TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Friend's car triggers woman's PTSD

Vette · Owl drink to that!

It may sound stupid but I can relate. There are a few things that will trigger me as well and if they even get brought up in conversation I get sweaty and feel sick and will all of a sudden get intensely angry or sad depending on which trigger it is.

ed11563 · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
It may sound stupid but I can relate. There are a few things that will trigger me as well and if they even get brought up in conversation I get sweaty and feel sick and will all of a sudden get intensely angry or sad depending on which trigger it is.

I get it.

I still have issues with blue Honda CRV's.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh good grief.

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Oh good grief.

Lily, when was the last time you were hit by a 3,900 pound weapon moving at 40 mph?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Has nothing to do with it.

So you get in an accident. It happens. Caitlyn's car was totaled about 3 weeks ago. You know what the cop told her when she asked her pawpaw to drive her on to church? He told her to get back in the saddle. That it was the only way to get passed it and move on.

Now I know losing a child in a wreck is horrible. It's scared the crap out of me when I got the call about Caitlyn's wreck.

But come on. Grow some balls already.

Millions of people have car wrecks. They get on with their lives without the melodrama.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 7th of June 2015 12:37:42 PM

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.

No emotional issues AND no compassion for those who have them.

flan

NAOW · Vette's SS

lilyofcourse wrote:
Has nothing to do with it.

So you get in an accident. It happens. Caitlyn's car was totaled about 3 weeks ago. You know what the cop told her when she asked her pawpaw to drive her on to church? He told her to get back in the saddle. That it was the only way to get passed it and move on.

Now I know losing a child in a wreck is horrible. It's scared the crap out of me when I got the call about Caitlyn's wreck.

But come on. Grow some balls already.

Millions of people have car wrecks. They get on with their lives without the melodrama.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 7th of June 2015 12:37:42 PM

I can't get over how you are comparing your daughter's car accident to a baby dying.

It's a lot easier to get on with your life without the 'melodrama' when you walk away from the accident completely fine.

huskerbb · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.

Not remotely the same situation.

Pus, many people who have gone through some traumatic event act like they are the only ones who have ever done so. The fact is, nearly EVERYONE has gone through some emotional or physical trauma in their lives--including, I'm sure, Lily.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Sunday 7th of June 2015 01:06:38 PM

Vette · Owl drink to that!

The situation is different but the ptsd remains

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Yeah but just the knowledge that everyone else has gone through something too doesn't make it easier to bear. And different people are affected by things differently, hence the fact that we are all...different. Just because Lily seems to have the emotional level of a wet paper bag sometimes doesn't mean we all do.

huskerbb · Guru

Mental fortitude is a good quality to have.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Sure it is, tons of qualities are great to have, but no one has all of them our we would be a perfect human race.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.

No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!

Huge difference. Huge.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.

I have to deal with crap. Everyone does.

But I try my best to not let my crap define me. And I refuse to let it affect others.

My crap should not be someone else's problem.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.
No emotional issues AND no compassion for those who have them.
flan

Whatever.

Do you have ANYTHING to say about the OP or are you just trolling?

Vette · Owl drink to that!

lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.
No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!
Huge difference. Huge.

Really? He saw death. She saw death. OF HER OWN BABY.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.
I have to deal with crap. Everyone does.
But I try my best to not let my crap define me. And I refuse to let it affect others.
My crap should not be someone else's problem.

Pretty much this.

Like I said, many people who went through trauma seem to wear it like a badge and assume no one else ever has.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

NAOW wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Has nothing to do with it.

So you get in an accident. It happens. Caitlyn's car was totaled about 3 weeks ago. You know what the cop told her when she asked her pawpaw to drive her on to church? He told her to get back in the saddle. That it was the only way to get passed it and move on.

Now I know losing a child in a wreck is horrible. It's scared the crap out of me when I got the call about Caitlyn's wreck.

But come on. Grow some balls already.

Millions of people have car wrecks. They get on with their lives without the melodrama.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 7th of June 2015 12:37:42 PM
I can't get over how you are comparing your daughter's car accident to a baby dying.

It's a lot easier to get on with your life without the 'melodrama' when you walk away from the accident completely fine.

I empathize with the woman. I said losing a child is horrible.

But let's face it. She ain't the only one to have lost a child.

Compassion is feeling bad about it. Understanding the gravity of it.

But her friends need to ok a car efore buying it? Whats next? What about when friend has her own child?

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
NAOW wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Has nothing to do with it.

So you get in an accident. It happens. Caitlyn's car was totaled about 3 weeks ago. You know what the cop told her when she asked her pawpaw to drive her on to church? He told her to get back in the saddle. That it was the only way to get passed it and move on.

Now I know losing a child in a wreck is horrible. It's scared the crap out of me when I got the call about Caitlyn's wreck.

But come on. Grow some balls already.

Millions of people have car wrecks. They get on with their lives without the melodrama.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 7th of June 2015 12:37:42 PM
I can't get over how you are comparing your daughter's car accident to a baby dying.

It's a lot easier to get on with your life without the 'melodrama' when you walk away from the accident completely fine.
I empathize with the woman. I said losing a child is horrible.

But let's face it. She ain't the only one to have lost a child.

Compassion is feeling bad about it. Understanding the gravity of it.
But her friends need to ok a car efore buying it? Whats next? What about when friend has her own child?

My mother lost three. I had an old neighbor who buried three kids, a wife, and a couple of grandchildren.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.
No emotional issues AND no compassion for those who have them.
flan
Whatever.
Do you have ANYTHING to say about the OP or are you just trolling?

I have an opinion. I am stating it.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
Yeah but just the knowledge that everyone else has gone through something too doesn't make it easier to bear. And different people are affected by things differently, hence the fact that we are all...different. Just because Lily seems to have the emotional level of a wet paper bag sometimes doesn't mean we all do.

Sooo... being emotionally stable is now a bad thing?

Then I will take it.

I don't know all the crap you have been through and you don't know all the crap I have been through.

I'm not going to say either is worse than the other.

But a car wreck vs. War.

There is NO comparison. War is worse.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Yeah but just the knowledge that everyone else has gone through something too doesn't make it easier to bear. And different people are affected by things differently, hence the fact that we are all...different. Just because Lily seems to have the emotional level of a wet paper bag sometimes doesn't mean we all do.
Sooo... being emotionally stable is now a bad thing?
Then I will take it.
I don't know all the crap you have been through and you don't know all the crap I have been through.
I'm not going to say either is worse than the other.
But a car wreck vs. War.
There is NO comparison. War is worse.

Not just a "car wreck," the death of her child.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.
No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!
Huge difference. Huge.

Really? He saw death. She saw death. OF HER OWN BABY.

Yeah. Still not the same.

Not saying losing a baby isn't awful. It is.

But that is a one time event. It happens in one moment.

War lasts for days and days and days.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
You seem to have no emotional issues whatsoever well good for you. Not everyone is so lucky.
No emotional issues AND no compassion for those who have them.
flan
Whatever.
Do you have ANYTHING to say about the OP or are you just trolling?
I have an opinion. I am stating it.
flan

So just trolling. Good to know.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Then Vette is also a troll because she dared address a comment to you?

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
Then Vette is also a troll because she dared address a comment to you?

flan

No. She actually had a first post regarding the actual OP.

You have yet to do so.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Yes war is terrible...but the OP has not been through a war. She HAS been through the death of her child. I cannot even imagine that. Just because there are worse things (and I don't think war is worse, I would rather something happen to ME than to my child any day of the week) doesn't mean this event isn't terrible.

The OP didn't want to approve her friend's car choice. She just wants to know the best way to explain her PTSD trigger to her friend without making her friend feel badly. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

NAOW wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Has nothing to do with it.

So you get in an accident. It happens. Caitlyn's car was totaled about 3 weeks ago. You know what the cop told her when she asked her pawpaw to drive her on to church? He told her to get back in the saddle. That it was the only way to get passed it and move on.

Now I know losing a child in a wreck is horrible. It's scared the crap out of me when I got the call about Caitlyn's wreck.

But come on. Grow some balls already.

Millions of people have car wrecks. They get on with their lives without the melodrama.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 7th of June 2015 12:37:42 PM
I can't get over how you are comparing your daughter's car accident to a baby dying.

It's a lot easier to get on with your life without the 'melodrama' when you walk away from the accident completely fine.

Seriously. It is not the same AT ALL.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.
No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!
Huge difference. Huge.

Really? He saw death. She saw death. OF HER OWN BABY.
Yeah. Still not the same.
Not saying losing a baby isn't awful. It is.
But that is a one time event. It happens in one moment.
War lasts for days and days and days.

Wow. You are being unbelievably insensitive and just plain obtuse. Thank God you don't know what it is like to lose a child. Let's hope you never do.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

The thing is, most people have experienced some sort of trauma. We that experienced it know there are certain triggers that drag up those shock moments and try to avoid them. Our friends get that no matter how trivial those triggers may seem. The best friends get it, even if they don't understand it, and support us. That is what the OP is about. If you don't get that, then you just aren't that good friend.

msrock · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.
No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!
Huge difference. Huge.

Really? He saw death. She saw death. OF HER OWN BABY.
Yeah. Still not the same.
Not saying losing a baby isn't awful. It is.
But that is a one time event. It happens in one moment.
War lasts for days and days and days.

Wow. You are being unbelievably insensitive and just plain obtuse. Thank God you don't know what it is like to lose a child. Let's hope you never do.

Yeah. That could be the most crass thing I've ever read.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

So again. I ask. Having your crap together is a bad thing?

Not putting your crap on other people is a bad thing?

How does she talk to her friend about the new car her friend is so happy about and tell her friend that the car causes her mental and emotional distress to the point of breakdown ?

Why do that to your friend?

msrock · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
So again. I ask. Having your crap together is a bad thing?

Not putting your crap on other people is a bad thing?

How does she talk to her friend about the new car her friend is so happy about and tell her friend that the car causes her mental and emotional distress to the point of breakdown ?

Why do that to your friend?

I'm not talking about having your crap together because trust me... I do. I'm just flabbergasted about how cold you are. Your comments on losing a child are nonchalant. Get over it. Right? I mean you weren't in a war or anything... ? Huh???

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
So again. I ask. Having your crap together is a bad thing?

Not putting your crap on other people is a bad thing?

How does she talk to her friend about the new car her friend is so happy about and tell her friend that the car causes her mental and emotional distress to the point of breakdown ?

Why do that to your friend?

If she doesn't tell her friend, her friend will still know something is seriously wrong. She wouldn't be able to hide her feelings from her friend.

She needs to figure out the right way to explain it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Seems like she needs therapy. A friend wouldn't try to tarnish another friends happiness. Sometimes suckling it up is the right thing to do.

msrock · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
Would you say the same thing to a soldier coming back from the war? Ptsd is pretty serious stuff.
No. BECAUSE HE WAS IN A WAR!
Huge difference. Huge.

Really? He saw death. She saw death. OF HER OWN BABY.
Yeah. Still not the same.
Not saying losing a baby isn't awful. It is.
But that is a one time event. It happens in one moment.
War lasts for days and days and days.

Well then don't judge people that have abortions. confuse

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
So again. I ask. Having your crap together is a bad thing?

Not putting your crap on other people is a bad thing?

How does she talk to her friend about the new car her friend is so happy about and tell her friend that the car causes her mental and emotional distress to the point of breakdown ?

Why do that to your friend?

What the hell is wrong with you? Why do consider this friend's happiness over her new car to be a more important emotion than a woman's grief over the death of her child?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

A miscarriage happens "in a moment" too.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

There is nothing wrong with me. The crap I've seen and lived through would half of you in a locked mental ward.

But I don't flip out when I see flare guns or telephone cords or hear gates clanking shut.

I took care of my crap. I didn't put it on other people.

I'm not saying the car is more important. But the friends feelings are just as important.

And I don't see them remaining friends for long after being told that the car causes mental anguish. It isn't like a picture you can shove in a drawer when you need to. It's a car.

I am sure there are probably thousands of that car on the road. What's the OP going to do? Flip every time she sees one?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
There is nothing wrong with me. The crap I've seen and lived through would half of you in a locked mental ward.

But I don't flip out when I see flare guns or telephone cords or hear gates clanking shut.

I took care of my crap. I didn't put it on other people.

I'm not saying the car is more important. But the friends feelings are just as important.

And I don't see them remaining friends for long after being told that the car causes mental anguish. It isn't like a picture you can shove in a drawer when you need to. It's a car.

I am sure there are probably thousands of that car on the road. What's the OP going to do? Flip every time she sees one?

And I'm guessing that "crap" was the result of choices YOU made.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
There is nothing wrong with me. The crap I've seen and lived through would half of you in a locked mental ward.

But I don't flip out when I see flare guns or telephone cords or hear gates clanking shut.

I took care of my crap. I didn't put it on other people.

I'm not saying the car is more important. But the friends feelings are just as important.

And I don't see them remaining friends for long after being told that the car causes mental anguish. It isn't like a picture you can shove in a drawer when you need to. It's a car.

I am sure there are probably thousands of that car on the road. What's the OP going to do? Flip every time she sees one?

And I'm guessing that "crap" was the result of choices YOU made.
flan

No. Not all of it.

But again, what about the other thousands and thousands of that kind of car?

FNW · Guru

I think she should tell her friend briefly, and leave it alone. The friend will understand then if she doesn't want to see her new proud possession. And she should get grief relief to deal with her loss.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
There is nothing wrong with me. The crap I've seen and lived through would half of you in a locked mental ward.

But I don't flip out when I see flare guns or telephone cords or hear gates clanking shut.

I took care of my crap. I didn't put it on other people.

I'm not saying the car is more important. But the friends feelings are just as important.

And I don't see them remaining friends for long after being told that the car causes mental anguish. It isn't like a picture you can shove in a drawer when you need to. It's a car.

I am sure there are probably thousands of that car on the road. What's the OP going to do? Flip every time she sees one?

Oh, please. Give me a break.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

What? Not enough gut wrenching detail?

It has to be crap right?

Once again, what about the other cars like this one on the road?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
What? Not enough gut wrenching detail?

It has to be crap right?

Once again, what about the other cars like this one on the road?

There is a difference between a car passing by you on the road and having one pull into your driveway. But there are rarely that many same year, make, model and color of older cars around you at all times. But the biggest thing is that she probably does things with her friend and does not want to ride in it.

And trust me - there are people here who have been through more than you - dealt with more death, dealt with more issues. The fact that you were a wild child that got herself in trouble a lot doesn't make you so special as to know everything better than everyone else.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh I see.

Having crap to deal with, and dealing with it and not making another carry your baggage is bad.

And I have brought a lot on myself. Tell me one time I didn't own it?

But there is a lot of crap that I didn't bring on myself. Still not making others carry it.

It seems being a victim is some lofty goal these days. Why?

And if just seeing her friends car brings on these feelings. It stands to reason that seeing any car of that make and model would do the exact same thing.

Look. My very first post on this thread was 3 little words.

And it quickly became a personal attack.

But I have answered questions and responded to each post.

Don't get the extreme angst over it all.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Yeah, your 3 little words said a lot about you. It conveyed a whole lot of nasty attitude with an extra serving of heartless. Dealing with crap you bring on yourself, or that is regular life crap is not remotely the same as having YOUR CHILD DIE.