Dear Prudie, I was raised in an immigrant family that worked hard to build a small florist business that is unbelievably busy during major holidays. My mother wants me to go home and help out the week leading up to Mother’s Day. I’m exhausted just thinking about working for them. I’ve already spent three weeks at home in February to help out for Valentine’s Day and, before that, three months to help out when my dad was seriously injured. I was physically and mentally drained after working those stints for them. I was paid after long negotiations and didn’t get all of the money until February. I’m probably expected to work gratis that week. I’m currently finishing up a master’s degree and trying to look for a job. Should I suck it up and work for them or can I finally draw a line?
—Exhausted Daughter
Dear Exhausted, First a note to readers: Mother’s Day is May 10, so get your floral order in now so that Mom will be happy and these hard-working florists stay in business. I spoke to Slate’s managing editor, Lowen Liu, the son of a florist. He said while he was never expected to help out past high school, he sympathizes with both the demands of the trade and your plight. His mother eventually wilted from the relentless pressure and was able to retire early. Lowen’s view is that you’ve discharged your duty to your family this past year and can decline given you’re in the home stretch of your studies. My view is perhaps colored by never having had to help out at the family floral business. I can understand your reluctance to have your fingers bloodied by thorns only three months after the horror of Valentine’s Day, and you have every right to say you have to attend to your own business. But you don’t have a job yet so you sound available to help out for this limited period of botanical misery. Yes, your family ultimately needs to prepare for when you’re busy with your career, but surely your immigrant parents made many sacrifices so that you could have opportunities closed to them. Think of this as tossing them a last bouquet of thanks.
—Prudie
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm unsure of my answer. LW says they are in school and looking for a job. How are they currently supporting themselves and paying for school? That would impact my feelings here
I'm unsure of my answer. LW says they are in school and looking for a job. How are they currently supporting themselves and paying for school? That would impact my feelings here
Yes, it matters whether she's paying for it herself (grants, loans, work) or the patents (and the flower shop) are supporting her.
I think working in the flower shop will look good on her resume, since it shows a real work ethic.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
On the other hand it is her family's flower shop not a shop that hired her to work for them... Might not mean much on a resume if you worked for family...
I think the resume is irrelevant. I think it does matter if they are paying for college or not. If the LW is self supporting, then I think that is time to separate your life from them. If they are paying and she is still in school, then I would probably go.
This is exam time at school. Her parents shouldn't be asking her to come home now to help, even if - and maybe especially if - they are paying for college. Her exams are more important.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If they are paying for college and she has the time she should go help out. If it will impact her grades then no. But, if they can't afford to continue her tuition with out her help then I'd suck it up and figure out how to do it. I understand why she wouldn't want to help out, but sometimes you just have to suck it up.
