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ed11563


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DEAR AMY: It seems (more and more) that people are forgetting boundaries and simple manners. There seems to be a sense that their own entitlement makes them believe that they are allowed to confront a mother as she is purchasing groceries via the WIC program. Or shame a person who while he is or she doesn't appear to be disabled, still requires the use of a handicap tag and parking space. Oh -- and then there is the gem of, "You really shouldn't be eating that." What does one say to intervene in the least confrontational way possible? Or is the answer to mind your own business?

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DEAR WANT: I agree with you -- it is shocking how often people will weigh in with their opinions about behavior that has no direct impact on them. We all make assumptions about strangers -- and many of our assumptions are unfounded. A polite and kind person will challenge her own assumptions before deciding to comment on someone else's behavior.

Rather than intervene with the aggressor, I think it could be more effective (and safer for everyone) to offer support to the aggrieved.

Let's say you are standing in the checkout line behind a person using her WIC card to purchase groceries, which aren't deemed sufficiently "healthy" to someone else in line. The other person confronts the shopper in a way that is intrusive and rude. Instead of confronting the aggressive person, you touch the shopper's arm and reassure her by saying, "I want you to know that not everybody stands in judgment."

Offering supportive kindness to someone being picked on can serve two purposes: It can gently break the aggressive contact without being confrontational, and it might inspire the aggressor to back off.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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You dont wanna hear comments? Then support yourself.

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ed11563


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

You dont wanna hear comments? Then support yourself.

The person who wrote was NOT the mother using WIC funds. 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Just what i said , i would say to her.

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ed11563


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Just what i said , i would say to her.

And then she responds, 

"My husband's deployed, I'm disabled and taking care of an infant, and you're an idiot. I won't be broke forever, but you'll be an idiot for the rest of your life." 

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yes but a self suppoting idiot. Get a job. Let hubby watch the kid wah wah wah.

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ed11563


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Yes but a self supporting idiot. Get a job. Let hubby watch the kid wah wah wah.

He can't, he's in Afghanistan protecting you and me. And we don't pay him enough to do that.

 



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Ed if they family is military, they are taken care of. Plus they are shopping at a military base grocery store, so take the military thought out of it.

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ed11563


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

Ed if they family is military, they are taken care of. Plus they are shopping at a military base grocery store, so take the military thought out of it.

 Okay, maybe she's one of those teenage mothers who decided not to get an abortion. So now she will be on Welfare until her kids are in school.

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Get a job.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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GET A JOB!! How hard is that? Instead of coming up with six thousand scenarios in which they shouldn't be working get a damn job.

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aergia


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I know there are those of you who have slogged thru poverty or near poverty and come out the other side. Well DOne

Now stop judging people who do not do exactly as you did. Their moccasins are not yours

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Life won't change if u Dont change what you are doing.

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aergia


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such cold autocratic hearts.....

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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What's cold about getting a job? I have 3 kids and have alwaysworked.

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Mellow Momma


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In 2013 military families redeemed over $104 million in food stamps. It's pretty well known that the military doesn't pay the lower ranks enough and their families are frequently on food stamps. There are tons of articles about it. Ed was spot on in his example.

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sweet tooth


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Mellow Momma wrote:

In 2013 military families redeemed over $104 million in food stamps. It's pretty well known that the military doesn't pay the lower ranks enough and their families are frequently on food stamps. There are tons of articles about it. Ed was spot on in his example.

 

I'm much happier with the thought that military families are using them than some of the other people who use them. I personally know two people who receive food stamps who could be working but just don't want to. The country owes it to the military to either pay them well enough, or help them out some other way, i.e. food stamps.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Oh ffs. Ed just threw that in there as bait.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Seriously is having a job a terrible thing?

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aergia


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no
Nor is having a heart

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lilyofcourse


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"Screw you" that's often a good one.

"Bless your heart"

"Glass houses and all"

Just a big eye roll works too.



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lilyofcourse


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Let's not get tied up on the welfare crap.

What about the one who says "you feed that to your kid" or tries to touch your pregnant belly?

There is a lot of boundaries crossed now that use to be observed.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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aergia wrote:

no
Nor is having a heart

   Sooo someone should feel sorry for me because i get up and go to work?  



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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We can discuss the welfare crap all we want to Lilly.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Whats so horrible about working? Why is work soooo offensive now?

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lilyofcourse


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

We can discuss the welfare crap all we want to Lilly.

 But you are missing the point of the article.

It isn't about welfare.

It's about nosy busy bodies in general.



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I'm still trying to figure out why the "aggrieved" need protecting.

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Mellow Momma wrote:

In 2013 military families redeemed over $104 million in food stamps. It's pretty well known that the military doesn't pay the lower ranks enough and their families are frequently on food stamps. There are tons of articles about it. Ed was spot on in his example.

 And military families who live on Base use the base Commissaries to shop.  My point was you typically won't see a military family shopping in a regular grocery store.  

 

But the article isn't about WIC/food stamps.  it is about people who  confront someone about what ever behavior is being exhibited and annoying the confront-er.  People really should zip it.   



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

We can discuss the welfare crap all we want to Lilly.

 But you are missing the point of the article.

It isn't about welfare.

It's about nosy busy bodies in general.

OK.  I agree there are a lot of those!   biggrin



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Do you mean like the "Smile Police". A random stranger who will comment on your mood? lol. Yeah, I have Resting Bitch face when I am picking out my lettuce so No, I don't have a smile plastered on my face! LOL!

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Tangerine


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

In 2013 military families redeemed over $104 million in food stamps. It's pretty well known that the military doesn't pay the lower ranks enough and their families are frequently on food stamps. There are tons of articles about it. Ed was spot on in his example.

 And military families who live on Base use the base Commissaries to shop.  My point was you typically won't see a military family shopping in a regular grocery store.  

 

But the article isn't about WIC/food stamps.  it is about people who  confront someone about what ever behavior is being exhibited and annoying the confront-er.  People really should zip it.   

 Most military families do not live on base. There simply isn't enough housing on base, they all have very long waiting lists. Also, every soldiers' family I have known has qualified for and used food stamps and WIC. They also shopped at both the commissary and Walmart because some things were cheaper at one or the other. 

As far as "just get a job" goes, there are truly slim pickings in mitary towns for spouses. The locals all want work and everyone knows that the military spouse will be moving in a couple of years. And that's not even getting into trying to pay for daycare- especially when your husband could be sent on assignment or deployed at any time. You pretty much have to have one parent available to take of the children full time. 

This is not directed at you, ikwtds, but rather this thread and the wrole in general.

People really should shut their traps when they don't know what they are talking about. Even better if they would open their ears to listen and learn about what the world is really like. 

 



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flan327


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Thank you, Tang. I have no experience with military life, so that helped.

flan

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I'm actually going to agree that it is pretty rude to walk up to complete strangers and comment on thier life when they are doing nothing more than shopping. Beating their kids? Yeah, I'm going to comment. Taking a hanicapped spot when you have no tag? I'm going to comment. Going about your own business? I might think it, but I'm not going to say it.

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More than a few times, I've walked up to someone who looks on the verge of tears, or is actually in tears, and asked if they were OK. I just step beside them and quietly ask, "are you OK?". Most of the time, I get a sad smile and a "just a bad day. Thanks for asking". But a few times, have had people hug me or tell me what's going on. I have offered to pray with them. Some sat yes, some say, no but thank you. I don't think I've ever had anyone be rude about it.

But then again, my gift is discernment.

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I sometimes have random strangers ask about my dark circles. Not horrible but more prominent when I'm sinusy. I hate it. I would never comment on someone's appearance. Now I stare at them and then say. Oh you expected me to explain my face to you? And stare again. Makes them really uncomfortable lol.

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Lindley


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Mary Zombie wrote:

I sometimes have random strangers ask about my dark circles. Not horrible but more prominent when I'm sinusy. I hate it. I would never comment on someone's appearance. Now I stare at them and then say. Oh you expected me to explain my face to you? And stare again. Makes them really uncomfortable lol.

How rude! no 



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Lindley


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Not my business why someone is paying with ebt or wic. I don't know their story.

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Sometimes people really do want to help. Sometimes they are judging. Usually you can tell the difference.

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lilyofcourse


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Ohfour wrote:

More than a few times, I've walked up to someone who looks on the verge of tears, or is actually in tears, and asked if they were OK. I just step beside them and quietly ask, "are you OK?". Most of the time, I get a sad smile and a "just a bad day. Thanks for asking". But a few times, have had people hug me or tell me what's going on. I have offered to pray with them. Some sat yes, some say, no but thank you. I don't think I've ever had anyone be rude about it.

But then again, my gift is discernment.

 The difference is "are you ok" as opposed to "you're doing it wrong".

I doubt you would say anything to a mom trying to discipline their child or question what a person was eating.



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