TOTALLY GEEKED!

flan327 wrote:

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It speaks to the fact that he is thinking mostly of himself.

flan

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 His wife still ASKS for sex.  Or are you just ignoring that?  She's not allowed to want sex anymore because she's got dementia?

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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It speaks to the fact that he is thinking mostly of himself.

flan

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 His wife still ASKS for sex.  Or are you just ignoring that?  She's not allowed to want sex anymore because she's got dementia?

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 According to him. He's justifying his actions.

flan

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 He's her HUSBAND. 

flan327 wrote:

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It speaks to the fact that he is thinking mostly of himself.

flan

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 More BS.  So sex in a marriage is one-sided?  I feel sorry for your husband if that is your attitude.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I see. So sex between elderly married people creeps you out. Have fun in your golden years.

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 I did NOT say that, and you know it. If DH did not recognize me, I wouldn't push myself on him.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I see. So sex between elderly married people creeps you out. Have fun in your golden years.

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 I did NOT say that, and you know it. If DH did not recognize me, I wouldn't push myself on him.

flan

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Wouldn't that kind of make it better? 

eta: I hope you know... this was supposed to be funny and not directed at you personally.  Just in a general sense.  lol.

msrock wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I see. So sex between elderly married people creeps you out. Have fun in your golden years.

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 I did NOT say that, and you know it. If DH did not recognize me, I wouldn't push myself on him.

flan

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Wouldn't that kind of make it better? 

 

 

eta: I hope you know... this was supposed to be funny and not directed at you personally.  Just in a general sense.  lol.

-- Edited by msrock on Tuesday 14th of April 2015 02:25:47 PM

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 Oh, no, I thought it was funny!

flan

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I see. So sex between elderly married people creeps you out. Have fun in your golden years.

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 I did NOT say that, and you know it. If DH did not recognize me, I wouldn't push myself on him.

flan

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 And you have absolutely nothing that says this man did.  Geesh. 

Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 I would've answered but OhFour said it great.

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I see. So sex between elderly married people creeps you out. Have fun in your golden years.

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 I did NOT say that, and you know it. If DH did not recognize me, I wouldn't push myself on him.

flan

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 Oh.  So you would punish him for his disease by withholding sex.  Nice.

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

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 Maybe not in that facility, but I bet they could have found one.

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

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 Maybe not in that facility, but I bet they could have found one.

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Garner Iowa has a population of 3,000.  I highly doubt there are more than a couple of nursing homes there... 

Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

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 Maybe not in that facility, but I bet they could have found one.

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Garner Iowa has a population of 3,000.  I highly doubt there are more than a couple of nursing homes there... 

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 Oh good grief.  Sometimes you might have to go 15 miles down the road.

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

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 Maybe not in that facility, but I bet they could have found one.

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Garner Iowa has a population of 3,000.  I highly doubt there are more than a couple of nursing homes there... 

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 Oh good grief.  Sometimes you might have to go 15 miles down the road.

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Map Garner.  It's in the middle of NOWHERE. I live in a town of 68K and we have two nursing homes.  I either have to go 30 miles south or 30 miles north to get to any others.  Since he wanted to see her every morning and every night, moving that far is not an option... 

Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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I've posted the quote where he said he didn't have sex with her in the double room but they lied and told him they had it on film. That's when he said "then he must have". I've also posted the quote where the doctor said intimacy was GOOD for people with dementia. I guess I'm glad flan is not running the world because anything she finds distasteful is wrong and anything she agrees with is right whether that's true or not.

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 So the nursing home should have NO rules whatsoever?

Why did he throw her underwear away? Why did the staff support the daughter?

flan

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Your roommate should not be able to say who your guests should be.  If he wasn't a threat to the roommate, they had no right to tell him he could not be in the room.  And when he defied them, they supported the daughter.  They were wrong.   

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 But if that is the argument, then just make him get a private room for her.  

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That may not have been an option...

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 Maybe not in that facility, but I bet they could have found one.

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Garner Iowa has a population of 3,000.  I highly doubt there are more than a couple of nursing homes there... 

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 Oh good grief.  Sometimes you might have to go 15 miles down the road.

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Map Garner.  It's in the middle of NOWHERE. I live in a town of 68K and we have two nursing homes.  I either have to go 30 miles south or 30 miles north to get to any others.  Since he wanted to see her every morning and every night, moving that far is not an option... 

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 My dad ended up in a home 70 miles away and my mom went there almost every day.

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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The OP also says this:

Ms. Dornbier testified that the Concord Care Center allows consensual sex between residents. But she said that on May 15, 2014, family members including Mr. Rayhons were given a “care plan” establishing simple routines for Mrs. Rayhons, including limiting outings with Mr. Rayhons, mostly to church on Sunday.

Ms. Dornbier, prompted by what she called concerns from Mrs. Rayhons’s daughter Suzan Brunes, that Mr. Rayhons was engaging in inappropriate sexual contact, wrote at the bottom of the plan: “Given Donna’s cognitive state, do you feel she is able to give consent for any sexual activity?”

The center’s doctor, Dr. John Brady, wrote: “No.” Mr. Rayhons was told the recommendation against having sex and indicated it would not be a problem, according to Ms. Dunshee.

flan

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 Yep.  Sounds like the daughter was being a busy-body.  She did not have guardianship at that time and no basis for limiting time with a lawful spouse - she was interfering.  And she's the one who brought up the sex.  It was a RECOMMENDATION - not an order.  What is wrong with people?

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 There were also instances where he took her on longer trips than was recommended.

flan

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SO?  What does recommend mean to you?  It's recommended that I not smoke or drink diet coke.  Who the eff cares about recommendations? 

Ohfour wrote:

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Well that's just ridiculous. The point is, he shouldn't have HAD to move her to a private room. Her roommate does not get to dictate her guests.

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 I can see where having sex with only a curtain in between would be awkward.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan - you realize this could be you someday? If your husband gets dementia and your stepchildren decide you are not good for him?

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 Thanks, Sunshine.

Both my stepchildren love me.

flan

flan327 wrote:

This would concern me:

Mrs. Rayhons, who died in August, was placed in the Concord Care Center in March 2014, soon after one of her daughters, Linda Dunshee, was called to pick her up at the Iowa State Capitol, where Mr. Rayhons was working. Ms. Dunshee found her mother wearing lingerie and unzipped pants under her coat.

flan

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Again, it's not the daughters business. She just didn't like what she found.

flan327 wrote:

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This would concern me:

Mrs. Rayhons, who died in August, was placed in the Concord Care Center in March 2014, soon after one of her daughters, Linda Dunshee, was called to pick her up at the Iowa State Capitol, where Mr. Rayhons was working. Ms. Dunshee found her mother wearing lingerie and unzipped pants under her coat.

flan

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 Called by whom? 

This woman is dead, and they are pressing charges against her widower for having sex with her?  That poor man.