TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Woman wants her beau to put a ring on it

ed11563 · Guru

I think she needs to tell him, clearly, that she wants a husband and children in her life, and if he isn't ready now, she will have to find someone who IS ready.

Then give him two weeks to either move their relationship forward ...

or move out.

She could call for a six month hiatus, no contact unless and until he's ready to elope.

huskerbb · Guru

People can deny it all they want to--but the fact is that there is a lot of truth to the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

He is expecting her to "play" wife--because that is EXACTLY what she has been willing to do. He may or may not want marriage and kids--but he's certainly in no hurry for it.

It really doesn't sound like it was a priority discussion before they moved in together, either. She just assumed "it" would happen, and now she's disappointed it hasn't.

Failure to plan--is planning to fail.

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
People can deny it all they want to--but the fact is that there is a lot of truth to the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

He is expecting her to "play" wife--because that is EXACTLY what she has been willing to do. He may or may not want marriage and kids--but he's certainly in no hurry for it.

It really doesn't sound like it was a priority discussion before they moved in together, either. She just assumed "it" would happen, and now she's disappointed it hasn't.

Failure to plan--is planning to fail.

By the same token....why buy the bull when the bullsh!t is for free?

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I agree with Husker.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.

Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

weltschmerz wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
People can deny it all they want to--but the fact is that there is a lot of truth to the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

He is expecting her to "play" wife--because that is EXACTLY what she has been willing to do. He may or may not want marriage and kids--but he's certainly in no hurry for it.

It really doesn't sound like it was a priority discussion before they moved in together, either. She just assumed "it" would happen, and now she's disappointed it hasn't.

Failure to plan--is planning to fail.
By the same token....why buy the bull when the bullsh!t is for free?

Because she wants to.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.
Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.

Not without the very real threat of losing her. He's comfortable, so he won't change unless he is made to.

This is why you should not move in together unless you are actually already engaged, preferably with a date set, unless you both are on the same page - with OPEN communication about it.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.
Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.
Not without the very real threat of losing her. He's comfortable, so he won't change unless he is made to.

This is why you should not move in together unless you are actually already engaged, preferably with a date set, unless you both are on the same page - with OPEN communication about it.

Exactly. And I wouldn't want to marry someone I had to give an ultimatum to. My ex relationship was dead set against marriage. I let him move in anyway even though I really wanted to be married again. Big mistake.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.
Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.
Not without the very real threat of losing her. He's comfortable, so he won't change unless he is made to.

This is why you should not move in together unless you are actually already engaged, preferably with a date set, unless you both are on the same page - with OPEN communication about it.

I personally never got the point of moving in together.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I lived with DH for three weeks before we got married.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think 3 weeks, when you have a date and plan, is quite a bit different than 5 years, lol.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think 3 weeks, when you have a date and plan, is quite a bit different than 5 years, lol.

LOL Okay good. Glad I have your permission! biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think 3 weeks, when you have a date and plan, is quite a bit different than 5 years, lol.
LOL Okay good. Glad I have your permission!

You're welcome! If you need any more advice on how to live your life, then PM me! wink

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think 3 weeks, when you have a date and plan, is quite a bit different than 5 years, lol.
LOL Okay good. Glad I have your permission!
You're welcome! If you need any more advice on how to live your life, then PM me!

Actually I do. I'm really still very aggravated with my IL's due to their hijinks. I need to write Dear whoever and see if I'm being unreasonable.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Then, PM away! Or, post in the Break room!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think I will do the break room after I get home from the dentist. She is going to hear about waking me up this early!

ed11563 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.
Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.
Not without the very real threat of losing her. He's comfortable, so he won't change unless he is made to.

This is why you should not move in together unless you are actually already engaged, preferably with a date set, unless you both are on the same page - with OPEN communication about it.
I personally never got the point of moving in together.

I don't get people (2 of my co-workers) who live with their boyfriends and make babies with them. If you're living together and having children together, don't those kids deserve to have parents who are committed?

Lindley · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
If he hasn't proposed after 5 years chances are he won't.
Yeah, I just don't see that happening here either.
Not without the very real threat of losing her. He's comfortable, so he won't change unless he is made to.

This is why you should not move in together unless you are actually already engaged, preferably with a date set, unless you both are on the same page - with OPEN communication about it.
I personally never got the point of moving in together.
I don't get people (2 of my co-workers) who live with their boyfriends and make babies with them. If you're living together and having children together, don't those kids deserve to have parents who are committed?

I agree ed. I can't believe people who aren't sure their so is the one but go ahead and have babies with them. I didn't live with my husband till I was married and I agree after 5 years he needs a wake up call. First thing I would do if I was her would be to move out.

huskerbb · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
People can deny it all they want to--but the fact is that there is a lot of truth to the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".

He is expecting her to "play" wife--because that is EXACTLY what she has been willing to do. He may or may not want marriage and kids--but he's certainly in no hurry for it.

It really doesn't sound like it was a priority discussion before they moved in together, either. She just assumed "it" would happen, and now she's disappointed it hasn't.

Failure to plan--is planning to fail.
By the same token....why buy the bull when the bullsh!t is for free?

Not applicable. No one says she has to get married. She WANTS to. If she was fine with the staus quo, she wouldn't have written a letter.

FNW · Guru

I agree with Husker & LL.

Personally, I have lived with a few men. A couple of whom I had no intention of marrying, and one I ended up marrying because I felt it was the next step. All ended badly, because we weren't on the same page.

When Mr. FNW said he wanted to live with me I told him I was not going to give up my life and home to play house. He said he wanted to marry me, but wanted to make sure he was ready. I said, fine, let me know when you're ready. In the meantime, I will be living alone. A couple months later he proposed. After a date was set and firm plans were made, I sold my place and moved in with him. Two months later we were in Italy, sipping wine as husband and wife.

Would he have married me had I willingly given up house and home to be with him? Who knows. But I wasn't about to compromise my principles again.