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Post Info TOPIC: Father issues
Lady Gaga Snerd


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RE: Father issues
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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Vette, I'm going to offer a different opinion here. You can tell me to take a hike if you want. If your dad is trying to reconcile maybe you can try this. Apologize for any mistakes you have made in the past. Sincerely apologize. Then tell him you hope you can move forward. I'm just making this up off the top of my head but something like this... "Dad, you know I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life. And I'm truly sorry that some of them have hurt you. I would never want to hurt you because you're my dad and I love you. I'm hoping we can move past the hurt and move forward into a new relationship. I know it will take time to establish your trust again but I know I can do it." Or simply say, "Dad, I know we haven't always gotten along in the past. I'm truly sorry for that because you're my dad and I love you. If I did anything to hurt you and damage our relationship then I'm sorry. I hope we can move past this." Then if he brings up b/f say something like, "Dad, I know you think b/f is another one of my bad decisions but he isn't. I can't expect you to trust me blindly and I understand why but time will show you that he is a good person."

I don't know. It's just a thought. It's like meeting him halfway. If you truly don't have anything to apologize for then just play it by ear.

I think that is a fine approach as well.  Put it out there.  See where it goes.  But, allow the relationship to develop and understand that it may or may not ever include your BF.  If you are OK with that, then sometimes you just take things for what they are. 



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Nobody Just Nobody


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ITA Gaga. I mean, I don't know what the situation is or why Vette's dad disowned her. My only thought is if there's a white elephant in the room sometimes it's best to just address it and get it out of the way. But that was only my idea. Honestly, no one knows Vette or her situation with her dad but her. So ultimately she had to do what she feels comfortable with.

My parents hate my DH. But they hate him because he loves and respects me. AND he wouldn't allow them to take passive aggressive swipes at me while in his presence. My mom hates that she can't control, manipulate, or guilt him into doing what she wants. Oh, he was plenty welcome enough to come visit. She just didn't like him. Eventually I cut off all contact with her for MULTIPLE reasons. This was just one of many.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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You can never be wrong to take the road of love, forgiveness, etc. IF he is willing. However, if she does that and then he continually reverts to his old self, then yes, there is a point when you may have to just remove that toxic person out of your life. I think she can have SOME relationship. But, just understand that it probably isn't going to be on the level that she would have wished it to be. But, that is ok if you can accept things as they are, not for what you wish it would have been.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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However, I will say that my mom was a very loving person. She would have NEVER been able to hold a grudge like that toward me for even 15 minutes. Certainly not for days, weeks, months and years. My mom would have apologized and tried to mend fences even if I was clearly in the wrong. That is just the person she was.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

However, I will say that my mom was a very loving person. She would have NEVER been able to hold a grudge like that toward me for even 15 minutes. Certainly not for days, weeks, months and years. My mom would have apologized and tried to mend fences even if I was clearly in the wrong. That is just the person she was.

 You're very lucky then.  Not all of us have that!



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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

However, I will say that my mom was a very loving person. She would have NEVER been able to hold a grudge like that toward me for even 15 minutes. Certainly not for days, weeks, months and years. My mom would have apologized and tried to mend fences even if I was clearly in the wrong. That is just the person she was.

 You're very lucky then.  Not all of us have that!

 My mom could hold a grudge like nobody's business.

She also was the bestest martyr EVER!

flan



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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When I was a teenager, sometimes I would have spats with my mom. Then, I would stomp up stairs to my bedroom and slam the door. And, i would lay there and wait for her, because i knew she would always come tuck me in, and kiss me goodnight and give me a hug, and it was over. And, she would tell me she was sorry even though i was being the brat.


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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

When I was a teenager, sometimes I would have spats with my mom. Then, I would stomp up stairs to my bedroom and slam the door. And, i would lay there and wait for her, because i knew she would always come tuck me in, and kiss me goodnight and give me a hug, and it was over. And, she would tell me she was sorry even though i was being the brat.

 When I was in high school, Mom started pulling this trick: She would stop talking (only to ME), for NO reason. I was invisible as a kid, never needed a curfew because I had no friends, etc.

I can't tell you how much this upset me.

flan

p.s. Sorry for the hijack, Vette.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I am sorry flan.  cry



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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I am sorry flan.  cry

 It's all good. The game had rules: I would wait a day or two, then try to talk to her. The first 2 attempts would be met with silence, and usually by the 3rd time, she would deign to respond.

flan



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Lexxy


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flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

When I was a teenager, sometimes I would have spats with my mom. Then, I would stomp up stairs to my bedroom and slam the door. And, i would lay there and wait for her, because i knew she would always come tuck me in, and kiss me goodnight and give me a hug, and it was over. And, she would tell me she was sorry even though i was being the brat.

 When I was in high school, Mom started pulling this trick: She would stop talking (only to ME), for NO reason. I was invisible as a kid, never needed a curfew because I had no friends, etc.

I can't tell you how much this upset me.

flan

p.s. Sorry for the hijack, Vette.

 That sucks Flan.  My mom was more like Gaga's except usually I felt guilty for my behavior & would apologize.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I am not saying I didn't at times too. But my point is that as the parent, she took the lead.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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My mom did the emotional stuff like flan's. She wouldn't speak to you for days.

Sorry for the hijack Vette.

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Lexxy


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So Vette did you go to the ball game? How did that go?

Edit - It's not until the weekend. 



-- Edited by Lexxy on Friday 17th of April 2015 03:51:05 PM

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flan327


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Lexxy wrote:

So Vette did you go to the ball game? How did that go?

 How dare you get the thread back on topic????

flan



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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

My mom did the emotional stuff like flan's. She wouldn't speak to you for days.

Sorry for the hijack Vette.

 And, truly, it was HER loss.

I can't imagine playing games like that with my children.

flan



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Lexxy


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flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

So Vette did you go to the ball game? How did that go?

 How dare you get the thread back on topic????

flan

 Yeah well I jumped the gun a bit since she hasn't gone yet!



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flan327


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Lexxy wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

So Vette did you go to the ball game? How did that go?

 How dare you get the thread back on topic????

flan

 Yeah well I jumped the gun a bit since she hasn't gone yet!

 I was too lazy to check...I figured you knew what you were talking about!

flan



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Lexxy


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flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

So Vette did you go to the ball game? How did that go?

 How dare you get the thread back on topic????

flan

 Yeah well I jumped the gun a bit since she hasn't gone yet!

 I was too lazy to check...I figured you knew what you were talking about!

flan

 You give me way too much credit!!



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Well, at least THIS hijack was good. Besides, we can't let Vette down. Her threads ALWAYS go epic!

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Well, at least THIS hijack was good. Besides, we can't let Vette down. Her threads ALWAYS go epic!

 Okay, then I don't feel so guilty!

I think I got my extreme dislike of fake people from Mom...

flan



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