 2015 08:29:35 PM

Oh, husker, I have several guesses...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Or maybe she just wanted the company of her busy daughter.

Mary Zombie · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Plus, after the initial incident, they were BOTH satisfied and it should have been over. It's mom who brought the issue back up--not the daughter.

I'd just keep the $20 and never bring it up, again. If mom wants to make an issue of it--let her.

ITA. And I also would not give her the money back.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

How did this topic go two pages?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Bonny22Pye wrote:
How did this topic go two pages?

You really have to ask?

Tinydancer · Guru

I still don't understand how it's moms fault the daughter parked illegally. Just because she was doing mom a favor doesn't mean she can blame mom for her own stupid choice to park where she did.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't think it even matters who's fault it is. Just pay the fine and move on.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ohfour wrote:
If she can't drive, there is an instability there...

I am driving less and less. My mental faculties are fine.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
Or maybe she never got a license. Many older women didn't.

This is very true. I know one now who never got a license and my granny didn't get one until way after I was born.

There are younger women not driving too these days. I know one of them as well.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
If she can't drive, there is an instability there...
I am driving less and less. My mental faculties are fine.

So says you. biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

My MIL never got her driver's license. Which I found totally ridiculous, but it was her life. Why anyone would want to limit themselves in that manner is beyond me. However, as people get older driving may become more difficult. I have some eye problems and it is very rare now that I will drive at night because of it. I just can't see as well at night so DH does the driving at night. I will if I have to , but now it is something I plan around. If I drive familiar roads, I am fine but if I would have to drive strange roads, then I usually will just stay overnight somewhere and drive home in the morning.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
If she can't drive, there is an instability there...
I am driving less and less. My mental faculties are fine.
So says you.

And the Mad Hatter!

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Semantics husker. I would be insulted if mom had to pay for my mistake but I guess because your mom has lots of money you don't see the problem.
LOL!!!! You must not be a parent.

HALF the job of a parent is paying for the mistakes of their children--or more--and given the HUGE numbers of adult children still living in their parents homes, often with their own children, it doesn't end at age 18 or 21.

No, the job of a parent is to teach their children to be self-sufficient, morally upstanding adults who take responsibility for their own actions. And I have a hard time figuring out how paying for your child's mistake teaches them how to be an adult...

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I wonder where she parked that she wasn't supposed to.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I got lost trying to read this thread. confuse

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

just Czech wrote:
I got lost trying to read this thread.

Thanks - so it wasn't just me! smile