TOTALLY GEEKED!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

RE: Backhanded Compliments and Sugarcoated Hostility

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Self control is not smacking the nearest person to me with the same hammer I just hit my finger with. Or not putting the hammer through a window or wall.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I curse other drivers all the time.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Southern_Belle wrote:
Self control is not smacking the nearest person to me with the same hammer I just hit my finger with. Or not putting the hammer through a window or wall.

I'll drink to that!

Well, not until I get home tonight...

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Southern_Belle wrote:
I curse other drivers all the time.

Hoosier drivers? Heck YES!!!

And it relieves stress.

flan

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

flan327 wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
I curse other drivers all the time.
Hoosier drivers? Heck YES!!!
And it relieves stress.
flan

When I'm feeling nice I just call them a dork.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ya'll can say whatever you like.

But have you ever seen me use a curse word here?

No.

It isn't part of my vocabulary.

Am I going to fall over with the vapors if I hear cursing? No.

Will it give me a certain impression of that person? Yes.

Cursing is tacky.

ed11563 · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
Sometimes you just have to drop the "f" bomb.
Studies have shown that cursing helps relieve stress.
flan

and I've seen studies that say that

cursing just reinforces the person's anger, makes it last longer.

Usually when I'm suddenly angry at another driver what I shout is "IDIOT!!!"

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You don't really care about being articulate if you hit your thumb with a hammer. A few curse words articulates quite well.

When you are hammering, you are usually not in public interacting with others.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I still don't see how saying "bless your heart" in a mean way isn't considered cursing. Is it the tone of voice that differentiates? So I could say f. u. c. k. you very much with a smile on my face and a sing song voice and I wouldn't be cursing?

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:13:42 PM

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:14:03 PM

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

VetteGirl wrote:
I still don't see how saying "bless your heart" in a mean way isn't considered cursing. Is it the tone of voice that differentiates? So I could say f. u. c. k. you very much with a smile on my face and a sing song voice and I wouldn't be cursing?

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:13:42 PM

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:14:03 PM

Bless your heart isn't cursing at all. If used in a bad way it usually means " awwe look at the little dummy".

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

At least around here.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Southern_Belle wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I still don't see how saying "bless your heart" in a mean way isn't considered cursing. Is it the tone of voice that differentiates? So I could say f. u. c. k. you very much with a smile on my face and a sing song voice and I wouldn't be cursing?

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:13:42 PM

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Sunday 29th of March 2015 01:14:03 PM
Bless your heart isn't cursing at all. If used in a bad way it usually means " awwe look at the little dummy".

Yeah. It's a decidedly southern thing.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Blankie wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think cursing is far more genuine than pretending to bless someone with your mouth while cursing them in your heart.
It's about self control and having class.

There is nothing classy at all about "bless your heart" when there's a knife in it. And people can feel the vibe and the insincerity. Nobody's fooling anybody.

Exactly.

When you say "bless your heart" but you dont meant it, that's lying. Saying something you don't mean is a lie plain and simple. I can't see how that's better than saying what you mean.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

It makes it even worse that it's a lie about the Lord's blessing.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

lilyofcourse wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Thank you for proving my point
You are so cute when you turn your nose up like that.

This comment says a lot more about you than it ever could about me.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I notice that I am the one receiving the scorn when I am not the one who said they had said it.

Funny.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I am so confused.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.

So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It is no different to say "God Bless Your Heart" as ruse to say F You, than it is to just say F U. Not sure I see the difference. Actually, the sugar coated hostility is far LESS classy in my opinion. The Classy option is to just say nothing and keep going about your own life.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.

So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.

Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.

I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It is no different to say "God Bless Your Heart" as ruse to say F You, than it is to just say F U. Not sure I see the difference. Actually, the sugar coated hostility is far LESS classy in my opinion. The Classy option is to just say nothing and keep going about your own life.

Exactly!!

With all the talk about how us northerners are practically the un-dead when it comes to manners because we are so devoid of all politeness and sense of decorum, it is striking to hear that the northerners would never think of saying something so laced with rudeness.

ed11563 · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.

I think I LIKE the way you were raised. smile

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.

Most of the people who are too stupid are choosing to be that way.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.
Most of the people who are too stupid are choosing to be that way.

Really? Does that mean you can be rude to them?

I am not sure how or when you choose to be stupid (I don't remember seeing a sign up sheet) but I still don't think it means you should be rude to them. Maybe try setting the example ?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Maybe "ignorant" or "closed-minded" rather than stupid?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.

Working with the public, even in a LIBRARY, is an eye-opening experience.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.
Most of the people who are too stupid are choosing to be that way.
Really? Does that mean you can be rude to them?
I am not sure how or when you choose to be stupid (I don't remember seeing a sign up sheet) but I still don't think it means you should be rude to them. Maybe try setting the example ?

You first.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.
Most of the people who are too stupid are choosing to be that way.
Really? Does that mean you can be rude to them?
I am not sure how or when you choose to be stupid (I don't remember seeing a sign up sheet) but I still don't think it means you should be rude to them. Maybe try setting the example ?
You first.

When I interact with people IRL, that's exactly what I do. I thought I already made that clear.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Wow!

flan

ed11563 · Guru

I don't believe people can "choose" to be stupid.

People can choose to be arrogant, and/or ignorant, or mean (or nice)...

but people can't choose to be stupid or smart. They just are, one or the other.

And even people who are stupid most of the time, will likely have SOMETHING that they're smart about and good at.

Blankie · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
I don't believe people can "choose" to be stupid.
People can choose to be arrogant, and/or ignorant, or mean (or nice)...
but people can't choose to be stupid or smart. They just are, one or the other.

And even people who are stupid most of the time, will likely have SOMETHING that they're smart about and good at.

I agree. And if someone is saying bless your heart to a person who they deem to be stupid, that's just plain cruel.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It goes back to if you can't say any thing nice thing.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It's the southern version of the "MM" stare.

Or pass the bean dip.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It is usually used to convey PITY over scorn. Because it's a damn shame some people are so stupid. It wouldn't be nice to outright yell at them. And it's not really their fault they are so stupid.
So it IS right to say something you don't really mean to someone you dont think is smart enough to understand you?! No thanks. If someome is that ignorant, I was taught to not make fun of them to their face but to try and help them at best, or at worst ignore them. Not demean them.
So, you never use sarcasm? Because that's the same thing.
Only to people I know will understand what I am saying and who "get" my sarcastic sense of humor. Not ever to someone who is "so stupid" that its a damn shame. Nor would I use sarcasm on someone I pity. I would ignore them, or walk away.
I have worked on the front lines with the public for over 25 years. I have had people swear at me, threaten me, throw things at me, push their feces and vomit covered shopping carts at me to clean...I have never said more than "have a nice day". No matter what I wanted to say. When not at work, I have found that the best way to deal with someone like that, is to ignore them. I don't think being rude back to them ever solves anything. Stooping to their level just isn't how I was raised.
Most of the people who are too stupid are choosing to be that way.
Really? Does that mean you can be rude to them?
I am not sure how or when you choose to be stupid (I don't remember seeing a sign up sheet) but I still don't think it means you should be rude to them. Maybe try setting the example ?
You first.
When I interact with people IRL, that's exactly what I do. I thought I already made that clear.

I do not believe for one single, solitary second that you have never smarted off, been sarcastic, or otherwise insulted people you have come into contact with. Not even a little bit.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I believe MM's statement referred to her being at work.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
I believe MM's statement referred to her being at work.

flan

"At work" is not a restriction on this conversation.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I believe MM's statement referred to her being at work.

flan
"At work" is not a restriction on this conversation.

I am, without a doubt, direct with people at work and in my private life. I can communicate without being rude or sarcastic or saying something I don't really mean. There is a huge difference between being direct and being rude. I tell people what I mean and I try to do it in a way that is direct.

Direct is saying "I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to me". Rude is saying "screw you". Huge difference.

Saying "bless your heart" instead of saying "you are an a$$" really isn't polite. If you don't mean it and say it anyway, dripping with sarcasm, that's rude. Why not just tell someone what you really mean in a way?

I have found that being direct and just saying what I mean is more effective. It leads to people possibly thinking about what they have said or done. Being passive aggressive just prolongs the situation. It doesn't solve anything.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And LL you can believe whatever you want about me. My world will continue to turn uninterrupted. To think that a person on a message board must present themselves exactly the way you think they do IRL is just silly.

I have had almost 30 years of experience dealing with the public - on the front lines, not in an office. I could not say a thing that would upset the customer without being written up, fired, or worse. I have learned how to communicate with all sorts of people, to get my point across directly and with a smile. I do not have to resort to saying things I don't mean in order to "win" or make myself feel better. I don't see the point in being rude or in saying things I don't mean. Life is too short. Say what you think.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I will not use swear words.

It's tacky.

You are totally blowing this out of proportion.

Don't worry about it darlin.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I am not "worried" about it - I am discussing it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I have no idea where "at work" came into play. I certainly don't use that expression to any clients or other professional contacts. However, saying "Bless your heart" to someone who understands it? They get the meaning clearly without any ugliness whatsoever.

But here's direct for you - your opinion of southern traditions and colloquilasoms mean nothing to me.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
I am not "worried" about it - I am discussing it.

I'm not worried either...and I am "tacky" and "uneducated" and some other insult that I'm forgetting...

flan

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
I have no idea where "at work" came into play. I certainly don't use that expression to any clients or other professional contacts. However, saying "Bless your heart" to someone who understands it? They get the meaning clearly without any ugliness whatsoever.

But here's direct for you - your opinion of southern traditions and colloquilasoms mean nothing to me.

I was saying "at work" to illustrate that I have had extensive experience with the public I'm situations most people could never imagine let alone handle politely.

I wasnt under the impression that my thoughts meant a darn thing to anyone but me. I thought we were simply having a discussion about a topic. Was I wrong?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Dealt with the public since I was 18. How we deal with things at work is completely different from how we deal with things outside of work.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

lilyofcourse wrote:
Dealt with the public since I was 18. How we deal with things at work is completely different from how we deal with things outside of work.

But if one can deal with the most heinous of situations politely at work, then certainly one can deal with more minor situations graciously in private.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Wednesday 1st of April 2015 03:16:50 PM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.