TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Carolyn: In Lieu of a Gift, Please Donate to Charity

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Wow. What a piece of work. It's a first birthday, the kid will not notice a lack of presents, and I bet the family will give it a few things to unwrap anyways.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I find it extremely RUDE and highly presumptuous for anyone to tell me how or where to donate to charity or some cause. I would just decline this 'invitation" period with nothing. Ignorant.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If you don't want gifts, then just have a Party. Don't call it a birthday party. Problem solved and you don't have to engage in this stupid crap.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Why? A lot of people are uncomfortable not doing anything. When I am told no presents please, I like having an alternative offered. It makes me feel like I am doing something to mark the occasion that will be genuinely appreciated.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Why? A lot of people are uncomfortable not doing anything. When I am told no presents please, I like having an alternative offered. It makes me feel like I am doing something to mark the occasion that will be genuinely appreciated.

So you can't have a birthday party WITHOUT gifts?

Donate to another charity if this one isn't legit.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I just find the whole "donate to charity" thing to be rude. If you don't want presents, then just call it a party. It isn't that hard. Then, go do whatever the heck you please as far as a gift or charity or whatever. But, don't dangle that baloney in front of your guests.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nflan327 wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Why? A lot of people are uncomfortable not doing anything. When I am told no presents please, I like having an alternative offered. It makes me feel like I am doing something to mark the occasion that will be genuinely appreciated.
So you can't have a birthday party WITHOUT gifts?
Donate to another charity if this one isn't legit.
flan

If I want to donate to a charity, I will. I don't need some other adult telling me to do so.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Geesh, I guess some people will take any excuse to be offended. What's the big deal? If you want to donate, donate, if you don't, don't.
People like me, you know, that don't take the slightest excuse to be offended and actually like to acknowledge events in a way that will be appreciated, like this sort of thing to be on the invite. I find it helpful, and often donate a small amount and write about it in a pretty card.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think it's rude. It's a party. Don't turn into your own personal political bullschit.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's like "oh we are sooo high and mighty". Our kids don't get gifts, blah, blah. And, I think the whole "no gifts " thing is getting down right stupid. First of all, you are robbing your child of learning to how to graciously receive a gift. It is important to learn how to be a gracious receiver. If you do this all the time, what is learned? And, it is important for other children to learn to bring gifts, be gift givers and learn that they aren't always the center of attention either. I think that it is nice to give and receive gifts. And, NO, I dont' want to donate to your stupid pet charity.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Maybe, I will try that. In lieu of gifts, please donate to the NRA.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

They are probably trying to avoid their little girl and their house from being over-run by toys they don't need. When we moved - I found birthday presents my daughter never played with or even took out of the box.

And the thing is, when people go to a birthday party, they will bring gifts even if you ask them not to, so giving them an actual alternative was what they came up with.

Of course, with a one year old, they could have just graciously accepted the gifts and then given them to charity themselves.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's like "oh we are sooo high and mighty". Our kids don't get gifts, blah, blah. And, I think the whole "no gifts " thing is getting down right stupid. First of all, you are robbing your child of learning to how to graciously receive a gift. It is important to learn how to be a gracious receiver. If you do this all the time, what is learned? And, it is important for other children to learn to bring gifts, be gift givers and learn that they aren't always the center of attention either. I think that it is nice to give and receive gifts. And, NO, I dont' want to donate to your stupid pet charity.

But THIS is a party for a ONE-YEAR-OLD. They are more interested in the wrapping paper.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't mind it at all.

A little girl at church recently turned 9. She didn't want gifts. She asked that in lieu of gifts, people would bring dog and cat food and cat litter for the local no kill shelter.

I thought that was sweet.

What these parents asking for charity donations instead of gifts are doing is teaching their kids that life isn't all about them.

And that's a good thing.

FNW · Guru

The boys were invited to a "presence, not present shall be your gift" parties. But we were not directed to donate to any organization.

I've only thrown two parties for the boys. One when they turned one, and another when they turned 5. The gifts they received when they were one were great. Sure, they were unaware of the generosity of our friends, but so what. We were aware. And since our friends were already parents, they knew the types of things toddlers would enjoy better than we did. But I can understand if someone didn't want to be over-run by toys, too. We have a large house, with plenty of room, so it's not a big deal.

That being said, it does not sound like this LW cares much for her "friends." It might be best for her to simply decline and use the money to go to dinner.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Geesh, I guess some people will take any excuse to be offended. What's the big deal? If you want to donate, donate, if you don't, don't.
People like me, you know, that don't take the slightest excuse to be offended and actually like to acknowledge events in a way that will be appreciated, like this sort of thing to be on the invite. I find it helpful, and often donate a small amount and write about it in a pretty card.

I'm with Dona. I was raised that when you are invited to ANY party you bring something. Even if it's just a summer bbq. You don't come empty handed. Some people really don't need all the extra stuff others give them. I get that. This couple didn't sound rude at all. They sounded like they appreciate what they have and are trying to give some back. Give, don't give, bring a gift, don't bring a gift. It's not that hard.

weltschmerz · Guru

I thought it was a lovely gesture. If you don't like that particular charity, I'm sure the parents would be just as happy with a donation to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.
Some people just look for stuff to be offended about.

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Monday 21st of September 2015 01:44:46 PM

Lindley · Guru

I see nothing wrong with the parents request. Especially for a one year old.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ok. I will send a donation
to the NRA or Pro-life group in the one yr old's name.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Monday 21st of September 2015 03:08:35 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

This is just another way for the Self Important to demonstrate their so called self importance, lol./

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
This is just another way for the Self Important to demonstrate their so called self importance, lol./

Or...wait for it...they COULD actually be sincere.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I'm actually with flan on this one. Gaga, that's a serious chip you are carrying on your shoulder.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tough taters!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I'm actually with flan on this one. Gaga, that's a serious chip you are carrying on your shoulder.

You're going soft on me! smile

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

The invitation could have been worded better. Lots of kids here ask for things to bring to the animal shelter. The shelter will post photos and thank the birthday boy or girl.

weltschmerz · Guru

Someone "adopted" a wolf for my son at WWF for a birthday present when he was little. He was absolutely thrilled! He's an avid animal lover.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Geesh, I guess some people will take any excuse to be offended. What's the big deal? If you want to donate, donate, if you don't, don't.
People like me, you know, that don't take the slightest excuse to be offended and actually like to acknowledge events in a way that will be appreciated, like this sort of thing to be on the invite. I find it helpful, and often donate a small amount and write about it in a pretty card.
I'm with Dona. I was raised that when you are invited to ANY party you bring something. Even if it's just a summer bbq. You don't come empty handed. Some people really don't need all the extra stuff others give them. I get that. This couple didn't sound rude at all. They sounded like they appreciate what they have and are trying to give some back. Give, don't give, bring a gift, don't bring a gift. It's not that hard.

I was raised that way as well. If I am invited to your house for dinner, I bring something. Any party thrown around the time of the child's birthday would be seen as a birthday party even if mom and dad just called it a party. People would bring gifts. I would appreciate knowing that I could skip the gift, with gift paper/bags etc and just donate somewhere. And honestly, I would probably still buy the child a book. If you don't like it, you don't have to donate.

I thought the OP's diatribe was far more offensive than the invitation.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

weltschmerz wrote:
Someone "adopted" a wolf for my son at WWF for a birthday present when he was little. He was absolutely thrilled! He's an avid animal lover.

That is awesome. I think LGS' point is don't make that charitable donation a criteria for the party. I know no one who doesn't like to give to their fav charity but suggesting one can raise those back hairs. KWIM?

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Someone "adopted" a wolf for my son at WWF for a birthday present when he was little. He was absolutely thrilled! He's an avid animal lover.
That is awesome. I think LGS' point is don't make that charitable donation a criteria for the party. I know no one who doesn't like to give to their fav charity but suggesting one can raise those back hairs. KWIM?

Yeah - a charity that helps poor children, I can see why someone would want to donate elsewhere. That sounds like a loser charity. Lol

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

There are lots of charities that are poorly run or just a front for a political agenda. Not interested. Talk about proselytizing.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I get the impression it is more about not being told where to spend the money.

But my thing is, if I am going to met out $20 for a gift, I want it to be something that makes the recipient happy.

If that is a toy or shirt or tickets or a donation, then so be it.

I mean I can give toothbrushes to crocodiles if that is what would make the recipient happy for their birthday.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

No, it's just rude and presumptuous.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But why is it rude and presumptuous?

What is the difference between a registry and a charity?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You can use the registry or not. If you say, please donate to PETA in lieu of a gift, that kind of narrows down your choices. But, as I said, I will be happy to donate to my pet charity in YOUR name then if you wish.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Well, maybe the kid has autism, and she wants you to donate to an autism charity for her kid's birthday. Why would that be wrong?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You can use the registry or not. If you say, please donate to PETA in lieu of a gift, that kind of narrows down your choices. But, as I said, I will be happy to donate to my pet charity in YOUR name then if you wish.

I'm sorry but that makes their birthday gift about you in my opinion.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You can use the registry or not. If you say, please donate to PETA in lieu of a gift, that kind of narrows down your choices. But, as I said, I will be happy to donate to my pet charity in YOUR name then if you wish.
I'm sorry but that makes their birthday gift about you in my opinion.

Seriously. I thought gifting was about giving something to make the recipient happy.

Lindley · Guru

Years ago when my family owned a Floral shoppe at on funeral the family requested that in lieu of flowers that donations would be made to the favorite charity of the deceased. One lady called to order flowers and we let her know the families wishes but she got so nasty and hateful about it.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You can use the registry or not. If you say, please donate to PETA in lieu of a gift, that kind of narrows down your choices. But, as I said, I will be happy to donate to my pet charity in YOUR name then if you wish.
I'm sorry but that makes their birthday gift about you in my opinion.

Seriously. I thought gifting was about giving something to make the recipient happy.

Sorry, but there is no way in hell I'm going to donate to PETA, or Planned Parenthood, or the DNC. I don't care if it makes them happy or not. They don't get to dictate where I spend my money...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You can use the registry or not. If you say, please donate to PETA in lieu of a gift, that kind of narrows down your choices. But, as I said, I will be happy to donate to my pet charity in YOUR name then if you wish.
I'm sorry but that makes their birthday gift about you in my opinion.

I am not gonna donate to PETA to make you happy. Sorry.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I can give you cash in a card and you can do whatever the hell you please with it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I believe the OP just said "a children's charity" and didn't specify one.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
I believe the OP just said "a children's charity" and didn't specify one.

This part makes me think that a charity was specified:

In lieu of a gift, we are asking that you consider making a donation (of cash) to a nonprofit that claims to ‘help poor children.’ ”

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I believe the OP just said "a children's charity" and didn't specify one.
This part makes me think that a charity was specified:

In lieu of a gift, we are asking that you consider making a donation (of cash) to a nonprofit that claims to ‘help poor children.’ ”

To me this sounded like the LW's spin. But that's JMO.

Ohfour · Hooker

Also in the OP:

looked into the nonprofit mentioned — the director pays herself well out of the “donations.”

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I think the birthday family meant well & their heart was in the right place. Perhaps they didn't do the research on the charity. I think the LW's attitude is nasty. If you don't want to donate, don't. If you don't want to go to the party, don't. But don't act like such a sanctimonious bitch.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Don't act like a sanctimonius bitch with your stupid pet charities.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We were going to a $5 Secret Santa at work. And, one guy was like "oh, I just want my gift to go to charity" blah, blah. Sorry, but that really missed the point. It was just about having a bit of fun of opening some inexpensive gift. But, perhaps we should skip Secret Santa and all of us can donate to charity instead?

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Needy children is a pretty middle of the road cause. It doesn't appear to have any political agenda at least at first glance. I really think they were trying to do a good & charitable thing.