Published: 02:23 EST, 31 July 2015 | Updated: 18:59 EST, 31 July 2015
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Kathy Lette thinks waxing should be left in the past
What beauticians call 'bikini waxing' most women know by its original term – medieval torture.
How many times have I lain sobbing, my legs either side of a bubbling cauldron of hot wax, begging to confess to the beauty therapist, rather than have every hair wrenched out of a part of my body primarily reserved for pleasure?
And what I'd confess is that I like my pubic hair. It's like having a little pet in my pants. You'll never hear me say this in any other context, but Bring Back Bush!
Well, it seems that fashion is finally granting my wish.
All summer, in gym changing rooms or in the showers of London's Lidos, I've noticed a new trend sprouting – body hair.
I've seen more bush in the Ladies pond changing room than in the surrounding heath at Hampstead.
Brazilian waxing, first made popular in New York in the late 80's, has been de rigeur for decades.
A trail blazed by Hollywood royalty like Gwyneth Paltrow, Demi Moore and Jennifer Anniston, it was 'Sex in the City's' Samantha who finally brought waxing into the grooming mainstream.
In 2003 Victoria Beckham was reported to have said that Brazilians should be compulsory at age 15. But the popularity of Brazilian waxing has been its downfall.
Like an anthropologist on L Plates I went into Margaret Mead Mode and started discreetly inquiring of unwaxed women why they had started growing back their lady gardens.
A few upper-class females with accents sharp enough to shave my legs, explained to me that, along with breast implants, fake tans and vajazzles, Brazilian waxing has come to be associated with trailer park trash, wanna-be Wags and other females deemed to have the I.Q. of a houseplant.
Once the Brazilian was adopted by twerking pop princess, pole dancers and reality TV stars (a genre where people with nothing to do, watch people not doing anything) waxing's popularity with more classy women started to wane.
Even style guru Gwyneth recently confirmed that she now usually 'rocks a 70's vibe down there.' And as we know from her Goop scoops, when Gwenyth waxes lyrical, millions listen.
Britain is a class-riddled society. Even letters travel first and second class, as if the first class letters get a little paper-parasoled ****tail on the way.
There are many well-known signals which signpost a British person's upper ranking in society. There's those haughty facial expressions by taxidermy. And the fact that old Etonians can't drive past a perversion without pulling over.
But the latest sign that you are what's referred to in popular British parlance as bit of 'posh totty' is to have a blossoming lady garden.
I suppose you'd have to call it not forensic but fur-ensic science. But it is definitely cause for celebration.
The reason blondes have more fun is because we brunettes are too busy waxing, shaving and Nair Hair removing.
Tired of hemorrhaging money on threading, electrolysis and lasering, I even considered moving to Greece or Spain where body hair is considered sensual.
Mediterranean women are positively celebrated for having inner thighs so carpeted in thick black shag pile their babies could get carpet burn during childbirth.
So, what a relief to no longer have to submit ourselves to the torture chamber of the waxing salon.
The irritating ingrown hairs, the itchy regrowth – believe me, it gives 'bad hair day' a whole new meaning.
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Kathy says that women actually attract men through the aphrodisiacal scent in their body hair - so ladies, you might want to step away from the wax
And of course, the great irony of Brazilian waxing is that pheromones - that invisible, secret, aphrodisiacal scent which attracts men and women to each other, is captured in the body's hair.
So, ironically, all those women waxing everything off to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex, are in fact doing the opposite.
Yes, it's going to be a shock to the boys. Raised on porn, most males don't even know that females have foliage.
They'll be as scandalized as those repressed Victorian gentlemen, men like the brilliant intellectual John Ruskin, who refused to consummate his marriage to Effie Gray because he was so horrified by the sight of a female au naturel.
But whether you like it or not, bush is back! May I suggest you try a little bush walking. Go on. Take a walk on the wild side.
Kathy Lette's latest novel, Courting Trouble, which she is sure will make perfect summer reading pool side, is published in paperback by Black Swan
The armpit debate: Should we be shaving our body hair?
It would look like a child. Women shouldn't look like children.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It shouldn't look like you have Don King in head lock.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It would look like a child. Women shouldn't look like children.
Children dont have bewbs.
Some do. I began developing at 9.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It would look like a child. Women shouldn't look like children.
Children dont have bewbs.
Some do. I began developing at 9.
Point is, what is attractive about looking like a little girl? It seems pervy for guys who like it too.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Then why shave your legs or your underarms. Same premise...
No. Not really.
It's my opinion.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I never understood the false premise that people do it to look like a little girl or that people who like their significant other or porn actress to be shaved are looking at them like they are little girls.
Men shave their faces, but not to look like little boys. Women shave their armpits and legs, but not to look like little girls. The idea that people think shaving that area is to look pre-pubescent is just mind boggling.
I never understood the false premise that people do it to look like a little girl or that people who like their significant other or porn actress to be shaved are looking at them like they are little girls.
Men shave their faces, but not to look like little boys. Women shave their armpits and legs, but not to look like little girls. The idea that people think shaving that area is to look pre-pubescent is just mind boggling.
Yeah, its ridiculous thinking.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.