TOTALLY GEEKED!

Ohfour · Hooker

RE: elderly mom keeps falling for scams

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Her life...she's a year older than my husband. She either takes control or not. Not my problem...

And that's what people who aren't from close families say--"not my problem".

People in close families share their problems and burdens.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Her life...she's a year older than my husband. She either takes control or not. Not my problem...
And that's what people who aren't from close families say--"not my problem".

People in close families share their problems and burdens.

Really? I think that is a different situation. Her mom is choosing not to prepare for retirement. It's not that she is not able, she is making the choice to spend all her money and not save it. I don't know that I would want to share that burden when her mom is perfectly capable of preventing it in the first place.

huskerbb · Guru

NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Her life...she's a year older than my husband. She either takes control or not. Not my problem...
And that's what people who aren't from close families say--"not my problem".

People in close families share their problems and burdens.
Really? I think that is a different situation. Her mom is choosing not to prepare for retirement. It's not that she is not able, she is making the choice to spend all her money and not save it. I don't know that I would want to share that burden when her mom is perfectly capable of preventing it in the first place.

That's why I would act now to prevent that eventuality, but if you don't care, you don't care.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I could not have taken my parents in if they had let sis drain them . Dad was quite difficult but then sis could have given some back eh ?
Most of the time it was the opposite thing . Dad dint want to pay for anything if he could get out of it.,. Once Bro was their guardian I had to oversee neccesary repairs at he house and nearly had to call the police because Dad was harassing the French door guy . The doors had holes in them.... Like critters could get in . I had to finally threaten to have him baker acted because he was so bad . It was awful but those freaking doors were getting replaced . He didn't want to spend at all unless it was on Sis .
It worked out eventually and yes we are getting something from their estates but there was concern and they had to be protected even though they created the situation. It was very sad and painful .

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I read the first 2 1/2 pages, then skimmed. Has anyone mentioned the fact that sometimes when people are older the younger people in their lives are too busy to give them the time of day. Those scammers will talk to you as long as you want. Sometimes to someone isolated and alone, that is worth a few hundred.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
I read the first 2 1/2 pages, then skimmed. Has anyone mentioned the fact that sometimes when people are older the younger people in their lives are too busy to give them the time of day. Those scammers will talk to you as long as you want. Sometimes to someone isolated and alone, that is worth a few hundred.

I think LL mentioned that maybe she was lonely and they should spend more time with her.

That is a good point too, but I know DH's grandpa was very lonely even though we went over there every day, because even if we went over for and hour or two, the rest of the day just dragged by.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

IMHO, we each need to determine our parents mental health frequently. Yes, I am there with my own mom. She does want us watching over her interests because she is aware that she is a candidate for Alzheimer's down the road.

Mom does have a will set up and a POA for that eventuality.

I can not imagine not caring about her financial health for HER future care.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
I read the first 2 1/2 pages, then skimmed. Has anyone mentioned the fact that sometimes when people are older the younger people in their lives are too busy to give them the time of day. Those scammers will talk to you as long as you want. Sometimes to someone isolated and alone, that is worth a few hundred.

But is it worth a few hundred thousand? We aren't talking about a loyal housekeeper who gets a good inheritance over some lousy kid who never came to visit.

We are talking about someone who bilks and elderly person out of their life savings while they are still alive--and leaves them with no means to live on their own.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Her life...she's a year older than my husband. She either takes control or not. Not my problem...
And that's what people who aren't from close families say--"not my problem".

People in close families share their problems and burdens.

She's totally in control of her life. Sis and I are willing to pay cash for her a condo. She will not hear of it. We're all she has, but she lives her life her way. Destitute be damned.

You are delusional. People in my neck of the woods take care of themselves. They dont rely on their children. She will die without burdening us. I would love to take care of her, but she has more pride than that....

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Her life...she's a year older than my husband. She either takes control or not. Not my problem...
And that's what people who aren't from close families say--"not my problem".

People in close families share their problems and burdens.
She's totally in control of her life. Sis and I are willing to pay cash for her a condo. She will not hear of it. We're all she has, but she lives her life her way. Destitute be damned.

You are delusional. People in my neck of the woods take care of themselves. They dont rely on their children. She will die without burdening us. I would love to take care of her, but she has more pride than that....

She won't live without burdening you if she gets scammed out of her money because her kids aren't willing to do anything about it.

My mom won't need to rely on her children, either--but that's because she has plenty of money and her children care about her and make sure it will last.

huskerbb · Guru

Here, I cant requote this entire thread, but I'll bump it back up since there are a ton of posts on here that prove what I asserted on that other thread.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
What I am saying is, if this is the only frivolous thing she is doing, then oh well.

Oh well if criminals and fraudsters end up with her retirement savings? Oh well if she ends up with nothing to live on?

This isn't just "frivolous". She is falling for fraud--and again, what can start small can turn big. There are MANY cases of elderly people getting bilked out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. If someone isn't watching it--it would be too late by the time you realize what is going on.

It's also a sign that she may not be competent to handle her own affairs going forward.
What do you want her to do? Should she go over and steal Grandma's check book in the middle of the night?

Here's one of MANY examples of "I would do nothing."

Tinydancer · Guru

Sorry. I couldn't find one that said they'd do nothing. Plenty where they said they would try to talk them out of it but none that said they'd do nothing. My parents money is theirs. Do I want them to spend it foolishly and lose it all? No! Would I try to take it away from them if they didn't listen? No, because it's their money not mine.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
What I am saying is, if this is the only frivolous thing she is doing, then oh well.

Oh well if criminals and fraudsters end up with her retirement savings? Oh well if she ends up with nothing to live on?

This isn't just "frivolous". She is falling for fraud--and again, what can start small can turn big. There are MANY cases of elderly people getting bilked out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. If someone isn't watching it--it would be too late by the time you realize what is going on.

It's also a sign that she may not be competent to handle her own affairs going forward.
What do you want her to do? Should she go over and steal Grandma's check book in the middle of the night?
Here's one of MANY examples of "I would do nothing."

So if she won't steal the checkbook it means she'd do nothing? Who's being laughable now husker...lol

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Sorry. I couldn't find one that said they'd do nothing. Plenty where they said they would try to talk them out of it but none that said they'd do nothing. My parents money is theirs. Do I want them to spend it foolishly and lose it all? No! Would I try to take it away from them if they didn't listen? No, because it's their money not mine.

then you didn't look. I quoted one. Also, just talking IS doing nothing if it doesn't solove it.

Tinydancer · Guru

I did look obviously because I quoted it. That is the lamest quote to try to make your point. Just because you'd go so far as to take your parents money doesn't mean that everyone will or should. Try again...

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
I did look obviously because I quoted it. That is the lamest quote to try to make your point. Just because you'd go so far as to take your parents money doesn't mean that everyone will or should. Try again...

Then that means you don't give a crap if criminals rob them blind. Exactly what I've been saying.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
I did look obviously because I quoted it. That is the lamest quote to try to make your point. Just because you'd go so far as to take your parents money doesn't mean that everyone will or should. Try again...
Then that means you don't give a crap if criminals rob them blind. Exactly what I've been saying.

Oh the old "because I said so", argument. Still don't agree.

huskerbb · Guru

No other way to interpret that.

you certainly haven't said what steps you'd take to prevent it, other than flapping your jaw. If you won't do a thing to prevent it, how can you say you would care if it happens?

-- Edited by huskerbb on Friday 7th of August 2015 01:31:06 PM

Tinydancer · Guru

Well my opinion is that if you take your parents money away you're greedy so I guess we're at an impasse. I think you're wrong and you think I'm wrong. That's the thing about opinions...

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Well my opinion is that if you take your parents money away you're greedy so I guess we're at an impasse. I think you're wrong and you think I'm wrong. That's the thing about opinions...

if a con man gets it, then it's going to be gone. How is that better?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Any one can find themselves a victim of a con. Yes. Some are more obvious than others. But it can and DOES happen to ALL age groups.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Any one can find themselves a victim of a con. Yes. Some are more obvious than others. But it can and DOES happen to ALL age groups.

Sure--but it's unconscionable that a child or grandchild would let their parent or grandparent become a victim of that and do nothing to stop it.

Tinydancer · Guru

It's unconscionable that you would take your parents money just because you don't agree with them. See how that works?

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
It's unconscionable that you would take your parents money just because you don't agree with them. See how that works?

No. it's not just about "disagreeing". Read the articles. It's about protecting them if a criminal wants to take their retirement savings. Again, you'd seriously be ok with criminals taking $300,000 from your parents?

to say that is simply a matter of "disagreement" is simply idiotic.

Tinydancer · Guru

I NEVER said I'd be ok with it. Can't you read? What I said is it's their money to spend. If I gave them all the facts and they still wanted to spend it how they spend it then they have that right. Maybe that's not how it works in your family. I guess when they get old you can just force them to do what you want. More power to you.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's unconscionable that you would take your parents money just because you don't agree with them. See how that works?
No. it's not just about "disagreeing". Read the articles. It's about protecting them if a criminal wants to take their retirement savings. Again, you'd seriously be ok with criminals taking $300,000 from your parents? to say that is simply a matter of "disagreement" is simply idiotic.

I would like to clarify as I read through this thread. I'm seeing the word, "take" used in regards to an elderly relative's retirement/savings/resource. The original post implied takeover or at least an element of control obtained for the purpose of wise management/protection. Are we defining protecting an elder's resource as 'taking' for one's own use or enjoyment?

I've seen both - some people in my life are living off the elder's money under the guise of 'taking care' of them. Others, myself included, have control of the elder's money and work very hard to assure it not only lasts the rest of his life but is well-used and not wasted, especially on scams.

I suppose my question to both Husker and TD would be, within the scope of the original post, is obtaining control with the goal of management with good intention the same as 'taking'?

OR am I just butting in the middle of what seems to be a thoroughly enjoyable argument between the two of you? smile

Tinydancer · Guru

In my family it would be. I'm pretty sure in huskers they do it differently.

huskerbb · Guru

In my family I am a trusted advisor. I have POA. Big monetary decisions are discussed. But then , my dad has been discussing those with me since I was 14 or so. We have trusts and LLC's set up to protect large assets.

In TD's family, apparently it would be fine if criminals took it all and the elderly relatives were left penniless.

huskerbb · Guru

Honeys_Mom wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
It's unconscionable that you would take your parents money just because you don't agree with them. See how that works?
No. it's not just about "disagreeing". Read the articles. It's about protecting them if a criminal wants to take their retirement savings. Again, you'd seriously be ok with criminals taking $300,000 from your parents? to say that is simply a matter of "disagreement" is simply idiotic.
I would like to clarify as I read through this thread. I'm seeing the word, "take" used in regards to an elderly relative's retirement/savings/resource. The original post implied takeover or at least an element of control obtained for the purpose of wise management/protection. Are we defining protecting an elder's resource as 'taking' for one's own use or enjoyment?
I've seen both - some people in my life are living off the elder's money under the guise of 'taking care' of them. Others, myself included, have control of the elder's money and work very hard to assure it not only lasts the rest of his life but is well-used and not wasted, especially on scams.
I suppose my question to both Husker and TD would be, within the scope of the original post, is obtaining control with the goal of management with good intention the same as 'taking'?
OR am I just butting in the middle of what seems to be a thoroughly enjoyable argument between the two of you?

This is what I've been saying.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
In my family I am a trusted advisor. I have POA. Big monetary decisions are discussed. But then , my dad has been discussing those with me since I was 14 or so. We have trusts and LLC's set up to protect large assets.

In TD's family, apparently it would be fine if criminals took it all and the elderly relatives were left penniless.

No where in the article did it say there were mental issues. I would never take my parents money while they are still of sound mind. Just keep putting words in my mouth so you have something to argue about...lol

Tinydancer · Guru

Oh and HM you are not butting in and I am certainly enjoying this discussion with husker. Sometimes I wish he could debate without all the rude comments but at least he CAN argue and keep up his side of an argument.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
In my family I am a trusted advisor. I have POA. Big monetary decisions are discussed. But then , my dad has been discussing those with me since I was 14 or so. We have trusts and LLC's set up to protect large assets.

In TD's family, apparently it would be fine if criminals took it all and the elderly relatives were left penniless.
No where in the article did it say there were mental issues. I would never take my parents money while they are still of sound mind. Just keep putting words in my mouth so you have something to argue about...lol

Doesn't matter. You would still sit idly by and let criminals take their money, apparently. You haven't said you'd do a damn thing to prevent it.

plus, the time to do estate planning and put a plan in place is BEFORE their mental capacity is diminished. Any good estate attorney will tell you that.

Tinydancer · Guru

It wouldn't be me letting the scammer take their money it would be them. It's their money and they can blow it all if they want to. You may do that in your family but it would never happen in mine until and unless they were mentally incompetent.

huskerbb · Guru

Oh, and we are talking about articleS, not article. If you'd rather move this to the other thread we can, but that article definitely said there were mental issues.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
It wouldn't be me letting the scammer take their money it would be them. It's their money and they can blow it all if they want to. You may do that in your family but it would never happen in mine until and unless they were mentally incompetent.

There you have it. Just what I've been saying. You would do nothing even if an elderly relative were going to lose everything. At least you finally admit how little you care.

huskerbb · Guru

I knew an elderly couple when I was a kid. They had no children. My grandfather wanted to buy their farm. When it came time to sell it, they wanted to sell two pieces of land, but not the third piece with the house on it. They didnt give my grandfather a chance to buy it. Instead, they sold it to a neighbor, but he put ALL the land in the contract and they lost their house. They weren't declared incompetent, or anything, but they didn't read the contract well enough and didn't have any children to look at it, so they lost the home they had lived in for over 50 years.

Sure, it was "their" land and their money--but do you think they really WANTED to do that?

If no one is paying attention, and no one cares, the swindle happens and then it's too late.

Tinydancer · Guru

Sorry. That sob story just makes me cry. It still doesn't change a damn thing. You be the bully if you want to and I'll let my parents figure out their own life. Although if they ask me for advise I'd certainly tell them they were being foolish. As I said, unless and until they were declared mentally incompetent I'd do what I've always done.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Sorry. That sob story just makes me cry. It still doesn't change a damn thing. You be the bully if you want to and I'll let my parents figure out their own life. Although if they ask me for advise I'd certainly tell them they were being foolish. As I said, unless and until they were declared mentally incompetent I'd do what I've always done.

Exactly what I've been saying all along--you would do nothing and don't care. I don't know why you are arguing.

Tinydancer · Guru

Haha... I would say my piece and back the hell off. Who made you God by the way? My parents make their own decision. If yours couldn't then you have my sympathies. Just because you do something one way does not mean it's the right way for everyone. I don't really give a damn what your family does.

huskerbb · Guru

Also, I don't know how I'm being "bully" by caring. Should I have let my father spend all their retirement money? Left my mother with no way to support herself in retirement? Isn't it her money, too?

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Haha... I would say my piece and back the hell off. Who made you God by the way? My parents make their own decision. If yours couldn't then you have my sympathies. Just because you do something one way does not mean it's the right way for everyone. I don't really give a damn what your family does.

Like I said--you would do nothing and don't care. Again, why are you arguing? You are just repeating the exact same thing I'm saying.

Tinydancer · Guru

So are you. If you say it enough is your truth any truer than mine? I think you'd argue with a rock if it would argue back...lol. Goodnight husker!