TOTALLY GEEKED!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Well, now, it depends. How much money do the parents have? I'd be annoyed, too, if my sibling was taking advantage of my parents and their money by dragging out her education that long, too. I mean, I don't care how long she takes to get her degree - but at some point, she needed to take financial responsibility for it. She's 33, that means mom and dad have been supporting her for FIFTEEN years after high school. Yeah, that's just stupid.

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Once you are an adult, it isn't your business how your parents spend their money.  And, if they have choosen to give it to another sib, yes,that might be annoying but that isn't your business. 

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 Bull.  It is very much my business if it causes my parents to struggle.  And if they are spending all their money supporting her and her education instead of saving for retirement, who the hell do you think is going to have to help support them when they get old?  The slacker daughter they spent the money on?  I think not.

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 No where does it say the parents totally supported her, nor does it say the parents are struggling financially or that they paid for the education.  

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 "She’s been financially supported by my parents far too long."

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 and your point us what?  That the parents provide some support which may be in the form of living in their house, not a financial strain on the parents.  No where is there an indication that they are paying for college, enormous living expenses, etc.  Just may be a case of the sibling being a hippie (as you are ) and going off and bumming off others and then returning home occasionally.

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 You are ignoring the main gist of the letter.  Your assumptions are much bigger stretches than mine.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I honestly get so tired of people ignoring family taking advantage of others or treating them badly because "they're family" or "keeping the peace is more important than her bad behavior". Bull. People don't get to take advantage of others and treat people like crap and have it be acceptable just because they are family. Family should be treated BETTER, not worse. And if they don't - they need to be called on that ****.

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 I know you have a history with this topic and have a strong opinion.  But let me tell you my side.  I married at 19 had a baby at 20, exdh turned out to be a druggie and bum, divorced him.  Raised Ds by myself with no support and after many life disasters,knew I wouldn't get out of my hole without help.  Moved in with my parents, went back to school, finished my degree, and before I had that degree I had a good paying FT job.  Couldn't have done that without my parent's support in taking care of DS while I was working FT and going to school at night.  So that is my side of the story.  

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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I honestly get so tired of people ignoring family taking advantage of others or treating them badly because "they're family" or "keeping the peace is more important than her bad behavior". Bull. People don't get to take advantage of others and treat people like crap and have it be acceptable just because they are family. Family should be treated BETTER, not worse. And if they don't - they need to be called on that ****.

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 I know you have a history with this topic and have a strong opinion.  But let me tell you my side.  I married at 19 had a baby at 20, exdh turned out to be a druggie and bum, divorced him.  Raised Ds by myself with no support and after many life disasters,knew I wouldn't get out of my hole without help.  Moved in with my parents, went back to school, finished my degree, and before I had that degree I had a good paying FT job.  Couldn't have done that without my parent's support in taking care of DS while I was working FT and going to school at night.  So that is my side of the story.  

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 I get that - and that is NOT what I am talking about.  Those are REASONS.  I made that clear up above.  The OP was not a woman recovering from a divorce, trying to work and raise a child, etc.  She's a flighty git that decided taking 15 years of remaining a student was a great way to do whatever the hell she wanted and get her parents to pay for it.

And YES, adults can spend their money any way they want.  Hell- I say that all the time when it comes to wills and people are like "parents have to be fair and split everything evenly between their kids".  No, they don't - they can do what they want with their money.  It was their choice to do this.  But them having the RIGHT to spend their money this way doesn't change the fact that the SISTER was a deadbeat.  And others don't have to congratulate a person that spent 10 years too long mooching off their parents.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I will help my children as I see fit. My other kids don't get to tell me how I spend my money.

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 And you don't get to tell them how they have to feel about their siblings once they are adults.

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 Very true.  I still think earning that degree is a great accomplishment no matter how long it takes to get it.  Not everyone marches to the same drummer.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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And parents who just say "I can spend my money how I want" and then give it hand over fist to one child who is NOT being responsible - that breeds resentment and they have no one to blame but themselves.

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 I would just roll my eyes but I don't think I would resent it although I can certainly see how one would.

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I hear it ALL THE TIME.  And I have to tell them that if their parents are of sound mind - they can't do anything about it.  Why so many parents consistently give money to the non-responsible, non-dependable child is a mystery.  They reward the bad, irresponsible behavior and give them no incentive to do better or take care of themselves.