TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tinydancer · Guru

RE: How it feels when the man you love says you’re TOO FAT for him to desire you... woman reveals weight loss battle

NAOW · Vette's SS

Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.

I never said anything about divorce??

'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

NAOW · Vette's SS

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

That comment was disgusting. Seriously, so if your mom, or one of your kids becomes obese, you would not touch them-hug them-anymore?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

This.

From her telling of it, he was so repulsed by her that he didn't even touch her at all. Nothing. He didn't hold her hand and he barely could look her in the eye.

What if she was in an accident and lost a limb or was disfigured? Would he still love her? Would he be so caught up on her physical appearance he couldnt even look at her or hold her hand?

It it seems like he is WAY too fixated on her looks.

I fall in love with the person someone is inside and their looks are secondary. My DH is overweight, but very very fit. He can run 5 miles at a go and he works out all the time. But he is fat. And I don't care because the person he is turns me on more than the body he has. He gets a checkup annually and the doctors tell him he is perfectly healthy, heart is fine, he is just fat. And the docs have no idea why. And it doesn't matter one bit to me because his brain is the sexiest thing about him.

Tinydancer · Guru

NAOW wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
That comment was disgusting. Seriously, so if your mom, or one of your kids becomes obese, you would not touch them-hug them-anymore?

This wasn't about me but the husband in the article. I'm not the one who couldn't touch her. Go on and make it about me if that makes you happy...lol

Tinydancer · Guru

Get all worked up about this and it still changes nothing. He is not attracted to fat women and that's his choice. You can choose whatever you want but it's not about you either.

Tinydancer · Guru

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

So what should she do then if he was so mean and despicable? SHE gained all the weight. SHE got depressed and made herself fatter. I guess personal responsibility goes right out the window once you marry.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
This.
From her telling of it, he was so repulsed by her that he didn't even touch her at all. Nothing. He didn't hold her hand and he barely could look her in the eye.
What if she was in an accident and lost a limb or was disfigured? Would he still love her? Would he be so caught up on her physical appearance he couldnt even look at her or hold her hand?
It it seems like he is WAY too fixated on her looks.
I fall in love with the person someone is inside and their looks are secondary. My DH is overweight, but very very fit. He can run 5 miles at a go and he works out all the time. But he is fat. And I don't care because the person he is turns me on more than the body he has. He gets a checkup annually and the doctors tell him he is perfectly healthy, heart is fine, he is just fat. And the docs have no idea why. And it doesn't matter one bit to me because his brain is the sexiest thing about him.

That is flat out not true. She said she became the one instigating hugs and holding hands, but she NEVER said he refused to hug her or hold her hand.

Tinydancer · Guru

Well it's much easier to hate the husband if you just make crap up.

Tangerine · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
So what should she do then if he was so mean and despicable? SHE gained all the weight. SHE got depressed and made herself fatter. I guess personal responsibility goes right out the window once you marry.

You make it sound like she got depressed on purpose, or she just didn't try hard enough not to have a medical condition.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

According to the OP - that's exactly what he did. He didn't do or say ANYTHING to his wife about her weight until she asked him point blank.

My husband stood by me throughout. He didn’t say a word about my ever-increasing waistline. Though, I doubt I’d have noticed if he had mentioned anything.

I was up to my eyes in nappies, so sex or intimacy was the last thing on my mind. When I went to bed, all I wanted to do was sleep. After confronting him last Saturday, I asked Mike how he’d felt during those years.

He said: ‘I wanted to say something about your weight, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I could see you were so busy with the children and I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about.

‘Anyhow, there was hardly a moment when we didn’t have a baby or child in our bed, so I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with life. Sex just didn’t seem that important. I loved you and our babies and I am not the sort of man to embark on an affair. Of course, I missed it, but I thought if I were patient things would improve eventually.’

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
This.
From her telling of it, he was so repulsed by her that he didn't even touch her at all. Nothing. He didn't hold her hand and he barely could look her in the eye.
What if she was in an accident and lost a limb or was disfigured? Would he still love her? Would he be so caught up on her physical appearance he couldnt even look at her or hold her hand?
It it seems like he is WAY too fixated on her looks.
I fall in love with the person someone is inside and their looks are secondary. My DH is overweight, but very very fit. He can run 5 miles at a go and he works out all the time. But he is fat. And I don't care because the person he is turns me on more than the body he has. He gets a checkup annually and the doctors tell him he is perfectly healthy, heart is fine, he is just fat. And the docs have no idea why. And it doesn't matter one bit to me because his brain is the sexiest thing about him.
That is flat out not true. She said she became the one instigating hugs and holding hands, but she NEVER said he refused to hug her or hold her hand.

Ok, what I meant by that was he was not the one to ever reach out and touch her. She had to instigate all of the physical contact. He refused to be the one to do it first. I misspoke. The point still stands that he could not bring himself to even dole out simple affectionate gestures that one would give to a spouse. That's low. Fine, he reciprocated when she reached out first. But seriously, how hard is it to love the PERSON and at least reach out for her hand after she has worked all day wiping the asses of your children?

Tinydancer · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
So what should she do then if he was so mean and despicable? SHE gained all the weight. SHE got depressed and made herself fatter. I guess personal responsibility goes right out the window once you marry.

You make it sound like she got depressed on purpose, or she just didn't try hard enough not to have a medical condition.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

She didn't do any of it on purpose. No more than he did anything on purpose. So why does she get the sympathy and he gets the hate?

-- Edited by Tinydancer on Thursday 4th of June 2015 10:52:44 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
This.
From her telling of it, he was so repulsed by her that he didn't even touch her at all. Nothing. He didn't hold her hand and he barely could look her in the eye.
What if she was in an accident and lost a limb or was disfigured? Would he still love her? Would he be so caught up on her physical appearance he couldnt even look at her or hold her hand?
It it seems like he is WAY too fixated on her looks.
I fall in love with the person someone is inside and their looks are secondary. My DH is overweight, but very very fit. He can run 5 miles at a go and he works out all the time. But he is fat. And I don't care because the person he is turns me on more than the body he has. He gets a checkup annually and the doctors tell him he is perfectly healthy, heart is fine, he is just fat. And the docs have no idea why. And it doesn't matter one bit to me because his brain is the sexiest thing about him.
That is flat out not true. She said she became the one instigating hugs and holding hands, but she NEVER said he refused to hug her or hold her hand.
Ok, what I meant by that was he was not the one to ever reach out and touch her. She had to instigate all of the physical contact. He refused to be the one to do it first. I misspoke. The point still stands that he could not bring himself to even dole out simple affectionate gestures that one would give to a spouse. That's low. Fine, he reciprocated when she reached out first. But seriously, how hard is it to love the PERSON and at least reach out for her hand after she has worked all day wiping the asses of your children?

They have FOUR kids - it is not unusual for people to get caught up in day to day drudgery and not even think about it. When you are not feeling attraction towards someone, how often would you even think about randomly touching them? When you are not attracted to someone - they become your friend more than your lover, which is what happened here. He still loved her and was still involved in their marriage except for the physical aspect of it.

Tangerine · Guru

I don't think he should be getting any hate, actually. It sounds like she didn't even know he felt that way until she asked him.
I do think he could have spoken up sooner with concern for her well being. This article seems to be written about how she had an epiphany, though, not about how her hubs is a total butt.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I hold hands with a lot of people I dont want to have sex with. After watching her work hard to keep the house clean and care for his children, he doesn't even think to reach out to her to hold her hand as she sits exhausted on the couch? It isn't about sex, it's about a simple loving gesture. He still loved her correct? Why would he need to be sexually attracted to her to hold her hand ?

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

According to the OP - that's exactly what he did. He didn't do or say ANYTHING to his wife about her weight until she asked him point blank.

My husband stood by me throughout. He didn’t say a word about my ever-increasing waistline. Though, I doubt I’d have noticed if he had mentioned anything.
I was up to my eyes in nappies, so sex or intimacy was the last thing on my mind. When I went to bed, all I wanted to do was sleep. After confronting him last Saturday, I asked Mike how he’d felt during those years.
He said: ‘I wanted to say something about your weight, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I could see you were so busy with the children and I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about.

‘Anyhow, there was hardly a moment when we didn’t have a baby or child in our bed, so I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with life. Sex just didn’t seem that important. I loved you and our babies and I am not the sort of man to embark on an affair. Of course, I missed it, but I thought if I were patient things would improve eventually.’

That does not mean he's off the hook. It should have been discussed behind their closed door way before it became an article to be discussed on GT. I shouldn't have to ask my DH what is bothering him about our relationship before he lets me know what he expects from our partnership. He should feel he can discuss it with me the minute he feels it is becoming a thing he would like to get working on before it becomes an issue...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
I hold hands with a lot of people I dont want to have sex with. After watching her work hard to keep the house clean and care for his children, he doesn't even think to reach out to her to hold her hand as she sits exhausted on the couch? It isn't about sex, it's about a simple loving gesture. He still loved her correct? Why would he need to be sexually attracted to her to hold her hand ?

That's YOU, though. It doesn't have to be everyone. I am NOT a touchy, feely person. I love my husband and am attracted to him - but I'm not still not a hold hands all the time kind of person even with him.

I wouldn't even think to hold hands with friends.

And what? He's not allowed to be tired and want to relax after working all day?

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 4th of June 2015 11:01:11 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

According to the OP - that's exactly what he did. He didn't do or say ANYTHING to his wife about her weight until she asked him point blank.

My husband stood by me throughout. He didn’t say a word about my ever-increasing waistline. Though, I doubt I’d have noticed if he had mentioned anything.
I was up to my eyes in nappies, so sex or intimacy was the last thing on my mind. When I went to bed, all I wanted to do was sleep. After confronting him last Saturday, I asked Mike how he’d felt during those years.
He said: ‘I wanted to say something about your weight, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I could see you were so busy with the children and I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about.

‘Anyhow, there was hardly a moment when we didn’t have a baby or child in our bed, so I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with life. Sex just didn’t seem that important. I loved you and our babies and I am not the sort of man to embark on an affair. Of course, I missed it, but I thought if I were patient things would improve eventually.’
That does not mean he's off the hook. It should have been discussed behind their closed door way before it became an article to be discussed on GT. I shouldn't have to ask my DH what is bothering him about our relationship before he lets me know what he expects from our partnership. He should feel he can discuss it with me the minute he feels it is becoming a thing he would like to get working on before it becomes an issue...

So, it's his fault she wrote an article? He did discuss it with her when she asked. Don't try to pretend it would have been better if he had walked up to her one day and said, "Honey, we have to talk about your weight - it is causing me not to be physically attracted to you, anymore."

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I hold hands with a lot of people I dont want to have sex with. After watching her work hard to keep the house clean and care for his children, he doesn't even think to reach out to her to hold her hand as she sits exhausted on the couch? It isn't about sex, it's about a simple loving gesture. He still loved her correct? Why would he need to be sexually attracted to her to hold her hand ?
That's YOU, though. It doesn't have to be everyone. I am NOT a touchy, feely person. I love my husband and am attracted to him - but I'm not still not a hold hands all the time kind of person even with him.
I wouldn't even think to hold hands with friends.

And what? He's not allowed to be tired and want to relax after working all day?

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 4th of June 2015 11:01:11 AM

Where did I say he couldn't be tired and want to relax? No where.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

So her depression is HIS fault, now. And him not wanting to make it worse by commenting on her weight is horrible, too?

Gosh, this is making me feel really sorry for men. Damned if they do, damned if they don't. This man is in a no win situation.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I hold hands with a lot of people I dont want to have sex with. After watching her work hard to keep the house clean and care for his children, he doesn't even think to reach out to her to hold her hand as she sits exhausted on the couch? It isn't about sex, it's about a simple loving gesture. He still loved her correct? Why would he need to be sexually attracted to her to hold her hand ?
That's YOU, though. It doesn't have to be everyone. I am NOT a touchy, feely person. I love my husband and am attracted to him - but I'm not still not a hold hands all the time kind of person even with him.
I wouldn't even think to hold hands with friends.

And what? He's not allowed to be tired and want to relax after working all day?

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 4th of June 2015 11:01:11 AM
Where did I say he couldn't be tired and want to relax? No where.

You are only concerned about what SHE may need at the end of the day after taking care of his children. You didn't even consider that he is out working all day to support that family. You are putting ALL the responsiblity on him to make a special, concerted effort.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

So her depression is HIS fault, now. And him not wanting to make it worse by commenting on her weight is horrible, too?

Gosh, this is making me feel really sorry for men. Damned if they do, damned if they don't. This man is in a no win situation.

Absolutely. Men get trashed for things they'd high five a woman for.

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

According to the OP - that's exactly what he did. He didn't do or say ANYTHING to his wife about her weight until she asked him point blank.

My husband stood by me throughout. He didn’t say a word about my ever-increasing waistline. Though, I doubt I’d have noticed if he had mentioned anything.
I was up to my eyes in nappies, so sex or intimacy was the last thing on my mind. When I went to bed, all I wanted to do was sleep. After confronting him last Saturday, I asked Mike how he’d felt during those years.
He said: ‘I wanted to say something about your weight, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I could see you were so busy with the children and I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about.

‘Anyhow, there was hardly a moment when we didn’t have a baby or child in our bed, so I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with life. Sex just didn’t seem that important. I loved you and our babies and I am not the sort of man to embark on an affair. Of course, I missed it, but I thought if I were patient things would improve eventually.’
That does not mean he's off the hook. It should have been discussed behind their closed door way before it became an article to be discussed on GT. I shouldn't have to ask my DH what is bothering him about our relationship before he lets me know what he expects from our partnership. He should feel he can discuss it with me the minute he feels it is becoming a thing he would like to get working on before it becomes an issue...
So, it's his fault she wrote an article? He did discuss it with her when she asked. Don't try to pretend it would have been better if he had walked up to her one day and said, "Honey, we have to talk about your weight - it is causing me not to be physically attracted to you, anymore."

They share responsibility in this. I didn't pretend otherwise. Whether this is better or not, if it is the way you as a spouse feel, how else do you start that conversation? How else do you remedy the situation?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.

huskerbb · Guru

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

He does love her. He never said anything about divorce. He never told her she was a fat ass. He hasn't cheated. Did he handle this exactly right? No, but neither did she for a long time--which she admits.

It was easier at the time for both of them to avoid the uncomfortable truth.

He's no hero, but neither is he the villain you and others make him out to be.

Tinydancer · Guru

I might faint but I totally agree with husker.

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.

Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.

But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.
But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

Vilify? How? By pointing out that he could have also made an effort at some point before this article was written? Seriously? Vilified?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.
But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

Vilify? How? By pointing out that he could have also made an effort at some point before this article was written? Seriously? Vilified?

Have you read this thread? Yes, he's being ripped up one side and down the other.

And they DID talk about it before this article was written - the discussion is part of the article.

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.
But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

Vilify? How? By pointing out that he could have also made an effort at some point before this article was written? Seriously? Vilified?
Have you read this thread? Yes, he's being ripped up one side and down the other.
And they DID talk about it before this article was written - the discussion is part of the article.

I have read the thread. Did I vilify the man though?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And really, WHEN would be the best time for a man to tell his wife he no longer finds her attractive? After the birth of one of their children? While she is in the thros of depression and trying to recover?

Or how about when she notices it is a problem and brings it up? Which is what he DID.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.
But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

Vilify? How? By pointing out that he could have also made an effort at some point before this article was written? Seriously? Vilified?
Have you read this thread? Yes, he's being ripped up one side and down the other.
And they DID talk about it before this article was written - the discussion is part of the article.
I have read the thread. Did I vilify the man though?

You jumped on the bandwagon to blame this man for "not talking about it before this article" which is not true.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan

Where does it say he ignored her? Not having sex with someone is ignoring her? You are stretching a LOT because you want to blame him for HER feeling bad.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.

I'm going to follow you around and agree with you NAOW...

flan

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
And really, WHEN would be the best time for a man to tell his wife he no longer finds her attractive? After the birth of one of their children? While she is in the thros of depression and trying to recover?

Or how about when she notices it is a problem and brings it up? Which is what he DID.

Whenever. I cannot tell them. Again, 2 way street. When is it ever a good time to discuss the cr@ppy stuff about relationship with your partner. You make the time. If it is important enough to affect something like your sex life which use to be a huge part of your life, you kinda figure it out. Just being married is not enough. You need to BE there. Work it. Make it work. Fix it if it's broken. Support. Fight for it. Like I said, maybe I see my partnership different to theirs, but this kind of thing will not go undiscussed. In fact, it is part of our day to day dialogue. Very little is off limits between Jus and I. Not always easy or comfortable, but no surprises like this later.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.

As would I. He could have approached it because he was concerned for her health. He could have found other ways to talk to her.

flan

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan
Where does it say he ignored her? Not having sex with someone is ignoring her? You are stretching a LOT because you want to blame him for HER feeling bad.

They are both to blame. Said that a few times.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
NAOW wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Blankie wrote:
I guess I don't get why she is so focused on what he thinks of her.
If I were her, I'd be focused on my own health. And obesity is a health issue.
I'd be wanting to get healthy for my own sake.
This, too! She's got 4 kids, doesn't she want to see them all grow up, get married, and have grandkids? Obese people do not live as long - that is a medical fact.
My DH and I actually talked about this a lot b/c his mother is obese and he worries about her a lot. He wanted to marry someone he could grow old with, not worry they keel over with a heart attack at 60.
And he could have said, "Hon, I love you and I want you to be around for a long time."
I got the impression it was more like, "You're too fat to fvck."
flan
Same here. He wouldn't hug her or hold her hand? That is why I am getting g a jerk vibe from him.
So she should divorce him because she let herself get so fat that he can't stand to touch her? That makes sense I guess if marriage means nothing.
I never said anything about divorce??
'So fat he can't stand to touch her' Are you joking? You can't touch someone who is fat? Maybe they should get divorced if what she looks like is the only thing her husband is attracted to about her. I can understand not finding her desirable anymore, but he should still be able to love her and muster up some affection for her.
That comment was disgusting. Seriously, so if your mom, or one of your kids becomes obese, you would not touch them-hug them-anymore?
This wasn't about me but the husband in the article. I'm not the one who couldn't touch her. Go on and make it about me if that makes you happy...lol

OK, you didn't say it, but you are defending it.

chillepeppa · Regular

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan
Where does it say he ignored her? Not having sex with someone is ignoring her? You are stretching a LOT because you want to blame him for HER feeling bad.
They are both to blame. Said that a few times.

Wrong quote... sorry

chillepeppa · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This man loves his wife. He considered foregoing a sex life worth it because he loves her and she had so much else going on that he didn't want to add that burden. And most decent men are not going to go around telling the woman they love that she is fat and he doesn't want to have sex with her because of it.

And they finally DID talk about it.
Maybe it's just me, but I need it talked out. I would be more upset that something like this was left for so long undiscussed than the actual issue.
But, why would you villify a man for not wanting to cause FURTHER distress to his wife suffering from depression by bringing something up she might not be able to do anything about at that time.

Vilify? How? By pointing out that he could have also made an effort at some point before this article was written? Seriously? Vilified?
Have you read this thread? Yes, he's being ripped up one side and down the other.
And they DID talk about it before this article was written - the discussion is part of the article.
I have read the thread. Did I vilify the man though?
You jumped on the bandwagon to blame this man for "not talking about it before this article" which is not true.

They are both to blame. Said that a few times.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan
Where does it say he ignored her? Not having sex with someone is ignoring her? You are stretching a LOT because you want to blame him for HER feeling bad.

He is responsible for his actions. PERIOD.

Several posters here have suggested other ways he could have handled the situation.

flan

NAOW · Vette's SS

Tinydancer wrote:
Get all worked up about this and it still changes nothing. He is not attracted to fat women and that's his choice. You can choose whatever you want but it's not about you either.

I said I understand if he doesn't find her desirable anymore, but she is his wife, I would hope that there are other qualities he values and finds attractive in her.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
And really, WHEN would be the best time for a man to tell his wife he no longer finds her attractive? After the birth of one of their children? While she is in the thros of depression and trying to recover?

Or how about when she notices it is a problem and brings it up? Which is what he DID.
Whenever. I cannot tell them. Again, 2 way street. When is it ever a good time to discuss the cr@ppy stuff about relationship with your partner. You make the time. If it is important enough to affect something like your sex life which use to be a huge part of your life, you kinda figure it out. Just being married is not enough. You need to BE there. Work it. Make it work. Fix it if it's broken. Support. Fight for it. Like I said, maybe I see my partnership different to theirs, but this kind of thing will not go undiscussed. In fact, it is part of our day to day dialogue. Very little is off limits between Jus and I. Not always easy or comfortable, but no surprises like this later.

But HE was not the one overly bothered by their lack of sex life. When she brought it up, did he refuse to discuss it? Did he deny it? Did he blow it off? No, he discussed it with her.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

NAOW wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Get all worked up about this and it still changes nothing. He is not attracted to fat women and that's his choice. You can choose whatever you want but it's not about you either.
I said I understand if he doesn't find her desirable anymore, but she is his wife, I would hope that there are other qualities he values and finds attractive in her.

And where does the article say that is not the case? In fact, it pretty much says the exact opposite.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
So he sees his wife upset and depressed and he doesn't think to reach out, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say "honey, something is really upsetting you. I think you need some help". He just withdraws and lets her get fatter. Nice guy. He really cares about her as a person. Not.

That too. I can tell you from personal experience that ignoring a depressed person sends this message: "You're not worth it.'

flan
Where does it say he ignored her? Not having sex with someone is ignoring her? You are stretching a LOT because you want to blame him for HER feeling bad.
He is responsible for his actions. PERIOD.
Several posters here have suggested other ways he could have handled the situation.
flan

Ummm, not really, other than TALK to her about it, and the article tells you why he didn't do that.

So, why does anyone else get to judge WHEN they should have talked about it? Why isn't when they did talk about it acceptable?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Just scanned this but, how many of you have been on anti depressants? The side effects are horrendous. My sister went off hers when she gained almost 120 pounds. Then she was admitted to a psych ward. She valued slimness over sanity. Of all the people I've every met on medication for depression I've only ever known one that didn't get a significant amount of weight. And before you start yelling at me that it's still her fault I will agree that it is but until others understand the difficulty when you suddenly pack on weight for nothing you psychically did wrong like eating or failing to exercise the sooner you can understand that it packs on more depression.