TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

he started a hate campaign against her at school.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Leave him now.

And what is this "lost virginity" crap I aways hear about. Do you put it down and forget where?

ed11563 · Guru

She should go... but with a plan.

I read about one way to get away from control freaks...

First, be really nice.

Tell him things like, "I'd like to go dancing tonight."

Then when he shows up dressed nice to go dancing,

be dressed for bowling, then complain that he never wants to do what you want to do.

Find more things to do, more "reasons" to show him that he JUST CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY.

Let him know how disappointed you are, but you still want to be with him.

Up the ante, tell him his car is too fast / slow/ loud / quiet / smells bad / ugly / bouncy / lousy color ...

Be disappointed . Until he decides you're way too much work and way too hard to please. smile

And if he ever EVER gets violent, have some guys beat him with baseball bats. cry

Just don't let him know you had anything to do with it. "Well, I just told my friend Marcy when she saw the bruises (there is no Marcy) and she must have told her cousins..."

I read this years ago, and it was NOT in the Readers' Digest.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Why play games like that?

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Why play games like that?

Because it has to be HIS decision to run away from HER (or at least decide that she's not worth the effort), so he doesn't decide to punish her.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No. You don't play games like that.

That would lead to more trouble.

They are not in high school any more.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

ed11563 wrote:
She should go... but with a plan.

I read about one way to get away from control freaks...
First, be really nice.
Tell him things like, "I'd like to go dancing tonight."
Then when he shows up dressed nice to go dancing,
be dressed for bowling, then complain that he never wants to do what you want to do.
Find more things to do, more "reasons" to show him that he JUST CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY.
Let him know how disappointed you are, but you still want to be with him.
Up the ante, tell him his car is too fast / slow/ loud / quiet / smells bad / ugly / bouncy / lousy color ...
Be disappointed . Until he decides you're way too much work and way too hard to please.

And if he ever EVER gets violent, have some guys beat him with baseball bats.
Just don't let him know you had anything to do with it. "Well, I just told my friend Marcy when she saw the bruises (there is no Marcy) and she must have told her cousins..."

I read this years ago, and it was NOT in the Readers' Digest.

Sorry Ed, but the girls that have abusive boyfriends are not the type to be manipulative.

I have used a similar stragedy to get rid of a clingly bf, but I doubt the soft little flower from the OP would manage it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
No. You don't play games like that.

That would lead to more trouble.

They are not in high school any more.

Exactly. If she wants to leave, you just leave. You don't start playing games.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, acting like a childish high schooler is acting like a childish high schooler. Is it possible he has grown up? People make mistakes. However, if he thinks it is funny, then I would assume he has not. And, yes, that is a red flag of a possible mean streak. So, act accordingly.

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
She should go... but with a plan.

I read about one way to get away from control freaks...
First, be really nice.
Tell him things like, "I'd like to go dancing tonight."
Then when he shows up dressed nice to go dancing,
be dressed for bowling, then complain that he never wants to do what you want to do.
Find more things to do, more "reasons" to show him that he JUST CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY.
Let him know how disappointed you are, but you still want to be with him.
Up the ante, tell him his car is too fast / slow/ loud / quiet / smells bad / ugly / bouncy / lousy color ...
Be disappointed . Until he decides you're way too much work and way too hard to please.

And if he ever EVER gets violent, have some guys beat him with baseball bats.
Just don't let him know you had anything to do with it. "Well, I just told my friend Marcy when she saw the bruises (there is no Marcy) and she must have told her cousins..."

I read this years ago, and it was NOT in the Readers' Digest.

That's dumb. They've only been dating a few months. If she wants to dump him--just do it.

There is NOTHING in the letter to suggest he was, or is, physically abusive.

If he is going to play the same shenanigans he did with the cheating girlfriend, he would probably be LESS likely to do it if they haven't been going together as long--but at any rate, she can't control what he does if they break up, any way or when she does it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah. He might unfriend her on Facebook.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

That's actually really scary what he did and if I was her I would be afraid to break up with him. He sounds like a borderline psycho to me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

VetteGirl wrote:
That's actually really scary what he did and if I was her I would be afraid to break up with him. He sounds like a borderline psycho to me.

I agree in that he thinks it's really funny that he "got her back" like that. It's one thing to be angry and gossip about someone but taking it to the level where you force them to leave school is beyond normal and bordering on psycho.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

". I was horrified. I did not tell him this, as I wanted to be supportive of his hurt and not sound like I was defending his ex."

So, this is the man of her dreams? Yet, he does something that horrifies her, but instead of saying "that is horrible" to him, she chooses to "be supportive"? Um, she has her OWN issues.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
". I was horrified. I did not tell him this, as I wanted to be supportive of his hurt and not sound like I was defending his ex."

So, this is the man of her dreams? Yet, he does something that horrifies her, but instead of saying "that is horrible" to him, she chooses to "be supportive"? Um, she has her OWN issues.

I think she feels like she has a lot invested in him. Especially since he was her first. So she wants to down play how bad this is. Not uncommon when you think you really have found the true love you've been looking for.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I guess my point is that she doesn't even feel free enough to tell him her REAL opinion. So, what kind of relationship is that then?

Vette · Owl drink to that!

She's obviously scared that he will do the same to her so she has conflicting feelings. Have you never had conflicting feelings? Relationships aren't so cut and dry where it's so easy to just drop people like hot potatoes.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

It's funny to me how some posters are so quick to constantly advise to "just dump" someone like it's no big deal. See, normal people have these things called "emotions" that believe it or not do tend to play a factor in the decision making process.

Tinydancer · Guru

Making excuses for staying is not helpful either.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I don't know if asking for advice from an outside source means she is making excuses though

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Tuesday 5th of May 2015 11:16:27 AM

Tinydancer · Guru

If she's afraid of what he'll do if they break up then staying with him because of that then she's making excuses.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

VetteGirl wrote:
She's obviously scared that he will do the same to her so she has conflicting feelings. Have you never had conflicting feelings? Relationships aren't so cut and dry where it's so easy to just drop people like hot potatoes.

That's kind of what I was trying to say earlier.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

VetteGirl wrote:
She's obviously scared that he will do the same to her so she has conflicting feelings. Have you never had conflicting feelings? Relationships aren't so cut and dry where it's so easy to just drop people like hot potatoes.

I think if she's scared of what he would do - that's enough of a reason to end the relationship.

Lindley · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
She's obviously scared that he will do the same to her so she has conflicting feelings. Have you never had conflicting feelings? Relationships aren't so cut and dry where it's so easy to just drop people like hot potatoes.
I think if she's scared of what he would do - that's enough of a reason to end the relationship.

I agree, his telling her this and without remorse is a big red flag of the type of person he is.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I'm not saying she shouldn't break up with him, I think he sounds like a crazy bastard. I just think it's really easy to sit back and say oh just break up when it's hard to break up, she clearly loves him.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
It's funny to me how some posters are so quick to constantly advise to "just dump" someone like it's no big deal. See, normal people have these things called "emotions" that believe it or not do tend to play a factor in the decision making process.

And some see the red flags and don't deal with crap.

There would be a lot less abused SOs if they didn't play the games that have been suggested here.

As an adult, you are responsible for yourself. And sometimes that means not staying in a relationship that is clearly marked for trouble because of emotion.

Love is a wonderful thing. Love your self enough to keep yourself out of an obviously bad situation.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
She's obviously scared that he will do the same to her so she has conflicting feelings. Have you never had conflicting feelings? Relationships aren't so cut and dry where it's so easy to just drop people like hot potatoes.
I think if she's scared of what he would do - that's enough of a reason to end the relationship.
I agree, his telling her this and without remorse is a big red flag of the type of person he is.

This!

huskerbb · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
I'm not saying she shouldn't break up with him, I think he sounds like a crazy bastard. I just think it's really easy to sit back and say oh just break up when it's hard to break up, she clearly loves him.

It is easy--that's what comes with perspective. Don't write in to an advice columnist if you don't want to take their advice.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I'm not saying she shouldn't break up with him, I think he sounds like a crazy bastard. I just think it's really easy to sit back and say oh just break up when it's hard to break up, she clearly loves him.
It is easy--that's what comes with perspective. Don't write in to an advice columnist if you don't want to take their advice.

Frequently, people need to hear what their options are, and to hear differing advice, to decide what their best course is.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

VetteGirl wrote:
I'm not saying she shouldn't break up with him, I think he sounds like a crazy bastard. I just think it's really easy to sit back and say oh just break up when it's hard to break up, she clearly loves him.

And yet her head is going "ding, ding, ding!" with a red flag. This is head over heart. She has a choice - get out now and deal with a broken heart for a few months to get over it, or potentially deal with a long-running pain over the time she stays with him.

It's like taking off a band-aid. Sometimes you have to just hold your breath and rip it off to get it over with. The pain will be a lot less that way.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.

ed11563 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.

And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,

like he did to the other one?

Tinydancer · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.
And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,
like he did to the other one?

Then staying longer will help how exactly?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

This one is so hard for me since I was in an abusive relationship. She needs to leave. And she probably knows she needs to leave. But it's just not that easy as Vette says.

Tinydancer · Guru

Leaving is probably the hardest thing to do but staying will be harder in the long run.

ed11563 · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.
And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,
like he did to the other one?

Then staying longer will help how exactly?

I never said she should stay. I said she should get HIM to decide to leave HER.

Ohfour · Hooker

ed11563 wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.
And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,
like he did to the other one?

Then staying longer will help how exactly?
I never said she should stay. I said she should get HIM to decide to leave HER.

That could take months or years. She could be dead by then. Playing games is NEVER a good idea.

Tinydancer · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.
And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,
like he did to the other one?

Then staying longer will help how exactly?
I never said she should stay. I said she should get HIM to decide to leave HER.

Yeah because that works...not

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Tinydancer wrote:
Leaving is probably the hardest thing to do but staying will be harder in the long run.

You are so right. These guys play so many head games though. It's like you become brainwashed. I know it's hard to understand.

Tinydancer · Guru

I do understand NJN. I've been there and done that but I will always wish I had gotten out sooner.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Me too!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's been with him for 3 months. I mean, come on. How hard could it be to break up? Just do it.
And if he won't let go without violence? What if he believes he's entitled to do whatever he wants to her,
like he did to the other one?

I am saying this isn't like the Love of the Ages. And, yeah, if he isn't going to "let her go" now, then he certainly isn't going to let her go 1 day plus from now. She needs to leave, so figure out how to leave.

Mary Zombie · Guru

What if he lied about the Ex GF cheating? Maybe he cheated? Or maybe she dumped him because he's a psycho?

Mary Zombie · Guru

Lol....

Oops sorrrrryyyyy!

-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Wednesday 6th of May 2015 06:28:15 PM

Tinydancer · Guru

That made me laugh. Double posts always make it look like you're talking to yourself... biggrin

Ohfour · Hooker

Aaand we NEVER do that...amiright???

Mary Zombie · Guru

Or the guy that tells everyone you were crazy but neglects to tell them that he was still calling...texting....saying he misses you and wants to work it out....so he can come over....

Yeah
I may or may not know something about that....not bitter at all...not me ;)

Tinydancer · Guru

Mary Zombie wrote:
Or the guy that tells everyone you were crazy but neglects to tell them that he was still calling...texting....saying he misses you and wants to work it out....so he can come over....

Yeah
I may or may not know something about that....not bitter at all...not me ;)

Hahaha...I shouldn't laugh because that hits to close to home.

Tinydancer · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Aaand we NEVER do that...amiright???

youareright. As usual...lol

ed11563 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I am saying this isn't like the Love of the Ages. And, yeah, if he isn't going to "let her go" now, then he certainly isn't going to let her go 1 day plus from now. She needs to leave, so figure out how to leave.

YES !!!

And I'm saying, the way to leave a psycho is to get HIM to decide it's HIS idea.