I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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I invited co-workers to my wedding. I had a similar situation as the LW where one person who had been a jerk to me as well as others all of a sudden treated me as if she was my second Mom when she found out I was engaged. She also made comments and such about being invited. I was friendly and non committal. I did not invite her. I did however invite many co workers I was friendly with. When it comes to weddings, you just have to know up front who you want to invite and stick to that.

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 Yeah.  Pretty much.  When I got married I invited my parents best friends.  We had known them all our lives so it wasn't like they were strangers to me.  I did draw the line though at my mom's doctor.  She wanted me to invite her and her 11 kids.  (Some of the kids were adopted.)  I didn't invite her but my mom told her to come anyway.  She showed up with half the brood in tow.  Kids were brats.  The wedding venue asked them to leave.

Well, in MY case it wasn't about inviting people I didn't like. It was about limiting the guest list. As Amy pointed out sometimes guest lists grow because mom and dad want to invite people. Which is fine if they're paying for it. We paid for our whole wedding ourselves so we limited our guest list to those people we actually knew.

huskerbb wrote:

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I don't understand how so many people have so many others they don't get along with.

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 Well maybe u dont understand bittchy or gossipy women.  But there are some nasty arse people out there.

Because everyone in husker's world is perfectly perfect in every way. And their meals are all the same price.

I totally see the dilemma here, and have been on the other side. I work with a woman who got engaged a few months after we started working together. She had an engagement party a few months after that, and I was one of the few co-workers who wasn't invited. Granted, I was still new and we didn't know each other well, so not a big deal, but it stung being one of the only ones not invited.

And I know it wasn't about cost, as her family was hosting and they have a huge amount of money. And really, this set the tone for our relationship going forward. I wasn't involved in her wedding celebrations, engagement celebrations or any thing else while a lot of our team was. This definitely told me how important developing our relationship was to her. I don't expect to be a bridesmaid, but I do expect to be included in the social aspect of the events (there were a lot of parties - some that were just work people).

She's pregnant now, and coworkers are hinting that I should make a teddy bear for the baby (I've started making toys since I quit smoking - they're pretty cute and keep my hands busy) and I don't imagine that that will EVER happen. I also expect to be excluded from any baby-related events. It's too bad. I've never even considered leaving people out. It seems so rude.

Our work is really pretty close-knit, we do a lot together, and we do showers for each other, and buy gifts for each kids' graduation, and even throw baby showers for some of the kids. And we go to family weddings, etc. Except one woman whom I adore, and she did not invite any co-workers to her kids' weddings, just the boss. I was a bit hurt by not being invited to the daughter's wedding, but only because I was told by the groom that we would be (we know him, too) and then I guess we didn't make the cut. Maybe she felt she couldn't invite me if she wasn't inviting anyone else. Oh well. We didn't hold it against her - we still did a baby shower a few months ago for the new grandbaby.

Tignanello wrote:

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I totally see the dilemma here, and have been on the other side. I work with a woman who got engaged a few months after we started working together. She had an engagement party a few months after that, and I was one of the few co-workers who wasn't invited. Granted, I was still new and we didn't know each other well, so not a big deal, but it stung being one of the only ones not invited.

And I know it wasn't about cost, as her family was hosting and they have a huge amount of money. And really, this set the tone for our relationship going forward. I wasn't involved in her wedding celebrations, engagement celebrations or any thing else while a lot of our team was. This definitely told me how important developing our relationship was to her. I don't expect to be a bridesmaid, but I do expect to be included in the social aspect of the events (there were a lot of parties - some that were just work people).

She's pregnant now, and coworkers are hinting that I should make a teddy bear for the baby (I've started making toys since I quit smoking - they're pretty cute and keep my hands busy) and I don't imagine that that will EVER happen. I also expect to be excluded from any baby-related events. It's too bad. I've never even considered leaving people out. It seems so rude.

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 In my case, I worked with literally hundreds of people, several who I was friendly with.  The particular woman I was talking about worked in a different office.  I didn't see her but once a month or so.  Large weddings are planned out well in advance of the big day.  And sometimes people just have to draw the line on the guest list.  If the bride were to invite you, the newbie, then maybe the groom was in the same position and wanted to invite Bob and Ted, then there are all the parents of the bride and groom that maybe wanted to invite a last minute guest.  It can take on a snowball effect and get out of hand.

huskerbb wrote:

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I'm a people person. I try to get along with everyone. There's not many whom I don't.

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Me!!!! Me me me!!!!!

flan 

huskerbb wrote:

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I'm a people person. I try to get along with everyone. There's not many whom I don't.

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flan327 wrote:

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Tig, if I do Secret Santa this year, can you make me a teddy bear??

flan

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 Absolutely!