TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady wrote:

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burns07 wrote:

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honestly wonder what some here are thinking--and also the staff at the facility--here are two people that are married, that love one another, that are near the end of their lives together--that want to stay connected to each other, be intimate with each other, feel that they're still alive--gosh damn, what about them and what they feel ?

am not the most articulate person around here for sure and there are times when I can't say in words what I'm feeling but I can touch her and she knows what's in my heart, knows what I'm feeling, knows that we're here and alive and we love each other

making love is like that, isn't it ? makes you feel alive, feel connected, feel present in this world

believe THAT is what he's doing with his wife and also believe that she can still feel that ( regardless of her mental state )

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 I agree completely.

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Me too, burns.

Well said. 

I brought this topic up to a few people last night at dinner. There were 6 of us, 3 of each gender. No one there could imagine having sex with a partner whose condition was so advanced that they could not define the words sock or bed. Each person said that once their partner could no longer recognize them, it would be inappropriate to have sex with them, and they couldn't imagine wanting to have sex with someone who had no mental capacity to understand it.

I am all for old folks having sex. But I think if he wanted to have sex with her he should have chosen a private area, and he should NOT have sex with someone who us unable to give consent due to advanced dementia.

She would not be able to give consent on her own medical care because her dementia is so advanced, how can she give consent to sex? She can't.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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I brought this topic up to a few people last night at dinner. There were 6 of us, 3 of each gender. No one there could imagine having sex with a partner whose condition was so advanced that they could not define the words sock or bed. Each person said that once their partner could no longer recognize them, it would be inappropriate to have sex with them, and they couldn't imagine wanting to have sex with someone who had no mental capacity to understand it.

I am all for old folks having sex. But I think if he wanted to have sex with her he should have chosen a private area, and he should NOT have sex with someone who us unable to give consent due to advanced dementia.

She would not be able to give consent on her own medical care because her dementia is so advanced, how can she give consent to sex? She can't.

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 You don't know that she can't or didn't consent.

huskerbb wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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I brought this topic up to a few people last night at dinner. There were 6 of us, 3 of each gender. No one there could imagine having sex with a partner whose condition was so advanced that they could not define the words sock or bed. Each person said that once their partner could no longer recognize them, it would be inappropriate to have sex with them, and they couldn't imagine wanting to have sex with someone who had no mental capacity to understand it.

I am all for old folks having sex. But I think if he wanted to have sex with her he should have chosen a private area, and he should NOT have sex with someone who us unable to give consent due to advanced dementia.

She would not be able to give consent on her own medical care because her dementia is so advanced, how can she give consent to sex? She can't.

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 You don't know that she can't or didn't consent.

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 And they don't know that she doesn't recognize her husband or her husband's touch.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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I brought this topic up to a few people last night at dinner. There were 6 of us, 3 of each gender. No one there could imagine having sex with a partner whose condition was so advanced that they could not define the words sock or bed. Each person said that once their partner could no longer recognize them, it would be inappropriate to have sex with them, and they couldn't imagine wanting to have sex with someone who had no mental capacity to understand it.

I am all for old folks having sex. But I think if he wanted to have sex with her he should have chosen a private area, and he should NOT have sex with someone who us unable to give consent due to advanced dementia.

She would not be able to give consent on her own medical care because her dementia is so advanced, how can she give consent to sex? She can't.

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 I have to agree.

There are many other ways to physically connect with your spouse...a spouse who doesn't know who you are.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Oh, and your friends are selfish. To deny your spouse during the "worse" of the for better or worse--selfish.

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 Deny which spouse, in this case?

flan

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 Both.

Flan is all about punishing a spouse with dementia, which is exactly what denying them the most human is all acts does.

huskerbb wrote:

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Flan is all about punishing a spouse with dementia, which is exactly what denying them the most human is all acts does.

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 Oh brother.  You get the Drama Llama award.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Flan is all about punishing a spouse with dementia, which is exactly what denying them the most human is all acts does.

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 Oh brother.  You get the Drama Llama award.

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Yes, next he'll be claiming that I want to execute every person diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

flan 

Tinydancer wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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LGS, are you in my "gang?" I'm so confused.

flan

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Only if I get to wear leather.   

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 Assless chaps and nothing else...lol

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Nah. Thigh high leather boots with 8 inch toothpick heels. A micro mini skirt, studded corrset. 

Dont forget the 6 foot whip and riding crop.

huskerbb wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Flan is all about punishing a spouse with dementia, which is exactly what denying them the most human is all acts does.

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Husker, you're right. You're always right. If you want to make love to someone who doesn't recognize you, go right ahead.

I choose differently.

flan 

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 You don't know who she knows or doesn't.

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And NEITHER DO YOU.

flan 

But, common sense has been wholly absent from your posts on this issue.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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So then we should rely on common sense. They are married and were sexually active even AFTER she supposedly couldn't consent--and no one cared. There is no reason to assume she would not consent now. There were no signs of force or abuse.

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My issue isn't the sex.  I think that is fine.  My issue is doing it in the middle of nursing home without some real privacy. 

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 But that is not what this is about.  This is about a man who has been charged with RAPE for having sex with his wife. 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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So then we should rely on common sense. They are married and were sexually active even AFTER she supposedly couldn't consent--and no one cared. There is no reason to assume she would not consent now. There were no signs of force or abuse.

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My issue isn't the sex.  I think that is fine.  My issue is doing it in the middle of nursing home without some real privacy. 

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 But that is not what this is about.  This is about a man who has been charged with RAPE for having sex with his wife. 

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I know.  And, I have said I don't think that he should be charged with that.  But, if they want to charge for indecent exposure or something like that, I wouldn't have an issue with that. 

I can't believe this argument is still in progress...
My grandmother KNEW grandpa for YEARS after she had forgotten her children and grandchildren. She KNEW his name 3 months before he died at the age of 95. She was 94. That is when grandpa gave up, when she no longer knew him! He was her last memory.
And some here, want to rob someone like her of the only joy she had left. 

SHUT THE FRICKIN' DOOR!!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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I can't believe this argument is still in progress...
My grandmother KNEW grandpa for YEARS after she had forgotten her children and grandchildren. She KNEW his name 3 months before he died at the age of 95. She was 94. That is when grandpa gave up, when she no longer knew him! He was her last memory.
And some here, want to rob someone like her of the only joy she had left. 

SHUT THE FRICKIN' DOOR!!

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They werent' married for 50 years.  They married in 2007.  Not exactly the same thing. 

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How do you know? Love for a spouse is different then love for a child. Always has been, always will be... different. As it should be. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I didn't say I 'know" nor did I balk at him having sex with his wife. Doing it in a room with other people is gross. Period.

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Oh how times have changed. How do you think the pioneers procreated when they already had six kids?

You are aware in some cultures it is okay, right? 

You shouldn't get to decide for someone else, just because you think old sex is gross.

huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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So then we should rely on common sense. They are married and were sexually active even AFTER she supposedly couldn't consent--and no one cared. There is no reason to assume she would not consent now. There were no signs of force or abuse.

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My issue isn't the sex.  I think that is fine.  My issue is doing it in the middle of nursing home without some real privacy. 

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 Like I said--I have no problem making him pony up for a private room.

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Said by someone with plenty of money. 

This guy might be flat broke, on a fixed income paying nursing home expenses.

None of us get to tell someone else how to spend their money.

ed11563 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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So then we should rely on common sense. They are married and were sexually active even AFTER she supposedly couldn't consent--and no one cared. There is no reason to assume she would not consent now. There were no signs of force or abuse.

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My issue isn't the sex.  I think that is fine.  My issue is doing it in the middle of nursing home without some real privacy. 

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 Like I said--I have no problem making him pony up for a private room.

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Said by someone with plenty of money. 

This guy might be flat broke, on a fixed income paying nursing home expenses.

None of us get to tell someone else how to spend their money.

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Ahh, most nursing homes will allow a married couple to use a private room for an afternoon, for free. And if the roommate is out of the room, SHUT THE DOOR. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Sorry, but I don't believe for a minute that if you mom was in a nursing home and her roommate's horny husband came in ever day and just pulled the curtain and had sex, that any of you would be A-OK with that and walking in to visit your mom with your kids. Sure. 

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 I'm quite certain it happens more frequently than you think. 

So you go into a nursing home and you're no longer allowed to have sex? That just seems so cruel to me.

just Czech wrote:

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You shouldn't get to decide for someone else, just because you think old sex is gross.

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We are all getting older. I don't think "old sex" is gross & I doubt LGS does either. 

flan

just Czech wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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You shouldn't get to decide for someone else, just because you think old sex is gross.

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We are all getting older. I don't think "old sex" is gross & I doubt LGS does either. 

flan

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LOL, our 13 year old DGS thinks his parents having sex is gross and they are in their 30's and early 40's!!!

So, by that rule of thinking, after the age of 30 no one should be having sex, ever. 

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You would THINK my kids would be grateful to know that old geezers still like sex...but nooooo! LOL

flan