TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: 6 Year old wants to stay overnight with Uncle Bob

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Um, no. Just no. But, you can "love and trust " someone but that doesn't mean you need to let your kid have sleepovers. Jeepers.

huskerbb · Guru

I'm not one to see pedophiles around every corner, but something about this doesn't feel right.

Whose idea was this sleepover? Why would a grown man want a sleepover with a six year old who he's not related to? If mom is so "sure", then why bother asking anyone?

I'd really like to know whose idea it is? Did she come up with it in her own--or did Bob put the idea in her head?

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
I'm not one to see pedophiles around every corner, but something about this doesn't feel right.

Whose idea was this sleepover? Why would a grown man want a sleepover with a six year old who he's not related to? If mom is so "sure", then why bother asking anyone?

I'd really like to know whose idea it is? Did she come up with it in her own--or did Bob put the idea in her head?

Yep.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

If I were Bob I would not be comfortable with this. Even if he is a saint it could cause gossip with his neighbors & just blow up into a big mess.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
I'm not one to see pedophiles around every corner, but something about this doesn't feel right.

Whose idea was this sleepover? Why would a grown man want a sleepover with a six year old who he's not related to? If mom is so "sure", then why bother asking anyone?

I'd really like to know whose idea it is? Did she come up with it in her own--or did Bob put the idea in her head?

But according to you on another thread perceptions shouldn't matter.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lexxy wrote:
If I were Bob I would not be comfortable with this. Even if he is a saint it could cause gossip with his neighbors & just blow up into a big mess.

Well, you can't live your life worrying about GOSSIP! That would make you classless!!!!!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Because protecting your CHILD is exactly the same as two adults having a business lunch.

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

They are not the same but perceptions are perceptions in either case. You can't have it both ways...lol

huskerbb · Guru

I'm not worried about gossip. I'd be concerned about bobs motives.

Tinydancer · Guru

But he's done nothing wrong. It's just your perception of what should be...lol

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
But he's done nothing wrong. It's just your perception of what should be...lol

Not yet. And maybe he won't--but would you allow it?

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I have no idea what Bob's motives are. I just think he should not entertain a child overnight. He may not even know the child is asking mom for an overnight.

huskerbb · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
I have no idea what Bob's motives are. I just think he should not entertain a child overnight. He may not even know the child is asking mom for an overnight.

He may not--whose idea it is would be crucial information. He may be horrirfied if mom suggested it and his horror may not have anything to do with perceptions, but due to the fact that he doesn't wnat to care for a six year old overnight.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Tuesday 7th of July 2015 11:18:55 AM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think a parent should trust their gut.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I think a parent should trust their gut.

I hate to echo Ed, but lots of parents have done that with bad results. Recently, a mothers live in boyfriend beat her six year old son to death.

chef · Guru

I have a male friend that I 100% trust with my son. I would let my son have overnights at said friend's place if both wanted to do so.

It would be the same if I had a daughter.

ed11563 · Guru

When DS2 was 5, one of his friend-girls came over for a sleep-over.

At 5, she had no boundaries.

I wouldn't want to be alone in a house with a 5 y.o. girl overnight, if only because people could read something into it later.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.

But, but, why not?? biggrin

huskerbb · Guru

I've been giving this more thought. We have a close family friend who I would trust 100% with my children or grandchildren. If I needed a babysitter, he might not top the list, be he'd be on it. He's in his fifties and divorced with a couple of grandkids of his own.

That said, I think there is a difference between trusting someone to baby-sit, and them or your child asking for a "sleepover". It's maybe a subtle distinction that is hard to quantify, but I think there's a difference. Maybe its partly the fact he's not a lifelong bachelor and has kids and grandkids of his own, but even that aside, I think there is a difference between me asking someone to babysit, and them wanting to have a sleepover.

cadiver · Senior Member

Just going by names I think Uncle Bob is one step below Uncle Ernie. Doesn't instill trust.

-- Edited by cadiver on Thursday 9th of July 2015 01:29:23 PM

chef · Guru

Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

chef wrote:
Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.

I agree with you 100%. Just because a man is alone with a child doesn't mean he is a pedophile.

Maybe Uncle Bob lets her watch football on TV and mom only lets her watch cartoons. Maybe Uncle Bob makes the girl delicious snacks and mom and dad make her fend for herself. Maybe Uncle Bob thinks his biological clock is ticking and wants to see if he can handle a kid overnight before he runs out and has a kid of his own. Maybe Uncle Bob likes having an excuse to watch cartoons and play Barbies. Maybe he is a nurturing person who enjoys spending time with children.

If this were Aunt Barb wanting little Timmy to spend the night, no one would blink an eye. They would say how wonderful Aunt Barb was and how maternal and how she would make a great mother someday. But Unlce Bob is a creep. Sad.

ed11563 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.
But, but, why not??

Michael Jackson?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
chef wrote:
Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.
I agree with you 100%. Just because a man is alone with a child doesn't mean he is a pedophile.

Maybe Uncle Bob lets her watch football on TV and mom only lets her watch cartoons. Maybe Uncle Bob makes the girl delicious snacks and mom and dad make her fend for herself. Maybe Uncle Bob thinks his biological clock is ticking and wants to see if he can handle a kid overnight before he runs out and has a kid of his own. Maybe Uncle Bob likes having an excuse to watch cartoons and play Barbies. Maybe he is a nurturing person who enjoys spending time with children.
If this were Aunt Barb wanting little Timmy to spend the night, no one would blink an eye. They would say how wonderful Aunt Barb was and how maternal and how she would make a great mother someday. But Unlce Bob is a creep. Sad.

I wonder what percentage of pedophiles are men (and what percentage are women)?

flan

-- Edited by flan327 on Thursday 9th of July 2015 02:06:34 PM

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.

Statistically, no. pedophiles are nearly all male. Females classified as pedophiles are pretty much all the variety of the hot teacher who has sex with her student. A pedophile still? Yes, but not a danger to a six year old.

That said, not all men are pedophiles by any stretch--and if you've read any of my posts you know that I am the last one to see pedophiles around ever corner.

However, a 50 year old dude asking for a sleepover with a six year old just throws up too many red flags--and if it's the kid who brought it up, I have a hard time believing it is their idea.

Ohfour · Hooker

flan327 wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
chef wrote:
Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.
I agree with you 100%. Just because a man is alone with a child doesn't mean he is a pedophile.

Maybe Uncle Bob lets her watch football on TV and mom only lets her watch cartoons. Maybe Uncle Bob makes the girl delicious snacks and mom and dad make her fend for herself. Maybe Uncle Bob thinks his biological clock is ticking and wants to see if he can handle a kid overnight before he runs out and has a kid of his own. Maybe Uncle Bob likes having an excuse to watch cartoons and play Barbies. Maybe he is a nurturing person who enjoys spending time with children.
If this were Aunt Barb wanting little Timmy to spend the night, no one would blink an eye. They would say how wonderful Aunt Barb was and how maternal and how she would make a great mother someday. But Unlce Bob is a creep. Sad.
I wonder what percentage of pedophiles are men (and what percentage are women)?
flan

-- Edited by flan327 on Thursday 9th of July 2015 02:06:34 PM

I can't look it up here because it would flag IT, but I think it's 98%. So yeah, it's a shame that men are cast in that light, but that's just the way it is...

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.
But, but, why not??
Michael Jackson?

Well he liked boys so the girl in the OP would be safe.

Aside from that, there are plenty of women who do terrible things to children. Remember the girl who was missing a few years ago and they found her sexually assaulted and stuffed into a suitcase? A woman did that to her.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
chef wrote:
Personally, I'm tired of the bias against men. Pedophiles can be male or female but society seems to ignore that. Uncle Bob may be disgusted by even the thought of inappropriately touching a child whereas Aunt Barb might dream of being to do naughty things to children. Of course, parents should be on the lookout but I think it's wrong to be automatically biased against a person being alone with a child just because he's a man. DH and G (our friend) are offended by the notion that men are viewed in such a way.
I agree with you 100%. Just because a man is alone with a child doesn't mean he is a pedophile.

Maybe Uncle Bob lets her watch football on TV and mom only lets her watch cartoons. Maybe Uncle Bob makes the girl delicious snacks and mom and dad make her fend for herself. Maybe Uncle Bob thinks his biological clock is ticking and wants to see if he can handle a kid overnight before he runs out and has a kid of his own. Maybe Uncle Bob likes having an excuse to watch cartoons and play Barbies. Maybe he is a nurturing person who enjoys spending time with children.
If this were Aunt Barb wanting little Timmy to spend the night, no one would blink an eye. They would say how wonderful Aunt Barb was and how maternal and how she would make a great mother someday. But Unlce Bob is a creep. Sad.

Not if aunt barb is 60 like uncle bob they aren't gushing about how she'll make a good mother someday.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

It doesn't say how old Uncle Bob is. And the OP has no concerns about him.

huskerbb · Guru

If she truly had no concerns, she wouldnt have written the letter.

huskerbb · Guru

Also, I'm sure the mother whose boyfriend beat her son to death didnt have any concerns, either.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.
But, but, why not??
Michael Jackson?

I don't believe MJ was a pedophile. I think he was asexual.

NAOW · Vette's SS

DD stays the night for fun with my mom and my sister. No biggie. But if any other non blood related adult (like 'Uncle Bob' in the OP) asked for to come over for a sleepover and they didn't have kids of their own- I would be side eyeing the hell out of them. Man or woman. I agree with Husker, there is a difference between a parent asking a trusted adult to babysit vs an adult wanting a child for a sleepover.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.
But, but, why not??
Michael Jackson?
I don't believe MJ was a pedophile. I think he was asexual.

He sure did pay off a lot of people for nothing then... confuse

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is the stupidest letter, yet. Of course you don't let 6 year old girls have sleepovers with grown men.
But, but, why not??
Michael Jackson?
I don't believe MJ was a pedophile. I think he was asexual.

And OJ was innocent.

FNW · Guru

I would say, NFW (no f*ing way). Creepy. I agree with Husker.

ed11563 · Guru

FNW wrote:
I would say, NFW (no f*ing way). Creepy. I agree with Husker.

You agree that OJ was innocent?????

cry

huskerbb · Guru

There's just something different between these two scenarios:

Husker: Hey, bob, do you have time to watch the kid this weekend, we'll be gone overnight.
Bob: I'll check my schedule, but I think I can.

And this

Bob: Boy, I'd really like little Sally to stay all night at my place for a sleepover Friday night.
Husker: Why?
Bob: Well, um, she's cute and I like her.

Could be totally innocent either way, but the second scenario just sounds creepy.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
There's just something different between these two scenarios:

Husker: Hey, bob, do you have time to watch the kid this weekend, we'll be gone overnight.
Bob: I'll check my schedule, but I think I can.

And this

Bob: Boy, I'd really like little Sally to stay all night at my place for a sleepover Friday night.
Husker: Why?
Bob: Well, um, she's cute and I like her.

Could be totally innocent either way, but the second scenario just sounds creepy.

Except that isn't whats happening in the OP. The child wants to spend the night at Uncle Bob's. It was the child's idea, not Bob's.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
There's just something different between these two scenarios:

Husker: Hey, bob, do you have time to watch the kid this weekend, we'll be gone overnight.
Bob: I'll check my schedule, but I think I can.

And this

Bob: Boy, I'd really like little Sally to stay all night at my place for a sleepover Friday night.
Husker: Why?
Bob: Well, um, she's cute and I like her.

Could be totally innocent either way, but the second scenario just sounds creepy.
Except that isn't whats happening in the OP. The child wants to spend the night at Uncle Bob's. It was the child's idea, not Bob's.

WHOA!!!!!! We DO NOT know that at all. We don't know where the child got the idea. It was the child who brought it up, so IF it is the child's idea, then Bob probably doesn't even know about it and probably doesn't want to do it.

However, it's highly unlikely the kid brought it up out of nowhere. Bob probably planted the seed--which throws up even more red flags.

FNW · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
FNW wrote:
I would say, NFW (no f*ing way). Creepy. I agree with Husker.
You agree that OJ was innocent?????

No, I believe OJ was guilty. I believe someone put the slumber party idea in the child's head.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

The LW doesn't say who asked for the slumber party. Crucial piece of information.

ed11563 · Guru

FNW wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
FNW wrote:
I would say, NFW (no f*ing way). Creepy. I agree with Husker.
You agree that OJ was innocent?????
No, I believe OJ was guilty. I believe someone put the slumber party idea in the child's head.

I don't know who thought of DS2 and his friend-girl having a sleep-over. I think it was probably her mother, or the girl. She'd been to sleep-overs with other friends, DS had not.

Of COURSE OJ was guilty. The fact that the Akita was present and didn't kill the attacker had me convinced from the start that the killer had to be the Alpha male in the pack, and that was OJ.

Ohfour · Hooker

Hijack:
I TRULY believed OJ was innocent. I was so happy when the verdict was read...

But I also campaigned for Al Gore...so there's that.

Ah, the naivety of youth...

ed11563 · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Hijack:
I TRULY believed OJ was innocent. I was so happy when the verdict was read...

But I also campaigned for Al Gore...so there's that.

Ah, the naivety of youth...

The dog would have killed Al Gore, or me if I was the attacker.

Why didn't t he dog attack the killer to protect the Alpha Female?

FNW · Guru

I was at a beach party where OJ showed up with a cooler of soft drinks. He was a neighbor. My friend, the host, talked about him. "Nice guy, but he sure likes to beat his wife." So I was biased when he was arrested.

-- Edited by FNW on Thursday 9th of July 2015 08:16:02 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
The LW doesn't say who asked for the slumber party. Crucial piece of information.

Yeah, that would be good to know. I just have a hard time featuring a six year old coming up with a sleepover at Bob's on their own, though.

If it truly is the kid's idea--then the LW doesn't even know if Bob wants to do this, so all this angst is a moot point until she finds that out.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
The LW doesn't say who asked for the slumber party. Crucial piece of information.
Yeah, that would be good to know. I just have a hard time featuring a six year old coming up with a sleepover at Bob's on their own, though.

If it truly is the kid's idea--then the LW doesn't even know if Bob wants to do this, so all this angst is a moot point until she finds that out.

The last line of the first paragraph reads "now she wants to have sleepovers at Uncle Bob's". She refers to the child. It doesn't say "uncle Bob has asked us if child can sleep over".

Once a child has a sleep over at grandma's house, a child thinks sleepovers are awesome! You get to eat stuff mom probably wouldn't let you eat, watch cool TV shows, stay up late, etc. So the girl probably sees staying over at Uncle Bob's as equally awesome. Granted, Uncle Bob might not even know about her desire to spend the night.