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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: My Son Wants His Nails Painted
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Prudie: My Son Wants His Nails Painted
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Q. Nail Polish–Wearing Son: I have a 4-year-old son whom I take with me to the salon regularly to get his finger- and toenails trimmed. Recently he has asked to have his toenails painted like his sister and I do. He gets superhero designs and thinks it’s awesome. My husband, on the other hand, hates it. He says due to where we live, the painted nails will cause social problems with the other kids and parents. I say A) they’re his toes, which are mainly covered by socks, so no one but us will even see. And (more importantly) B) other parents can suck it. I’m not willing to say no to my kid over something so minor even if it makes other people, including my husband, insecure. What say you?

A: I love the description of your son’s manly pedi! I agree with you that he should continue to rock the superhero toes. Sure, your husband might be right that this might mean some people will tease him, and you have to gently prepare him for that. But I’m also guessing that his friends are less imbued with old gender stereotypes than your husband. It’s likely your son’s classmates will love his twinkle toes. You can point out to your husband that we live in an era in which football players rock long braids and sometimes wear their hair in buns. I’m sure your husband is also aware that many men wear earrings, something that would have been shocking in another era. I hope that your son’s toes cause such a positive clamor that popular demand leads you to have a pedicure birthday party when he turns 5.

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/05/dear_prudence_my_future_mother_in_law_wants_to_wear_her_wedding_dress_to.html



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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So, the feelings of her husband don't matter?

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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

So, the feelings of her husband don't matter?

Nope. Men suck...evileye

flan 



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chillepeppa


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Maybe dad can trim the nails from now on to avoid the trip to the salon.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Kids nails have been trimmed for years prior to nail salons.

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JPT


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Yeah, I am rather flabbergasted about they whole 4 year old getting a salon pedi myself!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Oftentimes, when mom writes the letter, it is Oh just go do what you want and your husband is being ridiculous. But, if it was the other way around, then the advice would be scolding the husband for not considering his wife's feelings!

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Lawyerlady


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Sometimes, it is ok to tell your kid "no". We've talked about bullying and resilience, but what about doing what you can to prevent the teasing in the first place?

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burns07


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the op is an idiot--she's raising a man not a woman--he's very young, to be sure, but dad should have enough concern for his son to step in and overrule mom--ridiculous

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Tignanello


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Its nail polish. And he's 4. He just wants to be like his big sister. He'll get over it all on his own.

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Mellow Momma


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Every little boy I know has wanted his nails painted at some point. I am the only girl in my large extended family, the only girl on DH's side of the family (besides my girls) and I can tell you every little boy wants his nails painted. It's just not a big deal.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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It's his toenails and they're covered by socks. Big deal. He'll grow out of it. Trust me on this one. He puts super hero's on them. Not pink flowers.

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Tignanello


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

It's his toenails and they're covered by socks. Big deal. He'll grow out of it. Trust me on this one. He puts super hero's on them. Not pink flowers.

 And if he did want pink flowers, that would be his choice.  Dad might not like it, but they aren't Dad's toes!



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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

It's his toenails and they're covered by socks. Big deal. He'll grow out of it. Trust me on this one. He puts super hero's on them. Not pink flowers.

 Yep. And I think it's awesome that they put superheroes on them. 

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Tignanello wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

It's his toenails and they're covered by socks. Big deal. He'll grow out of it. Trust me on this one. He puts super hero's on them. Not pink flowers.

 And if he did want pink flowers, that would be his choice.  Dad might not like it, but they aren't Dad's toes!

  I think that is kind of a bad message to send.  Just ignore Dad and do what you want to do?   



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Nobody Just Nobody


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I don't think she should ignore dad. That's not what I said. I just don't think it's a big deal. Maybe she should talk to Dad instead of just blowing him off.

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huskerbb


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

So, the feelings of her husband don't matter?

This is the problem I had with all the comments on Prudie's comments page.  Of course, they pretty much all wanted to turn the kid into a fruit, anyway, but they all said that the wife was 100% right and should get her way.

 

BS. Like ALL issues in a marriage, at least the ones they disagree on--this needs to be discussed and compromised.   



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huskerbb


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Tignanello wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

It's his toenails and they're covered by socks. Big deal. He'll grow out of it. Trust me on this one. He puts super hero's on them. Not pink flowers.

 And if he did want pink flowers, that would be his choice.  Dad might not like it, but they aren't Dad's toes!

That's just BS--and irrelevant.  Parents don't let kids make all sorts of decisions.  Sure, it's the kid's tonsils, too--but he doesn't get to decide if they get removed or not. 

The kid might want to just eat oreos and cupcakes for every meal--but even though it is his body--he doesn't get to decide that.   



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Tignanello


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harmless vs medical/health issues. Not really comparable.

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huskerbb


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Tignanello wrote:

harmless vs medical/health issues. Not really comparable.

The particular issue is irrelevant.   



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lilyofcourse


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Mom and dad get pedicures together all the time. It started when dad had double knee replacements a few years ago.

I don't see a big problem with it. But yes, they do need to come to an agreement as a parental unit.

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Charley Harper
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I'm with the Dad on this one. I would object to my spouse blatantly ignoring my objections.

This would be a non-issue in my home since neither DH nor I would approve of our son getting his nails painted. I don't paint my nails so it's unlikely it would ever come up anyway.

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

I don't think she should ignore dad. That's not what I said. I just don't think it's a big deal. Maybe she should talk to Dad instead of just blowing him off.

I don't think it's a big deal either.

flan 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Flan, I don't think it's a big deal either. But apparently her DH does think it's a big deal. So, fine if you want to teach your kids that Dad's opinion doesn't matter and mom thinks it is fine to run roughshod over him, then go ahead. Is it a big deal? No, it isn't a big deal. But, if it isn't a big deal, then it isn't a big deal to not paint his nails either. The point of writing wasn't whether this is a big deal. The point of writing is asking whether she should care about what her spouse thinks and knowing what her spouse thinks she should she just do it anyway? Yeah, there are times you and your spouse can do your own things and agree to disagree. But, if you want to take that liberty, then I don't think you are going to be able to protest if Dad also takes liberties allowing kids to do things you disagree with too.

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Dona Worry Be Happy


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At four? Boys will be JEALOUS he has superhero toes.
Mom and dad need to talk it out, but I think dad is overreacting.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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He probably is. So what? Mom never overreacted about anything? People over react about all kinds of things. Dad is entitled to have strong feelings about whatever too.

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lilyofcourse


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I understand what dad is saying. And I agree with him.

There things I let my kids do in the Summer I wouldn't let them do during school. Because I didn't want to chum the waters so to speak.

This is something that needs a compromise.

Is there a background paint or is it just the picture? All the toes or just one?

It isnt a big deal now, but in 2 years it could mean the difference between a kid confident in himself or a kid being bullied.

You don't set your kids up to fail.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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You don't set your kids up to fail. But, on the other hand, you don't need to raise your child to always kowtow to the expecations of others either. You don't have to get permission from the world to do the things you like to do either.

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lilyofcourse


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Soooo....

You're saying the dad is right but you're also saying they shouldn't comply to the norm either.

In other words, both are right and both are wrong.

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flan327


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He's not wearing makeup or dresses. He has superheroes on his TOES, which are covered up.

flan

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Lawyerlady


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Soooo....

You're saying the dad is right but you're also saying they shouldn't comply to the norm either.

In other words, both are right and both are wrong.

Dad has a right to his opinion and it shouldn't simply be disregarded even if you disagree with it b/c it's also his child.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Soooo....

You're saying the dad is right but you're also saying they shouldn't comply to the norm either.

In other words, both are right and both are wrong.

Yup.  biggrin 



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

At four? Boys will be JEALOUS he has superhero toes.
Mom and dad need to talk it out, but I think dad is overreacting.

 

Again, I don't think it's a big deal but tome the problem here is not the painting of the toe nails.  To me it's that the wife is blowing off the husband.  They need to come to an agreement.



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just Czech


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Why is a 4 year old getting a pedi?

IMHO, dad's opinion counts just as much as mom's. They need to discuss this "minor" issue. Sounds like they may not agree on a lot of things. This will work out fine.. (sarcasm).

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Nobody Just Nobody


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just Czech wrote:

Why is a 4 year old getting a pedi?

IMHO, dad's opinion counts just as much as mom's. They need to discuss this "minor" issue. Sounds like they may not agree on a lot of things. This will work out fine.. (sarcasm).

 Yep.  I agree totally.  Mom and Dad should agree.  This is just indicative of other issues.  Maybe Mom sees this as bonding time?  Or maybe Dad just won't watch the kids while she gets a mani/pedi.  Maybe the dad should offer to do something manly with the boy while the girls have girls day out.  They could do boys day out.

The issue here really isn't the toes but the disagreement between the parents.



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