TOTALLY GEEKED!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Kids in daycare. S/O of babysitting thread

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

There are lots of reasons a kid could still be in daycare. Maybe their neighborhood isn't the safest, maybe they get into trouble if left alone, maybe they don't WANT to be left alone.

It would really depend on the kid and all the circumstances around it.

Ohfour · Hooker

My kids were in a home daycare. I had to make my son stay home. He had way too much fun at the day care. They were mostly older kids, and they went swimming almost every day during the summer, went to movies, did all sorts of fun stuff. Way more fun than staying home by himself...

and then there are the kids that just can't be trusted to be home alone...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Our daycare only takes kids to age 12. But there are a lot of reasons why you might want your young teen supervised depending on where you live , etc.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

That sounds more like day camp.

I'm talking day care.

There were kids from 1 to 9 and then the 3 14 yr olds in the same group.

At 14, shouldn't they be able to be alone?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ok. But my question is, when do you leave them alone? When do we stop treating kids like invalids?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
That sounds more like day camp.

I'm talking day care.

There were kids from 1 to 9 and then the 3 14 yr olds in the same group.

At 14, shouldn't they be able to be alone?

See above. They probably COULD be, but that doesn't mean it's the best thing in every circumstance. OR, it could just be convenience. DD11 could come home from school now and stay alone, but she goes to aftercare so I can pick her up after work since there is no bus to take her home.

Ohfour · Hooker

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ok. But my question is, when do you leave them alone? When do we stop treating kids like invalids?

When they stop acting like invalids...

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

After school care ends at 6. With my commute and work hours there are times I just can't get there by 6. DD is responsible and we live in a good neighborhood where there are many SAHMs and they know DD comes home on the bus. They watch out for her. Bus doesn't drop her off until 4 so she is home for a max of 2 or 2.5 hours. She will go to before school care this year again.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I was staying home for a couple hours every day by 3rd grade. Mom drove a school bus. I got out of school before public school did. I stayed home by myself every day for 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon.

By 12 we were staying home all day during the summer when mom and dad were at work.

Had chores to do. And I started dinner every night.

By 16 we were staying home alone on the occasional weekend when our parents were out of town.

And we didn't have a cell phone tethered to us the whole time either.

My kids have staying alone for periods of time since they were about 10.

It seems to me, we, as a whole, are not raising our kids to be independent, responsible people. But instead we are maintaining their inability to do for themselves.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I was walking home from school and staying by myself until my mom came home in 5th grade. I think it was the summer after 6th grade when I was staying by myself all day, and a few years later before my sister was allowed to stay home all day with me- though she would stay home with me for shorter periods of time.

Ohfour · Hooker

I don't think my kids stayed home by themselves until they were about 10 or 12. They didn't want to and I didn't make them. They loved going to day care/day camp. They turned out just fine...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Believe it or not - not everything we "used to do" with kids was better. We used to work them 12 hours a day in sweatshops, too. Kids should be able to be kids.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I was a latch key kid and started staying home by myself around 4th grade out of necessity. Sometimes it was a bit scary. Not everyone lives in the suburbs either. There is no way that I would let Gordito stay home at that age in Los Angeles. I think once they get to high school they should be able to be home by themselves after school, but a lot of junior high kids still need supervision.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Bonny22Pye wrote:
I was a latch key kid and started staying home by myself around 4th grade out of necessity. Sometimes it was a bit scary. Not everyone lives in the suburbs either. There is no way that I would let Gordito stay home at that age in Los Angeles. I think once they get to high school they should be able to be home by themselves after school, but a lot of junior high kids still need supervision.

Some people think the little safe bubble they live in is what it is like everywhere. I grew up in a really small town - kids were always by themselves. But, there are a lot of places that are just not conducive to that.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

When I was young my mom worked two jobs. First she worked at JcPenny's toy department. She was home in the morning and got home about two hours after we got home. Then she was a bus driver. She woke us up and got us ready for school and we knew what time we needed to start walking to school. We only lived two blocks from the school. We were alone in the afternoons for about two hours. But we lived in a nice little suburb and there were a lot of moms around us. There was a little old lady next door that used to babysit us. So we knew where to go if there was an emergency.

My kids didn't want to stay in daycare when I got out of college. My oldest was ten. You can all start flaming away but my b/f came over and watched them because I worked nights. He fixed them supper and put them to bed. They were left alone for about half an hour until he got there after work. After they went to school he went to work. He was a great guy.

chef · Guru

I was never in daycare. I started being left alone around the age of 8. By 14, I was left alone overnight occasionally. When I was 17, my grandparents and parents vacations overlapped slightly and I was home alone during the overlap (about 3 days). My grandparents gave me some money in case I needed it. All would've been fine except my aunt asked me to babysit my 3 cousins for a few hours (youngest was about 5) and ended up taking off to Vegas and deliberately ignoring her phone after I called to see when she was picking up the kids and she said "in Vegas, bye" and hung up. I had the kids for all 3 days. Thankfully, they listened to me and thankfully nothing happened but sheesh! I wasn't yet driving at the time either.

When DS gets to stay home alone will be when he has demonstrated the maturity to handle the privilege. Of course, I will check local laws relating to a child being home alone before leaving him.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
That sounds more like day camp.

I'm talking day care.

There were kids from 1 to 9 and then the 3 14 yr olds in the same group.

At 14, shouldn't they be able to be alone?

It IS possible to get pregnant at 14...if you're home and NOT alone.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Yes, most 14 year olds COULD be left home alone. That doesn't mean that's always the best choice.

FNW · Guru

I can't remember when it was for me. My mother stayed home for 18 years, and got a part-time job around the time my brother went off to college. So she was always there for us, and we never went to camp, daycare, or any other program like that. We ran errands as a family and helped out, so we were kept busy. We had a pool and lived in an L.A. suburb where we rode bikes, roller skated on sidewalks, and played. I walked home from school from about 1st grade, but it was a straight shot and there were crossing guards who watched us, as well as the lady who lived on the corner house (my mother's good friend). There was comfort knowing my mother was always available for me, but not all kids had that. Our vacations were spent some place as a family, even during the teenage angst years. Anniversaries were spent going out to dinner. As a family. We all celebrated. Once a year my parents would go to the bank's Christmas party, and we would spend the night with my grandparents. We enjoyed that because they took us either to Vince's Spaghetti House where Grandpa would wear a bib, or we brought back Pizza Hut pizzas.

Others said we were spoiled. I think our parents just enjoyed being around us. And yeah, mom wanted to know my whereabouts at all times. There used to be an ad that came on at 10 PM. "Do you know where your children are?" My mom always wanted to answer affirmatively. Of course, she really didn't always know, but it brought her peace to think she did.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think, if you can't leave your 14 yr old home alone, barring some awful living conditions that you shouldn't be living in anyway, then you have failed as a parent.

Sorry. A 14 yr old should not need a caregiver or someone to keep them safe unless they are disabled.

huskerbb · Guru

Once they start going to school--there's no need for daycare, anymore.

ETA: Actual school, not pre-school.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 22nd of August 2015 11:38:41 AM

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I think, if you can't leave your 14 yr old home alone, barring some awful living conditions that you shouldn't be living in anyway, then you have failed as a parent.

Sorry. A 14 yr old should not need a caregiver or someone to keep them safe unless they are disabled.

Exactly. Some teens are going to make bad decisions, but they should be able to stay home alone. If they can't--that's a parenting fail.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Once they start going to school--there's no need for daycare, anymore.

ETA: Actual school, not pre-school.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Saturday 22nd of August 2015 11:38:41 AM

TN law is no child can be left alone until they are 10

huskerbb · Guru

I would like to see that statute. Many people think that, but the fact is VERY FEW states have actual laws regarding that. SOME states, maybe a lot of them, have certain recommendations put out by CPS, but they don't have the force of law. They could certainly be used IF something bad were to happen, but normally cannot be used to infer an illegality on their own.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.

huskerbb · Guru

This is from the Tennessee courts website: http://www.tncourts.gov/courts/juvenile-family-courts/faqs

see bolded

FAQs

What is a Juvenile?

A juvenile is any individual who is under the chronological age of eighteen years and has not been previously transferred to adult court.

What is a Juvenile Offender?

A Juvenile offender is any juvenile who has been found by the juvenile court to have committed a delinquent offense.

What is Juvenile Court?

Juvenile court is where a judge decides what happens to juveniles accused of breaking the law, or whose parents cannot care for them, or whose behavior makes them at risk or in need of services. Counties/Cities operate the juvenile courts in the state of Tennessee and they all follow the same laws. However, even though they follow these same laws, most county juvenile courts have their own process for handling cases.

Parents and Juvenile Court

The term parent as used here means the juvenile's parent, legal guardian, or custodian. Parents are an important part of juvenile court. Studies show that when a parent goes to a diversion meeting or comes to court, the juvenile has a better chance of staying out of trouble in the future.

My child is applying for a job. Does my child have to disclose any juvenile court record?

The important thing is to be honest. If the question asks about convictions only, juvenile records (which are adjudications, and not convictions) would not count. If the question calls for convictions and adjudications, then the answer would be different. If a juvenile record is expunged, it can be honestly treated as if it had never occurred.

What is the legal age for kids to stay home alone?

There is no legal age for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child's maturity level and safety issues in mind. Younger children have a greater need for supervision and care than older children. Obviously, young children under age 10 should not be left without supervision at any time. In most cases, older teenage children may be left alone for short periods of time.

Ohfour · Hooker

You are right that it is a recommendation in TN. I was going on an experience of a friend of my daughter. She was 9 and was going home alone after school. The state made them put her in after school care...

huskerbb · Guru

Here's the difference:

Let's say an 8 year old is home by themselves after school in that state. If they burn the house down trying to make a grilled cheese and they are badly burned, their age, given the recommendations, could certainly be used against the parents in any neglect case.

Now, let's say they are just by themselves and nothing bad happens but a neighbor calls the police. The police can come out, maybe CPS might even be called--but at the end of the day, no actual laws were broken and no one was hurt, so other than a slap on the hand and a "don't do it again", there is no crime the parents could be charged with because the age recommendation is just that--a recommendation and not a law.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
You are right that it is a recommendation in TN. I was going on an experience of a friend of my daughter. She was 9 and was going home alone after school. The state made them put her in after school care...

I don't see how they can legally do that. I think if nothing happened, she would have a great case to sue/appeal.

Of course, that takes money, too.

Ohfour · Hooker

In daughters friends case, she lost her key and could not get into the house. She was outside for 4 hours. A neighbor came home and discovered her on the porch.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
In daughters friends case, she lost her key and could not get into the house. She was outside for 4 hours. A neighbor came home and discovered her on the porch.

Ah. I see. Yeah, I still don't think it's the disaster some might, but I can see then how the authorities got involved. If she had been able to get in the house, undoubtedly none of it would have happened.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.

But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.

Again, barring some disability.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

And at 14, barring some mental disability or something, they shouldn't need much supervision. Yeah, they need rules, still--but that isn't the same thing as never being able to leave them home alone.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

And at 14, barring some mental disability or something, they shouldn't need much supervision. Yeah, they need rules, still--but that isn't the same thing as never being able to leave them home alone.

No kidding. By 14, you really shouldn't have to do much more than make sure there is food in the house and they have emergency numbers.

I swear, we are raising an army of fools.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

Are you FVCKING kidding me? Where do you get off? You have some serious issues, little miss run off and end up in jail. You have NO RIGHT to be telling any parent what they should and shouldn't do with their kids.

Some children with perfectly fine parents still get into trouble, still do drugs, and still have sex. It's called peer pressure. And if a parent decides they kid needs supervision to avoid all that - that is GOOD parenting. Not assuming your kids will be angels. That's fvcking stupid and assinine.

And considering you've been sitting at home for the last several years while your kids were teenagers, it's not like you have any idea what it is like for a working parent raising teenagers.

OutlawJoseyWales · Newbie

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

Are you FVCKING kidding me? Where do you get off? You have some serious issues, little miss run off and end up in jail. You have NO RIGHT to be telling any parent what they should and shouldn't do with their kids.
Some children with perfectly fine parents still get into trouble, still do drugs, and still have sex. It's called peer pressure. And if a parent decides they kid needs supervision to avoid all that - that is GOOD parenting. Not assuming your kids will be angels. That's fvcking stupid and assinine.
And considering you've been sitting at home for the last several years while your kids were teenagers, it's not like you have any idea what it is like for a working parent raising teenagers.

Slow clap.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

Are you FVCKING kidding me? Where do you get off? You have some serious issues, little miss run off and end up in jail. You have NO RIGHT to be telling any parent what they should and shouldn't do with their kids.
Some children with perfectly fine parents still get into trouble, still do drugs, and still have sex. It's called peer pressure. And if a parent decides they kid needs supervision to avoid all that - that is GOOD parenting. Not assuming your kids will be angels. That's fvcking stupid and assinine.
And considering you've been sitting at home for the last several years while your kids were teenagers, it's not like you have any idea what it is like for a working parent raising teenagers.

Also just because a parent can't afford to live in a great neighborhood doesn't make them a bad parent. It's not safe for kids to walk home in all locations.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The point of being a parent is parenting. Not saying, Oh you are 14 so you SHOULD know this by now. Yes, some will and some won't. My older son was much more impulsive. And he had some friends that tended to get into trouble. There was a period of time when he was 14 that he was very immature and not making good decisions. He had to "live Amish" for almost the entire school year meaning I took away all electronics, media, computer, and privileges to go places. I put the hammer down which included a LOT of supervision for that entire year. I PARENTED him because he needed it. He was always a very high spirited kid with his own way of doing things. Well, now he is 19, he is school and working 2 jobs. He is VERY responsible and I am very proud of the young man he is becoming. So, what's it to YOU whether I provided additional supervision or not?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

And, for my younger son, he wasn't "street smart". My older son was more street smart. My younger son wasn't so my younger son was not allowed to walk alone at the same age as my older son. For my daughter, there are other considerations as well. So, yeah.

Ohfour · Hooker

At 14, i was a parents worse nightmare. I was stealing cars, i was running off with 25 year olds. They SHOULD have put me in daycare. It would have brought me down a notch...

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

OutlawJoseyWales wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not a parenting fail to recognize that one of your children might need more supervision than another. I think that is called good parenting.
But why would they? If the parent has taught responsibility, a 14 yr old should be fine.
Again, barring some disability.

Are you FVCKING kidding me? Where do you get off? You have some serious issues, little miss run off and end up in jail. You have NO RIGHT to be telling any parent what they should and shouldn't do with their kids.
Some children with perfectly fine parents still get into trouble, still do drugs, and still have sex. It's called peer pressure. And if a parent decides they kid needs supervision to avoid all that - that is GOOD parenting. Not assuming your kids will be angels. That's fvcking stupid and assinine.
And considering you've been sitting at home for the last several years while your kids were teenagers, it's not like you have any idea what it is like for a working parent raising teenagers.
Slow clap.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Well. I guess you told me.

Not.

I don't owe you or anyone else an explanation for my past. The states of Indiana, Illinois, and Georgia have all said I satisfied my debt.

Not to mention that I was 20 and not 14.

And yes. For the last 5 years I have been home. But that doesn't mean I've been a helicopter parent.

I could leave my kids alone for a week and come back to a clean house. Why? Cause I raised them to be responsible.

You also forget that I worked 2nd and 3rd shift. I know what it is to need to leave a child at home alone.

Caitlyn was 15, Jesse 12 and Aaron 11 and they could stay home, at night, alone till someone else could get here. They were fine.

Guess now you'll tell me how terrible of a parent I was for working and leaving them here a few hours alone at night.

Oh well.

You like to think you are putting me in my place or something with little rants like those.

But I really find it humorous.

You can't actually dispute what I said so you attempt to insult me.

I was a good kid. But I was a bad adult.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I still say if your 14 yr old can't be left to his own devices for a few hours, you haven't done your job as a parent.

That has nothing to do with my past. But everything to do with not teaching your child how to handle things and behave.

Ohfour · Hooker

I was the perfect kid. Went to the middle school when i was i fourth grade for math. Straight As every single report card. My parents supported me in every single endeavor I wanted to be a part of. I was encouraged to be the first woman president (swear to God, they really thought I would be ). But with my intelligence came a forceful rebellion. All 14 year olds cannot be trusted. ..

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
I still say if your 14 yr old can't be left to his own devices for a few hours, you haven't done your job as a parent.

That has nothing to do with my past. But everything to do with not teaching your child how to handle things and behave.

So your parents sucked, then?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And it is quite easy to say "my kids would have been fine alone" when you were there every damn day.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
I was the perfect kid. Went to the middle school when i was i fourth grade for math. Straight As every single report card. My parents supported me in every single endeavor I wanted to be a part of. I was encouraged to be the first woman president (swear to God, they really thought I would be ). But with my intelligence came a forceful rebellion. All 14 year olds cannot be trusted. ..

OMG NO! Seriously? You mean you have to actually parent them?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
I think, if you can't leave your 14 yr old home alone, barring some awful living conditions that you shouldn't be living in anyway, then you have failed as a parent.

Sorry. A 14 yr old should not need a caregiver or someone to keep them safe unless they are disabled.

flan (who has NOT failed as a parent)

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I still say if your 14 yr old can't be left to his own devices for a few hours, you haven't done your job as a parent.

That has nothing to do with my past. But everything to do with not teaching your child how to handle things and behave.
So your parents sucked, then?

Again trying to insult me.

No. I never got in any trouble or misbehaved as a minor.

I waited until no one else could be held responsible for my actions but me.

I was an adult and paid for my crimes as an adult.

If you're going to attempt insulting me, get your facts straight first.