Q. How Do You Stop a Witch Hunt?: Recently I told my fiancée Carrie that, as a very young child, I “played doctor” with Leigh, a close family friend my age. Our parents caught us, lectured us, and we outgrew the game. Now the idea of seeing Leigh naked is laughable, as she’s like a sister to me. Carrie freaked out when I told her about playing doctor, insisting it was abnormal and wrong. I’d told her Leigh instigated the game, and although Leigh didn’t force me to do anything, Carrie has decided Leigh preyed upon me. She’s livid over this perceived abuse; I’m sick at the thought she might confront Leigh or smear her to mutual friends. She won’t listen to my protestations that Leigh did nothing wrong. I don’t know how to diffuse this situation or what to tell people (especially Leigh).
A: Everyone knows what’s meant by “playing doctor” because it’s a totally normal part of childhood. I loved the story a friend told me about the time he went to pick up his nursery-school-age daughter, who was playing with a friend’s same-aged son, and when the parents called to the kids to come downstairs from the little boy’s bedroom, he was wearing her outfit and she was wearing his. I have often said that adult partners should be judicious in what they reveal about previous sexual encounters, but I never thought this should cover kindergarten-aged hijinks. Get Carrie a book about childhood sexual development; any good one will show her that what you and Leigh did was decidedly not abuse but normal development. If that doesn’t convince Carrie, and she wants to smear Leigh or remove her from your life for a long-ago, ordinary, childhood exploration, you need to explore whether you need to put a hold on the wedding.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
LW shouldn't have said anything in the first place. I swear, I don't know why people feel the need to reveal every little detail of their lives to another. This should have stayed in his mind.
But now that he has told the fiancé, he sees the incredible jealousy and just plain crazy and needs to rethink his future with her.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Didn't we have a thread a while back along the lines of how "victim" had become such a bad word in society? This is why. People look to make victims.
Did your dad not hug you enough? You're a victim.
Some kid make fun of you in 6th grade? You're a victim.
Pull down your pants in a little "I'll show you mine if you show me yours game"? You're a victim.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
LW shouldn't have said anything in the first place. I swear, I don't know why people feel the need to reveal every little detail of their lives to another. This should have stayed in his mind.
But now that he has told the fiancé, he sees the incredible jealousy and just plain crazy and needs to rethink his future with her.
He (rightfully so) probably didn't think it was a big deal. Something along the lines of "Oh, Leigh, I've known her forever. We used to play doctor when we were 3. She's like a sister to me".
I can see myself telling my husband something like that. It's not a deal...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
The letter writer needs to rethink spending his life with this lunatic. I'd think it abnormal if a child hadn't "played doctor" at some point in time. That goes for boys and girls. There was no victim in that.
I agree with Ohfour. It was probably said conversationally and the letter writer's fiancee blew it way out of proportion.
