TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

RE: Backhanded Compliments and Sugarcoated Hostility

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.

I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh pah-lease!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.

People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.

Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.

Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.

I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.

I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

No, it isn't. Being sarcastic and passive aggressive is in no way "gracious". Gracious is just letting it go and walking away.

This.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?

I wouldn't answer any of those statements that way though! I would say what I meant!

Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie ? Why don't we split it?

Does this dress make me look fat? I think other styles are more becoming on you - like the one you wore last week.

I accidentally drank your last Coke. (This isn't really a big deal, I can't imagine feeling any way other than ok)

I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. I thought you told me you were through with him! What happened?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

LL, do you really expect a Yankee to understand?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?
I wouldn't answer any of those statements that way though! I would say what I meant!

Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie ? Why don't we split it?
Does this dress make me look fat? I think other styles are more becoming on you - like the one you wore last week.
I accidentally drank your last Coke. (This isn't really a big deal, I can't imagine feeling any way other than ok)
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. I thought you told me you were through with him! What happened?

Well, see, therein lies the difference. A southern lady would ALWAYS give up the pie in the name of hospitality.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?
I wouldn't answer any of those statements that way though! I would say what I meant!

Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie ? Why don't we split it?
Does this dress make me look fat? I think other styles are more becoming on you - like the one you wore last week.
I accidentally drank your last Coke. (This isn't really a big deal, I can't imagine feeling any way other than ok)
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. I thought you told me you were through with him! What happened?
Well, see, therein lies the difference. A southern lady would ALWAYS give up the pie in the name of hospitality.

I would give up the piece of pie so the other bitch can get fat off it. biggrin

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

A true Northerner here. We got honest, for real, spunk. biggrin

(do you like the drawl?)

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?

There are Vast differences in these statements. You are comparing apples to oranges. Maybe you want another piece of pie and you ARE gracious to let that other person have it, even though you would have liked it. But, you aren't thinking to yourself "Eat schit and die". I mean I don't think most people are thinking that. Same with the second and third example. For the 4th one, why would anyone say "well bless you heart'? That just sounds plain stupid. How about just saying "Oh, how do you feel about that"?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Your drawl is lackin sumthin darlin.

But it might work around the border. biggrin

Thats the Mason-Dixon border.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?

And sometimes, it's called being a doormat.

If I have leftovers from a restaurant & my son eats them without asking me, I'm not going to pat him on the head and say "Good job."

So lying about how a dress fits is gracious? Nope, it's lying. I expect my REAL friends to tell me the truth.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
You are missing the point.

It is dealing with it graciously.

Exactly.
I don't think saying something you don't mean is being gracious.
People do that ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, it is the epitomy of graciousness.
Do you mind if I take the last piece of pie? No, no, not at all, help yourself.
Does this dress make me look fat? Of COURSE not.
I accidentally drank your last coke. Oh, that's ok, don't worry about it.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend again last night. Well, bless your heart, did it make you fell better or worse?
There are Vast differences in these statements. You are comparing apples to oranges. Maybe you want another piece of pie and you ARE gracious to let that other person have it, even though you would have liked it. But, you aren't thinking to yourself "Eat schit and die". I mean I don't think most people are thinking that. Same with the second and third example. For the 4th one, why would anyone say "well bless you heart'? That just sounds plain stupid. How about just saying "Oh, how do you feel about that"?

This shows precisely that you don't understand how it is used. That simple sentence conveys more words than you know. It conveys that I understand she is conflicted about it, it was an extremely dumb thing to do, but I still care. It is direct without being brutal.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We are talking about hostility. If you care about a friend and sayBless your heart, that isn't what the article is about.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are talking about hostility. If you care about a friend and sayBless your heart, that isn't what the article is about.

Actually, we're talking about passive aggression in its many forms, not simply hostility. Did you read your OP?

ed11563 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are talking about hostility. If you care about a friend and sayBless your heart, that isn't what the article is about.
Actually, we're talking about passive aggression in its many forms, not simply hostility. Did you read your OP?

Thanks for this good example of a passive aggressive response. smile

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

LOL.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Right now if someone stole my chocolate they're going to get an earful. And it won't be polite. Well, if I had chocolate.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are talking about hostility. If you care about a friend and sayBless your heart, that isn't what the article is about.
Actually, we're talking about passive aggression in its many forms, not simply hostility. Did you read your OP?

I don't consider it hostility to let someone have a piece of cake or tell them they look nice in something or whatever. Maybe you do but to me, I don't feel hostile doing those things.