Q. Pro-Life Friend Gets Abortion: My friend, a pro-life activist who pickets abortion providers, recently got pregnant from a fling. Shockingly, she decided to abort, and came to me for help since I’m pro-choice. I helped her fashion an elaborate disguise, since her appointment was at a clinic where she had often protested. I drove her to this appointment; I doubted that she would go through with the abortion, but she did. To my surprise, she continues to participate in anti-abortion protests, even at that very clinic. A part of me wants to show up there and denounce her, but she is my friend (and even if she weren’t, I doubt I could do something like that). However, I’d really like to know what she is thinking. We have not spoken about her abortion since the day it happened. Is there a good way to bring this up now?
A: Since you are the one she turned to for assistance with the abortion, she made this your business. If you’re good enough friends that you helped her through this procedure, then you’re good enough friends to tell her that you’re frankly shaken to find that she continues to try to make this procedure—which she found necessary for herself—unavailable for anyone else. I am very much in favor of people being friends across ideological lines. One of the worst things about the climate today is how people get into silos where they only know people they agree with. But in this case, you aren’t simply friends with someone you disagree with on this issue, you are friends with someone who is deeply hypocritical on this issue. That’s something you are entitled to raise with your friend.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Playing on channel 10-gay rights. Playing on channel 25-abortion. Tune in to the crisis of your choice.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I am assuming this is the first time the pro-life friend got into a situation like this. It is one thing to support ideas, demonstrate, etc when you do not have a clue what it is like to become pregnant and a whole different kettle of fish when you do. But to have the procedure and then go right back to protesting.... What is this person thinking or does she have a compartmentalized brain??
And probably that can be applied to a lot of demonstrations who are righteously indignant about something without thinking the whole thing through.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I have to wonder, how many protestors, just like to PROTEST, and it doesn't matter to them what they are protesting against.
They get a rush by shouting, by spending time and energy with other protestors. Making "friends" because of a common interest ...
even if they're not really interested in whatever it is.
I agree with this. We have seen "fake" protesters many times over the past years or so. Pretend the letter is real, the friend is a jerk. I couldn't be friends with anyone that protests for a cause and then not uphold that cause in their personal life.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
This actually a thing. I read a fascinating article a few years ago where abortion doctors talked about this very thing--pro-lifers that get abortions, and then return to protesting .
I don't remember all of the details, but there was generally a disconnect, where the women were all convinced that they weren't like all those other women getting abortions, their need was much more pressing and real, they hadn't been careless, just had bad luck, etc.
It was an interesting read, I will see if I can find it later.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Wouldn't it make more sense to be a good friend and help her to return to what she claims to believe?
She has already returned to what she believes. But she didn't DO what she believes. Somehow, she feels her actions are ok while screaming at other people doing the same thing. Continuing to be pro-life? OK. But continuing to protest at the same clinic and make other women feel bad for doing the same thing she did?
It would be different if the abortion changed her into a pro-life person. Like, if she had the abortion and then regretted it, and decided abortion was bad. But she knew all along that it was bad - and purposefully did it anyway.
Maybe if she shifted her focus from protesting to counseling or something. But, this would just bug me to no end.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
This actually a thing. I read a fascinating article a few years ago where abortion doctors talked about this very thing--pro-lifers that get abortions, and then return to protesting . I don't remember all of the details, but there was generally a disconnect, where the women were all convinced that they weren't like all those other women getting abortions, their need was much more pressing and real, they hadn't been careless, just had bad luck, etc. It was an interesting read, I will see if I can find it later.
I read that also. The protesters have a very distorted view of who gets an abortion. They don't think they are one of "those people". Honestly, to me, it's just like a republican who is against gay rights, until someone in the family comes out and then suddenly they are all for it. This happens all the time, with both issues. People protest and yell and scream -- until it happens close to home. Then they want all the things they were just protesting against.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
This actually a thing. I read a fascinating article a few years ago where abortion doctors talked about this very thing--pro-lifers that get abortions, and then return to protesting . I don't remember all of the details, but there was generally a disconnect, where the women were all convinced that they weren't like all those other women getting abortions, their need was much more pressing and real, they hadn't been careless, just had bad luck, etc. It was an interesting read, I will see if I can find it later.
I read that also. The protesters have a very distorted view of who gets an abortion. They don't think they are one of "those people". Honestly, to me, it's just like a republican who is against gay rights, until someone in the family comes out and then suddenly they are all for it. This happens all the time, with both issues. People protest and yell and scream -- until it happens close to home. Then they want all the things they were just protesting against.
Oh paleassseee. Didn't you mean to say Christian? Just because someone as a certain party affiliation does not make them agree with every party "rule". Or are you referring to Gingrich? Why politicize this. The topic is an integrity and moral one, which certainly leaves politics out of it.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
This actually a thing. I read a fascinating article a few years ago where abortion doctors talked about this very thing--pro-lifers that get abortions, and then return to protesting . I don't remember all of the details, but there was generally a disconnect, where the women were all convinced that they weren't like all those other women getting abortions, their need was much more pressing and real, they hadn't been careless, just had bad luck, etc. It was an interesting read, I will see if I can find it later.
I read that also. The protesters have a very distorted view of who gets an abortion. They don't think they are one of "those people". Honestly, to me, it's just like a republican who is against gay rights, until someone in the family comes out and then suddenly they are all for it. This happens all the time, with both issues. People protest and yell and scream -- until it happens close to home. Then they want all the things they were just protesting against.
Oh paleassseee. Didn't you mean to say Christian? Just because someone as a certain party affiliation does not make them agree with every party "rule". Or are you referring to Gingrich? Why politicize this. The topic is an integrity and moral one, which certainly leaves politics out of it.
No...I meant republican as in the several republican politicians who have been staunchly against gay rights until someone in their family came out. There have been several cases of this. I have no idea if they were Christians or not. I just know they were elected republican politicians.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
She has already returned to what she believes. But she didn't DO what she believes. Somehow, she feels her actions are ok while screaming at other people doing the same thing. Continuing to be pro-life? OK. But continuing to protest at the same clinic and make other women feel bad for doing the same thing she did?
It would be different if the abortion changed her into a pro-life person. Like, if she had the abortion and then regretted it, and decided abortion was bad. But she knew all along that it was bad - and purposefully did it anyway.
Maybe if she shifted her focus from protesting to counseling or something. But, this would just bug me to no end.
- Lawyerlady
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This stated my feeling on an issue like this very well.
I can't stand hypocrisy. Like, Lawyerlady said, if she had been pro choice before and the abortion made her change her mind, I could reconcile that. But the fact that she was so anti-abortion that she was a protester, then she had one, then she went right back to protesting. That's just too much hypocrisy for me. I would not be able to remain friends with someone like that.
Well, the only time values and morals really matter is when you actually have to use them. What you say is not indicative of that. What you DO is. Your DO is really all that matters not the blather that comes out of your mouth.
This actually a thing. I read a fascinating article a few years ago where abortion doctors talked about this very thing--pro-lifers that get abortions, and then return to protesting . I don't remember all of the details, but there was generally a disconnect, where the women were all convinced that they weren't like all those other women getting abortions, their need was much more pressing and real, they hadn't been careless, just had bad luck, etc. It was an interesting read, I will see if I can find it later.
I read that also. The protesters have a very distorted view of who gets an abortion. They don't think they are one of "those people". Honestly, to me, it's just like a republican who is against gay rights, until someone in the family comes out and then suddenly they are all for it. This happens all the time, with both issues. People protest and yell and scream -- until it happens close to home. Then they want all the things they were just protesting against.
Oh paleassseee. Didn't you mean to say Christian? Just because someone as a certain party affiliation does not make them agree with every party "rule". Or are you referring to Gingrich? Why politicize this. The topic is an integrity and moral one, which certainly leaves politics out of it.
No...I meant republican as in the several republican politicians who have been staunchly against gay rights until someone in their family came out. There have been several cases of this. I have no idea if they were Christians or not. I just know they were elected republican politicians.
That's just a really stupid comparison. Yes, they changed their mind, but didn't flip flop. They changed their mind. Period. Isn't that what you want us all to do?
and MOST Conservatives DON'T change their mind. I have a gay family member, but that hasn't swayed my convictions one bit.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
We can't win, can we? If we hold firm to our convictions we are called bigots. When we "see the light" and agree with you, we are called flip floppers and hypocrites.
Ah, the mind of the liberal...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...