Regreddit

Our daughter-in-law posts awful things about us—and herself—on an Internet forum.

Dear Prudence,
About six weeks ago my husband and I received an anonymous email that said we should check out what our daughter-in-law was posting on an Internet forum we’d never heard of. We were given a link and her username. We were shocked to discover she was spending vast amounts of work time posting to this forum. More upsetting was what she was posting about us and our son. We have been generous financially and otherwise to them and their children, but according to her posts she resents us and thinks we are “interfering.” We don’t think we are, and we’ve never had our offers refused. Worse is how she talks online about our son. He is very helpful around the house and she acknowledges he gets the kids ready for day care most mornings, plays with them after work, then works in the evening at home to advance his career. Despite this, she gripes about him and details the ways he annoys her. Perhaps the very worst is finding out she has a rather unsavory past, including phone-sex work, drug addiction, and embezzlement. We knew nothing of this, but she mentions these things without a trace of guilt or embarrassment on the forum. Do we say anything to our son about what we’ve discovered? There is a part of me that would love to just ignore all we’ve learned and try to maintain a good relationship with her because we love our son and grandchildren, but my husband has been steaming about our son being “taken” by someone we suddenly realize may not be a very nice person.

—Sick at Heart

Dear Sick,
It’s a poor idea to grouse incessantly in a public forum, even if anonymously, with identifiable details about your in-laws and your husband. However, if in between posting her complaints, your daughter-in-law is able to attend to her work duties, this foolish way of blowing off steam is a misdemeanor. I admit I don’t get it, but lots of people, especially those who have come of age in the Internet age, are pretty casual about posting private things online. But then you got to the part about her essentially boasting about a history of drug addiction and embezzlement, and the scary staccato violin music started playing in the background. However, you give no indication that until you started reading her confessions you had any inkling about your daughter-in-law’s past or worries about her character. In the absence of compelling, current information that she is back on drugs or engaged in financial shenanigans, I think you need to stay out of this. Consider that it’s likely the whistle-blower (or snitch) would have also contacted your son, so he might already be privately weighing this information. But if he doesn’t know and you bring this to his attention, it has the potential to seriously destabilize their marriage. That could end up with you two cut out of your grandchildren’s lives, which would be terrible for everyone. You’ve now had your eyes opened, so keep them that way, while holding your tongue unless something alarming requires you to speak.

—Prudie