Q. The Naked Truth: My 14-year-old son recently came across some Polaroid pictures of me that his father took of me back when we were 14—we have been together for a long time and got married when I was pregnant with my son. The pictures were in an old shoebox filled with baseball cards and other adolescent memories. The problem is that the pictures are nude shots! You can’t really tell that the pictures are of me, as my appearance has changed pretty dramatically since I was 14—hair color change, weight difference, boobs, etc. My son came to me really worried with the concern that his father was potentially hoarding teenage porn. I didn’t directly tell him that the pictures were of me, but assured him that his father didn’t look at or keep teenage porn and that I would speak to him about it. But should I be more direct? Which is worse, thinking your father has kiddie porn or knowing that you just saw a 14-year-old version of your mother naked?
A: Oh, the good old memorabilia box—it’s launched a million reassessments of one’s parents as sexual beings. You are between a rock and a hard place here. Your choices are to have your son think his father is a criminal pervert, or realize just how hot Mom was when she was 14 years old just like him! Arghhhh. (I will put aside the fact that today if two 14-year-olds—and my, you two were precocious—took dirty pictures of each other, they both could end up on a lifetime sex offender’s list.) Since your son is worried about child pornography, I think you have to tell him the truth. Get a photo of yourself, clothed, at age 14. Put it next to the dirty picture, and put a Post-it note over your nude body, just keeping your head exposed. Then show both to your son and explain he has discovered some ancient history about his mom and dad, and there’s nothing for him to worry about. Make sure all the naughty photos are put somewhere safe and inaccessible—and I don’t mean the underwear drawer.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
She should have told him it was her and to be more respectful of her privacy.
He'll live.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
My only disagreement is with the advice about the old photo.
She should immediately destroy it.
Tell her son that because of the way attitudes have changed in society, he needs to never mention it to ANYONE. EVER.
And if ANYONE ever brings it up, DENY, DENY, DENY.
Why? Her husband has a picture of his wife.
I think everyone has one or two of those around.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
My only disagreement is with the advice about the old photo.
She should immediately destroy it.
Tell her son that because of the way attitudes have changed in society, he needs to never mention it to ANYONE. EVER.
And if ANYONE ever brings it up, DENY, DENY, DENY.
Why? Her husband has a picture of his wife.
I think everyone has one or two of those around.
Good luck with that argument in court. It's a picture of a naked 14 year old girl.
That was taken probably 20 years ago. Do you really think someone would even prosecute for that. That's ridiculous. And no, I'm not getting rid of mine. And I'm pretty sure my kids have seen them...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
My only disagreement is with the advice about the old photo.
She should immediately destroy it.
Tell her son that because of the way attitudes have changed in society, he needs to never mention it to ANYONE. EVER.
And if ANYONE ever brings it up, DENY, DENY, DENY.
Why? Her husband has a picture of his wife.
I think everyone has one or two of those around.
Good luck with that argument in court. It's a picture of a naked 14 year old girl.
No. It's a naked picture of a 14 yr old who he dated and married.
Seriously Ed. You need help.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
While I don't agree with Ed, there are people out there that overreact. Remember the parents that got the police called on them by the photo development place for bath time pictures?
While I don't agree with Ed, there are people out there that overreact. Remember the parents that got the police called on them by the photo development place for bath time pictures?
Exactly why I think it's a dangerous item to have around the house.
I think the pic is perfectly innocent and harmless. But I think there may be situations in which that pic could really do some unintended harm. It is a pic of an underage girl. Good luck getting some crazy police chief or nutso judge to care that it is your wife and its a 20 year old pic. This is the kind of crazy crap that could put this couple on the sex offenders list - not that it is warranted! I don't think it is. But I wouldn't want to take the chance.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I didn’t directly tell him that the pictures were of me
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why not ? mom screwed-up here for sure--why not be honest with your son ? after all, most parents have pictures of their KIDS in the buff--bathtub, changing diapers, etc. --so what ?
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
She should have told him it was her and to be more respectful of her privacy.
He'll live.
Privacy???? You don't know how he came across the box. Heck, either she or her husband might have gave it to him. Or maybe he was looking through crap in the attic that IN NO WAY was marked as to the fact that he shouldn't be in it. Even the LW says it was in a box of old baseball cards--sheesh, what boy would expect that old baseball cards would need to be so "private".
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
While I don't agree with Ed, there are people out there that overreact. Remember the parents that got the police called on them by the photo development place for bath time pictures?
Exactly why I think it's a dangerous item to have around the house.
I think the pic is perfectly innocent and harmless. But I think there may be situations in which that pic could really do some unintended harm. It is a pic of an underage girl. Good luck getting some crazy police chief or nutso judge to care that it is your wife and its a 20 year old pic. This is the kind of crazy crap that could put this couple on the sex offenders list - not that it is warranted! I don't think it is. But I wouldn't want to take the chance.
Well then don't take it to the police--duh.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't think she would take it to the police. But you never know who the boy may tell that this photo exists and what will happen because of that info. He tells a friend at school and a teacher overhears, a teacher is a mandated reporter, the police come and search the home...they find the photo... I can see situations where this would turn very bad very quickly.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
SHE has the right to own a picture of herself naked - no matter what the age. It's HER. She claims the picture - no case at all. Tell the kid the truth so he doesn't think his father is a pervert. He's seen it now - there is no taking that back.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I don't think she would take it to the police. But you never know who the boy may tell that this photo exists and what will happen because of that info. He tells a friend at school and a teacher overhears, a teacher is a mandated reporter, the police come and search the home...they find the photo... I can see situations where this would turn very bad very quickly.
Especially if he thinks his dad is doing something that will hurt his mom.
It's HER picture in HER house. It's not a big deal.
Does her son know it's her?
flan
Which is why I said she needs to tell him. She has made a bigger deal by not telling him. "Oh honey, I wish you hadn't found that - that's a picture of me when I was younger. Now you've seen mom naked - I hope you won't be scarred for life! LOL."
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
