Q. To Convert or Not to Convert: I am a 37-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with a wonderful, compassionate man for the past three years. We would both like to get married but face a stumbling block we just can’t seem to resolve. He is a semireligious Muslim, and I am a nonpracticing Christian (essentially agnostic). For cultural and religious reasons, he would like me to convert to Islam. The problem is twofold: 1) I don’t really want to convert, but I suppose I could because it is important to him, and I simply don’t care that much about it (which he is fully aware of). 2) The bigger issue is that he comes from a country with severe legal and human rights restrictions for women (which he agrees are abhorrent). If we ever live in this country—to be closer to his aging parents for example—we would need to be married, but this would put me at a great disadvantage. He is a truly kind, ethical person, and I can’t imagine him leveraging these types of laws against me, but I’ve lived enough of life to see people do terrible things when hurt. What to do? Signed, Can’t Mecca Sense of This.
A: First of all, I don’t think you undertake a conversion to a religion for which you have no feeling but are doing it because you are under some degree of emotional duress. Second, I take your ending pun to mean your intended is Saudi. You need to do some serious research on what it means to be the wife of a Saudi if you do ever go live there for any extended period, or even visit. You don’t say whether you want to have children, but if you do, and you take them there, again, you better be very well-informed about your rights or lack thereof—an emphasis on the latter. Your beloved may find his country’s treatment of women to be abhorrent, but that doesn’t mean that if he takes you there he will advocate for your equal treatment. As you pointed out, relationships can get complicated or go sour, and you do not want this to happen while you’re in a place where it’s against the law for you to drive and where you can get beaten for showing your hair. He wants you to convert for his reasons, but is he a big enough believer in female independence that he would marry you if you let him know you can’t and you won’t?
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Never in a million years would I move to a place like that. Not to sound cold but not even for his aging parents. He can go take care of them if he wishes but I would not go. Nor would my children.
Just no. The reason to convert to a religion is because you believe in it.
I may get flamed for this, but so be it. I will not date a non-Christian. My faith is important to me and any potential partner needs to share that.
That is very sound. A very large part of you is your belief and I totally get that you wouldn't (nor should you) be with someone that doesn't share in that belief...
__________________
America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Just no. The reason to convert to a religion is because you believe in it.
I may get flamed for this, but so be it. I will not date a non-Christian. My faith is important to me and any potential partner needs to share that.
That is very sound. A very large part of you is your belief and I totally get that you wouldn't (nor should you) be with someone that doesn't share in that belief...
I think it's hysterical that she says moving to this country would "put me at a great disadvantage". Ummm, human rights violations are a bit more than a disadvantage. Sheesh. Rationalize much?
__________________
Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Um No, he may be the sweetest guy alive but if they move back to his country it could all change. He would be pressured back into that culture, or he is just adapting to the culture here. I do know one muslim who converted to Christianity before he married his wife.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I have met women who have married middle eastern men. And, it's all sunshine and roses in the beginning. Then, they become very controlling. Sorry. That is the experience I know of with some of the my friends.
IMHO, the woman is desperate for a husband. No one in their right mind would convert to a religion they didn't believe in just to make someone else happy. That is messed up.
I don't see this having a happy ending.
And yeah, middle eastern men are always controlling. They look like they are the ones "conforming", but it doesn't last long. This appearance of conforming may be unique to the USA, but I doubt it.
__________________
I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
Wow, I can't believe she would ever consider converting. She knows full well that women are less than second class citizens in the religion, they are merely property.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
