TOTALLY GEEKED!

VetteGirl wrote:

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I find it amazing how so many people know exactly what is going on inside of every person's head who is suicidal.

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Nobody knows.  And, even if they leave a note, that often leaves as many questions as answers.  But, not every suicide is long planned out event.   

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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VetteGirl wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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VetteGirl wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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My hair is really important to me. I spend an awful lot of time making sure it's how I want. I wouldn't kill myself over my hair now. I was a pretty depressed teenager and might have back then. But then again, I had a bunch of other factors playing into it. To say hair isn't important is silly. I would cry if I got cancer and lost my hair. No, I wouldn't want to die from the cancer but it would be sad to lose my hair. I can't believe people are saying hair isn't important. It may not be in the life and death category of importance but a lot of people feel that hair is important. How many bald men do comb overs?

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 Thank you for admitting that. I couldn't believe I was the only one. 

I did have other issues as well, but my appearance is important to me. How I dress and how I present myself to the world matters to me. I was raised by a mother who never left the house without a full face of makeup. Until we moved in with my grandmother when she became ill (I was 14 at the time) I had never seen her without lipstick on. Hair is important. 

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 Put me in this camp, if something were to happen to my hair I would be really really upset. I can't judge this situation not having the facts though, but I feel for the girl. Sad that this happened near me.

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 Put me in this camp too.  Don't F with my hair!

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 I have to say that my hair was never important to me. I guess I just won't ever understand this because what was in my head was always so much more important than what was on my head. Living up to some one elses ideal of what my hair looked like was always less important than what the next test would reveal I didn't know.

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 Who says just because someone's hair is important to them means they are "living up to someone else's ideal?"

Maybe I love my hair because I  love my hair.

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Exactly.  You don't have to explain or justify WHY to anyone. 

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 And...it isn't one or the other. You can really value your hair AND really value your brain both. 

flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't think anyone is going to die from slashing their wrists. Unless you hack in and severe both arteries but you are going to take awhile to bleed out. Most wrist slashing is just cutting across and with superficial wounds.

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You don't cut across, you cut the length of the forearm. And I thought the warm bath was so the blood would continue to flow.

flan 

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OK.  But, it isn't likely you are going to cut all the way through all the tissues and filet open your radial artery. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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I wonder whether he now thinks he just might have made a mistake.

I think every parent of every teen suicide wonders that. What they did wrong. Even if they parented perfectly. It's so easy to blame this father. He may not be father of the year but I've known a lot of people who have grown up in even worse circumstances that never killed themselves.

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 And I know plenty of people who smoked cigarettes like crazy who never got cancer - but that doesn't make it safe. Just because a certain action doesn't hurt some people doesn't mean it can't hurt others. 

He went out of his way to humiliate and shake his child. That isn't parenting. That is bullying. And I don't use that word often. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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I think I read she was being bullied at school. So having that video out there certainly wasn't going to help her feel more secure.

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 I think there were probably a lot of things going on and the hair cut might have pushed her over the edge.  JMO though.

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 I agree. I don't think it was the sole reason. I do think such public humiliation had a profound effect on her. And her father will have to live his life wondering if he contributed to her state of mind. Glad I don't have to live with that thought. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I would not let a 7 yr old alone at a playground let alone watching a 5 yr old to boot. A 7yr old cannot appreciate dangers and really doesn't even yet have the skill to cross the street alone. Unless u want to ignore child brain development and pretend otherwise.

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Who said anything about them crossing a street?

But, you are wrong, anyway.  Kids that age walk to school all the time--even crossing streets to do so.  Maybe it's just your kids that hadn't mastered that skill.  

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I am sorry you are ignorant of child development.

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LOL!!!!  Hardly the case.  Kids will generally do what you expect they can do.  If you expect nothing--you get nothing.  

Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

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 Sitcom discipline is not a viable option.

ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

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 If you want them to do it again and think they can get away with whatever.

ed11563 wrote:

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I was walking to and from school alone starting at age 5,

crossing several side streets, and the major street in front of the school.

seven tenths of a mile each way.

 

 

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Ages 5 - 9

Young children do not have the necessary skills and experience to be safe in traffic on their own. Children need supervision when in the road environment. While cultural, economic and practical conditions may render it unfeasible, ideally, until nine years of age, children encountering road traffic should be supervised by an adult. Children must be taught safe traffic behavior and observe positive role models. Strategies:

• Teach and model safe traffic behavior.
• Ensure that your children are supervised by a responsible adult on the way to and from school and whenever they are near roads.
• Discuss road signs and traffic signals with your children. Help your children identify safe places to cross streets.
• Discuss the rules for crossing with signals.
• Reinforce the STOP, LOOK, LISTEN and THINK procedure.
• Set a good example by adopting safe pedestrian practices yourself.
• The "Walking Bus" is a good way to model safe pedestrian practice for young children. Children and parents join with others walking to school to create a walking bus.

OK, we get it.  You didn't die and neither did your kids.  But, if you would seriously let a 5 year old out alone crossing the street alone upsupervised, I would have issue with you if you were my kid's grandparent.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I am OK with spanking. But, I also recognize there have been times when my children were having a meltdown that required a Hug and not a punishment. Where they became overwhelmed or overstimulated. And, doing that went much farther to help eliminate the problem than punishment. It's isn't Either Or.

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Thank you!

flan 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

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 If you want them to do it again and think they can get away with whatever.

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 That isn't true AT ALL.    There have been times when kids will act out due to simply being overwhelmed.  And, as a discerning parent, you can understand that and the BEST response is to give them a hug.  And, it an ounce of understanding goes a lot farther in that situation and also does remedy the situation and help rectify it in the future rather than punish, punish, punish.

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 A meltdown of frustration by a 3 year old is different than a tantrum.   Tantrum don't get hugs.

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What do they get?

flan 

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

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 If you want them to do it again and think they can get away with whatever.

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 That isn't true AT ALL.    There have been times when kids will act out due to simply being overwhelmed.  And, as a discerning parent, you can understand that and the BEST response is to give them a hug.  And, it an ounce of understanding goes a lot farther in that situation and also does remedy the situation and help rectify it in the future rather than punish, punish, punish.

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 A meltdown of frustration by a 3 year old is different than a tantrum.   Tantrum don't get hugs.

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What do they get?

flan 

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I have been out and see a child melting down.  And, the parent makes it WORSE by trying to scold, yell, spank or whatever.  There are times to scoop your child and understand that kids get tired and frustrated too. 

flan327 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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No, you can't hug away every problem, but a hug can be more effective than other forms of discipline.

flan

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A hug is not discipline.

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Right, but it can be the very best response to misbehavior. 

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 If you want them to do it again and think they can get away with whatever.

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 That isn't true AT ALL.    There have been times when kids will act out due to simply being overwhelmed.  And, as a discerning parent, you can understand that and the BEST response is to give them a hug.  And, it an ounce of understanding goes a lot farther in that situation and also does remedy the situation and help rectify it in the future rather than punish, punish, punish.

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 A meltdown of frustration by a 3 year old is different than a tantrum.   Tantrum don't get hugs.

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What do they get?

flan 

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 That depends on the circumstances.  There is no one size fits all answer to discipling children.  But hugs are not for when discipline is needed.

Ohfour wrote:

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I cut my son's hair when he screwed up. Long hair for a boy is a privilege. I let him grow out his hair as long as he didn't act a fool. And he was warned. I didn't buzz him for one infraction. I saw a pattern. So off came the hair. But he knew that was the punishment. And he had to earn the right to have it back. I think we went through this 2 times before he caught on...

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And we just don't know enough about the OP. Did the father tell her that he would cut her hair if she didn't behave, or did he snap & do it without warning? And the fact that he RECORDED it speaks volumes, imo.

flan