TOTALLY GEEKED!

I know. That's what I don't get. They've come into town in the past and he's shown no interest in meeting up with them. Now he wants to "catch up on old times". He left the medic service 14 years ago. We've seen them plenty since then. There's been ample time to catch up. I guess I don't understand why he wants to do it now. He says it's important to him that I go with. I told him it's important to me that he not go.

Yeah, I asked him and all I got was to catch up with them. He told me that I can't control or live their lives for them. I told them I wasn't wanting to live their lives for them but I didn't have to like or condone the decisions that they made. I also said that yes, I AM still angry about how ALL OF THEM treated their children. Children are not disposable. If you want to leave your spouse and get a divorce so be it. But you don't throw your kids away in the process.

Yeah, I don't get the kids thing. It's beyond me too. I can't tell you how sad I am for their son. He had such a bright future. Sure, he can change now, but it's going to be hard. He was at such an important time in his life and his parents literally abandoned him. It makes me so upset. And I guess what bothers me is she always refers to the two babies as her "new family". I don't know if she even realizes how hurtful that is to her son.

Maybe some of the other geeks will have some advice.

I agree with Lady Gaga. As long as he seems to want to go so much, go with your DH. It will give you peace of mind and it might give him an out of some kind if he suddenly realizes he did not really want to meet these people again. A kind of laying it off on you that there is something you have to get to or whatever. I have an idea he will be unpleasantly surprised when he actually meets them again. He is still thinking of them as they WERE at one time...

He is crazy for wanting to go. But, so what? Apparently he wants to go. And, he wants NJN to go with him. That is what spouses do. You go to things with your spouse that you don't always feel like going to or want to go. Pick a good restaurant, eat a good meal, and you might hear some new tidbits of juicy gossip about this train wreck. Just take it in stride. Have fun with it.

Yeah - I don't go to everything my DH wants to.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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No. But he wants her to go. It's one day. What's the big deal?

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Spent with people I care nothing about?  When I have other things to do?  No, thank you.  My time is more precious than that. 

I'd have to stay away if it were me. I'd probably say things I might regret over dinner with these train wrecks.

Spouses Co worker died an d they want you to go to the funeral, ok.

Spouse is going to the doctor and wants you to go for support. Ok.

Spouse is going to a business function and wives, husbands are invited. Ok.

Spouse wants to have dinner with a couple home wreckers and wants you to go. Not ok.

OMG! I remember you talking about these folks too.

My gut response to that your DH should respect your feelings & not try to guilt you into going with him (maybe "guilt" is not the right word).

I vote stay home.

flan

She asked us our opinions so I gave mine. You gave yours. Now she can do whatever she wants.

Maybe go to slice it down afterwards. 'Honey, we went. That sucked. Will never happen again.'

Maybe "catch up" means he's got a copy of their arrest warrants and handcuffs, so he can turn them in for a reward?

Maybe he wants to ask them for the money they "borrowed"?

Maybe he wants to find out what they're really up to?

Be prepared for the fact that they are broke and will not be paying. For anything.

 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Back story:  When DH and I first moved here we had a friendship with a couple he used to work with when he was a medic a long long long time ago.  They don't live far from us though and when we moved it was nice having a married couple to hang with.  Kim and Jerry seemed happy.  They had a son that was 14.  Tommy.  He was an A student and wanted to be a doctor or a scientist.  He could have been too.  What I didn't know at the time was that Kim had a bad habit of sleeping with everyone on the medic crew.  Every time she cheated, which Jerry knew about, he would forgive her and they'd move on.  Until Mike came along.  Mike became the love of Kim's life.  She would do anything for him.  And Mike wasn't the nicest guy in the whole world.  He's kind of sleazy.  Then they began having an affair.  They even got caught doing the wild thing in the back of the ambulance.  They were facing being fired so Mike came up with a great plan.  He had a wife and five kids that he was really tired of.  He figured that he and Kim could quit their jobs, leave their kids behind, and move to Idaho, get divorces, get remarried, and start a new life.  So that's what they did.  They literally dumped everyone and took off.  Mike hasn't paid a penny of child support to this day.  Neither has Kim.  Jerry was devastated.  To cope he threw himself into a bottle and women.  Poor Tommy suddenly became a child unto himself.  Every time he turned around dad had a new woman living there.  At one point he moved in with his aunt to get away from the women.  But eventually he missed his dad and went back.

What has happened since they split up?  Tommy has become a drug addict and alcoholic.  He is supposed to graduate high school this year but he won't be.  He was out drinking one night and caused an accident and totaled his car and the car he ran into.  The other people lived but were seriously hurt.  He has several drug charges.  He is the product of his parents.  There is no doubt about that.  Jerry is still lost in the booze and women.  Kim and Mike moved to Idaho and stayed on unemployment and welfare for as long as they could.  She had one baby and when the baby was a month old she found out she was pregnant again.  Mike no longer sees his kids.  Kim sees her son on occasion.  On his first trip out to see his mother she took him to see Fifty Shades of Gray.  She's very deep into BDSM.  I've always been uncomfortable around her because she likes men to hit her until they leave marks.

DH and I haven't really had any contact with them in years.  Mike kicked us both off his FB page years ago.  Not that I really care.  Kim kicked me off her FB page about a year or so ago because I was well, rude.  Or maybe just too honest.  For months she posted over and over and over again about how she could hardly wait to get pregnant.  Then the minute she got pregnant she started complaining.  All day every day.  All day long.  She would post every time she threw up.  What her mood was.  How many times she peed.  And on and on.  One day I told her that this was what she had wanted so badly.  I mean, it's not like she had never been pregnant before.  I could understand if she had never been pregnant but apparently when she forgot about her son she forgot about being pregnant with him.  So she deleted me.  Again, not that I really care.

So my dilemma now is they are planning a vacation back home and they want DH and I to meet up with them so they can introduce us to their two very young children.  Kim said she thought DH might like to see her again and take her to dinner.  Um what?  DH wants to go catch up on old times.  He really really wants me to go with.  I don't want him to go at all.  I honestly don't.  Sure, I could tell him to go without me but he'd be really upset.  And I don't really want him going alone anyway.  These people are into all kinds of weird sexual stuff.  So now, I am torn.  DH and I have been going round and round about it.  I'd like some advice.  And please, if you're just going to be rude or make comments about how judgmental I am you don't need to.  I don't like these people.  They've ruined so many lives and they don't even care.  I'm not sure I could be nice to them.  I jokingly told DH I'd go but wouldn't be wearing my filter that day.  But I'm really not sure if that was the truth.  HELP!  Give me some advice.  And thanks for reading the drama.

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 Okay, after pondering this, and re-reading it, it came to me!

They are looking to score a free dinner, with your husband as their patsy!

Maybe if you appeal to his frugal nature....he'll decide that he doesn't want to get stuck with the dinner tab!

I really don't understand why he would want to meet with these horrible people. But if he insists I would go with. And no way in hell would I buy their dinner.

I would say to DH "it seems to be really important to you to catch up with these people. Help me understand why".

I would really press him on the issue. "Yes, I know you said you just want to catch up. Why is it you want to meet with them so badly when they aren't the type of people we typically would have anything to do with."

And "your time home with us is so precious and limited. I am just struggling with spending that precious time with such unsavory people. Help me understand why it's so important to you".

Repeat until he either explains it to your satisfaction or he gets how silly this is.

And I would NOT go. Nope. I dont spend my time on people like that.

Kim said she thought DH might like to see her again and take her to dinner. Um what?
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I think given her history that would piss me off.

Chances are the whole thing will fall through anyway. They sound flaky and may not even follow through. I wouldn't let them take over your life in the meantime.

FNW wrote:

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Chances are the whole thing will fall through anyway. They sound flaky and may not even follow through. I wouldn't let them take over your life in the meantime.

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FNW said what I was thinking.  While I have no idea why your DH would even want to see these people, I'm trying to put myself into your position, NJN.  Your DH might change his mind after he thinks it through.

Picturing my "friend" as closer to me and longer-known than he is now.... if he still wanted to go when the date got closer, I would go, after he had been given notice again of a) my feelings about the whole thing, b)  I am ONLY doing this because I love you, and c) don't expect me to be... well, nice.  I'll try but that is all.  I would warn him again in advance that my mouth is a living entity with a will of its own.   

Fort Worth Mom wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Back story:  When DH and I first moved here we had a friendship with a couple he used to work with when he was a medic a long long long time ago.  They don't live far from us though and when we moved it was nice having a married couple to hang with.  Kim and Jerry seemed happy.  They had a son that was 14.  Tommy.  He was an A student and wanted to be a doctor or a scientist.  He could have been too.  What I didn't know at the time was that Kim had a bad habit of sleeping with everyone on the medic crew.  Every time she cheated, which Jerry knew about, he would forgive her and they'd move on.  Until Mike came along.  Mike became the love of Kim's life.  She would do anything for him.  And Mike wasn't the nicest guy in the whole world.  He's kind of sleazy.  Then they began having an affair.  They even got caught doing the wild thing in the back of the ambulance.  They were facing being fired so Mike came up with a great plan.  He had a wife and five kids that he was really tired of.  He figured that he and Kim could quit their jobs, leave their kids behind, and move to Idaho, get divorces, get remarried, and start a new life.  So that's what they did.  They literally dumped everyone and took off.  Mike hasn't paid a penny of child support to this day.  Neither has Kim.  Jerry was devastated.  To cope he threw himself into a bottle and women.  Poor Tommy suddenly became a child unto himself.  Every time he turned around dad had a new woman living there.  At one point he moved in with his aunt to get away from the women.  But eventually he missed his dad and went back.

What has happened since they split up?  Tommy has become a drug addict and alcoholic.  He is supposed to graduate high school this year but he won't be.  He was out drinking one night and caused an accident and totaled his car and the car he ran into.  The other people lived but were seriously hurt.  He has several drug charges.  He is the product of his parents.  There is no doubt about that.  Jerry is still lost in the booze and women.  Kim and Mike moved to Idaho and stayed on unemployment and welfare for as long as they could.  She had one baby and when the baby was a month old she found out she was pregnant again.  Mike no longer sees his kids.  Kim sees her son on occasion.  On his first trip out to see his mother she took him to see Fifty Shades of Gray.  She's very deep into BDSM.  I've always been uncomfortable around her because she likes men to hit her until they leave marks.

DH and I haven't really had any contact with them in years.  Mike kicked us both off his FB page years ago.  Not that I really care.  Kim kicked me off her FB page about a year or so ago because I was well, rude.  Or maybe just too honest.  For months she posted over and over and over again about how she could hardly wait to get pregnant.  Then the minute she got pregnant she started complaining.  All day every day.  All day long.  She would post every time she threw up.  What her mood was.  How many times she peed.  And on and on.  One day I told her that this was what she had wanted so badly.  I mean, it's not like she had never been pregnant before.  I could understand if she had never been pregnant but apparently when she forgot about her son she forgot about being pregnant with him.  So she deleted me.  Again, not that I really care.

So my dilemma now is they are planning a vacation back home and they want DH and I to meet up with them so they can introduce us to their two very young children.  Kim said she thought DH might like to see her again and take her to dinner.  Um what?  DH wants to go catch up on old times.  He really really wants me to go with.  I don't want him to go at all.  I honestly don't.  Sure, I could tell him to go without me but he'd be really upset.  And I don't really want him going alone anyway.  These people are into all kinds of weird sexual stuff.  So now, I am torn.  DH and I have been going round and round about it.  I'd like some advice.  And please, if you're just going to be rude or make comments about how judgmental I am you don't need to.  I don't like these people.  They've ruined so many lives and they don't even care.  I'm not sure I could be nice to them.  I jokingly told DH I'd go but wouldn't be wearing my filter that day.  But I'm really not sure if that was the truth.  HELP!  Give me some advice.  And thanks for reading the drama.

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 Okay, after pondering this, and re-reading it, it came to me!

They are looking to score a free dinner, with your husband as their patsy!

Maybe if you appeal to his frugal nature....he'll decide that he doesn't want to get stuck with the dinner tab!

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Winner winner!  Chicken Dinner! 

I know my ugly will come out... Although maybe the golden arches IS a good idea. They do have kids you know...

"Bless your heart. I don't know how you manage raising TWO kids at YOUR ages."

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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You can do it! lol

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 There may be some small amount of hope.

They are weird to be around. She'll show up with hickey's all over her neck and bruises all over her arms. I have a hard time not looking at them. And they fawn all over each other like teenagers. They tongue each other in the restaurant. They touch each other constantly. I'm not a big PDA person. I find it uncomfortable when others are about to have sex in front of me. Tone it down. Sheesh. And they talk about how they found their true loves and on and on. Blah. Gross. Grow up. A lot of people find their true love.