TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Brother Keeps Hitting Me in the Nuts

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

The brother is assaulting his younger sibling. I would do more than tell him to stop. I would let him know next time the police will be called. 20 somethings are adults and if still acting as though they are 10, well time to stop them.

ed11563 · Guru

I would also tell him to wear a hard plastic cup, so his assailant would hurt his own hand.

This is clearly domestic violence.

huskerbb · Guru

"you shouldn't kick someone in the pills, that's just not cricket"

Austin Powers

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Oh ffs, it takes a letter to an advice columnist to be able to tell someone to quit kicking you in the nuts? Seriously? If he's this namby pamby he is not going to stand up to his brother. The first time it happened I might have laughed it off. The second time it happened he wouldn't have an leg to kick me with.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Domestic violence? That's a bit much.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Domestic violence? That's a bit much.

Technically, it is domestic violence. However, if someone was punching me in the nuts every time I saw them, providing I had nuts, I wouldn't be putting up with it or writing an advice columnist. Don't people know how to stick up for themselves?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

How about getting in his face and telling him off? Knock the crap out of him. Stop letting him do this.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, deal with your brother without writing to Prudie you big wussy!

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I want to know where this is happening? At the parents' home? At the OP's home? Out at a bar?

If I saw my son do that to his brother, I would knock his freaking block off. There would be domestic violence alright. I don't tolerate my children fighting, especially physically. Partially because it has never been a fair fight - DD17 has almost always been stronger than DD24. She could kick her butt. But mostly because I think that as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children how to get along and solve their problems without fighting.

Whenever one of them would come to me with "she took my..." or "she's looking at me" I would tell them to sort it out themselves or else they were both going to bed for the night. And I followed through.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I want to know where this is happening? At the parents' home? At the OP's home? Out at a bar?

If I saw my son do that to his brother, I would knock his freaking block off. There would be domestic violence alright. I don't tolerate my children fighting, especially physically. Partially because it has never been a fair fight - DD17 has almost always been stronger than DD24. She could kick her butt. But mostly because I think that as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children how to get along and solve their problems without fighting.

Whenever one of them would come to me with "she took my..." or "she's looking at me" I would tell them to sort it out themselves or else they were both going to bed for the night. And I followed through.

But they aren't "children". They are adults. You do have a responsibility to teach your children those things--but once they are adults and on their own and they haven't learned that, it's too late.

Plus, once siblings become adults, it's best to let them fight their own battles. If they still need mommy or daddy to fight their battles once they become adults--they will probably never grow up.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I would t fight their battles. I would tell one adult in my home to stop assaulting the other adult in my home or else I would call the cops. Just like I would if 2 people not related to me were doing the same thing. You shouldn't treat your children worse than you would treat a stranger! I wouldn't let a stranger continually assault someone in my home - I would let them know they were no longer welcome.

Just because my kids are adults doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities toward them and just shrug my shoulders. Hell no. I will parent them until I can no longer. And my kids know it. And they love me for it.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I would t fight their battles. I would tell one adult in my home to stop assaulting the other adult in my home or else I would call the cops. Just like I would if 2 people not related to me were doing the same thing. You shouldn't treat your children worse than you would treat a stranger! I wouldn't let a stranger continually assault someone in my home - I would let them know they were no longer welcome.

Just because my kids are adults doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities toward them and just shrug my shoulders. Hell no. I will parent them until I can no longer. And my kids know it. And they love me for it.

If one of your adult children is hitting another one in the nuts--you've already abdicated your responsibilities.

Are you constantly having to break up fights between your adult children????? My family doesn't behave that way.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 15th of August 2015 06:08:35 PM

huskerbb · Guru

I'm not really sure why you are assuming this is happening at the parents' house, either.

huskerbb · Guru

Also, it's not really a "fight", either.

Brother 1 hits brother 2 in the nuts.

Mom says "stop that or I'll call the cops".

Brother 1 says "ok".

I think calling the cops would be a TERRIBLE idea, anyway. We've seen where the cops have SHOT someone in similar cases. Is that the goal here?

Not sure why everyone is so keen on calling the cops all the time. MOST situations can be handled without that--especially between family members. Of the 10 different scenarios that could happen when calling the cops, at least 7 or 8 of them would be very BAD, the other two or three would be neutral, at best. ZERO good would come of it.

The idea that you can do that and

A. it would permanently stop the behavior

B. it would not ruin family relationships

and

C. you wouldn't wind up with a child who was shot or in jail

is pure fancy.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 15th of August 2015 06:15:01 PM

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 15th of August 2015 06:24:30 PM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And there are times you have to let them have it out with each other.

Generally one will come out on top. It's a pecking order.

And little brother needs to stand up to big brother.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
And there are times you have to let them have it out with each other.

Generally one will come out on top. It's a pecking order.

And little brother needs to stand up to big brother.

That's what I'm saying. Sure, you don't want an older brother bullying a younger one all the time when they are kids--but these are adults. At some point, they have to figure it out without the helicopter parent hovering overhead.

Plus, even if the older brother is behaving badly, do you REALLY want him to have a felony conviction on his record? You can't think of anything more creative and positive to handle this situation than calling the cops? That's hardly what I'd call "parenting".

ed11563 · Guru

Okay, no cops...

How about ...

little brother documents the attacks, and posts the details on Facebook and Twitter.

How would the people in big brother's life react?

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Okay, no cops...
How about ...
little brother documents the attacks, and posts the details on Facebook and Twitter.
How would the people in big brother's life react?

How about just (pun sort of intended) "sack up" and tell big brother to knock it off and if he doesn't--then punch him back.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Geez Ed.

Do you have so much trouble with little brother going off on big brother and telling him to knock it off or he'll punch his lights out, and following through?

No. Violence isn't the answer to every thing. But there are times when it is absolutely necessary.

huskerbb · Guru

Heck, from the letter, the LW asks "how do I tell him to stop without making him feel upset and depressed"?

Jaysus--he can't even go as far as TELLING his brother to knock it off.

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Geez Ed.

Do you have so much trouble with little brother going off on big brother and telling him to knock it off or he'll punch his lights out, and following through?

No. Violence isn't the answer to every thing. But there are times when it is absolutely necessary.

Until I was 10 and he was 12, my brother would hit me and run away a LOT.

Then one day he ran and I caught him. I tickled his foot for an hour and a half, until he promised me he wouldn't hit me again.

After that, all he did was lie to me and steal from me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

So let me get this straight? You're brother hit on you all the time and when you finally catch him you don't punch him but instead you sit there and tickle him? Please tell me this is some made up chit. You expected your brother to have respect for you after you tickled him? Wow. Okay.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And my brother would pop me one on my arm and immediately yell that I had hit him. I would get in trouble.

Until the day he hit me, yelled I had hit him, so I did. Mom happened to see the whole thing that time. He had both a black eye AND a whipping.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So let me get this straight? You're brother hit on you all the time and when you finally catch him you don't punch him but instead you sit there and tickle him? Please tell me this is some made up chit. You expected your brother to have respect for you after you tickled him? Wow. Okay.

Tickling is a form of physical abuse. I do not allow tickling in my house. I was abused with tickling as a child. If you have ever been tickled for 15 minutes straight, you would get that.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Tickling doesn't bother me. I also would never consider it a form of abuse. I've seen a lot of abuse but tickling is not one. Sure the person might not like it but that doesn't make it abuse. And for gods sake if someone hits me repeatedly I am not going to fall down and tickle them. That's just dumb.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Tickling doesn't bother me. I also would never consider it a form of abuse. I've seen a lot of abuse but tickling is not one. Sure the person might not like it but that doesn't make it abuse. And for gods sake if someone hits me repeatedly I am not going to fall down and tickle them. That's just dumb.

Tickling renders the "victim" useless, unable to protect themselves. It is absolutely a form of abuse. Look it up.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Child protective services would laugh themselves to death. It wouldn't even make it on a concern list.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

And FYI I have researched it. Not one article says it's abuse per se. What they all say is that if a child doesn't like being tickled you shouldn't do it. That's not abuse. That's common sense. If a child doesn't have a sense of humor you shouldn't joke with them. That doesn't make it abuse. It's pretty basic.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

uh-huh

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

There's a lot of things kids don't like. I've heard people say it's abusive to kids to make them kiss relatives good bye. I mean you could make anything abuse. If you make every single minor thing abuse then real abuse doesn't get noticed and/or taken care of. Everyone is busy being perpetually offended about something. If a person doesn't allow tickling in their house I have no problem with that. But honestly, if your brother or sister is hitting you all the time you really need to grow some balls and stand up to them. And apparently the abusive tickling ed performed on his brother didn't stop the bad behavior so it must not have been too abusive.

chef · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Oh ffs, it takes a letter to an advice columnist to be able to tell someone to quit kicking you in the nuts? Seriously? If he's this namby pamby he is not going to stand up to his brother. The first time it happened I might have laughed it off. The second time it happened he wouldn't have an leg to kick me with.

No kidding.

ed11563 · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
There's a lot of things kids don't like. I've heard people say it's abusive to kids to make them kiss relatives good bye. I mean you could make anything abuse. If you make every single minor thing abuse then real abuse doesn't get noticed and/or taken care of. Everyone is busy being perpetually offended about something. If a person doesn't allow tickling in their house I have no problem with that. But honestly, if your brother or sister is hitting you all the time you really need to grow some balls and stand up to them. And apparently the abusive tickling ed performed on his brother didn't stop the bad behavior so it must not have been too abusive.

Excuse me, did you see the part where he stopped hitting me?

Granted, he was still (and is still) an azzhole.

ed11563 · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So let me get this straight? You're brother hit on you all the time and when you finally catch him you don't punch him but instead you sit there and tickle him? Please tell me this is some made up chit. You expected your brother to have respect for you after you tickled him? Wow. Okay.

I got him onto his belly, sat on his butt, pulled up one of his feet and tickled it. I'd stop and ask him if he was done hitting me ...

he'd say no, and I'd tickle his foot (real torture for him, imho) for a couple more minutes, and repeat the question.

He was screaming / laughing / short of breath ...

and he still wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

Until an hour and a half of torture.

Did I expect him to "respect" me? I wouldn't have had a clue what that might mean. I had been fed up with getting bruises ALL.THE.TIME and was happy to get it to stop.

Does he respect me now? No. We don't have much contact. Once in a while he calls (happy birthday?) and tells me he wishes we had a better relationship.

I tell him that won't happen since I can't trust him, since he still won't acknowledge the lies (important things) he's told me. I no longer care about the money he took.

I just won't give him an opportunity to lie to me any more, or take from me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

ed11563 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
There's a lot of things kids don't like. I've heard people say it's abusive to kids to make them kiss relatives good bye. I mean you could make anything abuse. If you make every single minor thing abuse then real abuse doesn't get noticed and/or taken care of. Everyone is busy being perpetually offended about something. If a person doesn't allow tickling in their house I have no problem with that. But honestly, if your brother or sister is hitting you all the time you really need to grow some balls and stand up to them. And apparently the abusive tickling ed performed on his brother didn't stop the bad behavior so it must not have been too abusive.
Excuse me, did you see the part where he stopped hitting me?
Granted, he was still (and is still) an azzhole.

Well, I'd say you handled that so well. (sarcasm)

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I would t fight their battles. I would tell one adult in my home to stop assaulting the other adult in my home or else I would call the cops. Just like I would if 2 people not related to me were doing the same thing. You shouldn't treat your children worse than you would treat a stranger! I wouldn't let a stranger continually assault someone in my home - I would let them know they were no longer welcome.

Just because my kids are adults doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities toward them and just shrug my shoulders. Hell no. I will parent them until I can no longer. And my kids know it. And they love me for it.
If one of your adult children is hitting another one in the nuts--you've already abdicated your responsibilities.

Are you constantly having to break up fights between your adult children????? My family doesn't behave that way.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 15th of August 2015 06:08:35 PM

I haven't had to break up a fight between my children since they were probably 10 and 4 years old! Not sure why you think MY kids are fighting with each other. All I said was how I would react if I were the mother of the OP. What in the world would make you think that?! Just because I said I would parent my children until I could no longer doesn't mean they fight! It means that until the day I die I will try and help them be better people, I will give them advice and guide them. And if one of them slaps the other, they had better duck because I will be right behind them. And they know it. Thus, they have not had a fight in over 15 years.

Honestly, sometimes I think you just make crap up.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Why is he "hanging out" with his brother if this happens regularly? And WHERE is he hanging out? If he's inviting him over to his place why can't he just man up and stop inviting him? If his "bro" is inviting him why can't he man up and just say he doesn't want to go? If the "bro" asks why man up and tell him. "Just because you lost one of your balls doesn't give you the right to abuse mine." And if they're with the parents the parents need to step in and say that behavior won't be tolerated in my house. Are you kidding? People are comparing tickling with child abuse but kicking your sibling in the nuts isn't abusive? Insane.

Somebody needs to grow some balls here and it's not the guy with one testicle. People are so afraid to stand up for themselves these days.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Tickling someone for a few seconds is fun and teasing with love, tickling them to the point where they are rendered helpless, crying and screaming STOP is abusive; the tickler is inflicting control over someone who is saying no.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I agree. It is fun if you know when to Stop. Otherwise, it is just ignorant and cruel.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
I would t fight their battles. I would tell one adult in my home to stop assaulting the other adult in my home or else I would call the cops. Just like I would if 2 people not related to me were doing the same thing. You shouldn't treat your children worse than you would treat a stranger! I wouldn't let a stranger continually assault someone in my home - I would let them know they were no longer welcome.

Just because my kids are adults doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities toward them and just shrug my shoulders. Hell no. I will parent them until I can no longer. And my kids know it. And they love me for it.
If one of your adult children is hitting another one in the nuts--you've already abdicated your responsibilities.

Are you constantly having to break up fights between your adult children????? My family doesn't behave that way.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 15th of August 2015 06:08:35 PM
I haven't had to break up a fight between my children since they were probably 10 and 4 years old! Not sure why you think MY kids are fighting with each other. All I said was how I would react if I were the mother of the OP. What in the world would make you think that?! Just because I said I would parent my children until I could no longer doesn't mean they fight! It means that until the day I die I will try and help them be better people, I will give them advice and guide them. And if one of them slaps the other, they had better duck because I will be right behind them. And they know it. Thus, they have not had a fight in over 15 years.
Honestly, sometimes I think you just make crap up.

Your posts would make me think that.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.

Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.

Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.

Yes. Absolutely.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.
Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.

If you read the letter, he can't even TELL his brother to knock it off. He's a pansy. I find it hard to believe he hasn't been picked on his entire life.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.
Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.
If you read the letter, he can't even TELL his brother to knock it off. He's a pansy. I find it hard to believe he hasn't been picked on his entire life.

My VERY FIRST RESPONSE was to do that exact thing. Kick him back. I don't see why not. And husker is right. He's a PANSY. He's carrying this guilt over his brother having one ball even though his brother is healthy and functioning. His brother can have sex and children so what right does his brother have to be angry? I don't get it. And here is this pansy that has been letting it go on. And he has to write an advice columnist to find out what to do? Stand up for yourself pansy ass. If I were him he'd kick me ONE TIME and then I'd tell him, "Just because you lost one of your balls does not give you the right to abuse mine." Next time it would be a kick. He needs to grow up.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.
Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.
If you read the letter, he can't even TELL his brother to knock it off. He's a pansy. I find it hard to believe he hasn't been picked on his entire life.

I think he DID tell his brother to stop, every time, and his "brother keeps hitting me in the nuts."

If he returns the assault in kind, then his brother winds up sterile, their parents will blame the younger brother. Better to break his arm with a bat.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.
Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.
If you read the letter, he can't even TELL his brother to knock it off. He's a pansy. I find it hard to believe he hasn't been picked on his entire life.
I think he DID tell his brother to stop, every time, and his "brother keeps hitting me in the nuts."

If he returns the assault in kind, then his brother winds up sterile, their parents will blame the younger brother. Better to break his arm with a bat.

The letter specifically says he hasn't said anything. And good luck breaking his arm with a bat. That might not be such a good idea. And if the parents are allowing this now then it doesn't really matter what he does because it sounds like the parents are playing favorites. Unless the parents don't know. This doesn't say if they do or not.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.

Can you imagine a grown arse man calling the Police to say "my brother is punching me in the nuts"? Wow. confuse

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This isn't "abuse". It is just a stupid brother acting like a stupid brother. Calling everything "abuse" diminishes real abuse. Is it unpleasant and rude? Of course. But, is younger brother unable to just say Stop It NOW and make it clear? Grow a pair.
Yeah. And getting the cops involved would be doubly stupid.
Actually, been rethinking this, the younger bro should just haul off and kick his older bro in the balls next time.
If you read the letter, he can't even TELL his brother to knock it off. He's a pansy. I find it hard to believe he hasn't been picked on his entire life.
I think he DID tell his brother to stop, every time, and his "brother keeps hitting me in the nuts."

If he returns the assault in kind, then his brother winds up sterile, their parents will blame the younger brother. Better to break his arm with a bat.

No, read the article. It says "how do I tell him to stop without making him feel upset and depressed about what happened to him".