TOTALLY GEEKED!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

RE: Meeting the ex

Bonny22Pye · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
Well in my case it doesn't matter to either my boyfriend or her, as I live with him and she has a live in boyfriend.

I guess I'm just surprised at this as I thought you were a practicing Lutheran. Look, if you are not that's cool and everybody practices their religion differently, but from past posts it just seems like a big deviation from the way you use to post about living your life.

Ohfour · Hooker

I'm still wondering why your BF doesn't want you to meet her...

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Bonny22Pye wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Well in my case it doesn't matter to either my boyfriend or her, as I live with him and she has a live in boyfriend.
I guess I'm just surprised at this as I thought you were a practicing Lutheran. Look, if you are not that's cool and everybody practices their religion differently, but from past posts it just seems like a big deviation from the way you use to post about living your life.

You've resorted to cheap shots now?

My faith is none of your business, nor was it a part of this topic at all thanks.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
Bonny22Pye wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Well in my case it doesn't matter to either my boyfriend or her, as I live with him and she has a live in boyfriend.
I guess I'm just surprised at this as I thought you were a practicing Lutheran. Look, if you are not that's cool and everybody practices their religion differently, but from past posts it just seems like a big deviation from the way you use to post about living your life.
You've resorted to cheap shots now?
My faith is none of your business, nor was it a part of this topic at all thanks.

I didn't mean it as a cheap shot, just curiosity. Everybody changes the way they live their life.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

See? It is not just me that doesn't like this situation.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I don't care who likes it. My question wasn't "please everyone give me your opinions on my life choices"

If you just came here to badger me about completely off topic subjects, why don't you start your own thread?

And people think Christians are judgemental.

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Monday 30th of March 2015 01:22:04 PM

Blankie · Guru

It seems some folks have used this thread as an opportunity to pile on Vette with judgment.

Not what the intent of the thread was.

Disappointing.

-- Edited by Blankie on Monday 30th of March 2015 01:39:30 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

She asked how she should respond. My response was for her to stay away, so there wouldn't be a need for a response.

There is a reason her BF won't let them meet...

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Ohfour wrote:
She asked how she should respond. My response was for her to stay away, so there wouldn't be a need for a response.

There is a reason her BF won't let them meet...

Where do I say he won't "let" us meet? We have never had a reason to meet which is why it hasn't happened. You are just making assumptions.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
She asked how she should respond. My response was for her to stay away, so there wouldn't be a need for a response.

There is a reason her BF won't let them meet...
Where do I say he won't "let" us meet? We have never had a reason to meet which is why it hasn't happened. You are just making assumptions.

You said that she had been scheming to meet you for a while now. Why would she have to resort to scheming if it wasn't a problem...

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I would think Vette and Blankie have been around message boards enough to know that when you post a thread you are open to ALL responses.

If not, time to get with the program ladies.

Vette, you have asked and gotten feed back. What you do with it is up to you.

But you can't expect to only have the feed back you want on message boards.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Still doesn't have anything to do with the bf. And not on topic with the op so I'm done discussing it with you.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

lilyofcourse wrote:
I would think Vette and Blankie have been around message boards enough to know that when you post a thread you are open to ALL responses.

If not, time to get with the program ladies.

Vette, you have asked and gotten feed back. What you do with it is up to you.

But you can't expect to only have the feed back you want on message boards.

I get it, but I also don't have to respond anymore to off topic comments. My choice.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I think everyone on this board cares about Vette and no one meant anything to be hurtful. When you bring up topics on a message board, they morph. You are also going to get people talking about their experiences, POV's and everything in between.

Divorce, children and dating can be very controversial topics. Since a majority of people on this board are Christian responses are going to include POV's from members personal faiths.

Blankie · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
Still doesn't have anything to do with the bf. And not on topic with the op so I'm done discussing it with you.

Right on Vette. Why submit to this kind of interrogation? They'll just keep picking at you as long as you keep answering.

This thread is a good example of the ugly underbelly of message boards. Sickens me.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

If you can't see how on topic it is then you are burying your head.

You should have met this woman a long time ago.

You should be more secure in your relationship and yourself t this point.

You are not married or even engaged and have no place at the conference.

How should you handle this?

By not going and insisting on meeting this woman on your terms.

How do you respond when meeting someone for the first time? If you don't know that by now, you never will.

What you wanted was edifying. You wanted to have your confidence built up, your ego stroked.

Sorry. You got real answers.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
Still doesn't have anything to do with the bf. And not on topic with the op so I'm done discussing it with you.

It IS on topic, your brought it up in the OP! You say they switch every other week. Does your BF take him to her house or does she pick up? If he takes him, why have you not ever gone with him? That's not normal. If she picks up, you never see her? That's even odder.

This is far from a normal situation.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I went with DH every single time he dropped off and picked up SS. The first couple times we went I stayed in the car. But I rolled the window down and waved by to SS. Of course, I was in a leg cast at the time. Then I started getting out and walking up to the door with them.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

They pick him up from daycare not each others houses. They almost literally never see each other. The last time they meet up was two months ago he left his library book at our house and we had to get it to him.

Maybe not normal for you, so sorry my situation is not a carbon copy of yours.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Blankie wrote:
It seems some folks have used this thread as an opportunity to pile on Vette with judgment.
Not what the intent of the thread was.
Disappointing.

-- Edited by Blankie on Monday 30th of March 2015 01:39:30 PM

I for one am less judging, and more concerned.

Based solely on what she has told us of this relationship in the past, the fact that she is living with him and is so involved in his sons life makes me uneasy for her.

And since she has freely admitted to making stupid choices in the past (Who hasn't?!) that yeah, had some pretty awful consequences, I don't see how saying so is being judgmental.

Maybe it isn't my place to be concerned, or to care, but I am concerned, and I do care.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

They obviously trust each other enough to not have to act like stalker lunatics.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't think people are trying to be mean so much as they are really surprised by the fact that you haven't met and that they don't really seem to have much contact. We don't meddle in the exes life but we do talk regularly about stuff concerning him.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

VetteGirl wrote:
They obviously trust each other enough to not have to act like stalker lunatics.

It's not about acting like stalker lunatics. It's about communicating with each other about a child THEY created together. Just because they are divorced doesn't mean they no longer have to communicate about him.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
They obviously trust each other enough to not have to act like stalker lunatics.

You're "scheming" comment belies that statement...

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Ohfour wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
They obviously trust each other enough to not have to act like stalker lunatics.
You're "scheming" comment belies that statement...

"wanting to meet me" is not the same as stalking me.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I don't think it is all that odd that she hasn't met the ex. I was with S for over 3 years and only met his ex twice. She knew about me & even made sure to get a Christmas gift for the boys to give me, there was just no reason for us to meet. She early on mailed me an envelope with the boys health info & insurance info in case of emergency. We talked on the phone once briefly. There was just no reason to. There was no animosity, we just really had no reason to interact.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
They obviously trust each other enough to not have to act like stalker lunatics.
You're "scheming" comment belies that statement...
"wanting to meet me" is not the same as stalking me.

Then why in the world haven't you met her? What's the big deal? Why does it have to be at the PT conference? Can you imagine what the teacher is going to think. That's NOT the place for a first meeting...

Vette · Owl drink to that!

It's up to her if it's at the conference. We don't plan on her being there, I simply stated that I have a feeling she might show up.

Ohfour · Hooker

I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...

Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today

Lindley · Guru

Vette, if and when you meet her just be yourself. I'm sure it will be fine. It is always a little scary meeting someone for the first time.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today

Oh yeah, I'm judging her. Who lets their kids spend the night with someone they've never met? This is NOT normal behavior. I have honestly NEVER met someone who would allow their kids to spend the night with someone they've never met.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Again, there has to be some level of trust with the other parent because like obw said, it's not up to you who your partner chooses to be with.
Thanks Lindley and Lexxy

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Monday 30th of March 2015 02:21:45 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
Again, there has to be some level of trust with the other parent because like obw said, it's not up to you who your partner chooses to be with.
Thanks Lindley and Lexxy

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Monday 30th of March 2015 02:21:45 PM

Fine, let there be a level of trust, but say, "hey, BF, I would like to meet Vette". What's so wrong about that? Obviously she wants to meet you, you said so yourself. Why is it such a problem? That's what I'm not understanding...

ETA: And the fact that she didn't add the paramour clause to her parenting plan shows that she wasn't thinking about her child. That she's OK with her ex bringing home the flavor of the month at his discretion? And vice versa.

-- Edited by Ohfour on Monday 30th of March 2015 02:26:06 PM

Vette · Owl drink to that!

We both decided the appropriate way to meet would be through a mutual function, i.e. birthday, school play, whatever. Not set up interview style. Which is why we haven't met yet. And that's what we are comfortable with and our right to make that decision and I'm not going to apologize for it.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

And I am not the "flavor of the month" eff you very much.

I didn't move in within a week of dating him. We have been together almost three years and I just moved in less than a year ago. Not that I have to explain myself.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
And I am not the "flavor of the month" eff you very much.

I didn't move in within a week of dating him. We have been together almost three years and I just moved in less than a year ago. Not that I have to explain myself.

I didn't say you were. But according to what you say about his parenting plan, he COULD do just that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today

Did I accidentally log onto MM3?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Blankie wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Still doesn't have anything to do with the bf. And not on topic with the op so I'm done discussing it with you.
Right on Vette. Why submit to this kind of interrogation? They'll just keep picking at you as long as you keep answering.
This thread is a good example of the ugly underbelly of message boards. Sickens me.

Take the high road here.

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today
Did I accidentally log onto MM3?
flan

Hey, that's what I was thinking! Some of us are targets over there today anyway....

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

VetteGirl wrote:
And I am not the "flavor of the month" eff you very much.

I didn't move in within a week of dating him. We have been together almost three years and I just moved in less than a year ago. Not that I have to explain myself.

Wow. How have you NOT met her in 3 years? Especially with living for her kid the past almost year? This is NOT a slam against you, but, I can't believe any mother would not have insisted on meeting you a long time ago.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

just Czech wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today
Did I accidentally log onto MM3?
flan
Hey, that's what I was thinking! Some of us are targets over there today anyway....

I love that thread!

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

flan327 wrote:
just Czech wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today
Did I accidentally log onto MM3?
flan
Hey, that's what I was thinking! Some of us are targets over there today anyway....
I love that thread!
flan

So do I! There are so many who pine for husker! confuse

Sorry, for the hijack. Carry on.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I AM as step parent. Legally married to my SS's dad. I'm probably one of a few on this board. I think a couple of people have grown step kids. I'm living it now. Everyone seems to be focusing on the sex part of it. To me that is a small part of it. I'm going to say a few things and they are NOT aimed at anyone. Just generalities. Living together without being married doesn't give you the same rights. For example, you have more rights if there were an emergency and had to seek medical treatment for the child. You are the SPOUSE of the parent. As a SO you are not even considered in the process. I think I'd worry less about the sex part of the relationship and more about things like: what will the person do in case of a medical emergency? How will they discipline my child? There are going to be times when the SO is left alone with the child. I want to know how my child is going to be dealt with and what the other person's responsibilities will be. I don't think that's unfair. I think this should happen pretty early in the relationship.

Because of the tension in our relationship early on I refrained from spanking SS. In fact, I didn't discipline him at all. As we worked things out I began to realize I had to step up and have a relationship with him too. Now we have a good one. And I have worked with his mom to have open lines of communication. Most of the doctors offices think I am his bio mom now because I'm the only one that ever takes him. But this is all stuff that needs to be addressed. You can't address it without talking and/or meeting. That's not a slam. Just a reality.

FNW · Guru

When I was dating Mr. FNW, he was uncle and Godfather to his ex-wife's sister's (Ex SIL) two children. Ex SIL wanted to meet me. So Mr. FNW had me and SIL and her family over for dinner. Was I nervous? Sure. But once I met her, I found that I liked her. Granted, she was not his ex and the children did not belong to him. But all the same, ex SIL wanted to meet the woman who might be around her children.

Shortly after ex SIL decided to leave the state and move to Minnesota. We showed up at their place on moving day with donuts and goodbyes. 12 years later we still exchange Christmas cards with important updates (births, deaths, updates on our children) and pictures with each other. Sure, I know this information will be passed on to his ex (who married the man with whom she was having an affair with while married to Mr. FNW). I think when things were new, that bothered me a tad. But now it's not even on my radar.

Sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zone, Vette. Just breathe, and you'll get through it. And remember it's just a couple hours to be uncomfortable.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

just Czech wrote:
flan327 wrote:
just Czech wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I just can't imagine letting my kids spend the night with someone I'd never met. Not quite mother of the year...
Now you're judging her too? Boy you are just full of high horsiness today
Did I accidentally log onto MM3?
flan
Hey, that's what I was thinking! Some of us are targets over there today anyway....
I love that thread!
flan
So do I! There are so many who pine for husker!
Sorry, for the hijack. Carry on.

I'm guilty of not reading all posts. But do tell - just who's pining for Husker? biggrin

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Sometimes we screen our kids babysitters better than we do the people our exes pick out. Again, not aiming that at anyone but I'd want to know how the person caring for my child will be responsible for them.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

No one has a right to "screen" anyone else's SO, that is ludicrous. So what happens if you don't like them? Absolutely nothing because you (general you) have no control over who your ex dates.

Ohfour · Hooker

VetteGirl wrote:
No one has a right to "screen" anyone else's SO, that is ludicrous. So what happens if you don't like them? Absolutely nothing because you (general you) have no control over who your ex dates.

No, but I have control over who spent the night with my kids...