TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb · Guru

RE: elderly mom keeps falling for scams

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Once again, I agree with husker. Dang, that's twice in a few days!!

I know I would want my family to step in and help guide me if that was happening to me. If I can't stop myself from being scammed, then my family darn well better step in and stop it for me.

huskerbb · Guru

I hope my sons care enough to do that for me.

Mary Zombie · Guru

It wasn't that difficult to get guardianships with my parents . They didn't even have to appear in court . Yep mainly because of dementia but also to stop my sister from mooching. Had the mail redirected too . Except the paper. They were good as long as they had that!

Tinydancer · Guru

I would hope any child would but that still doesn't mean they can MAKE you.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
I hope my sons care enough to do that for me.

Same here.

huskerbb · Guru

The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
I would hope any child would but that still doesn't mean they can MAKE you.

See previous post. Yes, you damn well can.

Tinydancer · Guru

Sorry but unless I was mentally incapacitated and they got POA legally there's no way in hell my kids would be able to stop me spend my money however I see fit.

Mary Zombie · Guru

We had to remove all access to the money . Mom actually did it with her blessing. She knew she was losing it and trusted bro and I . Dad was combative but somehow knew better than to sue us . Of course we already had lawyers so ....
After a while he seemed relieved as mad as he was. He didn't have to worry anymore and we have him cash on demand for incidentals and didn't question him.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM

It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
It's not just money. There comes a time when you have to make medical decisions, decide that it's time they quit driving (and that's no fun), help with basic tasks, and a LOT of other things you do for a child that you now have to do for a parent.

You are assuming she has lost her marbles - but she might not have. What if she was spending the money on shoes, or vacations, or donations to charity? Competant adults have the right to spend their money as they please.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Not according to Husker.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.

No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.

huskerbb · Guru

Mary Zombie wrote:
We had to remove all access to the money . Mom actually did it with her blessing. She knew she was losing it and trusted bro and I . Dad was combative but somehow knew better than to sue us . Of course we already had lawyers so ....
After a while he seemed relieved as mad as he was. He didn't have to worry anymore and we have him cash on demand for incidentals and didn't question him.

Yeah. Most people aren't stupid, so it's not usually a matter of going to court. Been there twice and the courts werent involved either time.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.

I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.

Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.

but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It's not just money. There comes a time when you have to make medical decisions, decide that it's time they quit driving (and that's no fun), help with basic tasks, and a LOT of other things you do for a child that you now have to do for a parent.
You are assuming she has lost her marbles - but she might not have. What if she was spending the money on shoes, or vacations, or donations to charity? Competant adults have the right to spend their money as they please.

My mother spends THOUSANDS on us at Christmas. THOUSANDS. She does not have that kind of money. And it's stuff that we don't even want (a $300 electric blanket for me, my sister, and my DD). She's not crazy, she's just not thrifty. What am I supposed to do about THAT Husker?

Tinydancer · Guru

It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.

It doesn't matter whose it is. Who is going to care for them if they lose it all? Children have a duty to see that doesn't happen.

Tinydancer · Guru

Unless you get legal POA you can't make them do anything (well maybe you can bully them for a bit but they'll spend as soon as you're not looking).

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Unless you get legal POA you can't make them do anything (well maybe you can bully them for a bit but they'll spend as soon as you're not looking).

Nope. see previous posts.

Ohfour · Hooker

Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...

Do what? I can't tell what post you are referring to.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.

Not sure why you think it matters.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Unless you get legal POA you can't make them do anything (well maybe you can bully them for a bit but they'll spend as soon as you're not looking).
Nope. see previous posts.

You mean the previous post where you had to guard the door to make him do what you wanted? As I said you can bully them for a while but the money is still THEIRS.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...
Do what? I can't tell what post you are referring to.

Give up control of her money. I posted that she spends thousands of dollars that she doesn't have on us at Christmas, even though we've begged her not to. She's not going to stop and there is no way that we can make her...

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.
Not sure why you think it matters.

So people should be able to tell you how to spend your money then? Well good on you...lol

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.
Not sure why you think it matters.
So people should be able to tell you how to spend your money then? Well good on you...lol

I already said if I get to the state where this woman is and I'm wasting it on scams--yes I want my kids to step in before I blow my and my wife's retirement.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.
It doesn't matter whose it is. Who is going to care for them if they lose it all? Children have a duty to see that doesn't happen.

No. Parents are ADULTS. Unless they are incompentent, they are responsible for themselves.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...
Do what? I can't tell what post you are referring to.
Give up control of her money. I posted that she spends thousands of dollars that she doesn't have on us at Christmas, even though we've begged her not to. She's not going to stop and there is no way that we can make her...

Well in that case if it's an issue that she's spending more than she can afford, you could save it in an account and give it back if necessary. You have de facto control over what she is spending Because you are getting it.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.
It doesn't matter whose it is. Who is going to care for them if they lose it all? Children have a duty to see that doesn't happen.
No. Parents are ADULTS. Unless they are incompentent, they are responsible for themselves.

If they are getting scammed, they are no longer competent.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...
Do what? I can't tell what post you are referring to.
Give up control of her money. I posted that she spends thousands of dollars that she doesn't have on us at Christmas, even though we've begged her not to. She's not going to stop and there is no way that we can make her...
Well in that case if it's an issue that she's spending more than she can afford, you could save it in an account and give it back if necessary. You have de facto control over what she is spending Because you are getting it.

And I would do that how? She's not giving us money. She buying us stuff we don't want or need...

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Unless you get legal POA you can't make them do anything (well maybe you can bully them for a bit but they'll spend as soon as you're not looking).
Nope. see previous posts.
You mean the previous post where you had to guard the door to make him do what you wanted? As I said you can bully them for a while but the money is still THEIRS.

So what? You keep saying that as if it is somehow important. It is not.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.
It doesn't matter whose it is. Who is going to care for them if they lose it all? Children have a duty to see that doesn't happen.
No. Parents are ADULTS. Unless they are incompentent, they are responsible for themselves.
If they are getting scammed, they are no longer competent.

Well. some people think that giving to Evangelists is a scam. Why do you get to decide?

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Your parents aren't mine. Mine would never EVER do that...
Do what? I can't tell what post you are referring to.
Give up control of her money. I posted that she spends thousands of dollars that she doesn't have on us at Christmas, even though we've begged her not to. She's not going to stop and there is no way that we can make her...
Well in that case if it's an issue that she's spending more than she can afford, you could save it in an account and give it back if necessary. You have de facto control over what she is spending Because you are getting it.
And I would do that how? She's not giving us money. She buying us stuff we don't want or need...

Oog. sorry, I misread. That would be tough. Is there any way to return any of it if you truly don't need it? Why does she keep doing it's? I mean sure, all grandmas buy too much crap for their grandkids, but to just keep getting stuff for adults who can't use it is bizarre behavior.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
The last time my dad wanted to go to a cattle sale and buy calves, mom called me in a panic. I told her there was no way she could let him go at that point. She had to take the checkbook, and my brother had to stand at the front door and keep him from leaving the house until he forgot about it.

If you've never been through it, I hope you never have to--but sometimes you have to act. What if he had lost their retirement?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 27th of July 2015 01:58:37 PM
It is much different when a spouse does it vs. kids.
No Isn't. It's one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
I realize you went through a very difficult thing, but that doesn't mean your answer applies to everyone. Parents' money does not belong to their children, no matter how much they think it should.
It doesn't matter whose it is. Who is going to care for them if they lose it all? Children have a duty to see that doesn't happen.
No. Parents are ADULTS. Unless they are incompentent, they are responsible for themselves.
If they are getting scammed, they are no longer competent.
Well. some people think that giving to Evangelists is a scam. Why do you get to decide?

For most people I dont. For an elderly parent or grandparent, I would. Luckily, we're Lutheran.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?

He lost more than he made.

It was his hobby. His past time.

He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.

Bingo is gambling.

40 acres of good land.

But it made him happy.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.
Not sure why you think it matters.

It doesn't matter that it is their money?

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?
He lost more than he made.
It was his hobby. His past time.
He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.
Bingo is gambling.
40 acres of good land.
But it made him happy.

Not what I'm saying. Gambling away a small amount of money you can afford is far different than getting scammed, or gambling an amount you cant afford. I would hope that if his entire life savings were On Seattle to win the super bowl, someone would have intervened.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.
Not sure why you think it matters.
It doesn't matter that it is their money?

No.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?
He lost more than he made.
It was his hobby. His past time.
He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.
Bingo is gambling.
40 acres of good land.
But it made him happy.

Not what I'm saying. Gambling away a small amount of money you can afford is far different than getting scammed, or gambling an amount you cant afford. I would hope that if his entire life savings were On Seattle to win the super bowl, someone would have intervened.

So if the money is pissed away on bingo it's ok, but if it is pissed away on a mail in chance to win it isnt?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's still his money. Not sure why you don't get that. People can spend THEIR money as THEY want to.
Not sure why you think it matters.
It doesn't matter that it is their money?

No.

Now you sound like the government. biggrin

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?
He lost more than he made.
It was his hobby. His past time.
He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.
Bingo is gambling.
40 acres of good land.
But it made him happy.

Not what I'm saying. Gambling away a small amount of money you can afford is far different than getting scammed, or gambling an amount you cant afford. I would hope that if his entire life savings were On Seattle to win the super bowl, someone would have intervened.
So if the money is pissed away on bingo it's ok, but if it is pissed away on a mail in chance to win it isnt?

There is no chance to win. They had a lawyer look at them and they are scams.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

The elderly are not the only ones that fall for scams. Stupidity and/or gullibility do not make one incompetent.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
The elderly are not the only ones that fall for scams. Stupidity and/or gullibility do not make one incompetent.

Um, yeah, it does. Pretty much the definition.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?
He lost more than he made.
It was his hobby. His past time.
He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.
Bingo is gambling.
40 acres of good land.
But it made him happy.

Not what I'm saying. Gambling away a small amount of money you can afford is far different than getting scammed, or gambling an amount you cant afford. I would hope that if his entire life savings were On Seattle to win the super bowl, someone would have intervened.
So if the money is pissed away on bingo it's ok, but if it is pissed away on a mail in chance to win it isnt?
There is no chance to win. They had a lawyer look at them and they are scams.

There is as much chance as winning the lottery. Would you keep people from playing if they spent what you consider too much money on that?

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
My dad's dad sold off about 40 acres to pay for his bingo habit.

An acre or two at a time.

Guess his kids should have sat him.

But they didnt.

Why? Cause it was his. He had worked it his whole life. He could do with it as he saw fit.

Still left a nice chunk of land to his kids. Funny. They never hurt for anything.

They had to have been crazy.
Not the same thing. At least bingo money went to a good cause.
but, what if he had gambled away the entire holdings with a bookie and had nothing left to live on?
He lost more than he made.
It was his hobby. His past time.
He and granny would take off to Cherokee or Cleveland or anywhere else he could play.
Bingo is gambling.
40 acres of good land.
But it made him happy.

Not what I'm saying. Gambling away a small amount of money you can afford is far different than getting scammed, or gambling an amount you cant afford. I would hope that if his entire life savings were On Seattle to win the super bowl, someone would have intervened.
So if the money is pissed away on bingo it's ok, but if it is pissed away on a mail in chance to win it isnt?
There is no chance to win. They had a lawyer look at them and they are scams.
There is as much chance as winning the lottery. Would you keep people from playing if they spent what you consider too much money on that?

No, there is no chance.

Plus, what is a small amount you will fall for today turns into a letter from Nigeria tomorrow saying that for 20 grand you can help some guy smuggle a fortune out of Africa.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
The elderly are not the only ones that fall for scams. Stupidity and/or gullibility do not make one incompetent.
Um, yeah, it does. Pretty much the definition.

Nope. Not legally. Too many stupid, gullible people walking around. Believe it or not, you don't get to have someone declared incompetent b/c you think you know better than them.