TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

RE: Need help dealing with a Drama Llama

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I'm guessing most parents are more reasonable...hope so!

flan

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
This is not a typical high school. Because it's a boarding school, it's more like a university. The students and their parents are customers. You don't refuse a reasonable request to meet.

Also, when DH coached in college, there were several functions I had to attend. Unless DD had something going on, there was really no excuse. Banquets, fundraisers, parents come into town and want to meet up for drinks or dinner...it's a real chore.
When did it become reasonable to demand that the wife of the Coach go out to dinner at their every whim?

He has been coaching for 20 odd years. I can tell you that the more elite the team, the more the parents demand of your time.

And no, I do not have the option of just not being a part of things. It's a boarding school, we live in a community. We are all part of the community. There are some parents who will just say hello and walk past. And there are parents who will fly in and want to take me out to dinner. It is expected that I respond approprlately to both types. When people pay upwards of $45k to send their kid to school, they have certain expectations of the school and the staff. I am seen as part of the staff even though I am a spouse.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, anyway the way to deal with Drama Llamas is to not let them get under your skin. And, don't make HER problem, your problem. She can blah, blah, blah, and you nod and then say, Oh, pass the butter. And, do you want to order cheesecake.

I am not worried about her problem. Not at all. That's between her and DH. I am concerned she is going to try and get info from me or use me somehow. It happens.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She probably will. I think that is the point!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
This is not a typical high school. Because it's a boarding school, it's more like a university. The students and their parents are customers. You don't refuse a reasonable request to meet.

Also, when DH coached in college, there were several functions I had to attend. Unless DD had something going on, there was really no excuse. Banquets, fundraisers, parents come into town and want to meet up for drinks or dinner...it's a real chore.
When did it become reasonable to demand that the wife of the Coach go out to dinner at their every whim?
He has been coaching for 20 odd years. I can tell you that the more elite the team, the more the parents demand of your time.
And no, I do not have the option of just not being a part of things. It's a boarding school, we live in a community. We are all part of the community. There are some parents who will just say hello and walk past. And there are parents who will fly in and want to take me out to dinner. It is expected that I respond approprlately to both types. When people pay upwards of $45k to send their kid to school, they have certain expectations of the school and the staff. I am seen as part of the staff even though I am a spouse.

Well, then you are stuck going out to dinner with her. Just make the best of it and get something really good to eat!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Ok so you are at dinner with this mother. She starts talking/complaining about her DD's lack of offers; tell her what the girls typically do to get those offers; contact the coaches, email them, call them, whatever it is. Then ask what has your DD done? Whatever she answers, say so I want to help. Have the emails forwarded to you so you can follow up with the school. You know she won't be able to do that if the daughter had not sent them. But this will put the mother in the position of having to confront the situation and her daughter's lack of protectiveness. She may beg you to help to correct the situation, and all you have to say is it starts with the daughter.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Do you really want her to get emails forwarded to her from the Drama LLama? No, just no.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Do you really want her to get emails forwarded to her from the Drama LLama? No, just no.

Well, since there aren't any emails to start with, I don't think that this will be an issue . . .

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Tignanello wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Do you really want her to get emails forwarded to her from the Drama LLama? No, just no.
Well, since there aren't any emails to start with, I don't think that this will be an issue . . .

Exactly

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She would be putting herself in the middle of it. If she wants to have that headache, then fine.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She would be putting herself in the middle of it. If she wants to have that headache, then fine.

MM already explained that is part of her job of being the coach's wife.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ok, then what is the question?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She would be putting herself in the middle of it. If she wants to have that headache, then fine.
MM already explained that is part of her job of being the coach's wife.

Part of my job is shaking hands and kissing babies. It's DH's job to deal with the email situation.

I am just going to ask her who her VSS has emailed by way of conversation if she brings it up. And then I am going to play dumb. I will tell her what our DD did (which is what DH tells everyone to do) and encourage her to do the same.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, anyway the way to deal with Drama Llamas is to not let them get under your skin. And, don't make HER problem, your problem. She can blah, blah, blah, and you nod and then say, Oh, pass the butter. And, do you want to order cheesecake.
I am not worried about her problem. Not at all. That's between her and DH. I am concerned she is going to try and get info from me or use me somehow. It happens.

This is truly an "ignorance is bliss" type of situation.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

MM - You are DH are very nice people who want to help. That is great. But, there are people in the world for whom everything in their lives is someone else's fault. They take no responsibility and they want everyone to do everything for them. And, even when people do, they never even say Thank You and just complain constantly. You can't help people who won't help themselves. I for one am done feeling sorry for them or letting them hold court with my time and energy. If you have to go then go. But, you don't have to play her stupid little game. Just go out and have a nice meal. BTW, who is buying? Do you have to buy too?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
MM - You are DH are very nice people who want to help. That is great. But, there are people in the world for whom everything in their lives is someone else's fault. They take no responsibility and they want everyone to do everything for them. And, even when people do, they never even say Thank You and just complain constantly. You can't help people who won't help themselves. I for one am done feeling sorry for them or letting them hold court with my time and energy. If you have to go then go. But, you don't have to play her stupid little game. Just go out and have a nice meal. BTW, who is buying? Do you have to buy too?

Well, it is DH's job to help. It's in his contract, so it isnt about being nice or enabling her. It's his job to help the players get college scholarships. But her VSS needs to do her part as well.

Turns out I was worried for nothing. She was drama free at dinner. Yes, she paid! The kids have games all weekend thoug, so there is plenty of time for the drama llama to come out.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Whew, you dodged a bullet there, MM.

Glad she paid and there was no drama.

Now prepare yourself for fireworks over the weekend. wink

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

just Czech wrote:
Whew, you dodged a bullet there, MM.

Glad she paid and there was no drama.

Now prepare yourself for fireworks over the weekend.

Yep, there is still plenty of time. You can never be too prepared.