DEAR AMY: I am recently widowed (18 months) and am not sure what I should do about my husband's debt. My mother-in-law assisted us with down payment money when we purchased our home in 2007. We signed a note for this very generous sum and agreed upon monthly payments. Every payment was made on time, and no payment was ever missed. After my husband passed away, once I received his life insurance money I repaid the loan in full. At the time of my repayment of this loan, my mother-in-law brought to my attention several other "loans" made to my husband (her son), which total over $17,000. She sent this information as a "QuickBooks" attachment detailing the loans. These "loans" were made three to four years earlier while my husband and I were briefly separated. I did not know about these loans and there is no agreement or paperwork about repayment of them between my mother-in-law and my husband. My husband seems to have made efforts to pay his mother, but on a very sporadic basis. I am very upset about all of this and do not know what to tell my mother-in-law. I think it is so rude of her to ask me for this money -- it should be considered a gift and I should not be expected to pay something that I did not know about, benefit from or agree upon. I'd appreciate your take on this.
Widow
DEAR WIDOW: The down payment loan was documented well and paid in full. Presumably you were a co-signer on this loan; at the very least you were informed of it and agreed to it. The other loans were not documented. Nor were you aware of them.
You should double-check with a lawyer, but I don't think you are legally liable to repay these debts. It may depend on the community property laws in your state.
Nor do you have an ethical responsibility to repay this money. These loans were made without your knowledge or consent.
Tell your mother-in-law that you are very upset to learn of these debts. Explain to her that these loans were made without your knowledge and that you don't feel obligated to repay them. Ask her to describe the circumstances behind these loans, make your decision and move on.
-- Edited by ed11563 on Sunday 28th of June 2015 08:59:53 PM
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
What kind of mother uses her son's death to make sure she gets paid back? If one of my kids died, getting paid would be the LAST thing on my grieving mind.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Makes you wonder if mom had issue with daughter in law.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I still can't wrap my mind around a thought process like " my child has been dead for less than two years. It's time to make sure I get my money back". I would still be mourning my child, I am sorry. Not an everyday hysterical mourning, but for sure not worried about how much money my dead child's estate owed me.
This MIL might be as bad as mine. Well, mine actually stole from us so maybe not...but still...
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I still can't wrap my mind around a thought process like " my child has been dead for less than two years. It's time to make sure I get my money back". I would still be mourning my child, I am sorry. Not an everyday hysterical mourning, but for sure not worried about how much money my dead child's estate owed me.
This MIL might be as bad as mine. Well, mine actually stole from us so maybe not...but still...
Plus, there's more important considerations here than money--especially if they have kids.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
