TOTALLY GEEKED!

Trudy,

I would have no trouble hanging up on you!!!!!

flan

Mary Zombie wrote:

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Trudy!
Now I want Lily to say it and watch all heck break loose.

Speaking of long winded. Dude I started talking to just freaked the hell out because i didnt answer the phone I was driving. Im at the Chinese restaurant and he's texting I guess u don't want to talk to me. Now I don't! Red flag. So blocked.
So I'm awful. I can live with it!

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 Yikes!

I just don't think I would have the patience for a relationship these days.

Geez...

I don't get men these days.

Dogs are great.

Loyal, lovable and can be put in a crate or the bathroom when they get on your nerves.

Bitter much?

flan

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Yes, it would be a pain in the butt to have someone call you all the time. So after telling him no, and then not taking his calls, how exactly was this hurting her. Yes, it was annoying, but it wasn't doing any real harm (that's why the police wouldn't get involved). He wasn't threatening her. I think telling someone you died is pretty vile. There are some things you don't lie about.

Having someone else get on the phone and pretend to be her boss saying she will get fired if he calls back, have a man get on the phone and pretend to be her boyfriend and say she is no longer on the market please stop calling...there are options. Saying you died is not ok in my book. It's not something to be joked about or taken lightly.

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 Have you ever been stalked before, I mean really stalked.  Stalkers know the gray line of legalities.  The stalkee gets desperate because the police can't do anything. If the words and actions of this person drove Lily to be compelled to get the word out she was dead, she had to be very desperate to get rid of him.  I don't really think any of us have the right to judge her.

 

I've been stalked. It is not pretty and downright troubling.

And yes IKWTDST.....none of those suggestions will deter a stalker. They think they are above the law and rules of society. True story

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Yes, it would be a pain in the butt to have someone call you all the time. So after telling him no, and then not taking his calls, how exactly was this hurting her. Yes, it was annoying, but it wasn't doing any real harm (that's why the police wouldn't get involved). He wasn't threatening her. I think telling someone you died is pretty vile. There are some things you don't lie about.

Having someone else get on the phone and pretend to be her boss saying she will get fired if he calls back, have a man get on the phone and pretend to be her boyfriend and say she is no longer on the market please stop calling...there are options. Saying you died is not ok in my book. It's not something to be joked about or taken lightly.

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 Have you ever been stalked before, I mean really stalked.  Stalkers know the gray line of legalities.  The stalkee gets desperate because the police can't do anything. If the words and actions of this person drove Lily to be compelled to get the word out she was dead, she had to be very desperate to get rid of him.  I don't really think any of us have the right to judge her.

 

I've been stalked. It is not pretty and downright troubling.

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This. I've never been stalked but I don't have to experience it to know that the stalker is the bad guy, not the victim who is forced to pretend things to get him to leave her alone. She wouldn't have had to pretend she died if the guy wasn't stalking. Blame the right person.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I'm sorry, but simply calling someone repeatedly is not stalking. And had she had the balls to simply say "I do not like you or want to hear from you. Stop calling me and leave me alone." - then he likely would have. But she avoided his calls and then told him she was dead rather than just tell him to leave her alone. Now, that being said, I don't think it's as horrible as some are making it out to be, but it was unnecessary.

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 I did tell him not to call.

Repeatedly. 

Clearly and forcibly. 

It didn't work.

 

You know, I'd like to see you deal with the daily phone calls and the refusal to take no and leave me alone. 

It's easy to sit in comfort and say what you would do. 

 

I did notice that the story changed from the beginning.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Ok. Ya'll can judge all you want.

My story isn't changing.

My story is very much the same.

I had someone NOT take no for an answer.

I was told that's all I had to do but from my experience says it didnt.

I don't care if you think I'm a terrible person for this. Really, I've done worse. So judge away.

I took my life back. In the only way that worked.

I don't care if you approve.

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 I do approve.

Mary Zombie wrote:

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Yea. She told him she wasnt interested . He wouldn't stop. I had the same problem so I get it.
Geesh
Sometimes extreme measures are your last resort.

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 Yep, as I said before until you are truly stalked, you won't get it.  You just equate it to telling a long winded friend you have to hang up.

I know what stalking is. But calling your everyday persistent suitor a stalker is what makes people not take claims of real stalkers seriously.

Tinydancer wrote:

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Your everyday persistent suitor is a stalker if you can't get them to stop. Most stalkers start by being persistent and not taking no for an answer. If it went on for any length time it is stalking.

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 A stalker is obsessive, intimidating, threatens your safety, and harasses you - they are not a mere annoyance.  Lily's story - as it started - showed an annoying pursuer whom she avoided.  Only when people reacted badly to her telling him she was dead did the story change.  Furthermore, if he was a stalker, he would have known she wasn't really dead and he would not have stopped. This can be likened to claiming rape when it was really regret.  Men should not be labeled "stalker" because you string them along and they can't take a hint.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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Your everyday persistent suitor is a stalker if you can't get them to stop. Most stalkers start by being persistent and not taking no for an answer. If it went on for any length time it is stalking.

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 A stalker is obsessive, intimidating, threatens your safety, and harasses you - they are not a mere annoyance.  Lily's story - as it started - showed an annoying pursuer whom she avoided.  Only when people reacted badly to her telling him she was dead did the story change.  Furthermore, if he was a stalker, he would have known she wasn't really dead and he would not have stopped. This can be likened to claiming rape when it was really regret.  Men should not be labeled "stalker" because you string them along and they can't take a hint.

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 First. There was no stringing along. I told him the night of our ONE DATE I didn't want to see him again.

He asked if he could call and I said no.

Second. The very fact that he couldn't take no for an answer screams trouble to me.

I don't know what you want. I'm not going to apologize for what I did.

 

Tinydancer wrote:

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If it went on for that long it is stalking. It seems he was obsessive and harassing. Just the fact that he won't go away is intimidating and threatening. Stalkers are not hairy ogres following people around, they're normal looking people who've gone off the deep end. Stalking is not only done by men so I'm not sure why it labels just men as stalkers. When a stalker first sets their sights on you, you don't realize yet so most people try to be polite at first. I wasn't there so I don't know what happened in lily's case but not all stalkers are the same.

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 As I said, a stupid lie would not have stopped a stalker.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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I did not change my story.

It was absolutely harassment.

And while stalker may be too strong a word, had I not done something so drastic, would it have escalated from one to the other?

I'm thinking yes. His intent was clearly to continue.

So nit pick at wording if you like.

But I can tell you that he made me very uncomfortable to the point of dread when the phone rang. And it was beginning to change the way I did things.

I felt threatened no matter if he actually threatened me or not.

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 Obviously not.  After he saw you alive and well, did he start up again?  No.   The number one trait of a stalker is obsession and obsession is not so easily dispelled.

See, I would think he'd be so pissed that he'd try to get back at Lily.

flan

ed11563 wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I did not change my story.

It was absolutely harassment.

And while stalker may be too strong a word, had I not done something so drastic, would it have escalated from one to the other?

I'm thinking yes. His intent was clearly to continue.

So nit pick at wording if you like.

But I can tell you that he made me very uncomfortable to the point of dread when the phone rang. And it was beginning to change the way I did things.

I felt threatened no matter if he actually threatened me or not.

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 Obviously not.  After he saw you alive and well, did he start up again?  No.   The number one trait of a stalker is obsession and obsession is not so easily dispelled.

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A year later, he probably had a new target. 

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 I agree with this.

 

My stalker continued on until he found someone new to latch on to, which fortunately didn't take long.  It was kind of funny, actually.  One minute he was whining around the office about how I was the love of his life and he would never get over me, then the next he married a girl he got pregnant.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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A stalker would have known she wasn't dead. Phone calls, with nothing more, do not a stalker make, unless those calls contain threats and intimidation. And a dinner invite is not a threat. Her feeling of dread when he called is being projected onto him.

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 Generally if they are stalking you they would want to find out how you died and/or go to your funeral.  For some stalkers being told someone is dead is not enough.  They will show up at the person's work or house to make sure they are not dead.

Mary Zombie wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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Your everyday persistent suitor is a stalker if you can't get them to stop. Most stalkers start by being persistent and not taking no for an answer. If it went on for any length time it is stalking.

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 Yes.

In my state if they continue calling and pursuing after being clearlytold to stop....they are breaking the law. They can get in serious trouble. 

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 Well, there's the crux, isn't it? 

 

And in this state (which is Lily's state), the calls have to be  "for the purpose of harassing and intimidating the other person."   Further - the term "harassing and intimidating" means a knowing and willful course of conduct directed at a specific person which causes emotional distress by placing such person in reasonable fear for such person's safety or the safety of a member of his or her immediate family, by establishing a pattern of harassing and intimidating behavior, and which serves no legitimate purpose."

NOTHING Lily said pointed to that.  NOTHING.

 

Again - branding a man a stalker for being an admirer is patently unreasonable.

I'm sorry but I disagree. If someone calls me non stop for a year after I told him I am not interested and stop.....
He is a stalker. I think if anyone but Lily posted the story there would be more sympathy.
I would feel threatened if a guy did that after being told to stop.
That is controlling behavior. And says that the person only cares aboot getting what he wants.... people like that can be dangerous.
If I had to.pretend I'm moving to France or whatever....I don't care as long as he stops.
Perhaps realizing someone felt compelled to say they died to get you to leave them the fvck alone was a wake up call.
Geesh

Calling someone a stalker is not gender specific. Woman stalk as well.

www.victimsofcrime.org/stalking-fact-sheet

-- Edited by Tinydancer on Thursday 1st of October 2015 02:10:40 PM

Poor Lily!

flan

Mary Zombie wrote:

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I'm sorry but I disagree. If someone calls me non stop for a year after I told him I am not interested and stop.....

He is a stalker. I think if anyone but Lily posted the story there would be more sympathy.

I would feel threatened if a guy did that after being told to stop.

That is controlling behavior. And says that the person only cares aboot getting what he wants.... people like that can be dangerous.

If I had to.pretend I'm moving to France or whatever....I don't care as long as he stops.

Perhaps realizing someone felt compelled to say they died to get you to leave them the fvck alone was a wake up call.

Geesh

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Well, it's Lilly. Our favorite conservative punching bag! lol