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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Bad Manners
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two daughters whom we have taught to use good manners. We are proud that they always remember to use their "pleases" and "thank yous" and many people have commented how polite they are.

My problem is the majority of their friends have little to no manners at all. They never thank me when we carpool places or take them out for lunch or dinner. I rarely hear "yes, please" when I offer food or beverages at my home. Even my daughters say it at home!

Should I correct their behavior by asking them "What's the magic word?" Should I tell them I want them to use their manners when they are with me? Should I speak to the parents about it? Or am I expecting too much? -- MANNERS MAVEN

DEAR MANNERS MAVEN: I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your daughters' friends are, but if they are over the age of 10, I recommend against asking, "What's the magic word?" It would be more diplomatic to talk to the girls privately and convey your message.

If you prefer they use better manners in your home, it is your right to say that to them. However, if you call the parents, the parents may think you are criticizing their parenting skills (and they wouldn't be wrong).

As to whether you are expecting too much, frankly, you may be. Sadly, adults who never learned good manners themselves can't pass them on to their children.

 

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/3/29/good-manners-are-extinct-among-daughters



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ed11563


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There's nothing wrong with "My House, My Rules" for children up to age 18 who are visiting.

If this is a recurring thing with her / my kids' friends, I would happily use an occasional instance as a teaching moment.

 



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I would never approach the parents of a child with manners i think are bad. If the child came to my house several times, you better believe I would start teaching them what is acceptable in my house.

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ed11563


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I would never approach the parents of a child with manners i think are bad. If the child came to my house several times, you better believe I would start teaching them what is acceptable in my house.

Exactly. 

 



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lilyofcourse


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I'm one that stops it immediately. I don't care how old they are, if they don't use their manners, I call them on it.



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Ilumine


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Hell , I don't just expect good manners, I demand good grammar. Now, if its a one time visit, I let things slide. But if the child(ren) are spending enough time with my daughter that THEIR "bad" behavior can affect my child, then I will correct them.

My neighbor kids come to our house after school at least 3 times a week. The biggest grammar faux pas is "Can I get me a <insert item>?" While my 180 minutes a week may not change their speech habits, my daughter will most definitely see that Mama doesn't want to hear it from anyone. And that is just as important as correcting her if she slips.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I don't know. I think that what is conveyed in much more important. And, I want to convey an air of acceptance and have a relaxed home. DH was more a stickler for manners than me. Now, don't get me wrong or misinterpret, of course I want to teach kids manners. But, it was getting to the point where we couldn't enjoy dinner as a family, because omg if someone burps, spills something blah, blah or not sitting up straight yada yada. Sorry, but the corrections ruin dinner more than the breech in manners. And, I have far to many "right fighters" who make issues out of minor things and upset everyone's digestion.

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Honeys_Mom


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Ilumine wrote:

Hell , I don't just expect good manners, I demand good grammar. Now, if its a one time visit, I let things slide. But if the child(ren) are spending enough time with my daughter that THEIR "bad" behavior can affect my child, then I will correct them.

My neighbor kids come to our house after school at least 3 times a week. The biggest grammar faux pas is "Can I get me a <insert item>?" While my 180 minutes a week may not change their speech habits, my daughter will most definitely see that Mama doesn't want to hear it from anyone. And that is just as important as correcting her if she slips.

 Ilumine, my pet peeve is, "We seen..."  Ugh!



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