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ed11563


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Q. Birthday Party Faux Pas: Recently one of my favorite cousins died unexpectedly. My girlfriend and I went to lunch with him and his partner about a week prior to his death, and it was her first time meeting them. Her birthday is coming up, and we’ve planned a small party. In an effort to reach out to my cousin’s grieving partner, I invited him to the party without consulting my girlfriend. Now she wants me to disinvite him and tell him the truth about why. She says she doesn’t want his grief to ruin her happy day. I take full responsibility for being insensitive in not asking her permission first, but how in the world can I disinvite him without hurting her feelings?

A: Sure, you should have talked to your girlfriend before expanding the guest list, but given your girlfriend’s churlish reaction, I think the question should be not how you disinvite your cousin’s partner, but how you disinvite your girlfriend. If the partner is up for socializing, what a nice gesture it was to give him an opportunity to get out of the house. If he’s not up for making merry with people he doesn’t know, he will decline. You’re right, there is no way to disinvite him. Your girlfriend wants you to not only rescind the offer but to explain that his tear-streaked face would be a bummer at her happy event. She has given you an opportunity not only to celebrate another year of her life, but to contemplate her character.



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Lawyerlady


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What. a. BITCH.

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Fort Worth Mom


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Lawyerlady wrote:

What. a. BITCH.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I would have added "heartless", in front of bitch, though.wink 



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Lawyerlady


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Lawyerlady wrote:

What. a. heartless. BITCH.

 edited for FWM



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Dona Worry Be Happy


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Time for a new girl. One that isn't selfish and mean.

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Lexxy


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Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

What. a. BITCH.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I would have added "heartless", in front of bitch, though.wink 

 self centered heartless BITCH!  He should cancel the whole damn shindig!



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lilyofcourse


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And maybe she is using that as an excuse and she just doesn't want him there.

Why would you invite someone you had met once to a birthday party?

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Lexxy


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lilyofcourse wrote:

And maybe she is using that as an excuse and she just doesn't want him there.

Why would you invite someone you had met once to a birthday party?

 Because he is BF's favorite cousin's partner & it might lighten his load of grief for a brief evening.



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lilyofcourse


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Maybe.

Would he have been invited before cousin died? She's just met him. So how well is he known by any of them?

Will there be any one else there besides her bf that knows him?

Her party. Makes sense it will be her friends and family there.

He may be uncomfortable and out of place.

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Lexxy


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I can also see that. In which case he will most likely decline the invite & problem solved.

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ed11563


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lilyofcourse wrote:


He may be uncomfortable and out of place.

If he is concerned more about this than being lonely, he will probably decline. 

 



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flan327


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You don't "dis-invite" a person because they're mourning!

flan

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Mary Zombie


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She is so....not a nice person. Run for the hills!

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FNW


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If her reasons are true, she's not a nice person. If she didn't want him there because she barely knows him, then that's one thing. Either way, he's been invited. Do your best to make him enjoy himself.

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lilyofcourse


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My mom likes to invite people to other people's things. Drives me nuts.

I had to tell her to uninvite a few people from time to time.

My wedding was one. Didn't matter if I knew them or not.

Oh sure, bring your friend, bring the neighbor. Bring any one along the way.

Couple years back she invited a school friend of Caitlyn's on vacation with us. I told her from the get go it was a bad idea. She didn't even ask Caitlyn if she wanted her to go. They were friends, but not the take a vacay together kind of friends.
Well the girl went. I was the one responsible for her. We were all miserable. Couldn't wait to get that girl home.

I don't understand why a person thinks it's ok to invite people without making sure it's ok first.

Guess that is why I can be more understanding of the GFs reaction.


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ed11563


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flan327 wrote:

You don't "dis-invite" a person because they're mourning!

flan

Maybe she wanted to dis-invite him because he was 

Spoiler

 

?



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'cause this is the only birthday she will ever have? Sure the grieved may become overcome during the party in which case they will leave, but hello???? What about compassion. Geesh.

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Tangerine


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Well the girlfriend sounds like a very nasty person. LW should get a new gf.

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Lawyerlady wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

What. a. heartless. BITCH.

 edited for FWM

   Invite them.  If he feels like he can't handle it then he will decline.  I'm sure he's not going to have a breakdown in the middle of the party.  If he comes and feels overwhelmed he'll probably feign a headache or something and cut out early.



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