TOTALLY GEEKED!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Need help dealing with a Drama Llama

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Oh my. I sure hope you have a rule about NOT talking about any team members futures. It really is none of drama momma's business.

Keep the conversation off other team members, period. Change the subject every time her "problem" is brought up. You can say; "I can't talk about that". Repeat repeat repeat.

Pretend ignorance if necessary.

Gosh, I'll send good thoughts your way tomorrow.

TrudyML · Guru

100% agree with Czechie.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Well, what Nancy knows is public knowledge. It was announced on the website - each verbal commitment is announced publicly. Other than what has been announced, I really don't know much, so that's a great idea. Play dumb! I can do that!

JPT · Senior Member

Wow, sorry this is part of the coach's wife job description (and thankful DH was a referee, and no one wanted to go to dinner, lol!)

I think since this is between coach and VSS, I would deflect saying "I don't really know much about that, you'll have to take it up with the coach and your daughter"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Either that or beg off with a raging case of projectile vomiting and/or explosive diarrhea.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And can I add that I hate people who try and befriend me I order to get closer to DH?! It's totally annoying. But it's part of the job.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

JPT wrote:
Wow, sorry this is part of the coach's wife job description (and thankful DH was a referee, and no one wanted to go to dinner, lol!)

I think since this is between coach and VSS, I would deflect saying "I don't really know much about that, you'll have to take it up with the coach and your daughter"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Either that or beg off with a raging case of projectile vomiting and/or explosive diarrhea.

Oh my gosh! You took the words right out of my mouth, JPT! That's what I would do! wink

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
JPT wrote:
Wow, sorry this is part of the coach's wife job description (and thankful DH was a referee, and no one wanted to go to dinner, lol!)

I think since this is between coach and VSS, I would deflect saying "I don't really know much about that, you'll have to take it up with the coach and your daughter"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Either that or beg off with a raging case of projectile vomiting and/or explosive diarrhea.
Oh my gosh! You took the words right out of my mouth, JPT! That's what I would do!

Hahaha! Well they have a game the following day so it would need to be the 24 hour kind so I could go to the game. Maybe the dog will get sick? Lol

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
JPT wrote:
Wow, sorry this is part of the coach's wife job description (and thankful DH was a referee, and no one wanted to go to dinner, lol!)

I think since this is between coach and VSS, I would deflect saying "I don't really know much about that, you'll have to take it up with the coach and your daughter"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Either that or beg off with a raging case of projectile vomiting and/or explosive diarrhea.
Oh my gosh! You took the words right out of my mouth, JPT! That's what I would do!
Hahaha! Well they have a game the following day so it would need to be the 24 hour kind so I could go to the game. Maybe the dog will get sick? Lol

24 hour bug, to the rescue!!! biggrin

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Projectile vomiting gets MY vote, MM!

flan

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

You ladies are WIMPS!!! Lol. She is letting me pick the restaurant so I am at least getting a decent meal out of this.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
You ladies are WIMPS!!! Lol. She is letting me pick the restaurant so I am at least getting a decent meal out of this.

Where are you going?

And just WHO are you calling a wimp????

flan

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

There aren't any chains around here so we will be going to a local place that has an amazing steak salad. I am already salivating thinking about it.

And all you ladies with the stomach flu suggestions are wimps! Lol. I have to go! Opting out is not an option unfortunately. But I like the "play dumb" suggestion. I excel at that.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Mellow Momma wrote:
There aren't any chains around here so we will be going to a local place that has an amazing steak salad. I am already salivating thinking about it.

And all you ladies with the stomach flu suggestions are wimps! Lol. I have to go! Opting out is not an option unfortunately. But I like the "play dumb" suggestion. I excel at that.

SHE better be paying for your lunch.

Maybe someone can call you half way through the lunch and you suddenly have to run. wink

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

No advice really just try to steer the conversation away from VSS every time she brings it up. And of course play dumb.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

just Czech wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
There aren't any chains around here so we will be going to a local place that has an amazing steak salad. I am already salivating thinking about it.

And all you ladies with the stomach flu suggestions are wimps! Lol. I have to go! Opting out is not an option unfortunately. But I like the "play dumb" suggestion. I excel at that.
SHE better be paying for your lunch.
Maybe someone can call you half way through the lunch and you suddenly have to run.

Can I give you my phone number?? Lol

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Mellow Momma wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
There aren't any chains around here so we will be going to a local place that has an amazing steak salad. I am already salivating thinking about it.

And all you ladies with the stomach flu suggestions are wimps! Lol. I have to go! Opting out is not an option unfortunately. But I like the "play dumb" suggestion. I excel at that.
SHE better be paying for your lunch.
Maybe someone can call you half way through the lunch and you suddenly have to run.
Can I give you my phone number?? Lol

YES!!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

If I post it here, maybe you could each call me! I could get a dozen calls and fly out of there like the house was on fire.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
If I post it here, maybe you could each call me! I could get a dozen calls and fly out of there like the house was on fire.

Ooooh, I like this!

I'll call and start talking loudly so Mommy can hear! I can probably fake cry as well.

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
And can I add that I hate people who try and befriend me I order to get closer to DH?! It's totally annoying. But it's part of the job.

Oh, I bet. 'Honey, you neeeed to help Mary's daughter!' Ugh.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Ask to see her Dd's emails to coaches so you can figure out how to get them to take notice.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Southern_Belle wrote:
Ask to see her Dd's emails to coaches so you can figure out how to get them to take notice.

Good one!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Southern_Belle wrote:
Ask to see her Dd's emails to coaches so you can figure out how to get them to take notice.

This is DH's ace in the hole. When he meets with Nancy and daughter on Monday, he is going to ask to see the daughter's "sent mail" file. He knows for a fact she has not emailed anyone since February. They have been to many college showcases since then, so she has really dropped the ball. Once he shows mom that her VSS isn't doing anything...she is going to have to deal with that.

People expect DH to do all the work. Well, college coaches want the KID to do the work. That's how they know the KID is interested! Once the kid emails, if the college is interested in that position, they will typically contact DH. This is when DH does his job - he sells the kid to the college, but never lies or exaggerates. He has to be honest. Some parents expect colleges to just show up on their kid's doorstep begging for them to play. It just doesn't work that way. There are too many kids out there willing to put in the work. This isn't football. Kids don't get courted like that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I totally agree, MM. These "kids" are going to be adults soon!

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

You should tell her about this message board that you are on! (this one). You have NO idea how that alone can hold a conversation for hours... biggrin biggrin biggrin

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Well. You can go, sit, nod and smile.

Or you can give her a stiff shot of reality.

Or you could make it clear that you have absolutely nothing to do with any of it.

Or some combination of all 3.

If you pick a noisy place you can pull the "I can't hear you" card followed by the "I have a headache" as soon as you are ready to go.

ed11563 · Guru

Southern_Belle wrote:
Ask to see her Dd's emails to coaches so you can figure out how to get them to take notice.

I was going to post this before I read through the responses.

Let her know today that she needs to bring you copies of all of VSS's letters to coaches, so you can see whether there are any suggestions you could make.

If the girl really didn't send them, she will have to be very creative very quickly.

Did they supposedly go through email, or snail mail? (Both would be best.)

Curious, how much ground does the team cover? This mom is FLYING to see you? Her own plane? How far away does she live???

ed11563 · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
Ask to see her Dd's emails to coaches so you can figure out how to get them to take notice.
This is DH's ace in the hole. When he meets with Nancy and daughter on Monday, he is going to ask to see the daughter's "sent mail" file. He knows for a fact she has not emailed anyone since February. They have been to many college showcases since then, so she has really dropped the ball. Once he shows mom that her VSS isn't doing anything...she is going to have to deal with that.

People expect DH to do all the work. Well, college coaches want the KID to do the work. That's how they know the KID is interested! Once the kid emails, if the college is interested in that position, they will typically contact DH. This is when DH does his job - he sells the kid to the college, but never lies or exaggerates. He has to be honest. Some parents expect colleges to just show up on their kid's doorstep begging for them to play. It just doesn't work that way. There are too many kids out there willing to put in the work. This isn't football. Kids don't get courted like that.

Clearly, the MOM is interested, but the daughter is not.

Let's hope she doesn't choose to go to Hollywood and become a Movie Star instead.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ed - DH works at a boarding school. We have kids here from 41 states and 35 countries. When the kids email coaches, they are instructed to CC DH so he has a heads up which coach may be calling him about which player. Also, he has them email him before they send it so he can help them tweak it if needed. Snail mail is not used. Coaches are on the go recruiting and busy with their season. Email ensures your message gets into the coahc' hands wherever they are. Snail mail is also more regulated by the NCAA than email is. There are stipulations on how the coaches can respond to a snail mail vs how they can respond to an email.

She has no idea I know about her kid's issues. But DH tells me everything. So I really will play stupid. But if she says one thing about getting DH to work harder or whatever, it's going to be ON like Donkey Kong.

ed11563 · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ed - DH works at a boarding school. We have kids here from 41 states and 35 countries. When the kids email coaches, they are instructed to CC DH so he has a heads up which coach may be calling him about which player. Also, he has them email him before they send it so he can help them tweak it if needed. Snail mail is not used. Coaches are on the go recruiting and busy with their season. Email ensures your message gets into the coahc' hands wherever they are. Snail mail is also more regulated by the NCAA than email is. There are stipulations on how the coaches can respond to a snail mail vs how they can respond to an email.

She has no idea I know about her kid's issues. But DH tells me everything. So I really will play stupid. But if she says one thing about getting DH to work harder or whatever, it's going to be ON like Donkey Kong.

That explains a lot.

Still, it looks like the Mom is a "stage mom", wanting for her daughter what the daughter doesn't want.

Would you like to suggest that to the mom? Could get ugly.

Make sure she's paid the check first. evileye

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Ohfour wrote:
You should tell her about this message board that you are on! (this one). You have NO idea how that alone can hold a conversation for hours...

TRUTH!

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

just Czech wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
You should tell her about this message board that you are on! (this one). You have NO idea how that alone can hold a conversation for hours...
TRUTH!

I don't tell anyone about this or any other board. I don't want real life people reading what I post.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lexxy wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
You should tell her about this message board that you are on! (this one). You have NO idea how that alone can hold a conversation for hours...
TRUTH!
I don't tell anyone about this or any other board. I don't want real life people reading what I post.

Oh, I don't tell them what it's called. I just say chat room or message board.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Lexxy wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
You should tell her about this message board that you are on! (this one). You have NO idea how that alone can hold a conversation for hours...
TRUTH!
I don't tell anyone about this or any other board. I don't want real life people reading what I post.

I always lie and tell them it's another board, peep peep. biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Why do u " have" to go out to dinner with her? Never heard of that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Honestly it sounds like u and he are taking on things that are clearly not your job or issues.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Honestly it sounds like u and he are taking on things that are clearly not your job or issues.

I totally disagree. She is the wife of an important person (in their scheme of things). I have often had to entertain wives. It's what's expected and what's done. To refuse is a huge insult.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.

Sure, and her husband wouldn't be coach long. She is part of the reason he is a coach. This is not unusual...

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.
Sure, and her husband wouldn't be coach long. She is part of the reason he is a coach. This is not unusual...

Right. Kind of like being the wife of a pastor, maybe?

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.
Sure, and her husband wouldn't be coach long. She is part of the reason he is a coach. This is not unusual...
Right. Kind of like being the wife of a pastor, maybe?
flan

EXACTLY.....

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Honestly it sounds like u and he are taking on things that are clearly not your job or issues.
I totally disagree. She is the wife of an important person (in their scheme of things). I have often had to entertain wives. It's what's expected and what's done. To refuse is a huge insult.

Exactly this. It would be a HUGE insult if I declined her invitation and would create all kinds of trouble for DH with the administration. Part of being a coach's wife is hosting people in your home, going out to dinner with people, entertaining etc. If I refused to take part in this aspect of the job, the admin would tell DH that he wasn't "a good fit for the community" and he would not have his job very long.

It is a lot like being a pastor's wife or being first lady. I am sure there are some foreign dignitaries the First Lady would rather not stand in line to meet and greet - but you just can't beg off. It's required even though you aren't the one employed.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

This is not a typical high school. Because it's a boarding school, it's more like a university. The students and their parents are customers. You don't refuse a reasonable request to meet.

Also, when DH coached in college, there were several functions I had to attend. Unless DD had something going on, there was really no excuse. Banquets, fundraisers, parents come into town and want to meet up for drinks or dinner...it's a real chore.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.
Sure, and her husband wouldn't be coach long. She is part of the reason he is a coach. This is not unusual...
Right. Kind of like being the wife of a pastor, maybe?
flan

A lot of Pastor's wives put those roles on to themselves. Yes, there are a lot of involved Pastor's wives. But, then there are Pastor's who's wives are not so involved. What I am saying is that you and he may have set the expectations. You may be the one putting the expectations on yourself.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, her daughter's career isn't your problem. If you want to sit and nod over dinner and whatever, then fine. But, I don't think you should be sweating her issues one way or the other.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It depends on how you set it up. Her job is not his job. However if she chooses to entertain or be involved
then fine. But you can choose not to be. She isn't the coach. She doesn't have to answer for him.
Sure, and her husband wouldn't be coach long. She is part of the reason he is a coach. This is not unusual...
Right. Kind of like being the wife of a pastor, maybe?
flan
A lot of Pastor's wives put those roles on to themselves. Yes, there are a lot of involved Pastor's wives. But, then there are Pastor's who's wives are not so involved. What I am saying is that you and he may have set the expectations. You may be the one putting the expectations on yourself.

Here, a pastor would NEVER be hired without his wife being vetted also.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ok fine. But, not every not every Pastor's wife can sing and play the piano. I think the Church is ridiculous to try to put them all in the same box. Sheesh.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
This is not a typical high school. Because it's a boarding school, it's more like a university. The students and their parents are customers. You don't refuse a reasonable request to meet.

Also, when DH coached in college, there were several functions I had to attend. Unless DD had something going on, there was really no excuse. Banquets, fundraisers, parents come into town and want to meet up for drinks or dinner...it's a real chore.

When did it become reasonable to demand that the wife of the Coach go out to dinner at their every whim?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
This is not a typical high school. Because it's a boarding school, it's more like a university. The students and their parents are customers. You don't refuse a reasonable request to meet.

Also, when DH coached in college, there were several functions I had to attend. Unless DD had something going on, there was really no excuse. Banquets, fundraisers, parents come into town and want to meet up for drinks or dinner...it's a real chore.
When did it become reasonable to demand that the wife of the Coach go out to dinner at their every whim?

When he's paid handsomely for that. That's WHY he has an elite job. Because she does what is needed to appease others...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I understand going to Banquets and functions and meetings. But, for the parents to just assume they can drag you out for dinner whenever they want to so they can have a Bitch session seems over the top.