TOTALLY GEEKED!

I'll answer. If my parents offered to pay for me and my husband and ONE child to go to Disney and leave the other two behind because they weren't biologically theirs I would say no. Now if my child were visiting Grandma and Grandpa and they take a vacation to Disney while said child is there it's different.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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There were several, but we can start with the one about the vacation to Disney.

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 Quite honestly - I think that a "it depends" kind of situation.  What age were the kids when the families blended and what kind of relationship do they have with the grandparents, what age are they now, have the other kids gone to Disney before and this one hasn't?  I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to that. 

 

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Exactly, LL.

And we all know that husker refuses to leave his Back & White world...

flan 

huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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I'll answer. If my parents offered to pay for me and my husband and ONE child to go to Disney and leave the other two behind because they weren't biologically theirs I would say no. Now if my child were visiting Grandma and Grandpa and they take a vacation to Disney while said child is there it's different.

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 Don't care if you go or not.  I want to take me grandchild.

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 I have answered your question.  You don't like the answer I gave so I'm done.

huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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There were several, but we can start with the one about the vacation to Disney.

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 Quite honestly - I think that a "it depends" kind of situation.  What age were the kids when the families blended and what kind of relationship do they have with the grandparents, what age are they now, have the other kids gone to Disney before and this one hasn't?  I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to that. 

 

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 If the grandparents only want to take their grandchild--that pretty much sums up the status of the relationship.

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 The family that lives across from us, the grandparents take 1 grandchild to Disney each year - both because of cost and because of quality one-on-one time.  Each year it is a different grandchild.  At some point, they will get to old to do it and someone will miss out, and it will be too bad.  Not everything in life is fair.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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There were several, but we can start with the one about the vacation to Disney.

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 Quite honestly - I think that a "it depends" kind of situation.  What age were the kids when the families blended and what kind of relationship do they have with the grandparents, what age are they now, have the other kids gone to Disney before and this one hasn't?  I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to that. 

 

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 If the grandparents only want to take their grandchild--that pretty much sums up the status of the relationship.

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 The family that lives across from us, the grandparents take 1 grandchild to Disney each year - both because of cost and because of quality one-on-one time.  Each year it is a different grandchild.  At some point, they will get to old to do it and someone will miss out, and it will be too bad.  Not everything in life is fair.

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 My aunt and uncle do a trip for every one of their grand kids.  No one is going to miss out.  

huskerbb wrote:

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Let's say bio kids grandparents want to take their grand kid to disneyworld? Does that mean they also have to take the other kids? They can't build some special memories with their own grandchild without having to take along some other random kids?

I agree in this case that, money aside, it would be a pain to have kids in two different schools--days off, activity scheduling, etc....

However, my question is where is the line drawn--and saying it has to be 100% equal is absurd.

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 I haven't seen anyone here say that.

My maternal DGM had 5 grandkids: 3 from my Mom, 2 from her younger daughter. Each Christmas, she would pick one kid to get a "big" present. We really didn't care, but she tried to give each of us a turn.

flan

You can what if these letters to death. What if the grand parents want to give her a car? What if they want to take her to Disneyland? What if they want to leave her money in their will? What if they want to buy her a house? What if they want to pay for her wedding? What if? What if? What if? Fact is, none of that is even being addressed here. The OP is asking about private school when all the kids are still living under the same roof. Life is fluid and changes. The right answer for this family for today might be a totally different answer ten years from now when the kids are all out of school.

Dealing with the facts in the letter. I would not want one of my children going to private school and the others going to public school unless there was a specific reason.

You know, I thought I would never feel the same about my SS as I did about my own kids. And at first I didn't. But in time I began to develop my own relationship with him and I can honestly say I love him as if he was one of my own.

I also think it's silly to say you can't love a child as much if they're not biologically yours. This would mean all the parents who adopt don't really love the kids.

Well, it didn't take a week or two but yeah, it takes time. However, it doesn't take YEARS. Most kids are not hateful little brats that are trying to cause trouble. They want to love everyone and get along.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I'll just put this out there. I would feel differently about Biological children than non biological children. Flame suit on.

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 Step kids just aren't the same to a grandparent.  Those kids have a whole other set of grandparents.  The relationship isn't the same.

MIL2 treated MY kids the same as her "blood" grandkids. I loved her SO much.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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MIL2 treated MY kids the same as her "blood" grandkids. I loved her SO much.

flan

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   Family is what you MAKE it.

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Absolutely!

flan 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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I'll answer. If my parents offered to pay for me and my husband and ONE child to go to Disney and leave the other two behind because they weren't biologically theirs I would say no. Now if my child were visiting Grandma and Grandpa and they take a vacation to Disney while said child is there it's different.

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 I wouldn't turn that down as long as the other kids were welcomed if I paid their way.  Seems like a nice resolution.

just Czech wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You can what if these letters to death. What if the grand parents want to give her a car? What if they want to take her to Disneyland? What if they want to leave her money in their will? What if they want to buy her a house? What if they want to pay for her wedding? What if? What if? What if? Fact is, none of that is even being addressed here. The OP is asking about private school when all the kids are still living under the same roof. Life is fluid and changes. The right answer for this family for today might be a totally different answer ten years from now when the kids are all out of school.

Dealing with the facts in the letter. I would not want one of my children going to private school and the others going to public school unless there was a specific reason.

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 Sure, the letter doesn't address those things, but I want to know where the line is drawn.  Can bio grandparents NEVER give anything to their grandchild unless they give something exactly equal to any step kids?  

 

If they can--then under what conditions?  Because from the sound of most posters, the answer to the first question is no.

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The grandparents do not get to draw the line. The parents have that job. 

You don't get a vote in the parents decision. To bad.

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 That's flat out stupid.  If a grandparent wants to take their grand kid on a trip they should be able to without taking some other random kids.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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NAOW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Life is not fair. You just can't expect it to be all the time. The only people you can control are yourselves and how you treat the children. Putting expectations on others to meet your requirements is just setting yourself up for disappointment and discord.

Now, that being said, the parents are completely in the right to turn down private school for only one of their kids, assuming there is no special need there.

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 If I was the mother I would not be ok with only one of my children getting special treatment. 

 

The letter doesn't even sound to me like a blended family situation. For all we know the parents have two adopted girls and one biological. It's says they are bringing up three girls, it does not specify anything else.

ETA: Nevermind. I see the last line does say step grandkids

-- Edited by NAOW on Friday 24th of April 2015 03:31:52 PM

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 And if you are not the mother?  If they have a mother and you are the step - mother, you don't think your parents should be able to set up a college fund for YOUR child, if they don't also for your step-children?  That's really unfair, IMO.  That's unfair to your parents and to your child.

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 I am a Step-mother.  And no, I would not have allowed my parents to pay for my daughter to go to private school while my SS, who I was raising in my home, was not afforded the same perk.  

I could not look at my parents if they treated my daughter's brother with such disregard.  This is not some petty Christmas Gift that can be forgotten in a week or so.  This is THOUSANDS of DOLLARS of disparity that is thrown in the StepChild's face EVERY DAY FOR 9 months out of the year.  Every day the Stepchild went his/her separate way, s/he would see just how little his half sibling's grandparents thought of him.  

I mean seriously.  These are freaking kids.  These are YOUR biological grandchild's siblings.  You cannot drum up enough common sense or consideration to recognize FAIRNESS?

Oh and taking your biogrand kids on a trip is different than creating a socio-economic divide within one family unit.  

Ilumine wrote:

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 I am a Step-mother.  And no, I would not have allowed my parents to pay for my daughter to go to private school while my SS, who I was raising in my home, was not afforded the same perk.  

I could not look at my parents if they treated my daughter's brother with such disregard.  This is not some petty Christmas Gift that can be forgotten in a week or so.  This is THOUSANDS of DOLLARS of disparity that is thrown in the StepChild's face EVERY DAY FOR 9 months out of the year.  Every day the Stepchild went his/her separate way, s/he would see just how little his half sibling's grandparents thought of him.  

I mean seriously.  These are freaking kids.  These are YOUR biological grandchild's siblings.  You cannot drum up enough common sense or consideration to recognize FAIRNESS?

Oh and taking your biogrand kids on a trip is different than creating a socio-economic divide within one family unit.  

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 Very well said.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I'll just put this out there. I would feel differently about Biological children than non biological children. Flame suit on.

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 again I pose the question.  How would you feel if your husband was not allowed to participate in family pictures or given presents at christmas time?  Would you not find your parent's inability to be kindhearted and empathetic hurtful to you?  

So isn't it sort of the same thing with step-grandchildren?  You expect your parents to atleast respect the feelings of the spouse you choose to spend the rest of your life with, so why not expect your parents to respect the feelings of the children you choose to spend the rest of your life with?  

That means that you expect your parents to understand the unfairness of offering to provide THOUSANDS of DOLLARS to one child while the others are in the house.  Its not that they are expect to pay for the step kids, but that they should have taken the feelings of the step kids into account before they made the damn offer.  

And again, I am a stepparent who never once demanded my parents to treat my step kids equal to my bio kid.  But fairly and with consideration yes. 

I have already answered that the parents should say No to the private school money.

Ilumine wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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NAOW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Life is not fair. You just can't expect it to be all the time. The only people you can control are yourselves and how you treat the children. Putting expectations on others to meet your requirements is just setting yourself up for disappointment and discord.

Now, that being said, the parents are completely in the right to turn down private school for only one of their kids, assuming there is no special need there.

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 If I was the mother I would not be ok with only one of my children getting special treatment. 

 

The letter doesn't even sound to me like a blended family situation. For all we know the parents have two adopted girls and one biological. It's says they are bringing up three girls, it does not specify anything else.

ETA: Nevermind. I see the last line does say step grandkids

-- Edited by NAOW on Friday 24th of April 2015 03:31:52 PM

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 And if you are not the mother?  If they have a mother and you are the step - mother, you don't think your parents should be able to set up a college fund for YOUR child, if they don't also for your step-children?  That's really unfair, IMO.  That's unfair to your parents and to your child.

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 I am a Step-mother.  And no, I would not have allowed my parents to pay for my daughter to go to private school while my SS, who I was raising in my home, was not afforded the same perk.  

I could not look at my parents if they treated my daughter's brother with such disregard.  This is not some petty Christmas Gift that can be forgotten in a week or so.  This is THOUSANDS of DOLLARS of disparity that is thrown in the StepChild's face EVERY DAY FOR 9 months out of the year.  Every day the Stepchild went his/her separate way, s/he would see just how little his half sibling's grandparents thought of him.  

I mean seriously.  These are freaking kids.  These are YOUR biological grandchild's siblings.  You cannot drum up enough common sense or consideration to recognize FAIRNESS?

Oh and taking your biogrand kids on a trip is different than creating a socio-economic divide within one family unit.  

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 Still doesn't answer the question.  Beyond that, it's ridiculous to expect grandparents to shovel out thousands of dollars for some random kids just because they want to do a nice thing for their grandchild.  Entitled much?

They are not random kids. And no one here said the grand parents have to pay for private school for all of them. Most are saying they would turn down the offer of private school for one but not the others.

These aren't some strange kids playing at the park. They are the grandchild's siblings.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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They are not random kids. And no one here said the grand parents have to pay for private school for all of them. Most are saying they would turn down the offer of private school for one but not the others.

These aren't some strange kids playing at the park. They are the grandchild's siblings.

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 But they aren't their grand kids.  

huskerbb wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You can what if these letters to death. What if the grand parents want to give her a car? What if they want to take her to Disneyland? What if they want to leave her money in their will? What if they want to buy her a house? What if they want to pay for her wedding? What if? What if? What if? Fact is, none of that is even being addressed here. The OP is asking about private school when all the kids are still living under the same roof. Life is fluid and changes. The right answer for this family for today might be a totally different answer ten years from now when the kids are all out of school.

Dealing with the facts in the letter. I would not want one of my children going to private school and the others going to public school unless there was a specific reason.

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 Sure, the letter doesn't address those things, but I want to know where the line is drawn.  Can bio grandparents NEVER give anything to their grandchild unless they give something exactly equal to any step kids?  

 

If they can--then under what conditions?  Because from the sound of most posters, the answer to the first question is no.

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The grandparents do not get to draw the line. The parents have that job. 

You don't get a vote in the parents decision. To bad.

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 That's flat out stupid.  If a grandparent wants to take their grand kid on a trip they should be able to without taking some other random kids.

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No, it's more stupid to think grandma's vote out weight's mom and dad's decision. Mom and dad don't need to give a cRap what grandma wants.   

Okay, I lived it.

Not a step-child situation. But, a half-sister situation.

My Mom, was a widow. Her first husband was killed in WWII.

She already had, Monica and Trudy, from her first husband. Sadly, he was killed, at Leyte Gulf. (The second round, as part of MacArthr's  troops.)

When my Dad met my Mom, fell in love, got married. He took Monica and Trudy on, as his own.

They called him Daddy. They loved him as much as any of us did.

They had no memory, of their "Bio-Dad".

Due to complications, with the birth of Trudy, my Mom didn't think she would ever be able, to carry a child, again.

My Dad, knew that, signed papers with the church, saying he couldn't use this, as grounds for annulment. Treated Monica and Trudy, like gold.  (1947, is when my Mom and Dad, got married.)

Big surprise, when they got pregnant with Irene, born in 1958.

Me, in 1960.

Chris, in 1961.

 

Monica and Trudy, were "War Orphans", and got some life insurance from the government. It was used to help pay for their college education.

My parents used that money, for them. They lost their  Bio-Dad.

They lucked into a wonderful Dad, who loved us all. He never called Monica or Trudy, step daughters. They were His!

That insurance money, went for them. To help with their college expenses.

Mom and Dad, paid the rest.

It came in handy, I think.

As Monica and Trudy, were heading off to Miami (of Ohio)...three more sisters, were showing up!

Shock...surprise...Babci wasn't happy about it..oh well! Here we are!

Ilumine wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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NAOW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Life is not fair. You just can't expect it to be all the time. The only people you can control are yourselves and how you treat the children. Putting expectations on others to meet your requirements is just setting yourself up for disappointment and discord.

Now, that being said, the parents are completely in the right to turn down private school for only one of their kids, assuming there is no special need there.

---

 If I was the mother I would not be ok with only one of my children getting special treatment. 

 

The letter doesn't even sound to me like a blended family situation. For all we know the parents have two adopted girls and one biological. It's says they are bringing up three girls, it does not specify anything else.

ETA: Nevermind. I see the last line does say step grandkids

-- Edited by NAOW on Friday 24th of April 2015 03:31:52 PM

---

 And if you are not the mother?  If they have a mother and you are the step - mother, you don't think your parents should be able to set up a college fund for YOUR child, if they don't also for your step-children?  That's really unfair, IMO.  That's unfair to your parents and to your child.

---

 I am a Step-mother.  And no, I would not have allowed my parents to pay for my daughter to go to private school while my SS, who I was raising in my home, was not afforded the same perk.  

I could not look at my parents if they treated my daughter's brother with such disregard.  This is not some petty Christmas Gift that can be forgotten in a week or so.  This is THOUSANDS of DOLLARS of disparity that is thrown in the StepChild's face EVERY DAY FOR 9 months out of the year.  Every day the Stepchild went his/her separate way, s/he would see just how little his half sibling's grandparents thought of him.  

I mean seriously.  These are freaking kids.  These are YOUR biological grandchild's siblings.  You cannot drum up enough common sense or consideration to recognize FAIRNESS?

Oh and taking your biogrand kids on a trip is different than creating a socio-economic divide within one family unit.  

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 I already said the parents are right for not letting them pay for one kid to go to private school.