DEAR AMY: My son's father (we were never married) and I just "resolved" a very difficult and contentious custody battle. My ex wanted more time with our son "Ben" (he is almost 9 years old), but because of issues at his house, my husband and I resisted allowing this. The legal motion was decided in my favor, but because the father did not "win" he started spreading vicious lies about my husband and me at the school our kids attend, the sports teams Ben plays on, and with the parents of the children he plays with. People I used to be on good terms with no longer talk to me. The worst part is that my son is now cut off from his friends. He has been very isolated this summer. He is at a loss as to why his friends aren't around. How can I show that none of what was said was true without stooping to my ex's level, so at the very least my son can have his friends back?
DEAR CONFUSED: To other parents, you should sincerely and accurately correct any specific disinformation you become aware of. Otherwise explain, "My ex and I were involved in a legal challenge. There were some bad feelings. I'm concerned about making sure that 'Ben' can continue to see his friends. Can we get the boys together?" If you are rebuffed, move on.
This summer, enroll him in day camp, if possible. Offer him group swimming lessons and plenty of time outdoors. Take him to the library and encourage him to read books that excite his imagination and interests. The Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling and the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan are perfect companions for a boy between friendships during a lonely summer. Speak with your librarian and check the Scholastic website at scholastic.com for age-appropriate recommendations.
At the beginning of the school year, make sure your son is engaged in after-school extras like music, drama, art and/or the sports he enjoys. Boy Scouts might also be a good fit for him. Make sure his teacher understands some of his current challenges. She may be able to help steer his social connections during school.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
And shame on those parents that take the father at his word as to whatever the nasty rumors are. To judge someone harshly based solely on the word of another.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
He sounds more like a sperm doner than a father. Anyone who would do that to their kid does not deserve the title father. The parents who believed those lies should have talked to the mother about their concerns and not take it out on a innocent little boy
-- Edited by Lindley on Saturday 25th of July 2015 09:56:17 AM
-- Edited by Lindley on Saturday 25th of July 2015 09:56:51 AM
He sounds more like a sperm doner than a father. Anyone who would do that to their kid does not deserve the title father. The parents who believed those lies should have talked to the mother about their concerns and not take it out on a innocent little boy
-- Edited by Lindley on Saturday 25th of July 2015 09:56:17 AM
-- Edited by Lindley on Saturday 25th of July 2015 09:56:51 AM
I agree 100%. I wanted to type sperm donor but settled for putting father in quotes.
But the reality is, people don't have time to sort through other people's messy lives. If a man came up to me and told me that stuff, I would probably know he was lying, but would not want my kids anywhere near that kind of crazy. If he would do that to his son, what would he do to me, a stranger, who had his son over for a play date? He probably wouldn't have a second thought about suing me if his son got a skinned knee, or accusing me of neglecting them because I let them hang out in the house while I went outside to get the mail or whatever.
It isn't fair. But it is my responsibility to protect my family and I have the right not to be around your crazy.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
And shame on those parents that take the father at his word as to whatever the nasty rumors are. To judge someone harshly based solely on the word of another.
I agree. What kind of friends are those? And to take it out on the kid?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
But why would anyone want to be around that kind of craziness? I don't have time to sort out your personal life and all its drama, and frankly I don't want to. I have zero desire to put my family in the middle of someone else's family crisis. I would stay away from that family until the dust settled and the psycho dad was out of the picture. Unless of course these are really close friends. If these are just people whose kids go to school with mine...sorry. I am not getting involved in your drama.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
