Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next? Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive (link is external) person.
Passive aggression (link is external) is a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). It involves a range of behaviors designed to get back at another person without him recognizing the underlying anger. These ten common passive aggressive phrases can serve as an early-warning system for you, helping you recognize hidden hostility when it is being directed your way:
1. "I'm Not Mad." Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about his feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, "I'm not mad" even when he is seething on the inside.
2. "Fine." "Whatever." Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. Since passive aggression is motivated by a person's belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like "Fine" and "Whatever" to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.
3. "I'm Coming!" Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but behaviorally delaying its completion. If whenever you ask your child to clean his room, he cheerfully says, "Okay, I'm coming," but then fails to show up to complete the chore, chances are he is practicing the fine passive aggressive art of temporary compliance.
4. "I Didn't Know You Meant Now."
On a related note, passive aggressive persons are master procrastinators. While all of us like to put off unpleasant tasks from time to time, people with passive aggressive personalities rely on procrastination as a way of frustrating others and/or getting out of certain chores without having to directly refuse them.
5. "You Just Want Everything to be Perfect."
When procrastination is not an option, a more sophisticated passive aggressive strategy is to carry out tasks in a timely, but unacceptable manner. For example:
• A student hands in sloppy homework • A husband prepares a well-done steak for his wife, though he knows she prefers to eat steak rare • An employee dramatically overspends his budget on an important project
In all of these instances, the passive aggressive person complies with a particular request, but carries it out in an intentionally inefficient way. When confronted, he defends his work, counter-accusing others of having rigid or perfectionist standards.
6. "I Thought You Knew." Sometimes, the perfect passive aggressive crime has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends his inaction, while taking pleasure in his foe's trouble and anguish.
7. "Sure, I'd be Happy To." Have you ever been in a customer service situation where a seemingly concerned clerk or super-polite phone operator assures you that your problem will be solved. On the surface, the representative is cooperative, but beware of his angry smile; behind the scenes, he is filing your request in the trash and stamping your paperwork with "DENY."
8. "You've Done so Well for Someone with Your Education Level." The backhanded compliment is the ultimate socially acceptable means by which the passive aggressive person insults you to your core. If anyone has ever told you, "Don't worry-you can still get braces even at your age" or "There are a lot of men out there who like plump women," chances are you know how much "joy" a passive aggressive compliment can bring.
9. "I Was Only Joking" Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses his hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. If you show that you are offended by biting, passive aggressive sarcasm, the hostile joke teller plays up his role as victim, asking, "Can't you take a joke?"
10. "Why Are You Getting So Upset?" The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining his calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his indirect hostility, blow up in ager. In fact, he takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their "overreactions."
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
I'm on to that Southern trick, y'all. Bless your heart means stick a knife in it.
Not always. Sometimes, it's actually meant to convey real sympathy.
So, you never know.
And that is the beauty of it.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I would say sometimes I'm passive aggressive and sometimes I'm not. It depends on the situation, whether it warrants it, who I am dealing with and also what kind of mood I'm in at the time.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
I'm on to that Southern trick, y'all. Bless your heart means stick a knife in it.
Not always. Sometimes, it's actually meant to convey real sympathy.
So, you never know.
And that is the beauty of it.
Not beautiful for the recipient, who can never assume that it's sincere. Which means it's really useless.
And isn't saying something with the intention of being rude just plain rude ? Who cares if the words SOUND nice if you don't mean them that way? I think it's an awfully ignorant way to speak to someone.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
I'm on to that Southern trick, y'all. Bless your heart means stick a knife in it.
Not always. Sometimes, it's actually meant to convey real sympathy.
So, you never know.
And that is the beauty of it.
Not beautiful for the recipient, who can never assume that it's sincere. Which means it's really useless.
And isn't saying something with the intention of being rude just plain rude ? Who cares if the words SOUND nice if you don't mean them that way? I think it's an awfully ignorant way to speak to someone.
Aww.. Well. Bless your heart darlin.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
You are so cute when you turn your nose up like that.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
I'm on to that Southern trick, y'all. Bless your heart means stick a knife in it.
Not always. Sometimes, it's actually meant to convey real sympathy.
So, you never know.
And that is the beauty of it.
Not beautiful for the recipient, who can never assume that it's sincere. Which means it's really useless.
And isn't saying something with the intention of being rude just plain rude ? Who cares if the words SOUND nice if you don't mean them that way? I think it's an awfully ignorant way to speak to someone.
If a Southern woman is blessing your heart in a bad way, she doesn't really are what you think or if you know she is being rude. She just doesn't want to curse at you, because that's not ladylike.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
You are not Southern. Southern ladies don't curse (or do so VERY rarely).
After moving here, I actually didn't notice it right away. But when a northern friend from New York visited, it was really noticeable how much she swore b/c you just don't hear that around here.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
You are not Southern. Southern ladies don't curse (or do so VERY rarely).
After moving here, I actually didn't notice it right away. But when a northern friend from New York visited, it was really noticeable how much she swore b/c you just don't hear that around here.
I agree. I moved from L.A. to WV and the first time I said "sh*t" you could have heard a pin drop. I learned instantly to knock it off.
You are not Southern. Southern ladies don't curse (or do so VERY rarely).
After moving here, I actually didn't notice it right away. But when a northern friend from New York visited, it was really noticeable how much she swore b/c you just don't hear that around here.
I agree. I moved from L.A. to WV and the first time I said "sh*t" you could have heard a pin drop. I learned instantly to knock it off.
Note to self:
Forget about moving to South Carolina after I retire...
I told someone "bless your heart" today. And I meant it as an insult.
It's an art
I'm on to that Southern trick, y'all. Bless your heart means stick a knife in it.
Not always. Sometimes, it's actually meant to convey real sympathy.
So, you never know.
And that is the beauty of it.
Not beautiful for the recipient, who can never assume that it's sincere. Which means it's really useless.
And isn't saying something with the intention of being rude just plain rude ? Who cares if the words SOUND nice if you don't mean them that way? I think it's an awfully ignorant way to speak to someone.
If a Southern woman is blessing your heart in a bad way, she doesn't really are what you think or if you know she is being rude. She just doesn't want to curse at you, because that's not ladylike.
Exactly. Cursing is for the riffraff. The uncouth. Those with no self respect or self control. It isn't lady like.
And honestly there are so many words in the English language, why would some one want to use them? Being articulate is a good thing.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't understand why that is the first thing a person does.
Why curse? It just makes a person look uneducated to me. It's common.
I know it hurts. I've smashed my thumb with a hammer, had hands slammed in doors, broken bones, slashed flesh, been hurt in hundreds of ways. Cursing has never been what came out of my mouth.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't understand why that is the first thing a person does.
Why curse? It just makes a person look uneducated to me. It's common.
I know it hurts. I've smashed my thumb with a hammer, had hands slammed in doors, broken bones, slashed flesh, been hurt in hundreds of ways. Cursing has never been what came out of my mouth.
I think cursing is far more genuine than pretending to bless someone with your mouth while cursing them in your heart.
It's about self control and having class.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think cursing is far more genuine than pretending to bless someone with your mouth while cursing them in your heart.
It's about self control and having class.
There is nothing classy at all about "bless your heart" when there's a knife in it. And people can feel the vibe and the insincerity. Nobody's fooling anybody.
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No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are,