TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

RE: Dear Prudie: Grandma Wants to pay for Private School

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I also think it matters when the families blend. I mean, what kind of relationship do the grandparents already have with their grandchild when they get step-grandkids? Are you really going to STOP allowing the special outings they have? I mean, has your child always taken a trip with grandma and grandpa every year and now you say no unless they also take the step-kids? Nice way to build resentment of the new step-kids. Not to mention completely unfair - and what if grandparents can't afford to take that many kids - are you going to pay the additional costs for them to go?

I think there are way too many possible scenarios to say a one size fits all answer will work.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
I also think it matters when the families blend. I mean, what kind of relationship do the grandparents already have with their grandchild when they get step-grandkids? Are you really going to STOP allowing the special outings they have? I mean, has your child always taken a trip with grandma and grandpa every year and now you say no unless they also take the step-kids? Nice way to build resentment of the new step-kids. Not to mention completely unfair - and what if grandparents can't afford to take that many kids - are you going to pay the additional costs for them to go?

I think there are way too many possible scenarios to say a one size fits all answer will work.

This. You can't really answer every possible what if because we don't know.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I also think it matters when the families blend. I mean, what kind of relationship do the grandparents already have with their grandchild when they get step-grandkids? Are you really going to STOP allowing the special outings they have? I mean, has your child always taken a trip with grandma and grandpa every year and now you say no unless they also take the step-kids? Nice way to build resentment of the new step-kids. Not to mention completely unfair - and what if grandparents can't afford to take that many kids - are you going to pay the additional costs for them to go?

I think there are way too many possible scenarios to say a one size fits all answer will work.
This. You can't really answer every possible what if because we don't know.

That's never stopped us before!!!

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I also think it matters when the families blend. I mean, what kind of relationship do the grandparents already have with their grandchild when they get step-grandkids? Are you really going to STOP allowing the special outings they have? I mean, has your child always taken a trip with grandma and grandpa every year and now you say no unless they also take the step-kids? Nice way to build resentment of the new step-kids. Not to mention completely unfair - and what if grandparents can't afford to take that many kids - are you going to pay the additional costs for them to go?

I think there are way too many possible scenarios to say a one size fits all answer will work.

I agree with this. If you have a blended family, then one of the kids might have a different relationship with a bio relative than the others. And , presumably, they also have their own set of relatives. I don't think you should expect all relationships among extended relatives to be the same. You don't expect kids to all have the same friends. Or maybe one of your kids has lots of friends and the other doesn't. You don't make the child with a lot of friends ditch their friends. I think you just have to allow your children to develop and have their own relationships. And, if one has a relationship with bio grandma that the others don't, I think that is fine.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
They are not random kids. They are that favored grandchild's siblings. They are the kids your kid chose to raise.
You seem to think that has some importance.
You seem to think the grandparents have rights above the parents.
What "rights"? They want to do something nice for their grandchild.

How many times on here have we heard how rude it is to put conditions on gifts--yet now rude behavior is to be lauded?

A grandparent doesn't have a right to take a grand kid on a trip. They can ask the parent, and if the parent doesn't want the other kids left out the parent can say no. There is nothing rude about that.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.

I think Czech is right on this one. The same people who are saying kids are devastated in a divorce because they're so sensitive are now saying kids don't care about stuff like this. They do! It builds huge resentments.

I grew up in a blended family. His, hers, and ours. His and hers got treated equally. But the ours? Oh no. She was queen bee. The VSS. When she was three she got an Easter dress that cost $1200. We wore hand me downs. My parents didn't pay for any of us to go to college. They footed the bill for her to go to a fancy, very expensive, private college. She was home schooled so they could protect her from all the bad kids in regular school. We all went to public school. They bought her a brand new Mustang for her 16th birthday. We all had to buy our own cars. My parents didn't even give me a wedding gift but they footed the entire bill for my half sisters wedding, including the $15000 wedding dress she had shipped in from Spain.

For many years I was resentful and didn't really care for my sister. Now I just don't care. She's grown into a hateful adult who believes she's better than other people and will flat out tell you so. According to her I'm poor white trash because I was a single mom for so long. So now I don't hate her but I just feel sorry for her.

If you think kids don't see and feel this stuff you're crazy.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

These also aren't "random children". I really have a huge objection to that characterization. Random children are kids you see in the mall. These kids are FAMILY. When your child decides to raise another child as his/her own, that child becomes your grandchild. When your grandchild has siblings, those siblings are your grandchildren. When your child forms a family unit with people, you should respect your child enough to treat those in the family as your family as well. Anyone who can look at the children being raised by their own child and call them "random kids" is a mean, heartless person who sees love as coming from a measured, finite place with a limit. Love is limitless. I have enough to go around and share with 500 kids I live with and some here couldn't share their love with 2 children their grandchild calls brother and sister. That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
These also aren't "random children". I really have a huge objection to that characterization. Random children are kids you see in the mall. These kids are FAMILY. When your child decides to raise another child as his/her own, that child becomes your grandchild. When your grandchild has siblings, those siblings are your grandchildren. When your child forms a family unit with people, you should respect your child enough to treat those in the family as your family as well. Anyone who can look at the children being raised by their own child and call them "random kids" is a mean, heartless person who sees love as coming from a measured, finite place with a limit. Love is limitless. I have enough to go around and share with 500 kids I live with and some here couldn't share their love with 2 children their grandchild calls brother and sister. That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.

Well said MM. They definitely are NOT random kids. We have a soft spot for SS's sister even though she's not ours.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.

But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
These also aren't "random children". I really have a huge objection to that characterization. Random children are kids you see in the mall. These kids are FAMILY. When your child decides to raise another child as his/her own, that child becomes your grandchild. When your grandchild has siblings, those siblings are your grandchildren. When your child forms a family unit with people, you should respect your child enough to treat those in the family as your family as well. Anyone who can look at the children being raised by their own child and call them "random kids" is a mean, heartless person who sees love as coming from a measured, finite place with a limit. Love is limitless. I have enough to go around and share with 500 kids I live with and some here couldn't share their love with 2 children their grandchild calls brother and sister. That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.

They may not be random children to YOU if you decide to blend your family--that doesn't apply to everyone else.

Also, you are equating money with love. That's just sad.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.

How is that manipulative?

huskerbb · Guru

NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?

How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever. The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
These also aren't "random children". I really have a huge objection to that characterization. Random children are kids you see in the mall. These kids are FAMILY. When your child decides to raise another child as his/her own, that child becomes your grandchild. When your grandchild has siblings, those siblings are your grandchildren. When your child forms a family unit with people, you should respect your child enough to treat those in the family as your family as well. Anyone who can look at the children being raised by their own child and call them "random kids" is a mean, heartless person who sees love as coming from a measured, finite place with a limit. Love is limitless. I have enough to go around and share with 500 kids I live with and some here couldn't share their love with 2 children their grandchild calls brother and sister. That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.
They may not be random children to YOU if you decide to blend your family--that doesn't apply to everyone else.

Also, you are equating money with love. That's just sad.

No. I never said a thing about money in my post. I said if you can't treat the children that your child chose to raise as family instead of "random kids" than you are a heartless sad person. It has zero to do with money and everything to do with how your characterize those kids as "random". They are not random. They are the children your child chose to raise. They are the children your grandchild calls brother and sister. Jesus, open your damn heart and let two little kids in. How hard is that?

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?

Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever. The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????

Maybe they are dead. Maybe they don't exist - the mother has no relationship with the father of his family. What difference does it make where they are? The children in question are the blood of your grandchild. You cannot create divisions in a family unit by treating some of the family one way and some of the family another way.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
These also aren't "random children". I really have a huge objection to that characterization. Random children are kids you see in the mall. These kids are FAMILY. When your child decides to raise another child as his/her own, that child becomes your grandchild. When your grandchild has siblings, those siblings are your grandchildren. When your child forms a family unit with people, you should respect your child enough to treat those in the family as your family as well. Anyone who can look at the children being raised by their own child and call them "random kids" is a mean, heartless person who sees love as coming from a measured, finite place with a limit. Love is limitless. I have enough to go around and share with 500 kids I live with and some here couldn't share their love with 2 children their grandchild calls brother and sister. That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.
They may not be random children to YOU if you decide to blend your family--that doesn't apply to everyone else.

Also, you are equating money with love. That's just sad.
No. I never said a thing about money in my post. I said if you can't treat the children that your child chose to raise as family instead of "random kids" than you are a heartless sad person. It has zero to do with money and everything to do with how your characterize those kids as "random". They are not random. They are the children your child chose to raise. They are the children your grandchild calls brother and sister. Jesus, open your damn heart and let two little kids in. How hard is that?

It's not hard--until you start putting conditions on gifts that simply "must" be given to all kids or none. Of course this is about money. Otherwise the gifts wouldn't matter.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever. The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????
Maybe they are dead. Maybe they don't exist - the mother has no relationship with the father of his family. What difference does it make where they are? The children in question are the blood of your grandchild. You cannot create divisions in a family unit by treating some of the family one way and some of the family another way.

There ARE divisions. Those kids would NOT be my grandchildren any more than my grandchild would be the grandchild of the ex's parents. Just because you choose something doesn't mean everyone else has to do what you want them to. THAT I manipulation.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

No. It isn't about the money. It's about the grandparents treating one grandchild differently than they treat the other grandchildren. Period.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

The key word is "random". Anyone not of the very special blood line is...wait for it..... random.
I don't give a cRap. When mom and dad make the rules, get the f over it.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.

And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?

Careful about making blanket statements.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
No. It isn't about the money. It's about the grandparents treating one grandchild differently than they treat the other grandchildren. Period.

And in this case--and a LOT of cases--that is about money.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever.  The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????
Maybe they are dead. Maybe they don't exist - the mother has no relationship with the father of his family. What difference does it make where they are? The children in question are the blood of your grandchild. You cannot create divisions in a family unit by treating some of the family one way and some of the family another way.
There ARE divisions. Those kids would NOT be my grandchildren any more than my grandchild would be the grandchild of the ex's parents.  Just because you choose something doesn't mean everyone else has to do what you want them to. THAT I manipulation.

I find your position to be incredibly sad. To think that you would refuse to love two children that your son chose to raise as part of his family. Wow. Sad.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
The key word is "random". Anyone not of the very special blood line is...wait for it..... random.
I don't give a cRap. When mom and dad make the rules, get the f over it.

???? Of course they are random. Unless they are adopted by my child--then they are not my child's children any more than any other neighborhood kids. They are someone else's children. They have another parent.

If they don't have another parent--then my child should be able to adopt them and the problem would cease to exist.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.

LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.

How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever.  The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????
Maybe they are dead. Maybe they don't exist - the mother has no relationship with the father of his family. What difference does it make where they are? The children in question are the blood of your grandchild. You cannot create divisions in a family unit by treating some of the family one way and some of the family another way.
There ARE divisions. Those kids would NOT be my grandchildren any more than my grandchild would be the grandchild of the ex's parents.  Just because you choose something doesn't mean everyone else has to do what you want them to. THAT I manipulation.
I find your position to be incredibly sad. To think that you would refuse to love two children that your son chose to raise as part of his family. Wow. Sad.

I never said I wouldn't love them--but to say I'd treat them 100% the same is foolish.

I love a lot of people--that doesn't mean I treat them all the same.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.
LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.
How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.

You made a blanket, foolish statement when there are obvious exceptions. Get over it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
The key word is "random". Anyone not of the very special blood line is...wait for it..... random.
I don't give a cRap. When mom and dad make the rules, get the f over it.
???? Of course they are random. Unless they are adopted by my child--then they are not my child's children any more than any other neighborhood kids. They are someone else's children. They have another parent.

If they don't have another parent--then my child should be able to adopt them and the problem would cease to exist.

You really are being narrow minded today aren't you.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.
LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.
How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.
You made a blanket, foolish statement when there are obvious exceptions. Get over it.

And you can't except parents making the rules. Get over it.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
The key word is "random". Anyone not of the very special blood line is...wait for it..... random.
I don't give a cRap. When mom and dad make the rules, get the f over it.
???? Of course they are random. Unless they are adopted by my child--then they are not my child's children any more than any other neighborhood kids. They are someone else's children. They have another parent.

If they don't have another parent--then my child should be able to adopt them and the problem would cease to exist.
You really are being narrow minded today aren't you.

Oh, and it's NOT mom AND dad--it's mom OR dad. Only one of the two is the actual parent.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.
LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.
How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.
You made a blanket, foolish statement when there are obvious exceptions. Get over it.
And you can't except parents making the rules. Get over it.

Not when the rules are absolutely foolish.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.
LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.
How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.
You made a blanket, foolish statement when there are obvious exceptions. Get over it.
And you can't except parents making the rules. Get over it.
Not when the rules are absolutely foolish.

In your opinion. (sarcasm)

huskerbb · Guru

In matter of fact.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
In matter of fact.

Only in your mind.

(I'm sticking my tongue out at you)

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
In matter of fact.

Nope. No way. No how.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I believe I would feel differently toward my biological children than I would to a step child. Doesn't mean I don't or can't love them. It's just different. There are lots if ways to love people.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
The key word is "random". Anyone not of the very special blood line is...wait for it..... random.
I don't give a cRap. When mom and dad make the rules, get the f over it.
???? Of course they are random. Unless they are adopted by my child--then they are not my child's children any more than any other neighborhood kids. They are someone else's children. They have another parent.

If they don't have another parent--then my child should be able to adopt them and the problem would cease to exist.
You really are being narrow minded today aren't you.

So, unless they are officially adopted by the other parent then the other parent doesn't count and it is impossible for them to love the children? This is mind blowing. That someone would be so selfish to say unless they carry my blood they are strangers to me. Not worthy of my time, love, or money.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It isn't selfish to have a primal bond of biology. It just is. The reality of life is that Nonbio males are one of the biggest dangers to kids.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

So adopted kids can't be loved until they are officially adopted?

And I don't buy the non bio crap. I have a SS and I love him every bit as much as I love my own. I'm sorry that other people aren't capable of that but as others have said love is not a limited thing. You have enough to go around. It's only limited by you. Loving a step child doesn't lessen the love for your bio child.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I believe I would feel differently toward my biological children than I would to a step child. Doesn't mean I don't or can't love them. It's just different. There are lots if ways to love people.

DH's kids were 20 & 21 when he left home, so it obviously wasn't the same.

flan

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever. The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????

That's not manipulative- it's being a parent. My parents can only take my children if they use proper car seats, and unspoken condition, but a condition none the less. Manipulative? My parents can take my children because they follow my rules, if they didn't I wouldn't allow them access to my children. Because it is my job to raise my children and protect my children, grandparents don't get free reign to do whatever they want just because they're grandparents. And yes, being raised with one kid being favored over the rest is something that I would protect my kids from. It is damaging to to the favored child and it is damaging to the 'random' kids as well.

But I will say- that in my scenarios I am talking about kids who have been raised together from a young age and the unbiological parent raising them as their own too. I think my answers would be different if we were talking about kids whose parents married when they were in middle school and each have a whole other family outside of the blended one.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

One time SS was really upset looking. I asked him what was wrong and he said they were having a birthday party for his sister this week and he had nothing to give her. I asked him if he remembered that his dad and I had taken a gift to her last weekend. He said yes but that it was from us and not from him. He wanted something specifically from him. I guess I could have been a total biotch like some here suggest and say, Sorry, I don't buy random kids stuff. Not my problem. Ask your bio mom. But I didn't do that. I stopped on the way home and let him pick out a doll to give his sister at her party. Yes, a RANDOM KID. I spent money on a RANDOM KID. What is this world coming to?

NAOW · Vette's SS

Now that I think about it, I have lived this too. My step-mom's mom and grandmother (Grandma and Nana to me) always treated me like a grandchild. My step mom calls us her daughters, even though we have a mom. You can be a parent even when there are other parents around. My parents (dad and step mom) married when I was 6 (my sister 3, step brothers were 11 and 17). The issue of only taking one child to Disney never came up but we did go to theme parks as a whole family, parents included, and Nana paid for everyone-my dad, sister and I, incuded.

My mom and step-dad never married, but started dating when I was 13. He always treated us like his daughters and his family followed suit. His parents were already gone, so nothing I can compare to there, but his siblings included us as family from the start- and still do- even though my step dad died 7 years ago.

My husband was raised by a man who was not his biological father (DH was 6 when he came into their lives) and his family absolutely accepted DH and his sibs into the family. In fact it is that grandfather (unbiological) that is in the hospital right now. DH has been taking care of him for the last year since DH's 'dad' died. So the accepting and caring for goes both ways.

As for the wills, I have no idea if I am in any of them, and frankly, I don't care. I wont feel any less like family if I am not. DH was in his 'dad's' and is in his Grandfather's, and he is the PoA even though there are plenty of biological grand kids around. So obviously he is loved and trusted like a blood relative.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
How is it not? They are putting conditions on gifts from grandparents. They would limit access to grandchildren if the grandparents don't do what they want them to.

I don't see how the grandparents are "manipulative" just because they want to take their own grandchild to Disneyworld or whatever.  The parents, however, would be manipulative if they say that the grandparents simply must take these random children with them if they want to go at all.

WHERE THE FVCK ARE THE STEPKIDS' OWN GRANDPARENTS????
Maybe they are dead. Maybe they don't exist - the mother has no relationship with the father of his family. What difference does it make where they are? The children in question are the blood of your grandchild. You cannot create divisions in a family unit by treating some of the family one way and some of the family another way.
There ARE divisions. Those kids would NOT be my grandchildren any more than my grandchild would be the grandchild of the ex's parents.  Just because you choose something doesn't mean everyone else has to do what you want them to. THAT I manipulation.

Tough. Parents get to raise their kids how they fit. If your kid tells you they are raising their kid a vegan and if you want to take their kid alone, you must adhere to that or not take him, is that manipulative? NO.

It's the same thing.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I really don't care when the family became blended. If the parents then have a child together, then all the kids share at least one mutual parent. The parents still get to set the rules for ALL the children, not for just the one very special snowflake.
The parents have the leeway in the decision making as to HOW all their children are treated by all the grandparents.
If grandma A doesn't agree, she can zuck it.
I have no sympathy for manipulative grandparents.
But apparently manipulative parents are just fine.
How is that manipulative?
Anyone who has more control apparently is manipulative. Get over it husker. Parents rule, period.
And when they make stupid decisions? Then it's still "period"? If a parent chose to do drugs in front of their kids then they still "rule"?
Careful about making blanket statements.
LOL, nothing like skipping right over the point is there. We are not talking about drugs or any other cRap like that. Quit interjecting things that are not there.
How do you know that other people didn't think that you made stupid decisions? And, yes, there are people out there who think just that. Get over it.
You made a blanket, foolish statement when there are obvious exceptions. Get over it.

:eyeroll: Legal exceptions. If the parents are doing drugs in front of the kids you can call the cops or CPS. Decisions the parents make that are perfectly legal- yes, parents rule.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
One time SS was really upset looking. I asked him what was wrong and he said they were having a birthday party for his sister this week and he had nothing to give her. I asked him if he remembered that his dad and I had taken a gift to her last weekend. He said yes but that it was from us and not from him. He wanted something specifically from him. I guess I could have been a total biotch like some here suggest and say, Sorry, I don't buy random kids stuff. Not my problem. Ask your bio mom. But I didn't do that. I stopped on the way home and let him pick out a doll to give his sister at her party. Yes, a RANDOM KID. I spent money on a RANDOM KID. What is this world coming to?

smile

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Honeys_Mom wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
One time SS was really upset looking. I asked him what was wrong and he said they were having a birthday party for his sister this week and he had nothing to give her. I asked him if he remembered that his dad and I had taken a gift to her last weekend. He said yes but that it was from us and not from him. He wanted something specifically from him. I guess I could have been a total biotch like some here suggest and say, Sorry, I don't buy random kids stuff. Not my problem. Ask your bio mom. But I didn't do that. I stopped on the way home and let him pick out a doll to give his sister at her party. Yes, a RANDOM KID. I spent money on a RANDOM KID. What is this world coming to?

Thanks HM! I think he was seven at the time? But these are big things for a seven year old. And I don't regret spending that money on that random kid one tiny bit. I know one day my SS will look back on the things I have done for him and remember how much I loved him.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Oh, and when DH called that night and I told him he was just fine with spending money on a random kid.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

My sister was more of a mother to her 3 step kids than their own mothers were. They lived with her and her DH off and on over their childhood. I truly believe they are the awesome adults they are today because of her.